Breaking, Part Four.
This is a little different. I am really sorry if it isn't very good, but I think it has considerable impact. I hope, anyway. So. Kati, you remain my inspiration, and you told me to follow my gut instinct, so here we are. I really, really hope it lives up to expectations. Thank you for everyone's guidance, help and reviews...it means the world to me.
Any text in italics is thoughts, normal text is telling the story. Enjoy!
***
He'll come for me soon enough.
What makes you think you are worth saving?
Who said that? He was so sure he was alone. He had been alone for hours now. Hours? Maybe minutes. Seconds, perhaps. He didn't know. He didn't know anything anymore. He was trembling. He had no control of his body.
Was he losing control of his mind too?
He'll come for me soon.
The same thought, over and over and over. Echoing through his mind.
He'll come for me soon.
Why should he? You offended him. You disappointed him.
No. He loves me. He does.
Who was this voice? Funny, for it sounded just like himself.
He'll come for me.
When?
I don't know.
Why?
Because he loves me.
Why?
He said he did.
Why? Why would anyone care for a worthless spy like you?
I did my job. I did my duty. He found me.
Why were there so many questions? He opened his eyes, and was met with darkness. Crushing darkness. Endless darkness.
He will come for me.
You sound so certain. How disappointed you will be.
He is coming for me. Leave me alone!
You really are pathetic, Severus Snape.
He is coming for me.
Why did you ever abandon the Darkness?
No. The Darkness is wrong. It is perverted. A miscarriage. It is nothing to me.
You felt most at home in his shadow.
No. He is wrong. He is perverted. He kills people!
You killed people.
Women! He kills women!
You killed women.
Children. Please. Won't...they were only children!
You killed children.
I was doing as I was told...
You liked what you did.
No. No. Stop. Please.
A murderer.
Stop it!
A killer.
Please!
A liar.
I never lied...
A coward.
He jolted upright, springing from his kneeling position and running towards...he did not get far. The chain around his ankle tautened, tightened, and pulled him down, crashing onto the floor. He lay for a moment, unable to move.
The voices started again.
I am no coward.
You are the most terrible kind of coward, Severus Snape. What was it Dumbledore said? You will not choose a side so you can flit between the two.
I am loyal to him.
Of course.
I am!
You said that about the Dark Lord.
He...
You said you would stay by his side.
I changed.
You said you would carry out his orders.
I changed. I had to change. The Darkness is wrong!
You said you loved him.
Please. I did love him. He was my Lord. Of course I did!
You love him still.
No. I have turned from this path. Stop leading me down it!
You wanted to be back at his side.
Stop it.
You know Dumbledore does not care for you.
He does. He will...
Will he? Will he really come for you?
I want to go home...
Where is home for you?
Stop. Stop.
Home is where the heart is, Severus. Where is your heart? With Dumbledore?
What? Yes.
You have a heart of Darkness.
Stop!
So you belong with him. Give in. Give in to the Darkness. Let him take you.
No. No. NO! I will not!
He will take you back.
I don't want that.
He will hold you close.
I don't want that. I don't want him.
He will make you powerful.
Power?
Power that you had. Power that you no longer possess.
No. I don't need power. I will bring him down.
He will love you.
He does not love anyone.
How can you be sure?
He is the Dark Lord! He uses people only for his own ends.
And what of the Light Lord? What of your precious Dumbledore? Does he love anyone?
Yes.
How do you know? How do you know he is not just using you?
I will not stand for this. I will not let you say this!
Who am I? I am just another part of you.
But you are not the stronger part! I will not let you corrupt me again.
You want to hear my voice. You listen to it when you are at your weakest.
I...no. I...stop it.
But I am telling you what you want to hear.
No!
What you need to hear.
He will come for me.
When?
He will come for me soon!
Why?
Because he loves me.
He is using you.
No! He is good, a heart of light, he needs to love, that is his strength.
