Part 4-Kiss Me with Courage
The Seventy Fifth Hunger Games are over.
Except not for Katniss, which means not for Madge either.
The wedding of District 12's star crossed lovers still has to happen and Peeta and Katniss don't even get the chance to come home first. Their families are meant to meet them in the Capitol for the ceremony and Madge feels a touch of brightness at being included.
But it doesn't last. Katniss is probably miserable and Madge can't be happy in the face of that, feels selfish and awful. Katniss, her best friend, is suffering.
Who knew victory came at so steep a cost?
The night before they leave for the Capitol, Madge finds Gale sitting on her porch, hands hanging between his legs.
"You've spent time with Katniss and Peeta, seen them together, for real, not just on the TV...are they happy? Is Katniss happy?" Gale asks, eyes on the moon and Madge doesn't know what to say, feels a lump in her throat.
"Does she love him?" He asks, voice soft and Madge swallows, sits beside him.
He doesn't look at her, breathes in deeply. "You can tell me the truth. I'm over it, over her. It's been a year since she first came home with Peeta, since I realised I didn't have a chance. I've moved on. I'm done living in the past, in what could have been." He pauses, licks his lips and Madge feels something stir in the air between them.
"It's time I looked to the future," he tells her, meets her eyes and she can feel her breath catch. There's something in his eyes, something that makes her pulse quicken, makes her blood race.
Gale looks down, breaks the spell and Madge shakes her head to clear it.
"But she's still my best friend, still Katniss and I...I just want to know she's going to be okay. That she'll be happy," he murmurs and Madge nods, fully understanding but hesitates with what to say. She's seen Katniss with Peeta, seen the way she looks at him, the way she behaves around him. Madge is no expert, but she thinks Katniss may be falling for him, falling quick but she knows that's no guarantee of happiness. Peeta's a good person, one of the best and he'd do anything for Katniss but Madge knows the Capitol weighs heavily on Katniss, the idea that they want her to be with Peeta leaves a sour taste in her mouth.
Gale is watching her, waiting for an answer and she sighs, wonders when everything became so complicated, so difficult.
"Peeta will make her happy," Madge finally whispers. Or, at least as happy as she can be.
Madge isn't sure victors are allowed to be happy.
The luxurious train ride stokes the fire burning in each of them.
Gale is furious, enraged at all the Capitol has and how much they can spare and waste. He's grown up hungry and with so very little of everything else and here the Capitol is, with more than they could ever need. He barely speaks the entire way to the Capitol, too angry to form words.
Madge feels hot, angry sickness crash through her veins at the sight of all the Capitol denies them. They starve their people into submission, keep them cowed with fear and Madge has never been so upset, never felt so ill. If she ever needed proof that the Capitol was wrong, well, here it is.
(maybe the rebellion hasn't died after all, maybe it lives in them)
Katniss makes a beautiful bride.
They aren't allowed to see her until the ceremony, she's locked away to be styled and stripped away, remade into someone new.
Madge and the others are styled too, though not nearly to the same extent, she's sure. She looks in the mirror when they're done and doesn't recognize the person looking back, sees a stranger's reflection in the glass.
Her heart bleeds for Katniss.
She's ushered into a hall, so grand, so lavish it makes her eyes hurt. She takes a seat beside her father, who's smile is frail and worn, his suit starched so stiff she doubts he can move. Madge's scalp hurts from being pulled too tight and she barely recognizes Gale sitting beside her. He's done up nice, fancy clothes, hair styled and his skin shined to perfection.
She misses the real Gale.
More guests flitter in and Madge's coloured nails, fake and strangely long, dig into her skin. The seats fill up with people of all shades, all dressed up in their wedding finery and Madge isn't sure she'll ever understand the Capitol's idea of fashion.
Peeta steps out, stands at the front and Madge thinks she knows him well enough to tell he's only putting on a show. His smile is fake, isn't real but then, why would it be? He may love Katniss, may want to marry her, but not like this, never like this.
Madge doubts weddings are meant to be this depressing.
Music swells, a strange song Madge doesn't recognize and out come Katniss and Haymitch. Katniss is both beautiful and foreign and Madge feels like she's looking at her from far away.
Tears glisten in Katniss' eyes as Haymitch leads her down the ridiculously long aisle and as much as the Capitol may pretend otherwise, Madge knows they aren't from happiness. Peeta may be the man she'd marry even with a choice, but still, she deserves to have that choice.
The ceremony is odd, complicated and long and Madge misses the simplicity of twelve, misses the intimacy of a toasting. Gale's face is hard and Madge finds his hand in his lap, takes it in her own. The skin is rough but the warmth in it makes her believe that things will work out.
It's silly, but still, Madge holds on to hope.
Katniss is whisked around throughout the reception, kept away from the people who love her.
Madge watches her, watches as she clings to Peeta like an anchor. The two of them are lost out at sea with nothing but each other and Madge wishes she could do something. But she can't, has to wander around the opulent room while Katniss is passed from person to person like a pretty bauble.
The room's too crowded, the guest list reaching far into the hundreds and Madge's eyes water from all the bright colours. There's too much food and strange music, even stranger dancing. She feels boxed in, trapped and she can only imagine how much worse it must be for Katniss and Peeta. But Katniss is brave, so brave, keeps her face steady all night. Snow has a part for her to play and she plays it brilliantly.
Life used to be simple once, Madge thinks, but it's so hard to remember, feels like something out of a dream.
Katniss is swept away by Snow for a dance which sends Madge's skin prickling all over, Peeta's entrapped by a tall Capitolite and Madge sees Gale alone in the corner, sitting on a golden chair. She wanders over, tries to fight the blush starting to creep up her cheeks.
"Dance with me," she asks and he looks up at her, his eyebrows drawn. She smiles, holds out her hand.
"Dance with me."
He does.
The train ride home is a quiet one.
Madge sits with Katniss, holds her hand. They don't speak, but sometimes, silence is better.
Sometimes it's the only thing keeping you sane.
Madge helps the Everdeens' move.
