Chapter 4 – Confessions
Riley stood there in shock, she didn't know what to do with the message but she knew that if she stayed close to Lucas everything would fall apart. She decided that she could like him from afar and just let Missy have him.
"I don't like you like that," she said before walking out of his apartment. Riley waited until she was far enough away to start crying. She was happy that he had told her that he wanted to go out with her. She felt so average most of the time that just the sound of his voice so close to her made her happy, but in the end she was giving into Missy's words because if she didn't she wouldn't be able to deal with the outcome.
The next morning at school she sat down at her desk trying to get herself together, she hadn't been able to sleep at all because all she could see was Lucas's face heartbroken because of what she had said.
"Hey Riley," Darby said as she and Sarah walked over to her. "Is it true that you stole Missy's guy?"
"Apparently I stole the guy she likes…" Riley said as the crushing weight in her heart pulled her down.
"That's not right Riley," Sarah said brushing her brown hair behind her shoulder.
"Riley what kind of person are you? I didn't think you were that type of girl," Darby said scolding her. Riley felt two inches tall while her classmates ganged up on her.
"You know that Missy likes him and you still talked to him," Sarah said as Jade another girl in their class walked over.
"No way is this real, it's always the quiet ones that you have to watch out for," Jade said.
"I thought we were friends," Missy said looking sad.
"Missy are you alright?" the girls said as they walked over to her.
Riley couldn't believe what Missy and the girls were saying, especially since they all think that the two of them were friends in the first place. They were never really friends and Riley knew that, the only time they were friends was when Missy needed something.
"Don't glare at me," Missy yelled. "It's horrible she's always quiet and she won't apologize over what was happening."
"Hurry up and apologize to her," Sarah said.
"Yeah apologize it's the least you can do for going after Missy's guy," Jade said. Riley wanted to scream but she just stayed quiet.
"You're a very disgusting person Riley," Missy said kicking her desk until it fell over causing Riley to jump back as her phone fell out of her lap. "Oh look her phone, I wonder what we should do with it?"
"We should delete everything on there," one of the girls said. Riley felt frozen so she didn't know who was talking anymore.
Missy walked over to the window and opened it, it had been raining all morning so the rain would sprinkle the side of the building. "Maybe we should just," she said dropping the phone out the window. Riley heard the phone crack, the classroom was on the third floor and it was raining of course it was going to shatter.
At the end of the day Riley stood by the bus stop on the way back to her dorm, she felt so stupid because she should have known that something like that would have happened. Everyone loved Missy she was one of the popular girls so of course everyone would blame Riley for what was happening. Riley knew that it was her fault in the first place because she knew that Missy had liked him and wouldn't react well if Riley had become close to Lucas. She had missed the shuttle bus because she didn't want to deal with the girls. Missy didn't live in the dorms because she lived nearby but all the other girls did and they all made it clear that they hadn't liked what Riley had done at all. As she walked inside she was glad to be out of the rain only to realize that Lucas was on the bus with her. Life was messing with her and she knew it. She didn't know what to do, but he was asleep she walked pass him as quickly as she could and sat down behind him. She didn't want him to see her, but she couldn't help but feel drawn to him somehow. His hair was wet as well as his school uniform. She started to worry that he would catch a cold if he stayed out in the rain long enough to become drenched. He looked tired, she was worried that he was doing too much.
"Oh my," she said as she realized that he was going to miss his stop. But she was worried that he would see her, she didn't know what to do.
"Why is Lucas sleeping like that? He got rejected why is he taking it so hard?" Riley knew that voice, it was his friend Zay.
"He's also working a lot too," said the other boy, she couldn't remember who he was but he looked familiar.
"It's weird because I didn't think he liked that kind of girl, I mean she was wearing glasses and she looked so plain, I always thought that he like those popular girls," Zay said. "It's not like she was a great girl, he could do way better."
"Really Zay? What kind of girl should he like? Don't measure your taste in girls with his taste in girls."
"Damn it Farkle what's wrong with liking Missy?"
"It's easy to understand your taste in girls…" Farkle said.
"Oh shut it Farkle."
