Chris stood at the Dock of Shame. He recapped.
"Last time on Total Crossover Chaos, Mr. Burns and Penelope took it to the hoop in the Awake-a-Thon..." (Cut to Mr. Burns and Penelope standing very still at the campfire area) "...fan seems to be holding an unpopular view..." (Cut to fan waving a Team Dad flag)
"...And Marge and Mr. Arbuckle were the first two to walk to the Dock of Shame, board the Boat of Losers—
"—And go to the Playa de Losers 5-star hotel resort!" interjected fan.
Chris frowned. "Who will Jill crush? Who will clown around in the challenge? Who will be dead gorgeous? Or maybe just dead?.. Find out right now on TOTAL! CROSSOVER! CHAOS!"
(Theme)
"Welcome back to Total Crossover Chaos where we will be having our first Garfield-themed challenge! Chef, Chad, Jon, Troy and I will judge at a Formal Attire Display. Needless to say, Jon will have a vastly different score from the rest of us on each ensemble. Chef will be tougher. And, of course, Chad and I will be giving bonus points for sucking up. Troy is going to be the regular judge," Chris said, outlining the challenge.
Chef and the hosts were standing by the Total Drama Jumbo Jet. Jon filled the contestants in. "Okay, each team shall pick a model and dress them up in a suit or dress made by their teammates. After one hour, the models shall walk up the aisle of the plane, and we will be waiting in the cockpit. Each of us will rate your model/clothes combo out of 10. You have 15 minutes to decide on a model and what to dress them in.
Author Note: hahaha maybe this should have been written by someone that actually cared how they dressed.
Merine squeaked, "Pick me, daddy!"
Garfield chuckled. "Sorry, sweetie. You're so tiny you would have to wear a handkerchief toga."
Arlene shoved them aside. "I'll do it!" she proclaimed.
Garfield's eyes formed lovehearts. "Please do," he purred.
Nermal batted his eyelashes. "Obviously, I'll do it. Binky, you should know what kind of clothes Jon dresses in, so you can be my chief dresser. Everybody else, do what he says."
"But-" Normal began, "...aaaww."
Jill sat on Nermal. "I SHALL BE THE MODEL!" she boomed.
Wide was worried. "But I'm not sure you would fit in the-"
Jill swatted him into the ground. "I SHALL BE THE MODEL! ANY OBJECTIONS?!"
Nobody dared speak.
The Buddy Bears were fighting over who should be the model.
"No, you," said Billy.
"No, no, you, I insist," countered Bertie.
"No, thank you, you can do it," blushed Bobby.
Ugly sighed. "I'll do it."
The Buddy Bears gasped. They stared at her.
She stared back.
Bobby started to sweat heavily.
She softened her stare.
Billy and Bertie ran away crying, "No! We can't be happy with that! Too ugly! Too ugly!"
Bobby looked at the ground and covered his head. "Okay, okay, you can do it. Just stop looking at me," he said feebly.
Confession Cam
Billy and Bertie-
Billy: Can she find us in here?
Bertie: It depends. Does the door lock?
Billy: (Jiggles the door) NO!
Both: AAAAAHHH!
END
"I think I'll be the model, hun," LeShawna said, pumping her butt cheeks in Harold's general direction.
"NO!" Heather shouted. "JUDGE appeal means more than HAROLD appeal. WE WILL USE LINDSAY!"
DJ sighed. "I have to agree with Heather on this one."
LeShawna sighed also. "Only 'cause that white girl got some supermodel curves. If you don't think it'll impress the judges to use a girl with some serious babe-a-licious swag in the trunk, that's fine, I ain't holdin' no grudges on this one."
"Curves? Babe-a-licious swag in the trunk? Supermodel? AAAAAUUUGH!" Charlie Brown wailed. "WHAT DO THESE ALL MEAN?!"
Izzy grinned evilly. "Of course you know what those mean!" she said, flashing the child a peek down her top.
"AAAAAUUUGH!" he screamed, shielding his eyes. "WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO PROVE?! I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS?!"
"Oh, we are," Izzy said sinisterly, "for now."
"I know your big secret."
