That evening after work I went to the open meeting at the A.I.D. Unlike the big fancy church on the front of the pamphlet that Kitano had given me, the local A.I.D. looked like any other office building. Behind the large plate glass windows I could see people milling around in a reception area and a motto was written in large letters on the glass: Love is the Path to Peace. I contemplated the words for a minute before opening the front door and stepping inside.
A young woman stepped forward with a smile and held out her hand. "Good evening, welcome to the A.I.D. Is this your first time with us?"
"Yes, it is," I said with a polite smile. "A woman that I recently met recommended that I stop by. Is that alright?"
"Yes, of course it is." She hadn't let go of my hand and her fingers squeezed mine warmly. "We have open meetings twice a day, Sunday through Friday, to encourage people to drop in and learn about us. My name is Chou Haruka. I'm acting as the greeter today. Let me get someone to show you around."
I glanced around while she signalled to someone across the room. The reception area or lobby was large. It had plenty of places for people to sit in small groups and talk. There were quite a few people milling around or sitting on the couches. Almost everyone seemed to be in their twenties or early thirties and they were all relaxed and smiling.
A thin man with thick dark hair approached us with a smile. He was wearing a light pink suit jacket over a white dress shirt. "This is Reverend Nanao," Chou said. "He leads the congregation at this church."
"It's nice to meet you," I said. "My name is Chisato Kurihara."
"We're please to you have with us this evening, Chisato," Reverent Nanao said. "We still have time before the lesson begins. Would you like to learn a little more about the A.I.D.?"
When I told him that I would he led me to another room. There was a large bookcase at one end of the room and a huge table surrounded by chairs filled the center of the room. The walls were covered with framed pictures.
"This is our study room," Reverend Nanao explained. "It's a great place to start because we have all of these pictures here. The A.I.D. is built on one thing, and that thing is love. We believe that if only there were enough love in the world we could achieve world peace. By practicing and sharing love in our daily lives, we can find peace and joy in our hearts and spread that love to others."
"Ah, that sounds very nice," I said. Nice and a bit simplistic, but was there anything wrong with keeping things simple?
"We encourage our members - we can them apostles - to act with love each day. To go out of their way to do something helpful and kind for others. And as an organization we do the same thing," he walked over and pointed out a picture of a building with a large group of teenagers standing in front of it. "One of the ways the A.I.D. focuses on sharing love is by helping children and teenagers who are in need. Teenagers especially have a difficult time in general, but sometimes they are met with even more challenges than normal. We take in teens who are having trouble at home whether it's because they're having behavior issues, education issues or family issues. Sometimes they've lost both of their parents or a parent is remarrying and the child is no longer wanted."
I looked at the teens in the picture. They were all wearing a uniform and smiling at the camera. "All of these children were having trouble?" I asked.
"Oh, yes," he said. "And that's just one of our A.I.D. Second Chance Schools. We have many of them all around the country. Without the love, support and guidance that they find in our schools, these children would fall through the cracks. They'd lose their way and end up on drugs, involved in crime or even commit suicide. We let them know every day that they are special and important and we help them to build a successful future."
I looked around. He was right. I could see several other pictures with groups of children or teenagers posed in front of large buildings.
"Like I said, we encourage our members to focus on acts of love and kindness each day. We also encourage community service. Some of the pictures here commemorate a special act that one of our apostles has given to the world." He indicated a picture of a tall man with a big smile and flushed cheeks. He was surrounded by a small group of people. Everyone was smiling. "This is Brother Ouya. He worked very hard to raise the funds to build a small park in his neighborhood. His love and kindness benefitted so many people. He's a role model for us all."
As the reverend continued talking and showing me around the church, I had to admit to myself that I was impressed. Everyone that I was introduced to seemed kind and happy and everyone made me feel welcome. I could see why Kinato, or anyone really, would want to be involved with such a positive group of people.
After the tour Reverend Nanao gave a lecture about small kindnesses adding up to make a big difference. He was quick and to the point, he didn't belabor things with too many examples or needless recounting of the main idea. Afterwards there as a 'Sharing Ritual' that began with Reverend Nanao asking if anyone wanted to share something kind they'd done recently.