The driver talked over the speakers announcing the next stop on the bus causing Riley to stop listening to Lucas's friends talking. She decided in that moment that she needed to get off the bus and got up to leave, but she remembered that Lucas was soaking wet and she didn't want him to get sick. She looked back at him before dropping her umbrella in his lap and walking away.
"Hey isn't that the girl?" Zay announced causing Lucas to wake up.
"Riley," he called out as she rushed out of the bus and away from the boy she liked.
When she reached the end of the block she turned and kept walking in the rain towards her dorm, just the sound of his voice calling her made her blush. She was happy because even after what she had said to him he would still call after her.
"What's wrong with you?" Maya said while Riley looked out over the roof of the school building. It was opened to students, since it was fenced in but most students preferred the courtyard while Riley liked the roof because the breeze made her feel like she was alive.
"It's nothing really," Riley said trying to hold in the pain of what was happening.
"You seemed depressed all day so it's not nothing."
"Well it looks like I'm not the only one feeling down since you don't normally come up here," Riley said looking down at the other students.
"Yeah I had a fight with my boyfriend just like you," she said.
"Maya I don't have a boyfriend, hell I chose to go to this school because I thought I would be happier not having to interact with boys, but in the end nothing really changes. I don't have real friends here, I'm going to be alone in the end… What the hell am I talking about, I guess some people just suck."
"You know what, why don't we go out and have some fun tonight," Maya said smiling at Riley. "I need to have some fun for once and forget about all of the downer stuff."
"What are you saying?" Riley blushed as Maya's face got closer to her own.
Maya laughed, "Riley you do get worked up just like any normal person.
Riley squeaked before saying, "Is it alright for you to go out? I mean you have a boyfriend."
"Riles I'm still a teenager, I'm allowed to go out my boyfriend doesn't dictate my life. Anyway I'll lend you some clothes. I live nearby so it will be okay."
Riley hadn't said anything but somehow she ended up agreeing to going out with Maya after school to some club that she knew about. It was a frequent hang out for the students in the area even though they served alcohol. Riley decided that it would be a good distraction from thinking about Lucas and the other annoying things in her life. What she hadn't been prepared for was the outfit that Maya had put her in, she wasn't used to wearing heels or extremely short black dresses. She felt exposed even though she had clothes on, it felt strange.
Not far from where she stood everyone was talking but one person in particular was complaining about their own lives.
Zay leaned over on his friend with a beer in his hand complaining about everyone surrounding them. "Ugh there aren't any cuties here," he said.
What you haven't made Missy your girl yet?" Farkle mocked him looking bored with the crowd.
"Dude she won't even call me, and I pretty sure she hates me too."
"This is all a waste of time, why am I head I could have done my advanced chem homework."
"Forget that help me, I'm sad man, why don't you call Lucas to come and comfort us," Zay said before he started hearing the commotion around them. Everyone was talking about a girl who had just walked inside.
"Where is everyone looking?" Zay asked but Farkle only pointed while looking at his phone as he texted Lucas. When Zay saw her he took a deep breath, "Wow it maybe dark in here but that hottie is totally my type."
Riley took a deep breath trying to get herself together, she kept looking down at the strapless dress wondering if it was too revealing. She felt like all the eyes in the room were on her and it made her face flush.
"Do I look strange?" she asked Maya.
"What are talking about? Riles you look hot so stop freaking out about it, hell you look better than I thought you would."
"But Maya my legs are shaking and I can't even walk right, my feet are killing me. I usually just like wearing sweats and a t-shirt at time," she said trying to let her legs tremble too much.
"You need some lipstick but the ones I wear are too dark," she said grabbing Riley's bag.
"Maya I only wear chapstick," Riley said trying to look through her bag.
"Oh you have tinted lip gloss this would work, and the color looks good for your skin tone," Maya said as she leaned into the put it on Riley's face.
"Wait a sec," Riley said as Maya held her face still as she applied the lip gloss, all Riley could think about was Lucas because he was the one who had given it to her.
"Excuse me," someone said from behind her. "Since there's only the two of you and it's just me and my friend why don't you join us."
Riley turned around to see who was talking to her but the guy started screaming, when Riley realized who it was she couldn't believe it.
"How could it be you, aren't you that girl who wore glasses the only that…" Zay was blushing while looking at Riley in the little black dress.