Author Note: Something something adopted storyline from You're On Total Drama Island, Charlie Brown! by TDI Charlie Brown.
Confession Cam
Charlie Brown- See, this is what I mean by she creeps me out. You just never know if she wants to hug you or strangle you at any moment. Once, I went on Total Drama Island and-
Izzy- -I thought he was just a teenage midget. I was-
Charlie Brown- -I have to say, hell-bent on making me confess-
Izzy- -He really is a midget. I now forgive him for that, but I'm still gonna be-
Charlie Brown- -Keeping at it. I'd never survive a 130-episode show if she's on my rear the whole time till one of us is eliminated. She's really determined when-
Captain Falcon- FALCON INTERRUPTION!
Izzy- -So, one of these days I WILL get him to fess up about his secret. But not today.
Heather- Secret, eh? Heheheheh. I could exploit this. I could exploit this to get him on my side.
DJ- Remember at the start of Total Drama Island when Chris hit on Lindsay, despite the fact he was almost twice her age? That aside, I had to agree with Heather. Lindsay was our best option.
END
Mike smiled. "I think Zoey would be a good model."
Zoey blushed. "Aww, thanks, Mike."
The rest of the team had a generally positive reaction.
"I think we should go with Scarlett," Noah monotoned.
Max hummed in appreciation and rubbed his hands together.
"And before anyone complains," Noah adds, put yourself in my shoes. A guy with gigantic IQ levels and does not know anyone on the team, seeing a pretty genius."
Nobody attempted to argue.
Mario smiled. "Can I be the beautiful person?"
SMG4 twitched his nose. "What if you do something retarded and we lose the challenge and we all vote you off because you did something retarded and cost us the challenge?"
Mario used a Star powerup.
SMG4 gulped. "But, uh, it's better a choice than Wario or a Toad!"
Sam swooned. "I agree!" he mumbled dreamily.
SMG4 turned to Red Toad. "Hey Toad, what do you think-"
"I'M NOT TOAD!" Red Toad yelled. "SEE THE VEST?!"
It was true. Unlike most Toads, Toad wore a blue vest, rather than a red one to match the spots on his head.
Red Toad calmed down. "Okay, sorry. You, uh, wanted my opinion?"
Daisy posed. "What do you think?" she asked the team.
"I think I should do it, don't you agree, Yoshi?" Birdo asked.
"I, uh, Rosalina! Who do you think will be a good model?" Yoshi asked, deflecting the attention away from him and Birdo.
Rosalina smiled. "Flattery will not get you far with me," she reminded Yoshi.
"Um, I know that. I just think you would have a good eye for fashion, and, uh, looks."
Rosalina tried to hold back a blush. "Well, I think Daisy, actually, would make a good model."
"Nonsense!" Toadsworth wheezed. "Peach is a beautiful woman and she should be the model and if anybody else is the model then her self-esteem will be crushed and crunched and who in their right mind or any mind at all whatsoever would want that?"
Douglas stepped up. "Okay, listen up, who votes Daisy?"
Five hands went up.
"Who votes Peach?"
Toadsworth raised his hand.
"Who votes Birdo?"
Nobody moved a muscle.
"Rosalina took charge. "Alright, I was thinking..."
Bowser turned to Luigi. "Luigi, you know better than any of us what they would appreciate, who do you think would do well?"
"But, sir-"Kamek began.
"SHUT UP, Kamek. This is one thing you can't find out with magic," Bowser scolded.
"Uh, I'm sure Bowser Junior could- could, uh, be, um, pretty charming if- if, he, uh, tried hard enough. Uh, are shells removable?" he said quickly.
"Yes!" BJ cheered.
Lisa thought hard. "I think I've got an idea."
"You heard her, she's got an idea! Lenny, shut up," Homer said.
"But I'm not-"Lenny began.
"I said shut it."
Mr. Burns turned on the 'charm'.
"Maybe I could do it? There's a nice salad in it for you," he said.
Homer stared at him like they were both idiots.
"Lettuce, get it? Lettuce?"
Homer stared.
"Green?!"
Homer smiled. "I like green. It's the colour of Marge's dress.
Mr. Burns gritted his false teeth. "Money, Simpson. I'm bribing you to pick me."
