Disclaimer: I do not own anything. All songs, characters, and other legal stuff belong to their rightful owners.
Outside was a dark and cloudy evening with a forecast of rain coming son for a normal looking neighborhood with normal looking houses.
Inside one of these particular homes was Oga Tatsumi, dressed up in a simple white T-shirt and shorts as he prepared for bed.
Until of course, his would be adopted demon lord son cried.
"SONOVABITCH!"
Anyone who was looking at the Oga home from the street could have sworn on their life that they just saw a big ball of electricity.
"Aah...you little BRAT!"
Oga Tatsumi, overpowered teenage punk delinquent who had a serious problem with being a normal member of society, was currently toasted crispy and growling in anger as he vigorously tried to rock a fussy baby to sleep.
"Twinkle twinkle, little star, how I fucking wonder how you are," Oga snarled. "Up above in the sky, like a little fucking fly, twinkle twinkle little star. SHUT THE HELL UP AND GO TO SLEEP!"
Baby Beel only whimpered angrily and sank deeper into his daddy's arms. If he wasn't going to get a proper lullaby, then nuts to him! He'll stay up all night long! He'll cry as loud as he wanted! He'll...he'll...
*Snore*
Oga let out a relieved sigh as he slowed his rocking and gently laid the now sleeping baby down onto his bed.
"I take back my earlier statement. You are not as prepared as I thought."
"Oh screw you Hilda! Why didn't you help me!"
The demon wet nurse calmly regarded the human before her with half-lidded eyes before taking a hearty sip of the steaming tea she held.
"The Young Master required that his dada put him to bed tonight. If I were to get involved, I would be going against his wishes."
Oga let out a frustrated noise as he furiously scratched his hair. Left eye twitching and hands unconsciously clenching, the human male pointed towards the door and glared at Hilda.
Getting the untold message, the female demon got up and off the bed, carefully as not to disturb her master, and left without another word. Breathing a calming breath of air, Oga flipped the light switch and slipped back into bed.
"Good night...you Brat."
Curling his arms protectively around the snoring baby as best as he could without actually touching the baby, the teen drifted off to sleep.
=RANDOM DREAM SEQUENCE GO=
The piano swelled as invisible hands danced atop. A man in fedora with glasses smirked evilly as he sung into a microphone, arms spread out as he nodded to his son on the shoreline. The man continued to sing as everyone else did their own thing.
ima, dekinakute mo
aseranaide awatenaide
kimi no mai peesu de
jibun shinjite yukkuri ikeba ii
The smell of fresh salty air and the bright sun made for the perfect environment. Oga stared down at the ground, the tides flowing back and forth to tickle his feet. A shout off to the distance made him turn his head and he smiled.
His friends, family, everyone. They were all here with him.
He spotted a few familiar faces besides his Father on mic.
Furuichi waved at him lazily before he wrapped his arms around two pretty ladies who made faces and recoiled from his touch. It was all in good humor though and Furuichi kept his hands right where they were.
Mister and Miss Takayuki were both reclining in easy chairs and soaking up some sun. Mister Takayuki raised his cane and prodded one of his longtime friends in the snout of a large vicious looking dragon tattoo on his back. The man, his red eyes narrowed in concentration, yanked hard on a lever that sent several water balloons flying at a group of people. Amid the screams of surprise, Miss Takayuki grabbed a bottle from the barrel and set about pouring its contents into several glasses.
Misaki was ogling some of the males around here, grinning like some sort of seductress that was on the lookout for a new boy toy. Some returned the look; others ran screaming for the safety of the shoreline.
Mother Oga happily hummed as she cuddled two babies into her chest, giggling impishly as they tried to escape. She controlled them like puppets, making them wave at people or hug each other. The babes didn't mind it much, both of them giggling along or cooing happily as they had fun with their Baa-san.
Among the entire shoreline was a large group of people. A tall muscle-bound man roared loudly with laughter as he wrestled several unlucky people to the ground. One of his victims, a Chemistry professor, growled as he tried to fix his bent glasses before retreating to safety. Two blue haired boys let out war cries as they stood back to back while surrounded by a bunch of attackers while a group of girls cheered them on.
In the cooler region of the beach laid most of the people who feared the harmful glare of the sun or just didn't fit in with the near chaotic environment closer to the tide. Some people indulged themselves on food, booze, illicit substances or all three. A teen with his hair over his left eye watched the shadows around him dance from lighters. Another teen with blonde hair and dark sunglasses perched on his nose frowned at the scene before him as he leaned against a rock.
Oga went back to staring out at sea as he sighed happily.
"OI BRO!"