Now married, Snow expects Katniss to move into Peeta's house. No one is surprised, and Madge helps her pack, helps her sort through the things she wants to bring with her. She really only needs personal things, Peeta's house having all living necessities and Katniss not being particularly attached to any specific furniture or pots.
Madge is upstairs, folding clothes to be placed in boxes when something shatters downstairs. She assumes someone must have dropped something, doesn't think she needs to be concerned.
She's wrong.
She hears raised voices, an argument and her stomach starts to churn. She creeps down the hall, loiters on the stairs. It's the peacekeepers and Madge is confused, wonders what they could possibly want.
They demand that Mrs Everdeen and Prim move out, today. They claim the house is for victors and if Katniss isn't here, her family can't stay. Katniss argues and Peeta tries to convince them to change their minds but Madge knows they won't.
"It's fine," Mrs Everdeen's voice drifts through the house and Madge is surprised. Katniss splutters, raises her voice in contradiction.
"It's fine, Katniss," Mrs Everdeen insists, voice filled with more authority than Madge has ever heard.
"Can't they just come with us? Can't they just move in with us?" Katniss half begs and Madge can hear Peeta agreeing but the peacekeepers don't even hesitate to say no. Mrs Everdeen and Prim aren't Mellarks, their only choice is to go back to the Seam.
This isn't right, just isn't fair.
You think they'd be used to it by now.
Katniss disappears once the peacekeepers have left and it's Madge who finds her.
She's curled up in a closet, hands over her face and Madge doesn't know what to say, doesn't think there's anything she can, so she simply sits beside her, presses to her side.
Madge is beginning to realise there are no winners in the Hunger Games, only losers.
District Twelve has their very last Parcel Day and Madge sees the Hawthornes, sees the worried look in their eyes.
There's a new victor now, and it'll be her district that receives a year of food from the Capitol, receives much needed sustenance on Parcel Day. Without the Capitol's food, without Gale's hunting, the Hawthornes will be in trouble and Madge feels the burning urge to do something.
Vick can still be fed at tutoring, the others on their visits on Sunday, but it isn't enough, not nearly enough. But she knows they won't take anything she offers, won't want to rely on her.
She'll figure something out, she has to, because she can't bear to let them suffer, won't stand for it.
The Capitol won't win, not this time.
The new head peacekeeper, Romulus Thread, burns down the Hob.
Madge watches as the flames paint the sky orange and red and District 12 sinks deeper below the waves.
Gale's still at work, along with the rest of the miners, their hours having been extended, and Madge can't imagine what a nasty surprise it'll be when they resurface.
Of course, that's probably the point.
(the more the Capitol pushes, the more Madge wants to push back)
She goes out on Saturday, makes her way to the meadow.
She observes the fence all day long, looks for something she can use. The electricity goes out for short bursts, but they're erratic, unpredictable and not long enough for anyone to make use of.
Madge stays and studies, looks for a pattern. There has to be something.
There has to be.
She shakes things up on Sunday, visits the Hawthornes before they can visit her.
Madge barely feels the eyes that follow her down the narrow streets, barely notices the tang of hostility in the air. There's something like anticipation curling in her stomach and she reaches their house quicker than she expected, her feet moving swifter than her mind can register.
She smoothes down her hair, squeezes her box of pastries and tells herself she has nothing to be anxious about. She knocks lightly, chews on her lip and then Hazelle answers the door. She's clearly surprised and Madge gives her a shy smile.
"Hi," she begins, voice catching slightly. She coughs to clear it and tries again, "I thought I'd come by this time, I hope that's alright?" She feels bad suddenly, feels stupid for showing up unannounced but Hazelle's smile is warm.
"Of course Madge, you're always welcome. Come in, please." Madge does, steps through the door still chastising herself for her poor manners, and is greeted by an enthused shout.
"Madge!" Posy squeals, leaping up from the floor and running towards her.
"Hello Posy," Madge smiles, feels her aggravation start to fade, and Posy takes her hand.
"Do you want to see my dolls?" Posy asks and Madge nods happily.
"I'd love to." Posy is overjoyed, drags Madge off to a small room with barely enough space for the both of them. She sits Madge on the bed and pulls out her collection, introduces her to each and every one.
"Pleased to meet you," Madge tells each one and it makes Posy giggle, makes her cheeks redden in pleasure. Vick pokes his head in and grins, looks happy to see her.
"Do you want a tour?" He asks, sounding excited and Madge nods, Posy latching onto her hand.
"Well, this is Ma and Posy's room," he starts and Madge nods, follows him through the door. "This is the living room and uh, I guess that's the dining room," he says, gesturing to where the table's wedged behind the sofa. Posy tugs on her hand, leads her through a narrow doorframe.
"This is the kitchen!" she exclaims with a flourish and Vick pouts.
"I'm giving the tour," he complains and Posy sticks out her little tongue. Vick brings Madge back to the living room with a stern glance at Posy and Hazelle seems a little flustered, sweeps at coal dust so embedded in the floor it'll never leave. Madge feels guilt prick at her, knows Hazelle's doing it because of her. She wants to say something but doesn't know what and Posy continues to pull her along after Vick.
"This is my room," he tells her and Madge counts the beds, realizes all three boys must share it. Her face turns red at the thought that she's staring at Gale's bed and she shakes her head, feels embarrassed.
"We're home!" Rory's voice calls and Madge can hear the sound of the door opening and closing.
"Look, look! Madge is here!" Posy shouts, rushing over to greet them and Madge feels her breath catch at the sight of Gale.
"Thom's such a-" He stops mid sentence when he sees her and Madge gives him a small smile, but he just continues to look surprised and maybe a little concerned.
"Hey," Rory greets, eyeing the box of pastries on the couch.
"Hi, would you like one?" Madge asks, seizing on the opportunity and Rory nods eagerly. Gale watches her with curious eyes as she sits on their threadbare couch and passes out her homemade pastries and she wonders what he's looking for, wonders if he thinks she looks out of place and the thought makes her feel a little ill.
Rory licks icing off his fingers and settles deep into the couch with a contented sigh.
"Rory, finish up the dishes will you?" Hazelle asks and Rory grimaces.