Homer smiled and hummed in interest.
"No, dad! Don't do it!" Lisa warned.
"Now there's something to make an annoyed grunt about," Homer mumbled.
"So why don't you?" asked Bart.
"D'oh!" Homer obliged.
Bart auctioned off the model job. "Okay, Lisa as the model, any counter-offers? Goingoncegoingtwicesold!"
Everyone shuddered at the thought of Burns as a model.
Milhouse grimaced. "I will be the model. Anyone have a problem with that?"
"Your middle name is Musollini!" Nelson objected.
"What does that have to do with anything?" Milhouse retorted.
"Haw haw!" Nelson laughed.
"Hi, everybody!"
"Hi, Dr. Nick," the team replied.
"I want to model!"
"No, silly person, you see, this is not plastic surgery, foolish person. We are looking for a person to be a –GAH-HERVEN-NYOYVEN-BADOYVEN-GHURKEL-A-BA DING DONG- model for our- ga-hoyven- challenge in a manner quite indeed similar- nervin- to a beauty pageant," Frink corrected.
"Can I be los model?" Bumblebee Man asked in some sort of Spanglish.
"A-bee-bee chic. I like it," Dr. Hibbert chuckled.
"I shall lend my pretty little self to the modelling job," Lucy said egotistically.
"Bleah!" Linus said.
Lucy slugged him.
"Can I do it?" Peppermint Patty asked.
"What about me?" Snoopy smiled.
Kirby walked up to the three and licked them one by one.
"What are you doing? Are you crazy?!" Lucy asked.
"Wha-? This is a strange way to kiss a girl," Patty said.
"You too," Snoopy said.
Kirby pointed to Snoopy.
"Isn't there a cliché about this? Sakurai's Character Does Something Important?" Jason asked.
Author Note: Something something Everything Wrong With Smash: Brawl.
"Hey, super-pinky, do I taste prettyful?" Bucky asked.
Kirby tasted Bucky and immediately started gagging and choking.
"Okay, since it would make for extremely boring TV to show all the teams preparing the outfits, let's cut to the judging," Chad told the viewers.
Arlene had been dressed in a very nice simple dress, complete with a blonde wig.
Judges' scores:
Jon: 6
Chris: 5
Chef : 3
Chad: 6
Troy: 7
Jon gave his opinion. "Okay, it's not bad, but it's not any real standout."
Jill was dressed very humorously as a clown. The hosts tried in vain not to laugh. Jill pummelled them.
Judges' scores after the pummelling:
Jon: 3
Chris: 0
Chef: 0
Chad: -3
Troy: 0
Chris facepalmed. "You really thought this would impress anyone other than Jon?" he asked.
Ugly was in her normal clothes, but she also had a bag over her head and a smiley face drawn on.
Judges' scores:
Jon: 10
Chris: 10
Chef: 10
Chad: 10
Troy: 10
Chef spoke. "Listen, scrub, you only got a perfect score because you had that bag over your head."
Confession Cam
Chef- And, I must say, it made a major improvement.
END
Lindsay was in a purple top and medium skirt.
Jon: 7
Chris: 8
Chef: 5
Chad: 6
Troy: 8
Chad gave his two cents. "Not too bad, I gotta tell ya."
The judges looked at each other.
Jon sighed. "Drama's gone, I think we have a winner."
Author Note: Aaaaaand even then I realized I needed to show a minimal amount of fashion thanks to my own not-caring-caused ignorance of fashion.
Ugly removed the bag from her head.
"I didn't say you could take that off," Chef grunted menacingly, leaning in close.
Ugly replaced the bag onto her head.
Chris and Jon heaved up the Wheel of Misfortune. Ugly took the bag off and looked at the Wheel. It began spinning. The Wheel soon came to a rest on Triple Vote.
Jon got out his rulebook. "Triple Vote: The contestant who spins this is entitled to two extra votes in the next vote-off that takes place within the contestant's current team. Should the contestant move to another team before his or her current team holds a vote-off, they forfeit their two extra votes to the host of their new team's native series," He read.
"Better not give that to somebody else because they'll vote for you!" Chad added.