A man stood up and said, "I'm Brother Yukiya. Yesterday morning I ran into one of my neighbors while I was taking out the trash. I could tell just by looking at her that she was really upset. It turned out that her little boy was sick but she really needed to go to work. I had the day off so I offered to watch her son for her. I felt good helping her and her son. At the end of the day she admitted that she was worried she'd be fired if she missed work on such an important day. I'm glad I could make a real difference in her life."
There was a round of applause when he finished speaking and people called out things like, "great job" and "be the difference, Brother". Reverend Nanao told Yukiya that he was proud of him. After Yukiya sat down, several other people took turns talking about the helpful things they had recently done for others.
After that Reverend Nanao asked if there was anyone in the room who needed help or support. A woman stood up and said that she was having trouble deciding if she should move at the end of her lease and she'd appreciate someone to talk to and give her advice. A man said that his girlfriend had broken up with him and he could use a shoulder to cry on. A young man said that he'd like some advice about buying a new suit for a job interview and wanted to know if someone would go shopping with him.
There was at least one response to every request for help. A woman was studying to get her real estate license and offered to help the woman who was considering moving. Several people offered to go with the brokenhearted young man after the meeting and commiserate over a few drinks. Reverend Nanao himself said that he knew a guy from university who owned a shop that sold suits and he was sure he could even get the young man some advice and a discount.
I left the A.I.D. feeling relaxed and happy and even a little excited. I had no trouble understanding why someone would want to join the church. I did wonder about Kitano. She was doing a job that could easily be seen as distasteful. Had she ever asked for help and support from the other apostles to find her way out of her job? I knew that there must be people who prostituted themselves and thought nothing of it, but Kitano didn't strike me as one of those people. The way her eyes shifted at times told me that she was not brazening it out, she was at least somewhat ashamed of what she was doing or at the very least uncomfortable with it.
It certainly wouldn't hurt to keep going back to the church for a while. If I started running into Kitano there, we could deepen our friendship and I might be able to learn more about what she was doing at the Tres Spades. It was the best plan that I had and I was just going to go for it.
When I let myself into my apartment it felt hollow for the first time. I dropped my keys into the little dish on the table near the front door and heard the jangling sound echo through the empty room. Not just heard, I felt it. I had never noticed it before but the fact that I was alone suddenly hit me hard. I felt unexpected tears pressing at the back of my eyes.
What was this? Where had it come from? I'd been living alone for over three months, first at my old apartment and now here at my new one. Before this moment I had been at most vaguely aware that I was alone and it had often been a good feeling. It had been nice to only take care of myself and not to have to worry about doing dozens of little things to make Hinata happy. I had felt independent and free, on the brink of a new life that I got to be in charge of.
So what was this? Was is something about being at the A.I.D and seeing people supporting each other so positively that had suddenly made my own life seem empty? But that didn't make sense. I had friends, people who supported me, people that I shared my life with. But weren't they all involved in their own lives now? They had boyfriends and husbands, kids and careers. I'd been one of them just a minute ago, but now I was alone.
I was supposed to be restarting my life, figuring things out, going after what I wanted. Instead I was losing myself in the day to day of work and life. Allowing myself to be buried under schedule and routine. Days could turn into months could turn into years if I kept this up. I really did want and need to discover what I really wanted from my life. It wouldn't be easy, but it felt like the A.I.D. might help me.
If I was going to look for a new focus for myself, something so positive was almost certainly a great way to go.
I ducked a punch, dropping low and then shooting upwards with all my might, aiming a punch at the jaw of the man attacking me. My hand bounced off a thick layer of padding, but Sensei was quick to say, "Great job. You moved quickly and your aim is good. Hitting someone under their chin like that is very painful. It's a good way to get your attacker's focus off of you and onto himself."
"Thanks," I said, smiling as I backed away and Sakiko stepped up to take her turn.
"I don't know how realistic it is to think that someone is going to throw a punch at us," Olivia commented as I wiped the sweat off my face. "It seems more likely that they would grab us from behind or point a gun at us."
