Chapter Four
Alan and Rose lay on the bed in their room staring up at the ceiling. Rose had finished having a bath, but neither one of them had any clue what to do next.
"I am so bored now," Alan said.
"You aren't the only one."
Alan looked over at the piece of coral on the nightstand beside him.
"GROW!" he yelled at it. "THERE'S TWO BORED PEOPLE HERE WHO WANNA USE YOU! GROW, DAMN IT!"
Rose stared at him, amused.
"Does that help?" she asked.
"No, but it helps me blow off some steam," he replied as she giggled.
He blew a long puff of air.
"Anything on telly?" he said pointing to the old TV in front of them.
"Dunno, let me see."
Rose reached over, grabbed the remote and turned it on. They stared at the program. A farmer was milking a cow and speaking to the camera. Unfortunately for them, he wasn't speaking English.
"Oh, crap," Alan said.
He grabbed the coral.
"Maybe if we hold it up to our ears, the TARDIS coral will translate for us?" he said, hopefully.
He held it between them and both of them leaned in to it. They listened, but nothing happened.
"Bollocks," Alan said, putting it back. "Well, I don't fancy lying here watching a farmer milk cows while I try to figure out what he's saying."
He turned the TV off and went back to staring at the ceiling. Suddenly, he burst into song, startling Rose.
"LORD, LORD, OH GOD, I'M BORED. NOTHING TO DO IN NORWAY 'CEPT CLIMB A FJORD!"
Rose laughed as he winked at her.
"You're just useless when you can't go anywhere, huh?" she said.
"Got that right. Life's short and I only got one life to live now. I don't wanna spend it lying here in the roach motel with nothing to do. LORD, LORD, OH GOD, I'M BORED. NOTHING TO DO IN NORWAY 'CEPT CLIMB A FJOOOOOOOOOOOORD!"
They looked over when they heard pounding on the wall.
"DOCTOR! KNOCK IT OFF!" Jackie screamed through the wall.
Alan got up, walked over to the wall and pounded on it.
"MY NAME IS ALAN NOW, NOT THE DOCTOR! GET IT RIGHT AND QUIT POUNDING ON THE WALL, YOU'RE INTERRUPTING MY SINGING!"
He hurried back to the bed and flung himself down beside Rose. They waited for Jackie to reply, but there was only silence.
"Guess that shut her up," Alan said.
"Yeah, she's probably over there planning to kill ya," Rose replied.
"Eh, let her do it, beats dying of boredom here."
He sighed.
"Still, in the interest of keeping peace, I will tone it down…a little."
He folded his hands and put them on his chest.
"They tried to make me go to rehab, but I said, no, no, no," he sang.
Rose giggled.
"I tried to get back in the TARDIS, but the Doctor said no, no, no," he sang under his breath.
He looked over at the window.
"Now that it's raining more than ever.
Know that we still have each other.
You can stand under my umbrella. You can stand under my um-ber-el-la ella-ella-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a…"
"Um, Alan?"
"Yes?"
"I think you can stop with the A now."
"I can? Oh, I'm sorry, I was under the impression the A sound went on for twenty minutes before she went on with the song."
Rose giggled.
"Lord, lord, oh God I'm bored. Nothing to do in Norway 'cept climb a…"
He trailed off.
"Fjord?" Rose finished.
"Rose?"
"Yeah?"
"Can I ask you a question?"
"Sure."
He looked at her.
"I have the Doctor's memories, as you know, and the first time you were standing on the shores of Bad Wolf Bay, he was looking at you and some distance away, the others were standing in front of a lorry. Am I to assume that the lorry was what you used to get to Bad Wolf Bay?"
"Yes."
"And did you guys drive the lorry all the way from London to Bad Wolf Bay?"
"Yeah, why?"
"Oh nothing, I was just thinking how wet and fishy the trip must have been between England and France. LORD, LORD, OH GOD, I'M BORED…"
He giggled when Rose slapped him on the chest.
"For your information, we put the lorry on a ferry and took it from England to France."
"Really? That must have been hell on the fairy's back, not to mention the strain on its little wings and…oh, oh, ferry as in boat. I see, makes sense now."
He grinned when Rose snorted out laughter.
"Yup, you're gonna be a handful just like the Doctor was."
"No, I'm gonna be more of a handful since I got Noble-itis. But, I guess you're stuck with me."
"Yup, I guess I am."
She kissed his cheek and snuggled up with him while he went back to staring at the ceiling.
"Oh, wow…"
Rose looked at him.
"What? What is it?"
Alan pointed up at the ceiling.
"Lookie, a little black spot right there above my head. Finally, something to focus on."
She giggled when he stared at it with wide eyes.
"Is the little black spot doing anything?" she asked him.
"Not yet, but I'm going to lay here and wait till it does," he replied.
He stared for a few more minutes and then suddenly he grabbed onto Rose.
"Rose, I just worked it out," he said in a hushed whisper.
"Worked what out?"
"Shhhh, don't speak above a whisper. We don't want to alert it to our presence."
Rose grinned.
"What? What's wrong?" she said in a whisper.
"I know what it is. I know what the spot is."
"What?"
His eyes bulged causing Rose to snort out laughter.
"The Vashta Nerada," he said.
"The what?"
"Shhh, shhh, shhh, don't move, for the love of God."
"Alan, you really are bored, aren't you?"
"No, I'm not bored. I'm being cautious. The Vashta Nerada can devour us before we can even blink."
"So, what do we do then?" Roes said, playing along.
"Well, there are certain things you do when fighting certain menaces. The Daleks, you aim for their eyestalk. Sontarans, you hit the probic vent on the back of their neck. Jack Harkness, you grab a fire hose and hose the boy down. But, there's only one thing you can do with Vashta Nerada."
Rose giggled.
"And what's that?"
"Run, just run."
"Run? Run where?"
"I don't know; just flee for our lives before it devours us whole."
Rose glanced up at the spot.
"It's hasn't moved yet."
"That's because it's waiting for the right moment to strike."
"Should we move now?"
He grinned.
"Yeah, let's get up and go. Go outside and take a walk and maybe it won't attach itself to us."
"Where will we go?"
"Just around. Anywhere is better than lying here all day."
"Okay, let me ask my mum for some money and we can go get something to eat."
She thought.
"Um…stay back when I do though. I don't know if she's still angry after you banged on the wall and told her to shut up."
"I didn't tell her to shut up, I just told her to quit pounding on the wall."
"Well, whatever, just let me handle it, okay?"
Alan shrugged.
"Go right ahead, the less I have to deal with that woman, the better."
"Just wait here and I'll be right back."
Alan nodded. He sat down on the edge of the bed and waited while Rose went to talk to Jackie. She came back in a few minutes later with some money in her hand.
"Okay, "she said, stuffing the bills in her pocket. "Let's go find somewhere to eat."
Alan stood up and took her hand. He grabbed the doorknob as they went out and closed the door behind them.