"What? But Ma-"
"Rory," Hazelle says, voice brokering no argument and Rory makes a ridiculous noise, Posy giggling and Madge feels a bit of the tension drain out of her.
Posy brings out her dolls to play and Madge folds her legs beneath her, sits down on the floor. Gale watches her and she feels like he's scrutinizing her every move, just waiting to pass some sort of judgement. Vick sits on the sofa and talks at them, spews out whatever comes to mind and Gale squeezes in beside him, seems almost too big for the small space.
It's tiny and cramped but Madge doesn't mind, feels warmth living in the walls. This is a home and Madge likes it, likes the drawings on the walls and the mismatched chairs, likes the cluster of shoes by the door.
She leaves before supper, says she promised her father she'd be home and Gale offers to walk her back. He seems surprised she's smiling so widely, so brightly and his voice is gruff when he speaks.
"I'm sorry about your dress, it's ruined. Everything in the Seam gets covered in coal dust, it's impossible to get off." Madge looks down in surprise, hadn't even noticed the off colour of the fabric. She smiles, catches him off guard.
"I don't mind, a little dirt never hurt anyone." Gale looks a little shocked, a strange light in his eyes but then he smiles back.
Honestly, Madge would live in a mud puddle if it meant spending the day with the Hawthornes. Their friendship's worth every ruined dress, worth more than every jewel in the world.
She wonders if Gale knows that, if he understands. She thinks maybe she'll tell him.
Maybe.
Madge visits Katniss, plays her the piano.
Katniss sits beside her on the bench, looks almost relaxed, so Madge plays, plays every song she can think of.
Madge can hear the gentle murmuring of Peeta and Haymitch's conversation in the kitchen, can smell the delicious scent of fresh cheese buns. Katniss' eyes are focused on Madge's fingers, so she lets them dance across the keys, lets them fly. Madge knows it isn't much, but if this helps, then she'll do it, do it as often as she can.
She notices Haymitch out of the corner of her eye, sees him linger in the doorway. He listens to her music with a sad look on his face, recognition in his eyes.
He's seeing Maysilee, just like her mother does and Madge closes her eyes.
She feels like a ghost and wonders what it would be like not to haunt the people around her.
It's something she'll never know.
Madge finds her father asleep across his desk, body hunched.
His face is thinner than it used to be, his hair grayer. Madge finds a blanket and drapes it over him, frowns at the new lines in his face.
Chalk up another victim to the Capitol.
The Victory Tour draws closer and Katniss starts to withdraw, starts to hide away.
Peeta tries to coax her out but the Capitol presses a heavy hand against her heart. Madge knows she's sinking under all the weight the Capitol's laid on her but Katniss is strong, stronger than most and she pulls through, fire burning low in her eyes.
Madge can see Gale reflected in her rage and it should worry her, worry her the same way Gale's hatred does. But Madge is tired of the Capitol, much too tired and she's angrier than ever as she watches her loved ones suffer.
The fires may have gone out in Panem but they're only just beginning in Madge, only just starting to rise. Katniss is the Girl on Fire and Madge burns with her, ready to stand with her through whatever comes next.
The revolution may have died but Katniss and Madge are ready for the day it's reborn.
"Ma wanted me to ask you over for the Victory Tour, she figures it's our turn to do the hosting," Gale says nonchalantly, like it's no big deal, but his eyes flick in her direction when she doesn't answer right away.
She smiles, feels her heart sing.
"I'll be there," she assures and he grins.
She feels like the two of them are on the edge of something, just waiting to jump off.
Madge can't wait to take the plunge.
She spends the next Saturday, the day before the tour begins in twelve, at the Justice Building.
Her father's in again, all the strict rules and extra punishments meaning more work. He's always tired, always stressed and Madge uses the excuse of bringing him lunch to explain why she's there.
She snoops around, tries to find some sort of hope that the fence will one day be turned off, that the rules will be loosened. District 12 is suffocating and Madge is desperate for a bit of air, something to soften their hard lives.
She almost gives up but then she finds it, just as she's about to leave. This is only temporary, one peacekeeper whispers to another, it's only until the Capitol's sure things have calmed down in the districts. Once things have settled, they'll pull back. They won't waste the money and man power on this backwoods hole, it's not worth it. We'll be out of this dump in a year, tops.
Madge is out the door and running.
She arrives at the mines just as Gale's shift ends and he stops in his tracks when he sees her.
His mouth hangs slightly open and Madge smiles so wide her cheeks ache. She hurries over to him, flings her arms around him. She gets a mouth full of coal but she doesn't care, too caught up in her enthusiasm.
"Madge?" Gale questions, sounding more than slightly confused. She pulls back, beams from ear to ear. They can't talk here, there's too many peacekeepers about, so Madge takes his arm, starts to walk.
"I've got news," she whispers and he furrows his brows. "Walk with me?" she asks a little louder and he nods, starts down the road with her. The silence between them crackles and as soon as she's sure they're out of the peacekeepers' hearing, she lets her news tumble out.
"The fence'll be turned back off, sooner rather than later. All the new peacekeepers will be shipped back out, things will be like they used to be." There's a cautious hope in Gale's eyes, but there's skepticism in the turn of his mouth.
"How do you know that?"
"I overheard it at the Justice Building. The Capitol's nervous about the unrest in the districts, they're just trying to stamp out any ideas of overthrow. Once things have calmed down, they'll stop wanting to waste money on us. They won't bother to pay for the electricity, all the extra peacekeepers. We just need to hold on a little longer." Gale's eyes are wide, but he starts to smile, slow and happy, and Madge feels her whole body tingle.
"That's...Madge, you're..." he doesn't finish, seems unsure of what to say and she smiles, feels her eyes shine. He grabs her suddenly, hoists her up in a hug and she squeaks in surprise. He smells like sweat and dust and Madge breathes it in, feels like she's on fire all over.
"Thank you," he says in her ear and she smiles, presses her nose to his shoulder, feels the sun rise in her chest.
I love you she wants to say, but she swallows the words, holds onto him instead.
One day, she thinks, one day she'll let him know.
For now, this is enough.
They reach her house and Madge thinks she'll kiss his cheek in goodbye.