"Yeah, but we've already practiced being grabbed from behind so many times," I said. "And some of those things we learned, if they actually work it wouldn't surprise me at all if a guy's next move is to start throwing punches."
"Yeah, but it's the gun thing that I'm worried about," she said. "We need to start learning to shoot again so I can carry a gun to protect myself."
"But it's against the law to own a gun," I said. "It might be a really bad idea to carry one."
"She's right," Sensei said, blocking Sakiko's attack and knocking her back. "Try that again, Sakiko. And statistically speaking, you're much more likely to hurt a loved one or yourself with a gun, not an attacker."
"Those statistics are for normal people. I'm sure they don't apply to people who are actually in danger of being kidnapped," Olivia argued. "And I really don't know how anyone would know that I have a gun in my purse. It isn't like I'm going to be stopped by the police."
I sighed. Even though Olivia had a member of the police force hanging out in her living room on a daily basis, he wouldn't care if she was toting around a bazooka.
"Ugh, enough of this," Sakiko moaned, collapsing onto the mat and covering her face with her arms. "Soryu wore me out last night. I seriously don't have the strength for this."
"I guess we'll finish early today then," Sensei said, obviously feeling uncomfortable because Sakiko was alluding to sex. "See you ladies tomorrow morning."
Olivia laughed and reached out a hand to help Sakiko off the floor. "Let's go get coffee since we'll have some extra time before we need to be at work. I'm going to do my presentation at the meeting this morning, Chisato. I want to go over it with you to see what you think."
"Sounds good," I said. I could use another coffee. I'd had trouble sleeping the night before after my attack of loneliness.
A few hours later I sat in the meeting room sending Olivia encouraging vibes as she walked up to stand behind the podium. It was obvious that she was nervous, but she was doing her best to be professional as she began her presentation.
"Next month Olivia's will be premiering a new line of jewelry featuring the Tres Spades logo. The entire line was designed by the famous jewelry designer, Mio, and we expect that it will be very popular…"
While Olivia spoke, her voice growing stronger as she gained more confidence in herself, I looked around the room at the men who were sitting in the room. I was surprised to see that some of them were frowning darkly at my friend. I looked back up at Olivia, she was still smiling and speaking well. I wondered if she was ignoring the frowning men or if she just wasn't focusing in on the faces around her.
"Hold on a minute." A voice interjected, loud and impatient. I turned around to see one of the directors looking at Olivia angrily. "You want to put a flier in the welcome basket? Isn't this just a waste of time and resources? I know you don't have any experience as a manager, so it's time that you learn. You can't just throw together an idea and expect us to approve it. You've got to have real numbers to back it up."
I turned to look at Olivia, but another voice was already speaking up. The manager of transportation was shaking his head and looking disgusted. "The guests don't come to this hotel so that we can throw advertisements at them. If we approve this the welcome basket will be loaded with fliers from every shop, restaurant and amenity we have."
"I understand your concern." My eyes flew back to Olivia, her voice was strong and even tinged with a little anger. She used to be a bit meek when she was one of the housekeeping staff, but she'd been dealing with Eisuke Ichinomiya for months. I'd seen her talk back to him more than once. These men had no hope of intimidating her.
"Here are the numbers," she said, skipping through a few slides on her powerpoint to show a breakdown of figures for her promotion. "As you can see, this idea is solid and well worth the investment of time and money."
I looked around the table to see that a lot of the men were nodding and seemed satisfied by the data that Olivia was showing them. I breathed a quiet sigh of relief. It wouldn't do for Olivia to be crushed the first time she tried to initiate a project in the hotel.
"And as for the ads that are put in the welcome basket, it's already standard for there to be coupons for the ice cream parlor and the pizza place, as well as announcements for events going on in the hotel. And it isn't out of the ordinary for special sales or promotions at the restaurants and shops to be advertised with a flier in the welcome basket," Olivia pointed out. "I'm not asking for anything that isn't already a standard practice at this hotel."
Olivia continued her presentation without any more interruptions and when it was finished her idea was approved without any debate.