Father Oga clapped his hands together loudly as he started to dance with others in perfect synchronization.
mirai no boku nara ima no boku ni
oshieteagerareru
kimi no doryoku ga jishin ni
kawaru toki made oitsuzukereba ii
Tatsumi whirled around just in time to see a VERY familiar face. The father of Sachiko had just spiked a ball at him. Father Oga was starting to finish up the song.
ima, dekinakute mo
aseranaide awatenaide
kimi no mai peesu de
jibun shinjite yukkuri ikeba ii
Tatsumi just couldn't react fast enough as the ball collided with his face and set him flying backwards into the sea.
The piano finished with a flourish, the keys moving in a perfect fluid motion. Oga could only float in the water as he stared upwards into the sky.
"Ugh...That bastard..." Oga continued to float away from the shore, moving closer out to the deep. "When I get back, I'm going to kick his ass but for now...I think I'll enjoy the sea a little longer."
It was then that Oga realized something.
"What the fuck am I doing at the beach with the old gang? Last I checked, it was the middle of the school term and half these guys should be on the other side of the world...for that matter, where the fuck are we?"
=Back in the real world=
Oga was slow to wake, his eyes jammed shut in the hopes that when he did open them, he would not see what he thought he would see and currently felt.
"Oh what a lovely morning. The young master is relieving himself splendidly."
'No such fucking luck'
"Hilda, I want you to be completely honest with me. If and when I open my eyes...will I see my entire room flooded with the Brat's urine?"
"Don't worry," Hilda started in a strangely happy tone. "It's nothing filthy."
Oga opened his eyes and glanced around. Both his text books and comics were floating around with ink trailing behind them. Several papers and even a few T-shirts were like flotsam from a wrecked ship. Thankfully, his video games and console were stashed in the upper part of his closet or else he might be inclined to 'discipline' his would be son.
"The great urination comes each year around this time, and in the Demon World, it is a seasonal attraction. After a city is drowned in the flood, the amount of fertile land increases. The first step in destroying humanity, yes?"
"...Hilda, I want you to be brutally honest with me. Did you just tell me that the first step to destroying mankind was by pissing?"
Hilda looked down upon him from her safe perch on her familiar before nodding in confirmation.
Oga stared at her a bit longer before he slowly turned towards the Brat and the sprouting fountain coming from his lower regions.
Despite the entire situation, Oga burst out laughing.
=One Long Draining Process Later=
"So..."
"What?"
"You got any concrete plan to save the city?"
"No, not really."
Furuichi palmed his face as he helped his friend pick up the various and thoroughly soaked crap he had. The best friend of the Ogre had decided to make a quick morning visit to his house only to be blindsided by a certain pink boxer wearing mustached demon. After. Somehow, floating up the stairs and into Oga's room, the demon unleashed his silver haired captive into the depths of the Demon King's glorious urination where the teen sunk into the deep and swallowed a mouthful before floating upwards. After being told bluntly and exactly just what he was floating in and swallowed, the teen proceeded to erratically twitch and clench his hands.
Suffice to say, Furuichi had not been amused.
"Dude, we only got about 4 hours right now."
"I'm well aware of that! You think I want the city to drown in a sea of demonic baby piss?"
"Well, I'm just saying. I think our time would be better spent right now trying to look for a substitution to that Pee-bee-gone thingy or whatever."
Oga glanced over to where the Brat was sitting. The demon baby sat up ramrod straight, shivering periodically as he answered the call of nature into a special tanuki diaper that apparently redirected his urine into an alternate dimension. Unfortunately, the diaper had a limit and before long, the Brat would be again flooding the local area.
"Hilda, don't you have any spares?"
"No, I do not. I still don't understand why you wish to delay such a glorious event. You people just can't seem to accept your fate."
Oga let out a great big sigh as he stood up and pinched the bridge of his nose. Hilda, while initially helpful to provide the diaper, had just proven she had no more use left. Or she was just withholding the solution because she couldn't even give a fraction of a damn to the plight of mortals. Either way, Oga could only idly think of one word to describe her right now.
'Bitch.'
"My baby pees so much, I don't know what to do! No leaks for 10 hours, no matter the amount! With the mystical diapers 'Daipies,' your baby will be safe and sound! I'm not scared of leaks anymore!
Oga and Furuichi looked at the TV screen that was currently showing an average looking house wife holding a cooing baby that was dressed up in a normal white diaper. The baby, two large red orbs of blush slapped onto his little cheeks, giggled as he reached for something off camera. The transfer demon was currently lying down on the couch and munching on some pilfered cookies.