She leans up with her eyes closed, but her lips don't meet his skin. Instead, Gale presses his mouth to hers.
Madge is caught off guard, head spinning and shocked. But even through her surprise, she feels giddiness start to flood her pores. He's really doing this, really kissing her! She starts to melt against him, heart pounding out his name against her bones.
His lips are dry but warm and Madge can feel her heart fly. Her fingers are hesitant, rest lightly on his shoulders as his tangle in her hair. Their lips move tentatively together and Madge can feel fireworks in her blood. They move closer and she tightens her grip on his shirt, stands up on her toes.
He pulls away suddenly, cold air rushing between them and she blinks dazedly. The door opens and Mrs Sparrowsaw steps out, looks at them in confusion.
"Miss?" she questions and Madge doesn't think she can speak, her breathing ragged. Gale starts to back away, a flush crawling up his neck.
"I'll see you tomorrow," Gale mumbles, leaves with Mrs Sparrowsaw's suspicious gaze on his back. Madge smiles, off in the clouds and heads inside, heart pumping warmth throughout her body.
She can still taste Gale on her lips, feel his fingers in her hair.
She doesn't think she's ever felt this alive.
The bathwater's warm but Madge is sure her face is hotter.
Gale lingers against her mouth and Madge feels skittery, her entire body filled with restlessness. She keeps thinking it must have been a dream, something she imagined. But it was too real, too perfect to be fake and she counts every second until she'll see him again.
She tells herself not to jump to any conclusions, not to get too excited, but she can't help herself.
Gale kissed her!
For once, reality is far better than her dreams.
The next morning is dark and stormy, but Madge hardly notices, waits eagerly for Gale's arrival.
She's watching through the window when he arrives, but he doesn't walk up to the door, lingers just outside the fence. She's confused and goes out to meet him, wonders why he's hesitating.
"Gale?"
"Hey," he mumbles, keeps his eyes to the side and Madge feels something chilly under her skin.
"Are you...is everything okay?" She asks, hugs her arms around herself. He exhales loudly, kicks at a rock on the road and finally looks up, meets her gaze.
"About yesterday..." he begins and she nods, feels her heart sink. The sky darkens and she wonders if she's just imagining it, projecting her mood against the clouds.
"It's okay," she whispers and he jerks his head towards her, face furrowed in confusion.
"What...what do you mean?"
"It's okay if...if you want to pretend it didn't happen. You're my friend Gale, I wouldn't want to lose you." He watches her with narrowed eyes and she gives him her faintest smile, manages to keep down her tears.
"Is that what you want?" He asks and she breathes in deep, inhales air heavy with coming rain.
"I want you," she tells him honestly, "it doesn't really matter how." He looks up at the sky, lets out his breath in an angry whoosh.
"What do you want?" She asks and he laughs, a bitter, unhappy sound.
"It doesn't matter."
"It does to me," she states and he looks at her, looks at her like he's never seen anything like her. She picks at her sleeve, gathers her courage tight around herself. "Forget about the Capitol, forget about the rest of the district, forget about everyone else and just tell me, what do you want?" His breathing is deep and he looks straight in her eyes, makes her knees feel weak.
"I want this." Her heart nearly bursts wide open with joy but then he looks away, balls his hands into fists. "But like I said, it doesn't matter."
"Why not?" He fixes his eyes on her, hard and unforgiving but she knows the anger isn't directed at her, it's directed at the world.
"Because this, can never go anywhere. Your parents would never be okay with it, people all over twelve would talk and...there's no future for us. We're from two completely different worlds, anything more than friendship doesn't have a chance." He sounds so certain but Madge feels something hot in her stomach, boiling tendrils stretching out in all directions.
"Don't, Gale." His eyes are wide but her face is set and she isn't done yet. She keeps her eyes on the ground and clutches her hands tight, digs her nails into her skin.
"If you want to forget about this because you don't like me that way, or because you think our friendship's too important to risk, or you're not interested in a relationship at all, then fine, we can go back to how we were," she stops, takes a breath. "But don't put this on me."
"Madge, I..." he sounds so shocked, sounds like this is the last thing he expected.
"My parents won't care," she cuts across him, looks back at her house. Her voice is quiet but there's a strength in whispers. "My mother probably won't even remember, no matter how many times she's told and my father... he just wants me to be happy. That's what they'll care about, that you're a good person, that you make me happy." She chances a quick peek at him, sees a battle waging in his eyes.
"And people have always talked, it's never stopped me before."
"Madge..."
"I can't see the future, can't tell you how this is going to work out, but I can tell you this." She inhales, looks up and straight in his eyes. "If we ever get there, if I ever have to choose between you and the life I have now, I'll be choosing you." He looks incredulous and something else, deep in his eyes.
"If we ever get there, it means I love you, it means I love you enough that I want to spend the rest of my life with you, love you enough that it doesn't matter where I live or what I eat, what matters is that I'm doing it with you. Maybe we won't last that long, but if we do, there won't be a choice, Gale. I've already made it." She holds his gaze but the fire in his eyes is too much and she looks down, cheeks burning.
She knows she's crossed a line, knows there's no going back and she can only hope Gale's standing on the same side she is.
"I'm sorry," Gale says, voice sincere and Madge looks at him, wonders what on earth he's apologizing for. His smile's a little tired, a little sad but there's something in the gray of his eyes that makes her heart pound.
"I'm not used to getting what I want," he murmurs and Madge feels her heart stutter and stumble. "My whole life, I either couldn't have it or I had to sacrifice it for what my family needed. I figured it'd be the same with you," he looks down, shakes his head a little. "What I said, about how it would never work out, that wasn't me telling you why I wasn't interested. It was me giving you a way out, because I was sure you'd want one."
His smile brightens a bit, makes her stomach bubble with hope. "But I guess I should know better, should know you better by now." He meets her eyes and anxiety chews at her every part. "I'm not very good at letting myself be happy, but I'd like to be." He breathes in again, breathes out and she's hanging by a thread.
"I want you...this. I just never figured I'd actually get it. So, no, I don't want to forget, don't want to pretend it never happened. Do you?" She shakes her head, happy tears swimming in her eyes.