Ugly stared at Chad.
"Sorry," He squeaked.
Chef Hatchet effortlessly brought in the Wheel of Epically Failing Loserdom.
"LISTEN UP SOLDIER!" He hollered at Binky. "YOU HAVE LOST THE CHALLENGE FOR YOUR TEAM AND YOU WILL SPIN THIS WHEEL FOR YOUR TEAM!"
"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY DRILL SERGEANT!" Binky wailed. "I DON'T DO WHEELS, I'M A CLOWN, NOT A MECHANIC!"
"I SAID NOW YOU RAINBOW HUGGER!" Chef screamed, having a stroke.
Binky spun the Wheel. It landed on Privileged Vote Cancel.
Chef pulled out a relatively tiny book.
"LISTEN UP SOLDIER!" Chef raged.
Binky followed with him as he read.
"YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT!"
"I have the right to remain funny."
"ANYTHING YOU SAY CAN AND WILL BE HELD AGAINST YOU IN THE COURT OF LAW!"
"Anything I say can and will be recorded in the Clown Hall of Fame."
"YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO AN ATTORNEY!"
"I have the right to a squirting flower."
"IF YOU CAN NOT AFFORD ONE, ONE WILL BE PROVIDED FOR YOU BY THE COURT!"
"If I can not afford one, one will be provided according to my skill in clowning."
"DO YOU UNDERSTAND YOUR RIGHTS AS THEY HAVE BEEN READ TO YOU, SOLDIER?!"
"I sure do."
Chris blinked, slightly taken aback. "...Are you sure you're reading the right book, Chef?" He asked.
Chef tossed the book aside and pulled out a second.
"Right. Guess what, Binky boy. You get to choose who does NOT get two votes tonight. Also, you don't get two votes either."
Binky was a sad little clown.
Binky looked round at his options. Jill snorted and spat a fireball to the side.
"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY SNORLAX!" Binky wailed. "I'M PICKING YOU!"
Jill sat on him.
The song tone rang.
Chris grinned. "Get to singing, folks! How 'bout 'I'm a Little Teapot?'" He was clearly enjoying this.
Five shotguns clicked.
"Orrrrrr how about the lyrics to the Charlie Chaplin theme?"
Nobody said a word.
"Good!" Chris exclaimed. "You all are safe!"
Begineth the free time...
Toad sat vestless in a pond. Enter Starlow.
"Skinny dipping I see?" She chuckled.
Toad sank into the water, beetroot-faced.
"I don't really mind, though. I don't mind about much."
Luigi slid in, seeing an opportunity for a compliment.
"However, Luigi, much does not include you."
Luigi just as quickly slid out.
Toadette spotted a dog that had been put in the forest for lucky campers to have fun with.
"Aaaaaawwwwwwwww, da widdle sweet puppy! Come here!" She squee-d, moving towards it.
The puppy walked away.
Toadette power-walked in its direction.
"Come on, I won't hurt you, come here," She coaxed.
The dog began to run.
"Get back here! I just want to cuddle you!" She called, chasing after it.
The dog charged full speed towards the campgrounds.
"Come back, you little frick! I'm not a bear! You're adopted! Now come back!" She growled.
The dog ran past Chris's trailer.
"YOU STUPID LITTLE FAILURE GET BACK HERE OR I'LL STAB YOU WITH A STRAW AND DRINK YOU LIKE A STRAWBERRY THICKSHAKE!" She screamed, catching up to it.
Chris put the producer on hold and began to dial 911.
Jon attempted to brag to the people in the mess hall.
"So any of you guys seen the boulder scene in Diana Jon? I was the stunt double! Our intern JB is reenacting it right now with Jill!"
The fat lump of lard rolled up to the mess hall with a crumpled Hello My Name Is tag stuck to her.
Jon quickly peeled it off, poured gasoline on it, burnt it with a flamethrower, ripped up the little bits left and shoved them into Jill's stomach fat.
"I think he's dead," noted Arlene.
"Hallelujah!" proclaimed fan.
Later, at the Garfield Gym's Elimination Room...
Nermal stared at Binky.
Normal stared at Binky.