"Oga...I know you're desperate right now. I also know that you idiotically believe anything when you need to. So I beg you, find that one working brain cell left in that empty skull of yours and THINK ABOUT WHY THAT COMMERCIAL IS COMPLETE BULLSH-!"
Oga had already left.
"SONOVABI-"
=Later at the Store=
"Welcome to- Oh, it's Oga-Chan!"
Oga paused and stared at the teen before him with neck length dark purple hair that was currently dressed up in the store's worker uniform.
"You're...you're one of Kanzaki's friends, aren't you? Um...uh...I think Furuichi said your name was Natsume...you work here?"
"Yeah, if the uniform wasn't obvious enough. So what's up?" Natsume was smiling but inside he wondered. How did that silver haired friend of the Ogre know of him? He made sure to keep a low profile and never really go all out in a fight.
"I'm on a mission of the utmost importance! It's do-or-die and frankly, I don't want to die yet!" Oga had gotten caught up in his little speech and was now posing with his finger extended towards the skies while his left leg was positioned forward. Everyone in the area except for Natsume, still caught up in his thoughts, sweat dropped. Oga noticed the stares and coughed before standing up straight again. "Anyways, Diapies, you wouldn't happen to have any would you?"
"Sorry Oga-Chan, no such luck. After someone on the internet posted a blog on Chirper, our stocks of Diapies disappeared within seconds."
"...So you don't have any of these mystical diapers left?" The tone of Oga's voice was so depressing that Natsume actually felt like he was kicking a puppy. This was weird because he never came in contact with an actual puppy before.
"If you're looking for diapers, we have plenty of other brands. Why not take a look at our other brands?" Natsume suggested.
=Back with the self-proclaimed General=
"You know, I respect and love my friends like family. I'll totally be there for them when they need me. I really am a nice guy. But I swear by all that is holy and natural, the next time I see that bastard I'm going to beat him within an inch of his damn life with a FUCKING ROLLING PIN!"
"Yet here you are, helping him."
Furuichi shot Hilda a blank look before going back to mopping up the floors. Oga ran off an hour ago and hadn't returned so Furuichi was assuming his brutish friend had either gotten lost, was going to every possible store, gotten into a fight and forgot his original purpose or all of the above. Either way, Oga would come back eventually.
'And when he does,' Furuichi thought darkly. 'ROLLING PIN TO THE FACE!'
"Why?"
"Hmm? Say something Hilda-Chan?"
Hilda shifted slightly, her hand inching closer to her umbrella sword. How dare this human be formal with her! "I am asking, why do you help that idiot?"
"Because, we're friends. Brothers from different mothers. To the ends of Hell and back. All that jazz. If one of us had a problem, the other would instantly help without asking sometimes."
"When has he ever helped you? Most of the time, he remains here or demands something of you."
"Hey, I may be a bit perverted and not really fight a lot like that lumbering idiot but I still do sometimes. Being friends with someone like Oga is bound to get you SOME attention. I have my pride damn it, if I need help with something, like a fight, I know Oga will be there for me."
Hilda regarded him with an indifferent look as he continued to mop the floors.
"You know Hilda, I have to ask. I've known Oga a long time and I know he may seem like a blundering dolt only good for punching things but he has that...that side," Furuichi leaned upon the handle of the mop and made a couple gestures in the air. "That part of him where the dormant papa wolf genes lay that activate whenever a child he has to take care of is in trouble. I've only seen it a few times but I wonder, during all this time as you worked with him to raise up the Br- I mean Beel, has that side of him been permanently shown or is he still that lovable idiot we all know?"
"You dare?" Hilda growled with a low voice. How dare he assume that her duty to the glorious master was nothing more than just work!
"Eh? Whoa!" Furuichi found himself suddenly pinned against the wall by the demon maid. And not in the good way that he usually hears that some women like to be pinned to any flat surface.
"Don't look down upon me!"
'Crazy bitch alert!' Furuichi helplessly thought as the background of Hilda suddenly changed from a normal everyday Japanese home into the fiery raging inferno of hell.
=Due to graphic violence and mightmare inducing images plus shouting, we will now go back to the store=
Tatsumi ripped open yet another diaper package and presented it to the demon lord baby. The fussy little babe took one look at the diaper before regarding his adopted father with an imperial look that said 'do you really think I'm fit to wear something like that' before going back to slapping the extended nose of his tanuki diaper for fun.
"You know, this would be a lot easier if you weren't so picky about diapers," Oga began as he tossed the package over his shoulder. "Then again, maybe if you could control that little pissing problem of yours, we wouldn't have to waste my weekend in a god damn store in piss soaked sleep clothes shopping for crappy and useless diapers!"