When the meeting was dismissed Hanaori leaned closer and said, "Looks like your friend has a couple of enemies. It doesn't make any sense to target the boss's girlfriend. Those men are going to end up with a target on their backs."
"Yeah, I think you're right," I said, looking over to where the director who had questioned Olivia was talking with a few other men. "But one of them was a director."
"Makes no difference," Hanaori replied. "Ichinomiya's above them all. Only a fool would think they're safe because they have the word director in their title. Well, hello young lady," he said with a smile as Olivia approached us. "You did a fine job for your first presentation. More than fine, you took down your adversaries like a pro. And I love the new jewelry. I'll have to buy a couple of pieces for my wife and daughter."
"Thanks so much," Olivia said with a smile and then turned to me. "What did you think Chisato?"
"I think you did amazing. You're really turning into a tiger." I leaned forward and dropped my voice. "How long do you think it will be before Eisuke finds out those guys were attacking you during your presentation?"
"Are you kidding? He probably knew instantly," she said with a shake of her head. "I'm lucky he's in Roppongi today or he'd probably have come in here and interrupted my presentation."
"Well that was definitely not necessary. You handled yourself very well. I'm proud of you and I'm sure Eisuke will be too," I said with a smile.
"Yeah," Olivia said, her cheeks flushing. "He's definitely going to be proud of me."
That afternoon I popped into my office to update information on an important international guest that had checked in earlier. The man was a frequent guest at Tres Spades hotels all over the world. I'd read through the man's guest data earlier, but I wanted to check it again to ensure that I wasn't making a mistake.
And I wasn't. The man was definitely traveling with a woman who was not his wife. This made all of the notes that had been taken on the wife's preferences useless. I reviewed everything that I'd noticed about the man's companion while they were checking in. She was young and it seemed like she wasn't particularly familiar with international travel. From the way she had clung to the man's arm with wide eyes, it was a good guess that she was feeling out of her element. The man would be spending his days in meetings and normally his wife would have been getting in-room spa treatments and shopping. Would his companion feel comfortable doing those things, or would she hide in their suite all day, afraid to go out?
I chewed on my lower lip as I thought about the situation. As a new concierge I wasn't completely sure of the right thing to do, but that didn't matter too much. The guest was staying on one of the upper floors and that meant that someone with more experience was responsible for taking care of him and his mistress. I called the concierge on duty on the upper floors and shared the situation. I also suggested that I thought it would be a good idea to offer the young woman a guide who spoke French as a companion when the man was busy. The other concierge let me know that was an excellent idea and thanked me for noticing the man wasn't traveling with his wife.
I stood up and stretched, happy to have handled the situation well and ready to get back out into the hotel. As I turned towards the door a knock sounded and Mamoru stepped into my office.
"Hi. What's up?" I said with a smile. I was filled with a warm satisfaction at having done a good job. The possibility that Eisuke had assigned us another investigation poked at the edges of my bubble of happiness, but I wasn't going to let it pop.
He was walking towards me and his tall body just kept coming. I took a few steps back in confusion until my back hit the wall behind me. My eyes flitted from his arms that blocked me in on either side to his chest that loomed near and up to his face. His eyes were on my mouth. My heart flipped and my breath caught in my throat.
"You've been biting your lip," he said, his voice low.
"Mamoru! What are you doing? Let me go!" I snapped, frowning up at him as I tried to suppress the warm anticipation that was bubbling up in my chest.
"There it is. That's what I'm looking for," his voice was huskier, low and sexy. "I love it when you get mad at me."
His head descended towards mine in slow motion but I was frozen. I couldn't speak anymore and I couldn't move to push him away. His tongue licked over my lower lip before he sucked it into his mouth and continued playing his tongue over it. He moved in closer, his warmth surrounding, flooding me as an answering heat flickered awake inside of me.
He released my lip and his tongue delved into my mouth to stroke over my tongue and explore my mouth. It felt too good. Hot and comforting and titillating all at the same time. My hands fisted at my sides. I wanted to touch him but I still had enough presence of mind to control myself or at least my hands. My tongue rubbed over his, tasting him, setting off sparks of desire that shivered through me.
