Song in italics is Paramore - Tell me how. It reminds me of B (My Santana) when I listen to it. So this is for her.
I can't call you a stranger.
But I can't call you.
I know you think that I erased you.
You may hate me, but I cam't hate you,
And I won't replace you.
Quinn's finger hovered over Santana's Instagram name.
She desperately wanted to see more pictures of her, wanted to find out more about her life, what she was doing, the places she'd travelled...who she was with...
She sighed and lowered her phone. The blonde wasn't ready for that kind of torture.
Tell me how to feel about you now.
Tell me how to feel about you now.
Tell me how to feel about you now.
Oh, let me know.
Do I suffocate or let go?
The blonde's eyes misted as she lowered herself to the bathroom floor, her knees becoming weak as emotion coursed through her body.
The shower was running to cover her cries.
Greg was passed out in the bedroom next door but she didn't want to risk him hearing her sobs, he could be a fretful sleeper and often woke whilst she was trying to pull her emotions back into check.
Think I'm tired of getting over it.
Just starting something new again.
I'm getting sick of the beginnings.
And always coming to your defences.
The former cheerleader's mind began to wander into the past as she raised her knees to her chest and buried her face into them.
I guess it's good to get it off my chest.
I guess I can't believe I haven't yet.
You know I've got my own convictions.
And they're stronger than any addiction.
But no one's winning.
The first of the two times Quinn told her she loved her was during an arguement.
Santana had threatened to tell Greg everything, she had gotten drunk and her jealousy came out in a manipulative fashion.
Quinn had driven to Santana's apartment in a panic. She didn't want Greg to find out this way, she had a plan...she was going to leave him but she needed to not break his soul.
Tell me how to feel about you now.
Tell me how to feel about you now.
Tell me how to feel about you now.
Oh, let me know.
Do I suffocate or let go?
Flashback
Quinn ran up the 13 steps to Santana's apartment and pushed straight through the door into the kitchen.
She was greeted by a very drunk Santana and her best friend/ex Brittany.
"You can't keep treating me like this Santana!" Sighed the blonde as she leaned against the wall opposite the two.
Brittany smirked at something the latina said under her breath, Quinn's heart tightened a little at the action.
She hated being the joke."You said you were gonna leave him" Dark eyes pinned hazel.
"I need time San..." Whispered Quinn
"You've had six months"
"San-"
"Maybe I should drive to your house and tell him now"
The shorter girl stepped forward from the booze covered kitchen counter, Quinn slid down the wall and dropped into a sitting position, legs criss crossed as her eyes and throat welled with tears.
"You guys need to talk more" Added Brittany as Quinn kept her eyes on her hands fidgeting in her lap.
"Oh, Q doesn't do well at talking. She's a writer...maybe you could write out your feelings huh Q!?" Santana's tone was mean
You keep me up with your silence.
Take me down with your quiet.
Of all the weapons you fight with.
Your silence is the most violent.
Tell me how to feel about you now.
Tell me how to feel about you now.
Tell me how to feel about you now.
Oh, let me know.
Do I suffocate or let go?
"I can't keep doing this"
Shining hazel eyes looked up pleadingly at Santana
"I...it hurts. I...I can't..." Quinn shook her head as she pushed herself to her feet, Santana rushed forwards then turned and pulled open the door to the steps.
"Then walk away" She grit out.
"Walk away now and go back to your perfect life, play happy families amd forget about me"
Quinn remained frozen in her spot and shook her head.
"You want us to stop, then walk out and we stop!" Half shouted the drunk girl.
Quinn stepped forward "I didn't want it to end like this S"
Her lips quivered around the words and her voice wobbled, but she refused to let tears fall.
"Just leave Quinn. Go home" Santana stepped away from the door
"Is it really that easy for you!?" questioned the blonde increduously.
Santana levelled her gaze at the taller girl and smirked before shrugging."You were a game to me Q, I just wanted to see how far you would go..."
The latina let out a laugh "You were fun, it was fun"
Quinn stumbled back at the cold words that tumbled so easily from her lovers lips, her breath caught and bile rose in her throat.
Santana had stolen her heart...no, she had earned it. Quinn had given it to her and trusted her with it's care even though she had never understood how someone so perfect, so beautiful could want her.
And it appeared her doubts in that respect were right.
Setting her shoulders, Quinn looked Santana directly in the eyes as one lone tear escaped her hazels."I...I loved you Santana. I loved you so much"
Her voice was barely above a whisper but Quinn knew it was the most powerful it had ever been.
She wiped her eyes then bolted through the door and down the steps.
She was almost to her car when her wrist snapped back and her body was forced around.
Santana's eyes were red and her head was shaking back and forth, the younger girl sobbing openly."I love you too Quinn...I've loved you for so long. So, so long!"
Lips crashed into hers and both girls gripped onto one and other tightly as they spoke all of their feelings with their actions, only seperating due to the painful sobs that tore through them both, their foreheads touching as Santana repeated her words over and over.
You don't have to tell me if you ever think of me.
I know you say you're busy
Wildly, in the fog of your memory.
You don't have to tell me.
I can still believe.
It had taken an hour to calm Santana down that night, to ease ger from a panic attack and into an almost normal breathing pattern.
Quinn had tucked the girl into bed then made the walk back to her car again, she had locked her emotions down and driven home to a welcoming Greg.
That night she had quietly cried herself to sleep as her boyfriend snored away, oblivious to her struggles and cheating.
She remembered being aware that everything was beginning to crumble, that she was going to lose everything.
And when she said everything, she meant Santana
Another short chapter there for you...thank you for reading, it truly means a lot.I will try and get another, longer chapter up soon but I can only write when I'm alone which isn't often.