"You were quite impressive back then, Oga-chan." Natsume suddenly said. "I must admit, your little speech and beating you laid down upon Kanzaki-kun wasn't something I would expect from someone with as a fearsome reputation as you."
"Yeah, I know what you mean," Oga said as he ripped open yet another package. "I just really can't tolerate stupid meatheads that think they're tough shit. I'm that type of guy who can be anyone's friend but only chooses to become friends with people who can prove that they have some shred of human decency and capable of kicking A LITTLE ass."
"That's surprisingly deep..."
"Don't go spreading it around or else I'll hunt you down and dangle you over the roof of the school."
"I wouldn't expect-"
"By your hair." Oga interrupted as he grabbed another diaper package.
"-Anything less." Natsume continued as if he didn't hear. "But after that, things are gonna get busy, since you did in one of Ishiyama's Tohoshinki."
"Huh? The fuck is that? Sounds like a tooth paste..."
Natsume chuckled a bit as he ran a hand through his hair.
"You didn't know? Those are the four great powers at our school. Tojo, Kunieda, Kanzaki, Himekawa, by taking the first character of their names, you make the Ishiyama Tohoshinki."
"...Huh. Sounds pretty cool I guess. So does that mean the other three are going to try and take me on or are they going to be on guard?"
"Hmm...I'm not so sure. Tojo is reputed to be the strongest but least ambitious while Himekawa is said to pay off a lot of strong fighters and gang up on those he can't. I haven't heard much about Kunieda seeing as she left with the Red Tails to go take on another gang somewhere but it's been rumored that she's going to be back soon."
"I'll keep that in mind in case I get a serious case of I-want-to-beat-the-shit-out-of-someone-itis but thanks for the info. Now if you excuse me...how about this one Brat? They have doggies on the front. Do you like doggies?"
Natsume stood off to the side and shook his head at the display. With a smirk full of mirth, he decided that he better leave the rampaging Ogre to his business. At worst, his manager could suddenly appear and assume that the person that was currently making a mess in the aisle was his 'friend' and hold him responsible.
=Later=
"Okay, I give up. I went through at least fifty packs and not a single one held his interest. You know what? Why the fuck do I even bothering caring anymore? You're being a cold hearted demon right now Hilda and it appears that Furuichi is too preoccupied with something to help me...lazy bastard."
Oga turned to look at his best friend since childhood and wondered what had happen to him to make him currently rock back and forth in the fetal position while mumbling about demons with bleeding eyes or fiery pits of hell or something. Hilda, glaring daggers at the two of them, was busy feeding Beel his lunch.
"Stay calm! If you don't, you're dead meat!"
"What?" Oga didn't get a chance to blink before he was suddenly yanked up from his sitting position and thrown into another aisle. Furuichi and Hilda followed shortly after.
Four thugs stood in front of Oga, Furuichi, Hilda, and three other female workers while aiming their guns at them.
"This is all the hostages we got?"
A fourth thug looked everyone over. He gave off an air of being a leader of the group.
Furuichi snapped out of his daze and noticed that he was being held at gunpoint.
"Wow...it's like that one incident in New England...except there aren't any monkeys on fire slinging their crap at each other..."
Everyone turned to stare and sweat drop at the silver haired teen as he calmly leaned backwards into the aisle.
The only girl of the group, her blonde hair held up by a black bandanna and was hiding her left eye, suddenly pointed both of the guns she held at him.
"Okay, people, don't go thinking anything stupid like putting up a fight...or saying something to confuse us like a certain someone." She began.
"Armed robbery, grand larceny, property damage, six crimes in all!" Another thug, wearing a purple baseball cap with a large 'R' imprinted on the front, boasted.
"We're the criminal group that does every kind of evil deed!" The third thug, his brown hair styled into a pompadour and a 'Z' stenciled on the end of it in yellow highlights, continued on from where his partner ended.
"Oyama!" The woman yelled.
"Ryuzaki!" The purple hat man spoke.
"Zenkou!" The pompadour man shouted.
"Sannomiya! And that makes our name: ORZ3!" The final thug, a green beanie that covered the top of his head and let the ends of his braided hair loose, finished.
Everyone blinked at the declaration and poses the thugs held. Furuichi, his mind still waking up and not comprehending the danger of taunting gun toting thugs, spoke up.
"You mean speed groveling?"
"Right!" Sannomiya agreed. "Speed... grovels? Wait a minute, no not that you dumbass! Why you little!"
Furuichi ducked down quickly as the group leader chucked a bottle at his head.