He smiles, real and full this time and it makes flowers bloom in her blood. I love you she almost says but it's too soon, much too early for that. She holds the words in her heart, keeps them warm for later and Gale takes her hand, weaves his fingers through hers.
They walk to the square, together in a way they've never been before.
Even in the dark, Madge can feel the sun shine.
Madge and Gale reach the square just as it starts to rain.
The weather's cold, wind cutting through them like ice and Varinia Seward gives her speech, dumps acid on the hearts of District 12. There's gloating in her tone, victory glowing in her cheeks and Madge sees Katniss on stage, sees the poison in her gaze. She hasn't forgiven, certainly hasn't forgotten and it's like a match against Madge's heart.
Varinia looks to Lanna's widower, smirks like the killer she is and Madge can't help but hate her.
She knows that's what the Capitol wants but she can't stop seeing the way Varinia carved poor Lanna Costmary wide open, can't stop seeing her cutting a swath through tiny children.
Madge doesn't want to let the Capitol have this, but she can tell by the way Gale grips her hand that she's not the only one having trouble fighting back.
However evil they may be, the Capitol certainly is clever.
They walk home in the downpour, huddle together for warmth.
Gale kisses her by the door, whispers to her lips, "Haven't changed your mind yet?" and she smiles, shakes her head.
"Never."
(She can taste I love yous on her tongue)
The storm is over come morning, the air cool and fresh.
Madge smiles at her father across the breakfast table, thinks her croissant tastes a thousand times better than usual.
"Someone's in a good mood," Merrie comments and Madge laughs, feels like she's walking on air.
There's a knock at the back door and Madge hurries to get it, has to stop herself from skipping. Gale greets her with a kiss and she feels electricity zip across her skin.
She could do this for the rest of her life.
(and maybe, just maybe, she will)
She starts to feel nervous as they near his house.
Worry begins to curdle in her stomach as she wonders what his family will think about the two of them. She knows she said she didn't care what people thought, and generally, that's true. But the Hawthornes matter, especially to her. She needs them to be okay with this, needs them to be happy.
She doesn't know what she'll do if they aren't.
Gale's hand is warm in hers and Madge wraps her courage around herself as they reach his door.
You have nothing to worry about.
She prays that's true.
Gale pulls her inside, keeps her hand firmly in his.
Hazelle greets them with a knowing smile and Madge blushes but breathes easier all the same. Vick's eyes are wide, Posy hardly seems to notice, much too focused on setting up her tea party and Rory smirks, wide and wicked.
"Well, well," he begins, tone amused and Gale shoots him a glare.
"Don't even start," he growls but Rory's smirk doesn't dim. He opens his mouth to say something but Hazelle intercedes, takes pity on Madge's dark red face.
"Leave them alone, Rory."
"What? No fair, if I came home with a girl-" Rory begins, shoots his mother an annoyed look.
"Come on, Rory, let's try and stick to things that are actually possible," Gale teases and Rory grimaces.
"But you're not gonna tell him to stop?" he demands of his mother and Hazelle rolls her eyes. Rory huffs, sinks into the couch and Posy giggles.
"Rory's a pouty puss," she sing songs, poking him in the leg. Gale and Vick snort and snigger, Rory flushes and Madge bites her lip.
"Alright, that's enough, leave poor Rory alone," Hazelle tells them and Rory flushes further.
Madge's worries melt away like snow in the sun.
She's so caught up in everyone's reactions to her and Gale that she doesn't realize the Everdeens haven't joined them.
She's about to ask where they are, after all, they always watch together, when it hits her.
Katniss
Katniss and Peeta are home this time around and she and Gale are still supposed to stay apart.
Madge feels her happiness drain away.
Gale's about to wish her goodnight on her porch when she blurts it out.
"I think I'll watch at the Everdeens tomorrow." Gale blinks, his eyes grow a little dark but then he nods. He leans down and kisses her, makes butterflies burst in her lungs.
"I'll see you Tuesday," he says, squeezes her hand.
She watches him leave, hates that she has to choose between spending time with Gale or spending time with Katniss.
She shouldn't have to, the Capitol shouldn't make her.
They do.
She arrives at the Everdeens and sudden anxiety assaults her.
Madge hadn't thought about it, but faced with Katniss, she realizes she'll have to tell her about Gale, about them. The thought makes her feel faint.
Madge doesn't say anything at first, can't force up the words. She sits stiff and awkward, tries to reassure herself.
Katniss has Peeta, cares about him. She isn't in love with Gale, she won't care.
"I need some air," Katniss says, stands as Prim heads to the kitchen to make tea. Madge knows her chance is now, away from everyone else and she rises on shaky legs, follows Katniss outside. Katniss looks at her in question when they reach the yard and Madge takes deep breaths, the words she wants to say feeling like knives in her throat.
"Katniss, I..." she can't finish and Katniss is clearly confused. Madge takes another breath, stumbles over her words a few more times and Katniss narrows her eyes, tries to figure out what it is Madge is having such a hard time saying.
"Gale and I, we're...together now," Madge finally gets out and Katniss looks at her, eyes unreadable.
"Oh," is her only response and Madge can't tell what that means, doesn't know how to react.
"Tea's ready," Prim calls and Katniss heads inside.
Madge follows, stomach rolling.
They don't mention it the rest of the night.
There's a rift between them, a gulf dark and deep.
Madge comes to visit and Katniss is always busy, sends Peeta to tell Madge to come back another time. Sometimes it's Prim, apologetic and sweet and she invites her in for tea but Madge always says no, knows Katniss isn't really busy.
Madge is a coward and leaves, and eventually, she stops coming at all.
Gale traces circles on her palm, makes goosebumps rise on her skin.
"I'd like you and your family to come over for the Harvest Festival. I already asked my father, he thinks it'll be nice to have other people to share it with."
Gale nods, links his fingers with hers.
"Ma wanted me to ask you if you wanted to spend it with us."
She feels lights pop in her heart.
"Either's fine," she murmurs, overjoyed beyond words.
"Your mom's too sick to leave your house, you shouldn't have to spend it without her. We'll come to you."
