Chapter 4: Shinigami

She couldn't tell him … she was already scared of what would happen if he stopped being a part of her life. There were too many things to lose once the bonds of deep friendship were created. Telling him would, without a doubt, hasten that. Kyokki closed her eyes, wishing for slumber to fall on her. She didn't want to think anymore. It'd been three months since she and Toushirou had met, and she hadn't told him anything about herself. Not where she came from, how she died, what powers she had, what she wanted to do, who she was… It wasn't fair to him, she knew. But … she couldn't… there was too much uncertainty, and too much weakness, too many things that could be used against her. There could be so much hurt … a tear fell onto the wooden floor and she curled up into a ball, doing her best to stop her shoulders from shaking.

Toushirou walked into the room, seeing his friend lying on her side. It looked like she was crying and suddenly he fumed at himself; he shouldn't have made her cry.

He sat down next to her head, leaning against the wall. It hurt to see her hurt, but she was so frustrating! She wouldn't talk when he asked about anything personal, and when she did decide to answer, her answers were always ambiguous. Why did she do this to him? Why was she like this?

He closed his eyes, resting his head against the wall. What made her like this…?

That night, the both of them tossed and turned, but it was Toushirou who woke up. Sweating from the dream he had just had, he stood up and walked outside, trying to clear his head.

"Yo."

The heck? A woman stood in the doorway; the one with orange hair and half her breasts sticking out of her black kimono. The shinigami from the market earlier. "What are you doing here?"

"Stop leaking your reiatsu all over the place and get some sleep. I would say the same to your friend, but she's already asleep," Hitsugaya looked at her blankly and she shook her head, "Yada, yada. Look at your grandmother; she's freezing." She replied nonchalantly, speaking as if he was an old friend. She nudged her head to the open window, where very clearly, the frail frame of the elderly woman was shaking.

Stunned, for the first time, the boy noticed just how cold the air in the house was. This was his doing … ? "Granny..."

The woman noticed his concern and reassured him, "It's not only your fault. Your friend's affecting her a lot too. The both of your powers combined together is a little overwhelming, even for me.

"Kid, I don't know your name, but you should think about applying for the Academy. Kids with powers like yours need learn to control it, or you'll just end up affecting the people around you. If this keeps going on, you're going to end up killing her." Suddenly, the night seemed quieter, more still, as if all the world hung on what she had said. He could hear the crickets chirping from the trees around them.

Toushirou looked at the woman and started to protest, "But-"

"Listen," she turned to him and placed a hand on his chest, right on top of his heart, making him conscious of his heartbeat, "Have you heard a voice calling out to you?"

Toushirou's eyes widened. How did she know … ?

"Ask your friend. Become shinigami if you want to find the voice because once you've found it, you'll be able to control your power." The floor shook slightly as a wave of cold racked the grandmother's body, causing her to shiver uncontrollably.

"Remember what I told you." The woman turned to leave.

"Wait," the boy called out, "What's your name?"

"Matsumoto Rangiku," she met his eyes and gave a quick smile. "See you."

The night's stillness did not leave with her passing and Toushirou turned away. Walking back into the room, he covered his grandmother with another patched quilt and resumed his former position by the wall. He thought about what Matsumoto had told him and of the dream he had before he had awoken. All the times before, he had only seen fragments of the whole, but tonight, the fragments came together: In his dream, he stood before a monstrous iced dragon in a barren wasteland of ice and snow. It was speaking to him, but he couldn't make out what it said because of the wind. Was this what she meant by the voice that called to him?

He watched as Kyokki's chest rose up and down with her calm breathing, wondering if she, too, was having a similar dream. He knew, even without her mentioning, that she wanted to be a shinigami - the way she watched Hinamori with just the slightest amount of awe, how, whenever she looked to the distance, it would always, somehow, every time be towards Seiretei, and even while he was with him, he realized he'd always been aware of something more than her presence, as if there was this quiet hum inside of her.

If she hadn't been overwhelmed by his leaking reiatsu at night, it would mean that her spirit power matched his. They could enter the Academy together, graduate together and spend the rest of their lives together. He would be with Hinamori and his grandmother wouldn't be sick anymore. He smiled at the girl; it seemed like a good future. Shinigami, eh?

"Kyokki?"

"Hm?"

They were having breakfast outside on the porch. Granny had slept in, so they were responsible for feeding themselves. She seemed better after Toushirou had fallen asleep for the second time.

The rain had cleared the skies to make way for a beautiful day. Kyokki enjoyed the sun bathing her legs as she shoveled oatmeal into her mouth. She had been thinking a lot about the prospect of being a shinigami. She was wondering how to tell Toushirou that she was going to leave. After Hinamori had left, he had hurt; she knew.

Her friend saw the familiar glaze begin to shroud her eyes and he took the chance. "You do want to be a shinigami, don't you?" Toushirou held his breath, the porridge bowl still in his hands.

"Yeah, I do," slipped from her mouth as soon as the thought registered.

Toushirou's eyes widened, but only just. She actually answered him … and it would probably be one of the last times she really gave him a real answer. He wasn't going to let it go to waste.

"A shinigami visited me last night," he began, noting the words 'go on' in her eyes. He proceeded to tell her what had happened, what Matsumoto had said, and the dreams he had had previously, in addition to last night's. "… so I was thinking we could apply for the Academy together." He finished lamely. All of this somehow rushed out of his mouth before he knew it and he was afraid he had talked too much. It was unlike him, but when he saw her grin at him, all that was forgotten.

Kyokki looked up at the blue sky, concentrating on an abysmally small cloud.

"I have dreams like those too," she began quietly, "Night after night, I'd be wandering in a realm of complete darkness. It was different than a darkness I'd remember being exposed to as a kid though. This darkness felt … at home. I knew it so well even though nothing was in it. I didn't panic, I wasn't scared … I just … kept walking, as if I knew where I was going.

"Last night, I heard a whisper. The voice of a woman, whispering to me from the darkness. Her voice seemed familiar, but I can't recall where I've heard it before. She tried to tell me her name, but I couldn't hear it. As if the darkness had muffled it somehow," she looked at her friend, "We need to figure out what these dreams mean."

"Ah. I feel the same." Toushirou leaned back on his arms.

"But Toushi…," he looked irritably at her (he always did whenever she called him that). She didn't react to his expression but instead, asked, "What about your grandmother…?'

His heart sank and he looked down at the space between his feet. It had crossed his mind that he would have to leave her.

Granny was the closest thing he'd ever had to a mother; she'd taken care of him ever since he arrived in Rukongai, put up with his attitude, fed him and was his oldest friend. To leave her was … well, unfair. But he had to; for both him and her. "I think … she'll understand if I tell her why I'm leaving. It'd be better for her; I won't be leaking reiatsu and causing her to grow weaker night by night." he replied, looking at the sky. It was time for him to move on.

Kyokki nodded in understanding. Picking up their empty bowls, she walked inside.