"Anyway," Sannomiya began as he glared at the captives. "You're out hostages until we're well on our way to Hong Kong."
"Get out of line, and we'll blast you full of holes." Zenkou threatened as he hazardously held his gun in one hand while aiming it at everyone.
"Do these guys really think they're all that?" Furuichi whispered to his friend.
"I dunno, you tell me Furuichi."
"Well...I'll admit they were competent enough to grab some hostages but I'm not seeing them hauling any loot. I think they only managed to threaten to hold up some bank of store but got busted too quickly so now they're on the run." Furuichi said as quickly and low as possible.
"Hmm...So would you say that they would be competent enough to be a parent of a certain demon baby?" Oga suggested.
"I guess...I mean it can't be that hard to...oh no...Oh no don't you fucking dare Oga!"
"C'mon, miight as well. I mean...I'm not seeing any other options right now and they said they're going to Hong Kong right? Last I checked, Hong Kong sucked and no one would really care if it was drowned in demon piss right?"
"That doesn't change anything! Since when were you ever this heartless!"
"Ah forget it. Look, you think of a way to escape and I'll see if these guys are worth my time."
Oga slowly started to inch closer to the female criminal, mindful to come off as passive as possible and not give a reason to be riddled with bullets by finger twitchy idiots. Hilda watched him scoot away quietly but inside, she felt a dark and very tempting urge to maim Oga for thinking these pathetic excuses of humans would be good enough for the master.
"What's with you?" Ryuzaki asked,
"I thought we said not to move." Oyama growled as she aimed her gun at Oga's head.
"So...how bad are you guys really?"
"Huh?" Was the intelligent response.
"You're robbers, right? Thugs? Criminals? I just asked how evil all the four of you can be."
"You sure got a big mouth on you...you think you're tough shit kid?" Zenkou sneered.
"What are you getting worked up about some kid for?" Sannomiya barked back at him. With his subordinate probably cowed, he walked over and looked down upon Oga. "I like that look in your eyes. You got guts kid. Kinda reminds me of when I was younger and just like ya." The thug hefted his gun up and grinned evilly. "Fine then. We'll tell you how evil and badass we are so you can follow in our footsteps for your own future!"
Internally, Oga gagged. This was the exact type of person he was talking about with Natsume that ranked as 'people that needed to have the shit kicked out of them'.
"Oyama." The leader barked. "Tell him how evil you were when you were younger!"
"When I was your age, I was quite the rebel. I took all the windows in the school," The woman gestured towards the row of bottles on the shelves.
"And shattered them like THIS." The woman slammed her gun into a couple of bottles and sent glass shards flying everywhere. Furuichi and Hilda remained still even as some of the shards flew close enough to cut them.
"And then, with the shards of glass, I..." She grabbed a broken and very sharp piece of glass and bought it to her arm. Oga and Furuichi held their breath and leaned forward slightly, wondering if she really was going to cut herself.
"I'd get rid of extra hairs, like this." With that, she started to leisurely shave off some hairs on her arm. Oga released the breath he held and nearly flopped backwards in disappointment. Furuichi had less control and banged his head against the aisle shelf behind him.
"...Is that all?"
"Huh? What's wrong? What else could I do with little shards of glass like these?"
Before Oga and Furuichi could start shooting off various forms of shanks created by shards of glass, Sannomiya stepped up and decked Oyama straight across the face, hard enough to send her flying into a (thankfully) unbroken shelf full of bottles.
"We don't need bank robbers that take the time to care about getting rid of extra hairs!" He yelled. "Ryuzaki! Tell these kids how bad you can be!"
The thug in the purple hat grinned as he jerked his thumb at his head.
"Back when I was young no one could touch me! I was the invincible thug from the bowels of delinquency, Ishiyama high school!" With that, Ryuzaki folded his arms and smirked confidently.
"Oh cool, we're also from Ishiyama." Oga said with a geniune smile as he pointed at himself and Furuichi.
"Really? No wonder I thought you looked pretty badass! Only you though," The thug said as he inspected the silver haired friend of the Ogre. "People who look like your friend usually get eaten on the first day." Furuichi rolled his eyes. "So tell me, how's the old shit hole lately? In my time, the Big Four Bosses was the Tanekin Trio!"
"How the fuck does that make sense?" Furuichi yelled out in exasperation. "You can't have four badass leaders if they were known as the Trio!"
"No no, you see, if you take the first letters of their names and then combine them, you get just that! Tanekin Trio! These guys were just terrible! Like this one guy, Kindaichi, crazy dude he was! Always was greasing his hair and being a ladies man!"