Riley didn't know what to do so she just ran off in the opposite direction, she couldn't understand why it was that Zay was there in the club. She didn't know if Lucas was there too and she didn't want to see him because she didn't know how long she could keep up the pretense that she didn't like him. She bumped into a group of guys while she was running away.
"Sorry," she murmured as she tried to walk away but the guy pulled her closer.
"You don't have to leave," he said to her. "Come on guys lets drink."
"I'm sorry I was just leaving," she tried to pull away. She didn't want Lucas to see her there she didn't want him to see her dressed like that. But a little voice in her head was telling her that that was the whole point of her going out, to forget about Lucas and her feelings.
"Come on girlie just one drink," he said.
Riley thought about it and realized that it didn't matter, she didn't have to worry about anything anymore, she didn't have to worry about Lucas at all. She took the drink the guy had given her and put it to her lips and closed her eyes to down it like she had the first day she had gone out with Lucas.
Someone grabbed the glass from her hand and pulled it away, "She doesn't drink, she can't hold it," Lucas said shocking Riley. "Riley why are you acting like this, this isn't you," he said to her.
Riley's first reaction was to just runaway as fast as she could but the minute she left the club she realized that her feet were hurting her, she didn't stop and kept going but as she reached the corner she missed the step off onto the crosswalk and twisted her ankle, falling to the floor dropping her purse letting everything fall out. The lip gloss fell out of the bag and rolled away. When Riley tried to grab it to pull it back into her bag she realized that Lucas was right behind her.
He looked at the lip gloss shocked, "Riley that's the lip gloss you're wearing right now, why are you wearing it here. What are you trying to say to me?"
"No, it has nothing to do with the one you gave me," she said trying to hide her face. She was about to tell him that she didn't like him, but he picked her up off of the floor until they were face to face. "Lucas…"
"Just be quiet, I know you hurt your foot right?" he said to her as she blushed at the closeness of his face. "Listen to me right now, or I'll kiss you until you do," she stayed quiet. "There's something I want to know, so I'm not going to let you go until you answer my question."
Riley didn't know what to do, he was so close to her that her heart was trying to break out of her chest with how hard it was pounding. "The truth," she murmured.
"Yes the truth, I want to know your feelings for me because honestly I can't figure you out."
"What are you saying Lucas, I already told you what my feelings are," she said looking down at her dress.
"Please don't look away from me," he said to her. Her feelings were tied to all of the small moments they had shared in the short time they had known one another, his face being so close she couldn't figure out what to do or say. Instead she put her arms around him and pulled him close for a hug inhaling his scent as she did. As soon as he let his guard down she dropped her legs to the floor and ran away. Maya called after her but she kept running even though the shoes were hurting her feet. She couldn't face him right then and there.
She cried all the way back to her dorm, sneaking onto her first floor bedroom and shutting the door. She slid down to the floor and just kept on crying because the boy she liked had been so close and all she could do was break his heart again. She wanted to tell him that she liked him, she wanted to call him and tell him everything, but she couldn't. She felt so weak when it came to standing up for herself and following her heart.
"I like you Lucas," she said to her empty bedroom as she climbed into her bed and cried until she couldn't cry anymore.
The next day Riley had gotten to school just after the first bell, everyone had rushed off as she sluggishly walked to her lock to get her text book only to find a note saying, Slut, inside on top of her books. She didn't know what to do anymore, she didn't know how much she could handle, how much she could hold in before she broke apart. She stood outside her homeroom wondering if she could walk inside.
Inside the classroom Missy was trying to get the girls to help her with getting back at Riley for taking Lucas away.
"Hey let's shred her gym uniform," Missy told everyone with a smile on her face.
"Missy?" Darby looked over at her. "Isn't that going a little overboard?"
"No why should I be nice to the little bitch who took my man away, she needs to get what she deserves."
"Yeah but does it make you feel better doing those things to her?" Sarah questioned.
"What are you trying to say? This has nothing to do with you, it's about her paying for what she's done."
"Well if you have to do it Missy, why don't you just do it yourself," Maya said. "Or is it that you don't like the fact that Riley is getting more popular, not only in school but with the guys that hang out outside? Especially since I know for a fact that Lucas picked Riley not you," Maya looked straight into Missy's eyes as she said it before walking out of the room "I guess I'm right since you haven't said anything," she finished as the door closed.