I love you, I love you so much
Madge is busy all morning of the Harvest Festival, helps Merrie cook and bake.
She tries to focus on the fact that the Hawthornes are coming, that they'll be spending the holiday with her and her father (her mother's still too ill from the Victory Tour). It's a happy occasion, makes her almost feel like they're one big family but her heart keeps twinging.
The Everdeens won't be here, Katniss won't be here.
It's most of her loved ones, all together to celebrate.
Except the most important one, the first one, the one that started it all.
Without Katniss, Madge's happy day feels a little empty.
The Hawthornes arrive and for a moment, Madge forgets to be sad.
Hazelle is all warm smiles and an even warmer hug, fresh pie in hand. Posy jumps on Madge, engulfs her in her tiny arms. Madge laughs and then Rory's there, squeezing her tight and quick. Vick is shy, his hands just lightly touching her and then Posy pulls on his shirt, demands he draw with her. Gale's hug is the longest, lingers enough to make her blood race, his fingers drawing patterns on her back.
She loves them, loves them so much she thinks she might explode.
Her father laughs at something Hazelle says and the sound is livelier than anything she's heard from him in weeks. She feels joy flowing from her toes to her hair and it feels like spring after a long winter.
Her father's back, the Hawthornes are here, the boy she loves is near.
It's as close to perfect as Madge has ever been.
Madge looks around the room, looks at the people she loves but there's someone missing, someone vital.
She gets up, puts on her coat. Gale notices, furrows his brow, "You going out?"
She nods.
"I'll walk you," he offers, stands from his chair. Madge shakes her head, gives him a smile.
"There's something I need to do."
Madge walks to Victor's Village, walks to Katniss.
She misses her, misses her so much it hurts.
Madge is going to set things right, she has to.
Katniss means too much to lose.
Madge knocks on the door, feels her fragile heart beat with worry.
Katniss answers it, sucks in air when she sees who's there. They stare at each other, too many words lying unsaid between them and Madge can hardly stand it.
"Katniss..." she begins but doesn't know how to continue and Katniss nods, looks stricken.
"I'm sorry," she chokes out, catches Madge off guard. "I thought it mattered, you and Gale. But it doesn't."
Madge feels tears start to gather, feels hope start to rise.
"I miss you..." Katniss whispers and Madge's tears fall, chase her relief and love for Katniss down her cheeks. She doesn't know who hugs who first, but it doesn't really matter.
They hold each other, hold on tight, because this is what matters.
They're friends. Best friends.
Nothing can change that.
Nothing at all.
Madge continues to tutor Vick and Vick continues to cast light over her life.
He's bright, learns quick and she thinks he could probably manage without her now.
She never mentions it.
Gale arrives alone on Sunday.
Her father's out and her mother's reading upstairs, so it's just the two of them.
They spend the day talking, laughing, kissing. She falls for him even more, sees her heart reflected in his eyes.
Madge plays the piano for him and he looks at her like she's hung the moon.
"You're incredible."
Madge smiles, darkens with pleasure and beckons for him to join her on the bench. He sits beside her, close enough so they touch and she takes his hands, leads them across the keys. It's messy and not quite right but it sounds like magic to her ears.
She wishes everyday could be like this, carefree and happy.
Maybe someday.
Madge misses Katniss.
She should be used to it, it's been over a year of school without her, but still, Madge misses her.
Her table's too empty and even though they rarely spoke, the silence feels colder without her.
Madge remembers the days when Katniss made school bearable, remembers when she used to look forward to it.
How things have changed.
(or maybe it hasn't, maybe it's just reverting to how it always was)
It's late when the elevator finally comes up, finally releases the miners from a long day underground.
She waits as the men pour past, waits until she sees Gale. He's talking with Thom and his jaw drops a little when he sees her.
"Madge?"
"I thought I'd walk you home for a change," she tells him with a smile and his tired eyes shine. She takes his hand despite his protests, doesn't mind the dirt and grime. They don't talk, Gale far too exhausted for conversation, but Madge doesn't care, simply enjoys his presence.
"If I'd known I had you to look forward to, the mines might actually have been bearable," he jokes as they reach his door and she smiles, leans up for a kiss. She tastes coal dust on her tongue and almost lets an I love you slip past her lips but Gale is tired, hungry and they'll be better days to say it.
"Madge," he calls as she starts to leave and she turns back to face him. He smiles, sweet and bright. "Thank you."
Her heart glows, fills to the brim with sunbeams.
I love you
This is her final year of school and then she'll need to find something else to fill her time.
She thinks she wants a job, but she doesn't have many options. She's knows she doesn't stand a chance at the mines and most of the shops in town are family run and operated.
She doesn't need much pay, just something she can put away for savings and she begins looking into it, starts searching for someone who'll hire her.
Madge Undersee may be the mayor's daughter, but that isn't all.
She wants to be more, wants to be her own person.
She keeps looking.
Madge tries to teach Katniss to knit.
It goes terribly, horribly and Katniss frustrates easily, loses patience quick. She glares at the needles like she'd rather stab someone with them then knit and Madge has to bottle up her laughter.
"Cards?" she offers, holds up a deck. Katniss flops back on the sofa with a defeated sigh.
"Yes," she groans and Prim laughs from down the hall.
Madge deals with a smile.
Madge stumbles upon Peeta painting in a spare room.
"That's beautiful," she tells him and he turns from his canvas, favours her with a friendly smile.
"Would you like to try?" He asks, holds out his brush. She shakes her head.
"I doubt I'd be any good."
Peeta's smile warms and he offers her the brush again, "It's not about talent, it's about the feelings you pour into it."
Madge hesitates but there's conviction in his words and honesty in his eyes. Do it a voice whispers in her mind and she doesn't want to be afraid, not of this.
So she isn't.
Madge takes the brush, paints a heart in red. Her brushstrokes waver and sometimes the canvas pokes through, makes the heart looked cracked.
Madge likes to believe it's light shining through, that the heart's coming apart with joy.
She holds onto that.
"Daddy would like you to come over for dinner," she tells Gale as she walks him home, their Thursday routine.