"STOP TELLING OLD STORIES!" Ryuzaki didn't even get to cower in fear before his leader slammed his face into the ground. "ZENKOU!"
Everyone directed their atention to the man with the large yellow highlighted Z on the end of his pompadour who was smirking at finally getting his turn.
"All you guys are so focused on the past! Not me! I'm a man of the future! You see, I'm a thief that specializes in metal! I steal plently of things like fences and manholes and make a quick buck off of 'em! Matter of fact, I recently did a big job. You know that steel tower down by the riverbank? The news say that a big explosion blew it away but the real story is that I stole it!"
"Um no...it really was blown up...by this guy right here!" Furuichi said as he pointed at Oga. "There was even a few people on site who took videos. You're lying man."
Zenkou could only flop his mouth like a fish and then curl into a fetal position at being found out.
"Hey Furuichi...on a scale of one to ten, how much do I fail in thinking that these guys could actually be evil?"
"Negative nine."
"...That's not on the scale."
"It is for mine. On a scale of negative ten to zero, how much do I hate Oga? There's your answer."
"Enough! All of you are terrible at this! All right kid listen up! You wanna know how evil I can be! Let me teach ya!" The leader of the thugs stepped up and grinned insanely as he yanked Oga up by his collar and leveld the gun on his shoulder. "You wanna know how to rob a bank? It's really simple, first you go in, shove your gun through the window, and then threaten them for the money! If that doesn't work THEN," Sannoyama opened fire right next to Oga's ear and shot up the entire aisle behind the hostages. The three female workers cowered as a group while Furuichi and Hilda stocially sat where they were without flinching even as more bits and pieces of various things flew down around them.
The thug gave off a quick laugh as he shoved Oga back down.
"Zenkou, how's it looking outside?" He questioned. "Not much activity!" His subodinate quickly replied.
Unknownest to the bank robbers, Baby Beel had taken an instant shine to the leader. That brash way he fired the gun and the awesome noise it made was so evil! He even held it close enough for him to hear! What a great daddy this man would be! With renewed vigor, the demon lord quickly started climbing atop his old stupid stinky parent and grabbed on the better man's gun.
"Brat!" Oga made the motion to stand up but Oyama spotted him and quickly leveled the gun at his head. "Don't move punk!"
Tatsumi could only watch with gritted teeth as the thug leader started to shake his gun wildly in a vain attempt to get the clinging baby off.
'I swear to ME that if he makes the Brat fall on his head I'm going to strangle him to death with his guts! I only get to hurt the Brat!'
"Get off!" The thug leader gave one more huge shake but still found the baby attached to his weapon. Suddenly, a bright idea entered his head and he started to laugh. "Fine, perfect. I'll be takin' this baby."
"What?" Oga growled.
"With a baby as a hostage, the cops ain't gonna do anything stupid. I can carry 'im with one hand so he won't get in the way, and he can't fight back. Now that I think about it, this is the best possible hostage."
"Oh. Ooohh man." Everyone looked at Furuichi who suddenly shot up. Ryuzaki had his gun leveled at him quickly. "Sannoyama, I'm telling you for your own safety now. Start running."
"What? You think you can threaten me punk? You think you're going to be playing the hero now?"
"No, not me. Me? I'm just a perverted coward most of the time. My best friend on the other hand? The one you just balantly told that the only reason you want a baby is to use it for a dangerous situation? He's going to fuck you up."
"Hah! You mean- AGH!"
"You obviously do not know, who you are FUCKING WITH!" Oga roared like a savage beast as he grabbed the Brat and quickly tucked him under his arm. The thug leader was trying to regain his breath after having the wind knocked out of him by a punch to the gut.
"You got a death wish punk?"
"Don't move or we'll waste you right now!"
Oga looked at the two other thugs aiming their guns at him before turning back to the leader.
"And here I thought you had a bright head on your shoulders kid. Did you really think you're going to get away with hitting me?"
"Of course. In fact, I'll do it again!" With that, Oga promptly kicked Sannoyama in the jewels.
"OOOOOOOHHHHH!"
Oga stood ramrod straight as the thug leader laid on the ground whimpering. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see the other three starting to shiver.
"I suddenly had a great idea!" Oga said with a smile that oozed evil plastered on his face. "Let me educate you robbers what I'm going to do with your lessons!"
Quick as a flash, Oga had yanked the thug leader up by his jacket and was clenching shards of glass in one hand. Blood ran down in rivets as he balled his hand into a fist, making everyone except Hilda and Furuichi wince at the crunching sound.
"This is what I would do with shards of glass!~" Oga happily said as he slapped Sannoyama twice. The thug let out loud yell of pain as pieces of glass became impedded into his cheeks.
