Old, New, Borrowed, Blue

Part 4: The Exorcism of Francis Bonnefoy
Scene 1 ~ In Which there is No Actual Exorcism

So, he'd maybe gone a little overboard with the grocery shopping…

He'd blame it on the arrival of Leon's friends last night. Grocery shopping helped him think and he'd needed lots of time to puzzle over things today. Last night—or rather, early early this morning—had been bizarre, to put it mildly. He'd been called a lot of things in his life, but he'd never before had someone seriously accuse him of being a demon.

Demon in the sack, maybe.

He sighed and leaned his head against the driver's window as he glanced in the backseat, where he'd put the bags that didn't fit in the trunk. Leon probably wouldn't be particularly happy with him when he saw how much he'd bought… He was pretty sure there wasn't enough room in the refrigerator.

This is why Leon needed to buy a house with a beautiful, spacious kitchen, a massive refrigerator, and an extra freezer in the basement or garage. That would be perfect. And then Francis wouldn't have to always sleep on the couch, which was admittedly not as uncomfortable as most couches. But still.

He started a little at the sound of tapping coming from right by his ear and tipped his head back slightly to see who was trying to get his attention. He grinned at the sight of Leon standing outside the car, staring at the backseat with an eyebrow raised. Francis rolled the window down, "Bonjour, cher. I wasn't sure what kind of food your friends like, so I bought a variety."

"Did you fill up the trunk again?" Leon sounded less annoyed, more resigned. This wasn't the first time this had happened. He shook his head and then moved to open the back door. "We're going to have to rearrange the fridge again. And probably the freezer. Which you're doing this time."

Francis grinned and slid out of the car, watching as Leon leaned over and began shuffling bags around so he could carry them. "Of course, cher."

He waited until Leon had emerged from the backseat with bags hanging from his arms before he asked, "Are your friends here?"

Leon's expression immediately switched to something close to exasperation, although there was more than a hint of fondness. Which was an interesting combination. He sighed and glanced up toward their apartment's window. "Yeah, they showed up pretty soon after you left. I swear, Grandmother's trying to give me an early heart attack."

"Is your friend still convinced that I'm an incubus?"

And now there was just exasperation. He sighed and then handed a few of the bags to Francis, who had rather been hoping he'd be able to get out of carrying anything. "Yes, of course. I promise Chris seriously isn't trying to be a jerk. He just…"

"He just seriously believes I'm an incubus?"

"He also seriously believes Ronnie and his family are all vampires."

Francis had to laugh at that and then waited until Leon's arms were filled with more bags before he moved to stand beside him and then kissed his cheek. "I think I understand now why you get along so well with everyone here."

"Because you're all insane and I'm used to insane people? Yeah, I figured that out a while ago." He closed the car door with his elbow and then made a motion for Francis to follow him up toward the apartment. "I'll get them to help bring up the rest of the stuff. If they're going to crash my apartment without any warning, they can help with bringing in groceries."

Francis nodded. "Is your friend still planning on exorcising me?"

Leon's expressions were rather entertaining; he sighed as he walked up the steps and pushed the building's front door open, waiting for Francis to pass him. "I at least convinced him to not bother a priest about it. Which took a lot of convincing. That's about all I could do." He stopped and turned as he pressed the button for the elevator. "If he's making you feel uncomfortable I'll get him to quit it, though. I mean, if I have to, I'll just tell him that he can't hang around here if he won't leave you alone."

…Leon could really be the sweetest person sometimes. He was staring at him, totally serious. Francis smirked and tilted his head to the side slightly. "Cher, are you worried about me?" Leon flushed, but then took the arrival of the elevator as a distraction. Francis followed him inside and leaned against the wall, twirling the shopping bags around as he waited for Leon to press the button to their floor. "Don't worry, cher. I am more than capable of taking care of myself. Besides, I am well aware of the path to a man's heart."

And Leon twisted around at that, entertainingly quickly. "Francis, don't you dare…"

"I meant 'through his stomach', cher. Tsk, what a dirty mind you have."

Leon turned bright red at that and then turned to the door, ignoring him as Francis attempted not-particularly-successfully to keep back laughter. He walked out as soon as the doors opened and headed toward their apartment.

Francis had been trying to mentally prepare himself for whatever was going to greet him when he entered the apartment. He knew absolutely nothing about exorcisms except that he was pretty sure they involved candles.

Apparently that was what Chris knew about them as well, as that was the first thing he noticed when he followed Leon into the room. The lights were all off and the only illumination came from the light of dozens of flickering candles.

Which made the room smell pretty good, although Francis was pretty sure most occultists didn't normally use lilac and apple and whatever else-scented candles for their exorcisms.

"Aw, he's totally hot! Seriously, Leon, you are the worst describer of people that I've ever met." And a not-yet-introduced girl jumped up from the couch as they entered the room and hurried to stand in front of him. She thrust out her hand with the palm facing the floor. "Hey, I'm Robin. And you must be Leon's secret, incubus boyfriend that he won't tell us anything about!"

"Robin!" Leon's voice rose entertainingly high at that. "I told you we're not dating!"

Francis grinned. She was probably a couple years younger than him from what he could tell. At least a foot shorter with dark hair that reached almost to her hips with what looked like coloured streaks throughout, although it was hard to tell what colour in the candle light. She was currently smirking at him with a very Gill-like smirk. And he was pretty sure that he was going to like her. He grinned and then bowed low, lifted her hand to his lips, and kissed it. "It is lovely to make the acquaintance of such a beautiful young lady, ma chère."