Wade screamed at Binky.
Wide stared at Binky.
Jon applauded at Binky.
Irma stared at Binky.
Liz stared at Binky.
Squeak stared at Binky.
Jill stared at Binky, who was currently underneath her.
Herman Post stared at Binky.
Ellen gave the most withering stare of all.
Jon slowly stopped clapping, realizing nobody else was. "Binky, do you know what you did wrong?"
"I plied my trade," he replied.
Quoth Jon: "Yes, but the key point is you did it BEFORE the merge. That means you HELP your TEAM MATES and not dress them as one of-"
Jon proceeds to have a shuddering fit.
Author Note: Retroactively, I'd like to officially confirm that Jon was worried about killer clowns.
Enter fan, he drags Jon into the toilet stalls.
*FLUSH!* *FLUSH!* *FLUSH!*
Return Jon and fan. Jon's face is soaked.
"See, the difference between me and Jon," fan explained, "Is I am too far off the deep end to be scared by horrific flashbacks."
"What's that sound of [BASICALLY A MASSACRE]?" Squeak asked.
"Oh, right," fan said, holding up his jPod, "My calming tunes."
Cue Nermal backing away slowly.
"Don't worry, [Joke about Garfield being unfunny, and that being unfunny is better than the series that mustn't be named]-"
fan proceeds to have a shuddering fit.
Jon continues, spitting between words and brushing his hair out of his face constantly.
"Okay... *pttthh* we shall... *hoch-too* we shall get on with the *huck-huck-ppth* vo- *cough cough* the- the vote. *Achoo*"
Jon pulled up a familiar cash-register-looking device and some slips of paper, on an antique-looking metal table.
"We all know who you'll vote for so I already used one of each of your votes for Binky," Jon mentioned, handing out pencils.
Later again...
"Okay, Losermeisters," Jon began, "At this point counting the votes is just a... a... what's the word?" He asked.
"JUST HURRY UP AND READ THE VOTES!" Jill blared.
Jon took the votes and read them.
"This was a pretty close one, actually. In the meanwhiles, help yourselves to lasagna. I'll read the votes individually. One for Binky...
One for Jill...
Two for Binky...
Two for Jill...
Three for Binky...
Three for Jill...
Four for Binky...
Four for Jill...
Five for Binky...
Five for Jill...
Six for Binky...
Six for Jill...
Seven for Binky...
Seven for Jill...
Eight for Binky...
Eight for Jill...
Nine for Binky...
Nine for Jill...
Binky, Jill, this is the voting slip of the last player on your team, which has two votes for the same person. The person who's going home is..."
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"...We have ten votes for..."
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"BINKY THE CLOWN!"
Binky's hair drooped. "Really, Jon?"
"Sorry, Binks, but you have to go now."
Author Note: Yes. This is my new nickname for Binky. I don't care that I invented it, I'm still adopting this nickname.
Binky walked over to the Dock of Shame and boarded the Boat of Losers. The others did not even bother to leave the gym.
Vote Reveal
Jon sat in a building resembling a bar. He sipped a can of Puke-Fizz.
"This soda sucks," he mumbled, tossing it aside. "Okay, viewers, waiting to see who used both votes on Binky? Let's find out!"
"STOP!" Squeak squeaked.
"What?" Jon asked.
"I sold my second vote to Jill," Squeak sighed.
"Why? And what did you get out of it?"
Squeak looked around. "I was sort of... bullied into selling." Squeak goes pale. "I'll never look at Garfield's stomach the same way again," he wheezed.
"Stuffed into her stomach fat, I presume."
"You don't say."
"As for what you got, if anything?"
Outside, Garfield yelled, "HOLY MOTHER OF PASTA, LOOK AT ALL THIS BUTTER!"
"...Nothing, in about three seconds," Squeak stated.
"Probably unsanitary anyway," Jon eyerolled.
"Not that that's a concern!" Chris chuckled, walking in.
Jon cracked open another can of Puke-Fizz.
"Okay, seeya later on Total Crossover whatever yadda yadda yadda cut print that's a wrap guys let's take a break," Jon blurted, followed by him gulping down his can of Puke-Fizz.