"This is how I would be flashy!~" The Ogre headbutted his unforunate victim into the ground before turning around and backflipping onto his prone body and stomping his foot. Twice.
"And finally! This is how I would use steel!~" Oga was just reaching for the thug's gun when the forgotten baby tucked into his arms started to whimper before shivering violently. Finally, the baby let out loud wail.
"WAH!"
Like a great dam holding back God's wrath, the baby Demon Lord gave a big outburst that was a mix between a yell of satisfaction and a shout of pain. The diaper broke at that exact moment and a torrent of demonic piss flew out at jet speeds. Oga, surprised but determined, wrapped the demon babe in his arms and bore the brunt of the attack. Oga and all the thugs were instantly fried to a crisp before being floored. Strangely, despite being an electric based attack, the lightening wasn't amplified by the sudden flood of demon piss. Furuichi gave out a frustrated groan as he realized he was once again soaked in demon piss while Hilda calmly stood up and walked over to the trembling form of the Ogre who was lying on the floor with the fussing baby sniffling on his chest while his arms covered his face.
"Why you little ungrateful brat. Getting interested in guns, pissing all over the floor, ruining my favorite white shirt. Sometimes I wonder why I even attempt to take care of you." Oga remarked idly as he placed his hand on the baby's head and made him face him. "Stop crying already, you're supposedly to be a growing kid. Not only that, you're my kid."
The baby looked at his would be parent and instantly stopped crying. Suddenly quite pleased at having the attention of his caretaker, the babe gave off a happy coo and crawled onto the delinquent's face and hugged him. Still, even with a face full of naked demon, Oga managed to catch a peek of Hilda standing over him with that impassive look on her face.
"Well Hilda," Oga managed to cough out through his meaty mouth blocker. "You're the wet nurse of this little brat and I actually like this hometown of mine. So, why don't you reach in and find it in your small black heart to help me save this place?"
Hilda looked down upon him before staring straight ahead.
"Akubaba!"
With a loud screeh to announce it's arrival, Hilda's demon bird familiar crashed through the wall behind everyone. Taking two small as possible steps, it laid its head down before its mistress. Hilda calmly strode up onto the bird's body before turning around and offering her hand to Oga.
"Grab on. We'll fly to the ocean."
"Hold it!"
The demon maid and parent both snapped their attention to Furuichi.
"I'm pretty damn sure that flying out of here on that demon bird is going to raise all sorts of trouble for you Oga. Especially seeing as the police will recognize your face."
"Your point being? C'mon man, we're on a time limit here."
By now, the water level had risen past the ankles of everyone present. All the thugs were still knocked out while the other three hostages had fled and were safely outside.
"Let me get their attention first then you can make a break for it." Furuichi calmly said as he stood up.
"Aw hell no. That's not going to happen." Oga snapped back just as quick.
Hilda blinked in surprise. In all her time spent with these two bumbling humans, she had never once seen that stupid meathead deny any help from his cowardly friend.
"I don't care how badly I'm going to get it if the cops see me but you're going to be worse off! Didn't your dad warn you about causing anymore trouble?"
"Of course he did. But what kind of man would I be to let my friend suffer from something that could be avoided by my intervention? Don't worry man, I have a plan that'll work."
Oga cursed loudly for about a minute before giving in. He shot his best friend a face that roughly translated to 'don't-get-caught-or-else-I'm-going-to-bust-you-out-of-jail-just-to-kick-your-ass'. Oga had very expressive faces.
Oga climbed up onto the demon bird and sat behind the demon maid while Furuichi gathered up the guns strewn about and nabbed the leader's beanie and Ryuzaki's hat.
=Later=
"All right Oga, when you hear the signal, make a break for it okay?"
"Yeah yeah sure. Just hurry the hell up already!"
Furuichi flashed his friend the finger before stalking up the box barricade set up by the thugs and tearing it down completely. When the doors and the various people outside were seen, Furuichi secured the double headwear he had and checked the weapons he held. Satisfied with what he saw, he grinned like an insane man before kicking the doors open and started to scream hoarsely at the police.
"Does he know what he's doing?"
"Of course he does. Bastard's worse than me when motivated enough."
Hilda just sighed.
"FUCK THE POLICE!"
"Eup, that's our cue. Time to fly!"
Hilda spurred her bird into action and the pair were flying off into the horizon. Outside Furuichi continued to wave guns around and fire at people's feet, making sure that he appeared as crazy as possible while hiding his face and hair as best as he could. The sudden flood plus four unconscious thugs coming in from the store provided even more confusion and was enough for the teen to slip off and hide somewhere.