"Wants to size me up?" Madge giggles.
"Maybe."
"Great," he mutters, sounds less than pleased.
She kisses his cheek, "I'll tell him you'll be there."
Madge is worried about dinner, but it turns out there's no need.
Her father's too friendly a man to be intimidating and Gale is perfectly nice, so different from the boy who used to hate her and her father for everything they had. The conversation is light, stays on boring topics that don't bring out strong emotions in anyone and Madge happily joins in.
The two most important men in her life are getting along and it's all she could ask for.
They trade jokes over dessert and they both have the same terrible sense of humour. Madge rolls her eyes but is secretly gleeful. Any lingering worries she might've had that her father wouldn't approve disappear, leaves her feeling warm and happy.
"It was a pleasure to officially meet you Gale," her father says as they shake hands.
"Likewise, sir," Gale replies and her father laughs.
"No need for that. I'm sure we'll be seeing plenty of each other from now on, no need to be formal." Gale looks a little flustered but nods and Madge walks him out.
"So, that wasn't too bad, right?" She asks, holds his arm. He shakes his head.
"No, it wasn't. Your dad's nice." Madge smiles and reaches for a goodbye kiss. Gale pecks her, leaves her confused as he saunters down the steps.
"Wouldn't want to ruin my goodwill with your dad," he says with a wink and she rolls her eyes, stays on the porch until he's out of sight. She heads inside and her father's waiting for her.
He wraps an arm around her shoulders, "I like him."
She leans into his side.
"Me too."
Madge will be eighteen soon.
It should be a good thing, should make her happy.
It means she has only one reaping left, means soon she'll be safe.
But she feels sick, feels worried. She doesn't know why, but her final reaping is like a storm cloud overhead. It's her final chance to be reaped and something in her is sure she will be.
Maybe it's because she finally has things to lose, maybe because her life is at its best.
Either way, fear lives in her like a parasite, eats away at the rest of her.
Madge wishes she were nineteen.
Madge's final reaping will be Vick's first and their tutoring takes a somber turn.
"I'm scared," Vick admits and Madge feels a pang in her heart.
"So am I," she replies and his eyes go wide. "I always am. But you know how I get though it?" Vick shakes his head, hangs on her every word.
Madge looks into his face, the boyish features still prominent and has to stop herself from falling apart.
"I think about Katniss, how brave she was, how strong. I think about how she survived her games, came home to us. I think about how, if I get reaped, it'll be Katniss mentoring me. I take courage in that, take courage from Katniss. She'd never let anything bad happen to me, or to you. I trust her, believe in her." Vick nods, his worry not quite abated.
"And I think about the people I love, how desperately I'd want to come home to them. I trust myself, trust I wouldn't let go of them without a fight."
Madge pulls him in for a hug and there are no more words, just the two of them sharing bravery and fears.
Madge's painting is hideous, a mess of colourful blobs.
"Uh...it's, um..." Katniss frowns, tries desperately to think of something to say and Madge laughs.
"It's awful," she proclaims and Katniss bites her lip, the corners of her mouth turning up.
"Oh, come on," Peeta says, striding towards her canvas. "This right here, I can really feel the passion that went into it." Katniss snorts, Madge giggles and Peeta's straight face falls away, replaced by a grin.
"I was actually going for apathetic with that particular blobby thing, but oh well," she sighs, rubs at the smudges of colour on her face. Katniss chokes on a laugh and Peeta's face is a mask of overdramatic worry.
"Oh no, apathy was definitely what I meant. Definitely. Verrrry apathetic."
There's paint all up her arms but Katniss is laughing, Peeta is smiling and Madge's worry is nestled somewhere deep and faraway.
This, right here, is what good days are made of.
She wakes the morning of her eighteenth birthday and her heart pumps ice through her blood.
Madge doesn't feel much like celebrating.
(she feels like hiding,
but there's nowhere to go)
Birthdays, as it turns out, are full of surprises.
Madge heads downstairs, makes her way to the dining room and is shocked to find both her parents seated at the table. Her father stands with a smile and more colour in his cheeks than he's had in months.
"Happy birthday, sweetheart," he says and she musters a smile. He hugs her close, smells minty and fresh and something in that calms her, lulls the worry in her blood. He pulls out her chair and she sits, settles in across from her mother, who smiles, reaches over the table to squeeze Madge's hand.
"Happy birthday, my little sun," and Madge can feel tears tickle her eyes. Merrie makes french toast, pours her a tall glass of fresh juice. It should be delicious, but it tastes like ashes on her tongue.
Eighteen's like a weight in her stomach.
Her father gives her a book to read, her mother, a pretty necklace to wear. She thanks them, means it from the bottom of her heart.
Her family's whole and the terror of reapings falls away like dead skin.
The Everdeens and Hawthornes arrive in the afternoon.
Gale isn't with them but Hazelle assures her he'll be by later. Madge nods, takes heart in all of them, here to see her.
Posy and Vick give her homemade cards and drawings to hang on her walls. Rory gives her a piece of wood, carved with pretty designs.
"I know it's not much but-" she cuts him off, pulls him in for a hug.
"I love it." He turns pink, looks away. There's a knitted hat from Hazelle, a set of paints from Peeta (they share grins over that and no one else understands) and a bow from Katniss.
"I know you can't use it now, but maybe one day..." Madge feels her heart leap up high in her throat, can't get out the words to say thank you.
Peeta presents her with a strawberry shortcake and insists Katniss helped in making it. Katniss shrugs, looks a little embarrassed and Madge is touched. It's delicious, they all love it and eighteen doesn't feel like a curse, feels like a blessing instead.
Gale is outside after they've all left and Madge goes out to meet him by starlight.
"I made you something," he murmurs, pulls something out of his coat. It's a bracelet, made from strips of leather all twined together.
"I wanted something better, but with the Hob gone..."
"I love it," she says and means it. I love you she thinks but doesn't say, keeps the words to herself because her future feels too uncertain, too dangerous to pull him in. She holds out her wrist and he fastens the bracelet on, his fingers grazing against her skin and setting her ablaze.
"Thank you," she whispers, cradles her wrist and the piece of Gale hanging around it.