"Maya," Riley said when she saw her in the hallway. The two of them walked to the vending machine as Maya grabbed a soda. "Thank you for sticking up for me."
"No worries, those rumors going around about you stealing away Lucas aren't true and if any of those girls actually went out and asked him they would know. Anyway I didn't like any of them anyway, they always sided with Missy even when she is obviously wrong."
"Yeah but you might get caught up in their games because you stuck up for me."
"Seriously I don't care, none of them really liked me anyway," Maya said as she flipped her blonde locks behind her shoulder. "Listen if you want to be happy be happy, don't let others get in the way of that happiness either, your efforts are wasted on people who would blindly follow someone without thinking for themselves."
"Maya," Riley smiled for the first time since everything started. "Thank you so much, for everything."
"Right," Maya sighed. "Did you tell Lucas the truth when you saw him yesterday?"
Riley stayed silent because she didn't want Maya to know how much she had messed up that meeting the night before.
"Stop holding back," Maya said as she walked back towards their class," Oh and Lucas gave me your umbrella, it's in my locker so get it before you leave today. I told him to just give it to you but he…"
Riley stopped listening to Maya as she realized that her relationship with Lucas was over, they wouldn't be able to see each other. He had given back the umbrella without handing it to her directly. He was probably pissed off at her. She felt sad because it was over. When lunch came around Riley didn't have the urge to eat, so instead she went to the roof to hide out since it was the one quiet place on campus. When she got there she hadn't noticed Missy standing in the middle of the roof.
"Hey," she said. "I was looking for you… um… I want to apologize for everything, I may have been a little impulsive especially when it comes to liking a boy. So sorry," Missy finished. Riley was shocked at what was happening in front of her. "Can you find it in your heart to forgive me?"
She was lying, Riley knew she was, this couldn't have been happening. For Missy to actually apologize to her for anything was just shocking. She didn't know if she could believe it. Riley took a deep breath before she said anything trying to be the bigger person, but Missy pushed her to the ground and slammed the roof door just as it began to rain.
"Missy, open the door," Riley said banging on the glass.
"Really you thought I would say sorry? That I would stoop down to your level and act like you didn't do anything wrong especially when I told you I wanted Lucas for myself. God you're such an idiot," Missy said as she smiled on the other side of the door. "If you tell Lucas that you hate him I'll let you back into the school. Come on Riley how about it?"
Riley steeled herself for what she was about to do, "I feel so stupid, I really thought that you would change and actually do something nice for once instead of constantly copying my notes and my homework. But this is hilarious because I knew I should have done this a long time ago," she took a deep breath before she raised her fist to the door. "Missy you were never my friend, or anyone's friend unless it benefited you."
When Riley looked up she saw that the glass had shattered on the other side of the door, Lucas was standing above Missy with his fist in the window looking at her with nothing but distain.
"Why is Lucas here?" Riley said as she saw Maya standing in the background with her phone in her hand smiling at Riley.
"Missy, what you're doing has to stop, you can't treat a person like this just because you don't get what you want. Even if I had met you first I wouldn't have given you the time of day so just get out of my face and never come back," he said as he opened the door and walked out into the rain to stand face to face with Riley.
She didn't know what to do she never thought she would see him again even after everything that she had said and done to him.
"Lucas… why are you here?" Riley said looking at his face like he was an angel sent down from heaven to save her from the people tormenting her.
"Wow Missy really is a bitch," he said taking off his jacket. "She left you out here to get soaking wet."
"But why are you here?" she started crying because she didn't know what else she should do, as he showed her kindness. "Thank you…" she hiccuped. "Thank you for helping me," she cried.
He pulled her into a hug and held her there, "I don't know why you get in my head, I don't know why I can't forget you at all. All I can think about is how you smiled at me, how your lips feel against mine. You're inside of my head and I don't know how it happened even though you're always running away from me but the more you run the more I care about you. I know you want to forget me but I really like you Riley and I don't think I can stay away from you anymore."
Riley wanted to tell him that she liked him too but she was crying in his arms and she didn't want to let go. Once she stopped crying long enough she looked up to him and smiled with tears still in her eyes, "I really like you too."