You are no soldier of the light, Severus Snape. Look what the light has done to you.
I did this.
Yes, you did.
Not Dumbledore.
Dumbledore sent you here.
No. I made the choice. I chose to defy him. I chose to come here. I knew the risks. Dumbledore is a good man!
A good man?
Please stop. Please. I hate you.
You hate yourself.
Yes. I hate myself. But Dumbledore sees worth in me! He sees a reason for my existence.
He is blind.
Why are you doing this to me?
You are doing it to yourself.
He was so confused. He needed to stop the voices. The voice? His voice? How could it be his voice? His own personality. Split. Halves. Two sides to every story. His side. The other side.
Darkness and Lightness. Evil and Good. Dumbledore and the Dark Lord. Who did he care for more?
How many people were there in his head? How many people were talking to him? How many people...were...hurting him? Was it just himself.
I can block you out.
You always block me out. You need to hear my words. You need to hear the truth.
You deliver not the truth. You deliver only lies. I do not need you. He will come for me.
Will he?
Yes!
When!
He will come for me soon.
Why?
Stop it! Stop it! STOP IT! Leave me alone. Leave me be.
I can never leave you. I am the part of you. The stronger part of you.
I will silence you!
You cannot silence me. You cannot silence yourself. I will win.
I will not let you.
I will beat you. You will bow before the Dark Lord once more.
No. No.
You will submit to his rule.
No. Stop it.
You will let him take you again.
I will not! I will not! I will NOT! Please, Headmaster, please, I need you. Come for me. take me away from this.
He is not coming.
HE WILL COME FOR ME!
When?
SOON!
Why?
NO! I...I cannot do this. Leave me alone! Please!
Leave you in this darkness? To die?
I will not die. I will not give him that pleasure.
No. You will give him the pleasure of your subjugation. You will give him the pleasure of your surrender. You will return to his shadow like the creature you are.
We will return to his shadow?
Yes. You deserve to be there. You do not deserve the Light. You do not deserve any compassion, or mercy.
Dumbledore says I am more deserving than any other man. He will come for me.
When?
Soon.
Why?
Because he loves me.
Why?
Because he cares for me.
Why?
Because he promised me.
Why?
I can't.
Why?
Stop.
Why?
Please. I beg. Stop.
Why?
He will come for me.
When?
Soon.
Why?
Because...he will.
Why?
He is not coming.
He will not come.
He will not come.
He is not coming.
Why?
Because he does not love you.
Why?
Because you are nothing to him.
Why?
Because you are nothing to anyone. You are just the servant.
Why?
Because that is all you will ever be.
I am just a servant.
Just a servant.
He is not coming for me.
He is not coming for you.
I will die here.
You will die here.
Unless I give myself to him.
Unless you give yourself to him.
I beg him for mercy.
You beg him for mercy.
I ask for his forgiveness.
You ask for his forgiveness.
Will he accept me back?
Will he accept you back?
When will he come for me?
Soon.
Why will he come for me?
Because he loves you.
The Dark Lord loves no one.
Because you belong with him.
At his feet.
In his shadow.
Like the creature I am.
Like the creature you are.
I am...I am nothing. I am no one. I am just a creature. The creature that belongs in his shadow.
He hated himself. He hated the Dark Lord. He hated Dumbledore. He hated the voices, the torturous voices, driving him towards insanity. But he needed the strength.
Did he still have strength?
The strength to make one last plea?
Before his mind broke. Forever.
Headmaster...
Headmaster, I need you.
You have to come for me.
Soon.
When will you come for me?
Why will you come for me?
Just come. Please.
Soon.
Because you love me.
Soon.
Because you care for me.
Please.
Please.
Please....
***
OK, I need to know if this worked. Next update next Saturday. But I really want to know what people thought. Good idea? Bad idea? Rubbish execution? Please, please, please tell me! Snape needs you!!! Thank you for reading!