"French too? Geez, Leon's been holding out. I've been trying to get him to tell me what you look like for the past like hour and he's being all vague like 'he has blonde hair and blue eyes', which of course doesn't tell me anything." She rolled her eyes and then turned toward Leon. "Is that lunch? Who's making lunch? I'm starving. And everybody knows you can't exorcise demons on an empty stomach."

"Where's Chris, anyway?" And apparently Leon had given up, as he now moved into the kitchen and set the bags on the counter. Francis followed, setting his own bags beside Leon's.

Robin pointed toward the bathroom door, which now opened as if on cue…

And out walked Chris, wearing a black robe that was probably meant to cover the entire body, but only came down to his knees. He initially grinned as he saw Leon, but then his eyes immediately narrowed as he noticed Francis standing beside him.

Thankfully, Leon immediately cut in, moving to stand between them. "Okay, since you three just decided to pop in without any warning, you're going to go out and get the groceries from the car. And turn on the lights when you go out. You're just asking for someone to trip over one of these candles and light the whole place up. Then we're going to have lunch before you…do whatever you're going to do."

Chris deflated slightly. "We can leave the candles lit, though?"

"Yeah," he waved a hand vaguely toward the candles, "They're fine. Just turn the lights on so nobody trips over them. Here are the keys to the car. It's the dark blue Ferrari in spot forty-six. And don't try to drive it anywhere, Robin."

She'd perked up at the word 'Ferrari', but sighed at Leon's continuance. "You're no fun. C'mon, Chris, I'm hungry."

Chris followed much more reluctantly, casting Francis a warning glare over his shoulder before he obediently flicked on the light.

Which was a bit painful after getting used to the darkness. Francis had to blink a few times before his eyes adjusted. Leon decided to leave him and dropped onto the couch beside the until-now-silent Ronnie. Who had been seated on the couch throughout this conversation with one leg crossed over the other, watching them impassively. He yawned, covering his mouth with his hand and then stretched his arms behind his back. "You know Chris isn't going to let up, even if the exorcism does fail."

"If?" Leon had relaxed into the couch, although he was eyeing the candles as if he expected one to spontaneously tip over and light the whole room on fire.

Ronnie shrugged. "Never know. You would be the type of person to house an incubus."

To which Leon rolled his eyes and punched him lightly in the shoulder before he glanced up toward Francis. "Seriously, don't listen to Chris or Robin. Robin likes to tease everybody and Chris…"

"Is delusional," Ronnie cut in. "He'll be fine, though, once he stops viewing you as a threat to his precious Leon."

Francis forced a grin, although he honestly wasn't sure how he felt about this. "And how long does that usually take?"

Ronnie shrugged and settled his arms over the back of the couch. "Depends. He usually scares people off before that point."

Leon frowned. "You're making him sound like some crazy monster."

And Francis could tell that Leon was starting to get annoyed. His eyes were starting to narrow slightly and his expression was growing more guarded; he could also see that Ronnie noticed too, as he turned away and quickly changed the subject. "So, what's for lunch, then?"

"I made croissants yesterday," Francis answered. "And I bought meats and cheeses at the grocery store today. We could have something simple." And then he'd make a more luxurious dinner, which would be much more indicative of his skills. He found it hard to believe that Chris would be able to dislike him after eating one of his home-cooked meals.

Unless his taste buds were as warped as Arthur's, but if that was true then all hope was lost.

Leon stood at that and walked into the kitchen, moving past him to open the refrigerator. "What else do you want with it, then?"

"I made a gelatin the other day as well."

"When did you make gelatin?"

"When you were at work." He shrugged. "I was bored, cher, so I made gelatin and those cookies that you already ate."

He noticed that Ronnie was watching them very carefully, although his expression was still totally unreadable. No wonder Leon was so good at reading Johnson's non-language.

Which actually led to an interesting thought of how Leon's friends would respond to Leon's partner.

And that was when the door slammed open and Robin happily called out, "We're back, bitches! By the way, you have to let me drive that car tomorrow, 'kay? I have a date with this cutie I met at the bar last night and we rented a minivan."

It somehow didn't surprise Francis that she'd walked in with two bags on each arm and Chris's arms were loaded down with the rest. Not that he seemed to mind. He crossed the room easily and set the bags on the kitchen table before moving to stand in front of Francis. "All right, now I shall send you back from whence you came, unholy incubus."

"Uh uh. Not 'til after lunch." Robin cut in before he could get any farther. And it was bizarre how they all seemed to consider this to be perfectly normal. "I'm hungry. Lunch first, then exorcisms."

And Leon and Ronnie seemed to consider this perfectly reasonable, although Leon at least sent Francis an apologetic look before he began rummaging through bags for their lunch food.

A/N: You know, the exorcism was actually supposed to take place in this chapter. Obviously it did not because they decided to talk talk talk. So I guess that'll have to wait until whenever I come back to these guys.

Random fun fact of today, I just saw Mamma Mia! performed! It was so GOOD.

Umm, I don't remember what else I wanted to say… Sorry for the major focus on Franny-kins and OC's. (Don't send me angry messages. I did warn in the first chapter's Authoress note that there would be lots of important OC's.) Focus will shift to other characters later, but trying to keep things chronological, man. It'll kill ya.

Also, Robin's date is totally with someone you've met before, so you can think about that if you wish. ;D