I had too much fun with this
Waaay too much fun
Chapter Four – Hard Light
~GUESS WHERE~
If there was one thing – just one thing – that Spy hated, it would have to be waking up to loud noises and something smacking him upside the head.
Rubbing the back of his balaclava and muttering a little choice French, the Spy got to his feet. Hm. This place didn't exactly look familiar, he thought, with an air of minor discomfort.
The merc stood on a dingy floor made of several white panels, similar to the three walls surrounding him (at least from that side.) Not far ahead, a sudden drop made for a less-than-inviting plunge into… what the Hell was that? Water? Goo? God forbid it was vintage jarate.
Either way, Spy quickly established he did not want to touch it. For that reason, the RED tried to go the other way, only to encounter a locked door and a fairly beat up little contraption. Spy stooped to examine it.
"How interesting…" he said quietly, lifting the thing and wondering what it might do. He held it carefully as not to further damage it, when he got an idea. Without a moment's hesitation he lobbed the device at the door, which it hit with a deafening clang!
Nope, not even a dent, he was stuck in here. Spy let out a lengthy sigh and turned to the only corner he hadn't yet checked out. Mon Dieu, what a strange sight it was!
"Okay, now that is interesting," the RED padded to the corner, hoping in this case curiosity didn't kill the cat.
A vibrant, neon blue strip of light stretched from floor to ceiling, hazy waves of silver running through it. 'Purty', as Bambi would say.
Spy cautiously extended a toe and found the light to be solid. Smart French cookie as he was, Spy realised that – assuming he could move this… hard light – it would make a badass bridge across the water. Goo. Whatever.
The question, therefore, was how to do that. Spy's gaze met the portal gun;
"But of course!" he cried, arms thrown up spontaneously, "It wouldn't be here if it wasn't plot important!" He full on skipped to and retrieved the device, humming something from a sappy musical as he looked it over.
Spy figured out the basic portal concept similarly to the other mercs, although he didn't punch his own butt or get stuck in a loop. 'A fluke!' the others would cry, 't'was a fluke!'
We'll never really know.
Anyway, Spy got down to business. The support class needed to test if hard light went through portals. One small test for a Spy; one decent-sized leap for Spykind.
Blip. He shot the portal on the wall the light touched, forgetting where he left the opposite portal and near slicing himself in half with the bridge.
Yes, yes hard light definitely can go through portals. At least he knew that now.
Spy shuffled around the light barrier and popped his orange portal beside the door, watching the bridge slide cleanly over the water, like a lil' shooting star or something poetic. Spy gazed at the shiny blue road.
This was going to be fun.
"I'm off to place some portals!" he hopped onto the bridge, "Some portals of orange and blue!"
Then the author realised what she was doing and immediately stopped. Spy gave the forth wall a slow nod and strolled to the far door.
Now, Spy here doesn't get surprised; he's way too composed for that. He simply started because he felt like it at this;
"Oh, hi," GLaDOS's voice sounded overhead, and Spy went for his knife on reflex- only to find it and his gadgets missing. "So far you aren't the worst test subject. That probably goes to your crazy American teammate."
"Soldier?" Spy worked it out easily, "I can imagine. May I ask where I am…?"
"Hm, no. No, you may not. Continue testing." GLaDOS chirped. Spy pouted and slunk through the door. He found himself in a dull room, the flickering artificial light doing little to fight the dark.
Spy stepped forward to explore, shoes squeaking on the black tiles. Upon encountering a bottomless pit he murmured something about clichés and the merc decided to find a safe way down- it looked like there was a gap he could get into. THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!
Crap, sorry, I had to. You understand.
Ahem, Spy did the logical thing and checked the corner for hard light. As expected, there it was, bright as day, and Spy put a portal on the end. He sauntered to the pit and peeked over the edge.
Previously the RED had learned the 'portals go on panels only' lesson and sure enough, there they were- one wall of them. Wearing the expression of the suit-wearing-mercenary-cat who got the cream, Spy neatly fired his other portal with an air of 'Hell yeah I'm the boss'.
He jumped, not cat-like because that would be one too many cat phrases, but nicely, onto the bridge. The merc walked casually along and veered off to the right at his exit.
It turned out not to be so much a room as a short, enclosed corridor. Unfortunately it didn't really lead anywhere- just another drop into that toxic goo stuff. OH NO A DEATH TRAP!
"Oh please," Spy chuckled, placing a portal on the far wall and heading across the new bridge. "The outcome was never really in doubt." With that he had navigated to the end of that test chamber. He wondered if the nice robotic lady who sounded suspiciously like the Administrator would have anything to say about it.
She did not. Out of curiosity, Spy took a single step closer to the exit. Nothing. Making the bold assumption he was home free, Spy relaxed and moved on.
"Surprise!" GLaDOS shattered the illusion, opening a sneaky hidden trapdoor the poor merc fell through. "There's just one more thing you need to do." If the AI could, she probably would have smiled. Eerily. Like Medic when he practices medicine.
Spy meanwhile crash landed after a sizeable fall, and he was none too happy about the fact. Straightening his tie with a sort of furious urgency, the RED glared in the general direction of GLaDOS, asking in exasperation;
"What is with you and bottomless pits!?" For dead ahead like impending doom waited another, several feet wide.
"Oh, I don't know… They just appeal to me somehow."
So, as had become the norm, Spy found his hard light and positioned the bridge as needed. Hey hang on, why was it edgeways…?
"Now how did that happen?" GLaDOS pondered innocently. Spy glanced at the ridiculously thin surface available to walk on. Maybe an inch at most.
"You don't know who I am, do you?" Spy questioned rhetorically. "Because if you did, you would know I'm prone to displaying certain… 'ninja skills' in these spinoffs."
The camera GLaDOS was using just about blinked.
Whoosh. Spy took off, snapping into a swift leap and suddenly appearing on the bridge edge. Keeping low, one foot behind the other and portal gun held out in front, he dashed like a cat across a wall.
Why yes, that was another cat simile.
The support class soon sprang off the end, not missing a beat as he launched into a one-handed cartwheel through the door. Well, not exactly 'through'. The portal gun got through, but Spy was actually a little bit crushed in the closed door.
"…I've seen better." GLaDOS mused in the following silence.
Thanks for reading! :3
(I don't own Bambi. Or the tune from The Wizard Of Oz)
Derp.