"Happy birthday," he replies, leaning down for a kiss and she smiles against his mouth.
The future may be uncertain, but the present isn't.
This is the best birthday she's ever had.
"Tell me about him," her mother asks and Madge nods.
"He's handsome, very handsome. He's loyal, brave, makes me laugh. He's very kind, cares so much, loves his family more than anything. He makes me happy, makes me feel safe." Her mother makes a pleased sound.
"I'd love to meet him."
"He wants to meet you too," Madge promises and her mother smiles.
This is the third time they've had this conversation.
Madge wonders if this time, the words will stick.
The Seventy Sixth Games are almost here and Madge hates herself for being so afraid.
Katniss and Peeta are quiet, less alive and they have every right to be, because they'll be going to the Capitol, they'll be mentoring children sure to die.
Vick is nervous, jumpy, terrified. It's his first reaping, the first of many and he's right to be scared.
Hazelle's smiles are worn, hidden fears buried in each one but of course, she has two children eligible for the reaping, two children that can be taken away from her.
Madge has no real excuse.
She's the mayor's daughter, she'll never be reaped and this is her very last. Out of all of them, Madge's situation is by far the best.
Gale lingers in his kisses, his touches, holds her closer. She can see her fear in his eyes, knows he's just as scared of her being reaped as she is.
Every moment feels like their last and she hates it, hates it, hates it.
She presses closer to him on the porch swing, rests her head on his shoulder.
Gale tightens his arm around her and she tries to ignore the feeling that says they're living on borrowed time, that soon this will all be over. Her chances of being reaped are slim, so incredibly slim but still, the feeling persists.
There's always a chance.
"I'm thinking of getting work with the seamstress once I've finished school," she tells him, plays with the buttons on his shirt. "They need a hand until their daughter Daysie is out of school, which gives me a few years at least." He nods, tucks a strand of hair behind her ear, his fingers skimming across her skin. She sits up straighter, drinks in the sight of him.
I love you she thinks as she looks in his eyes but she doesn't say it, doesn't want to burden him if she's just going to die. She folds the words away and kisses him instead, fills her veins with Gale.
She's going to survive her final reaping, she has to.
She isn't ready to let go of Gale quite yet.
Madge can't sleep.
Tomorrow's her final reaping, her very last and then it's over. She should be more excited, should feel something other than dread but she can't shed the feeling that something awful's going to happen.
So she sits by the window, looks out at the darkened district. After tomorrow, she'll be free.
She promises herself she'll tell Gale she loves him as soon as it's over. It's this that finally allows her to fall asleep, dreams of his reaction keeping her warm.
He's like a lullaby, written just for her.
Her father kisses her head at breakfast, lips lingering against her hair.
"I love you." His voice is soft, a little scared and Madge tries to be brave for him, tries to smile.
"I love you too, Daddy," she manages and she wishes she was young again, wishes she still believed her father's arms could keep her safe from anything.
But she's eighteen now, and that's the problem.
Gale is waiting outside to walk her to the square.
His smile doesn't reach his eyes and she takes his hand, lets them draw courage from each other. They walk in silence and Madge never wants it to end, never wants to reach their destination.
Let me have this, just this. Let me have this forever.
It ends too soon, the packed square just a few paces away and they stop. He tries to smile again but can't and she stares down at their clasped hands, feels tears sting her eyes. She pushes them down, drops his hand, looks up with a forced smile of her own.
It'll be okay, we'll be okay.
She's just about to walk away when she stops, heart thudding. I love you she thinks but can't quite say and she hesitates, unable to leave. He looks at her in question but the words stick in her throat, so she does the only thing she can. She leans up and kisses him, knots her fingers in the front of his shirt, drinks him in until she's out of breath.
She pulls back, meets his eyes and smiles sadly.
"For luck," she whispers and he grips her waist, presses his forehead to hers. She breathes him in one last time and then lets him go, walks off to join the other eighteen year old girls.
Promise me that wasn't our last kiss
Delphi Overwhill and Raff Whishart.
It isn't Madge, isn't Vick, Rory or Prim.
We made it.
He finds her as soon as it's over.
Gale pulls her close, crushes her against him. She clutches the back of his shirt and tries desperately to keep her tears at bay, lets his scent keep her calm. His lips press against her hair and she can feel his warmth straight down to her toes.
"I love you," he murmurs, the words spilling out in a rush of emotions and Madge nods against his chest.
"I love you too."
She wonders if he's been keeping the words hidden as long as she has.
Madge hugs Vick and Rory close, feels her heart lighten.
Her boys are safe.
(at least for now)
They watch the recaps together at the Everdeens'.
There's nothing overly remarkable about this year's tributes, nothing to inflame the districts or worry the Capitol. Everything's settling back into the way it used to be, back when revolution was just a secret dream. Madge idly wonders if the idea will ever take flight again, and deep down, in a place she never speaks about, she hopes it does.
Posy messily braids Madge's hair, Vick talks a little too loud in his relief at not being reaped, Prim giggles at his stories and Gale rests a hand against Madge's knee, burns her in the best of ways.
In some ways, things haven't gone back to normal.
In some ways, things are so much better.
They stand on her back porch later that night, and Madge doesn't want to say goodbye, hates having to let go of Gale's hand.
He looks beautiful in starlight and Madge leans up on her toes, catches him in a goodbye kiss. One of his hands rests on her waist, pulls her tight against him and the other cradles the back of her head, deepens the kiss until she's drowning in him. Her arms find their way around his shoulders, hugs him close and she wonders if he feels as electrified as she does.
He breaks the kiss, just enough so they can find air and they share their breath, breathe each other in and out.
"I love you," he whispers against her lips and she smiles, feels her heart shine like the moon.
"I love you too," she replies and he kisses her again, kisses her until she tastes the stars.
They stay like that, caught in each other's arms, whispering I love yous for all the times they almost but never did and Madge doesn't ever want to say goodnight.
She kisses Gale Hawthorne by the light of the night sky and she doesn't think she's ever been as happy as she is right now.
(they've weathered the storm
but what they haven't realised, is that there's always another storm on the horizon)