'Just like my old school. Pretty sure the cops can't connect anything back to me.'
=Later, out at the ocean=
"So...couldn't we have done this in the beginning?" Oga asked as he kept a tight grip on the Brat as he relieved himself into the vast open body of water below.
"Silence you. Or else I'll push you off." Hilda threatened as she stared ahead.
=At the Oga House=
"When that bastard son of mine comes back, I'm going to make it REALLY hard for him to enjoy any 'alone' time with his wife."
Misaki stood off in a dry corner, huddled up and trying to appear as small as possible. She had gone out with her mother to do some shopping and had come home to find the entire house had at some point been flooded with some questionable substance and now everything smelled like crap.
Mother Oga had not been amused. In fact, similar auras of fiery hells was being depicted behind her.
"...Why do I suddenly feel like it's better to jump off right now then go back home?"
Omake 1: Clothes for the Demon Lord
"Hey Hilda, why is the Brat always naked?"
"The Young Master does not enjoy the confining feeling of clothes. He says it's more fun to 'feel the wind'."
"...Shouldn't you be worried that a baby like him has his dong hanging out like that? Better yet, won't he get sick?"
"The Young Master is not some weak pathetic mortal. He cannot be afflicted by human diseases, only demonic ones. All those diseases are only present in the demon world."
"Okay fine. So there's no problem about that but how about MY feelings. I don't want to go around outside everyday with the Brat's ass and dong hanging out everywhere. Can't you convince him to wear anything?"
"I have tried multiple times to dress up the master in royal clothes befitting of his stature. Nothing pleased him except for the royal sleeping pajamas."
"Not good enough. Okay, that's it! PACK YOUR BAGS PEOPLE, WE'RE GOING ON A ROAD TRIP!"
"Hey Brat. How loud do you think I can play this music before the cops show up?"
"Dabuh!"
"Let's test the theory."
=One random montage filled with blaring loud rock music later=
"HOLY MARY, MOTHER OF CHRIST! WHEN DID I GET HERE?"
"Okay!" Oga began. "Here's the plan people. Split up and find random baby clothes! We don't want fancy pretty cute crap, just normal or ugly stuff!"
"WHAT?" Furuichi yelled. "I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE LOUD BLARING MUSIC!"
"WHERE IS THAT COMING FROM?"
"WHAT?"
"I THOUGHT WE TURNED THAT DAMN THING OFF!"
=Much Later=
"How about this Brat?"
Beel shook his head.
Oga tossed away the entire pile of T-shirts he had picked up.
"Maybe this is better?" Furuichi suggested as he presented a mini black suit complete with red tie.
Beel tilted his head to the side before pointing to his mama.
"So...a maybe?"
"Any possibility on animal suits?"
"How about the jackets?"
"I think those pants make him look fat..."
"Do they sell anything that has horns or tails?"
"Hmm...baby harnesses..."
"Would it be twisted of me to suggest a zombie outfit?"
"Oh hell, the Brat's found the toy section. Man your stations people, we're going to be here for awhile."
"Wanna go break shit while he's playing?"
"Only you Oga..."
"Mmm...this hot drink is quite delectable. What do they call this again?"
"Hazelnut Mocha, Hilda. You're welcome."
"OH GOD! WHY IS HE CRYING? I ONLY TRIED TO GET HIM IN UNDERWEAR!"
"ONLY ONE WORD DESCRIBES MY WORLD RIGHT NOW! PAIN!"
"SCREW YOU FURUICHI! I DEAL WITH THIS ON A DAILY BASIS!"
"Um...excuse, but can you two please-"
"SHUT THE FUCK UP! CAN'T YOU SEE WE'RE SUFFERING IMMENSLY RIGHT NOW?"
=At the end of the day=
"Okay Brat, here's the deal. Everyday whenever we stay home, you get to do whatever you want. Whenever we go out, you either wear the normal clothes or the animal suits. Fancy places or days mean the suits. Is that fine?"
Beel nodded his head rigorously, happily posing for the entire family in his new suit picked out for him.
"Oh my, he looks so adorable!"
"Like a little button man for the mafia!"
"Sis...that was a bit morbid..."
"Not my fault you dressed up your child in that snazzy little thing."
"Oga-kun...where did you get all the money for this?"
"...Oh shit..."
"...My dearest little boy...START RUNNING!"
=End of Omake 1=
A/N: Sorry for the delay people, I had a bit of a lockdown due to school. But fear not, I tried shooting for double the normal. I'm trying to keep up a four thousand or more word count per chapter per month so I hope I didn't disappoint. Drop a review now and then if you please.