He broke off the kiss and looked down at me, both of us puffing in air. He was so handsome. I'd always been trying to avoid acknowledging it by focusing on his scruffy appearance, but I was drawn to the lines of his face, the curve of his lips, his sleepy-sexy eyes.
Without giving myself a chance to think about it, I tipped my face up. I wanted more. His mouth met mine and this time we both moved with a little more urgency, our tongues sliding and searching. He moved even closer and I pressed myself against him. My breasts were aching to be touched, my fingers wanted to creep up under his shirt and touch his bare skin but I knew that I shouldn't do any of that. I knew that I shouldn't be kissing him at all. I was at work, things were going too far, too fast and we didn't even have that kind of relationship. But I couldn't stop, it just felt too good. I wanted to melt into him. The warmth, the feel of someone so close to me and the pleasure of his kiss, I didn't want it to end.
He pulled his lips from mine again. I looked up at him, his cheeks were flushed and his eyes were gleaming. My head was spinning but I grasped weakly for the willpower to push him away. My mind said that I couldn't let this go on but my body only wanted his mouth back.
"You look amazing," he said, reaching up a thumb and stroking it over my lips. "You're not what you look like. You're not what you seem. You keep showing me glimpses of the real you and it keeps me coming back for more. I want to figure you out. I'm going to get you, Chisato, and when I do I'm going to mess you up."
He leaned down again, his dark eyes focused on my mouth, but I was already moving. The word 'mess' had sent an intense wave of panic through me. I pushed him away with a great shove. I'd been a hair's breadth from falling back on my self defense training and kneeing him in the groin.
He wasn't expecting me to push him away, certainly not with a sudden burst of all of my strength. He flew backwards, struggling to find his balance. I only saw him staggering back out of the corner of my eye. I was already moving, running, throwing my office door open and fleeing him and what we had done as quickly as I could.
I didn't look back and I didn't stop until I'd run up two flights of stairs and shut myself into the housekeeping supply room on the fifth floor. I buried my face in my hands, trying to calm myself down. My heart was racing from the kiss, from the shock, from running to my hiding place. My mind was racing with self recrimination. What had I done? Why had I done it? Was I that easy?
I'd let Mamoru kiss me. I shouldn't have allowed myself to be caught off guard. I'd noticed him looking at my mouth a couple of times. He'd even admitted that he wanted to kiss me, but he'd said that he wouldn't do it in my office. I should have been wary around him, I shouldn't have let myself relax. I should have taken him as a serious threat instead of brushing aside the things that he'd said and done.
I'd thought that he was just playing with me, just goofing around. Before this Hinata had been the only man who had ever paid any attention to me. It just didn't seem possible that Mamoru had really wanted to kiss me, especially since we didn't know each other very well and didn't exactly get along. The things he'd said about liking it when I was mean to him and about wanting to see the real me, they just didn't make sense to me.
I felt a pang deep in my stomach as it dawned on me that not only did I think it was incomprehensible that Mamoru was interested in someone being mean to him, I also thought it was impossible for him to want the real me. The real me was something that was supposed to be hidden away because it wasn't good enough to be loved. The realization was painful, it was tearing into me. It wasn't like the idea was completely foreign to me. I'd known all along that I was striving to do everything right, to be the perfect person, first to keep my father and then to keep Hinata. But the depth of my fear, the strength with which I knew that my own true self was unlovable, was a shock.
I was awash in sadness, to think that there was such a horrid belief lying deep inside of me. It seemed that I had been broken all along and just hadn't been aware of it. The loneliness that had surfaced the night before came back with a walloping force. I was facing an enormous personal crisis all alone, hiding in a supply closet at work. I thought of my friends, people who I could call and talk things over with, but that didn't seem to be an option. How could I tell them that the person that they'd known all along was just a fake? How would they respond if I opened up and let out an ocean of ugliness?
A group of guests walked by in the hallway outside the supply closet. Loud and laughing, having fun. It reminded me that I was still at work, that I had things to do and crying about my personal problems was not one of them. I had to pull myself together and get on with my day, but I was determined to do something positive for myself. I'd go back to the A.I.D. church after work.