I was the very first Phan shipper.

The thing is, I introduced Dan to the world of Youtube by showing him my subscription feed one day at school. We were 14 years old, both obsessed with the freedom that is the internet and I got him hooked right then and there. We weren't together yet at the time.

Then, sometime around 2008, I saw him standing outside my house dressed in plaid. I remember laughing, punching him in the arm as I reached his side.

"You're not wearing black. I wasn't informed that today's groundhog day." I teased him and he smiled at me widely, his brown eyes shining bright.

"Plaids are not that bad..." he muttered. I crossed my arms over my chest, raising my eyebrows. "Really, now? What the heck is going on?"

And just like that, he grinned even wider. "I want you to watch something." he simply said and I could feel his giddiness. He held my hand and we were silent all the way to his house. Hastily, he set up his computer and loaded up Youtube.

"Is this some disgusting viral video like the one you sent me last night? Because Dan I swear to..." I started but he shushed me. Yes. Dan Howell freaking shushed me.

That's when I saw what he was up to. We were at Phil's channel and even back then, he had at thousands of subscribers already. Wow! Dan and I spent the entire afternoon watching Phil's videos and I remember seeing something in Dan that day that made my heart melt. He was looking at Phil like he never looked at anyone, even me.

Dan and I talked about Phil almost every single day. Him being Phil Trash No. 1? Nope. Not an exaggeration at all.

We had often talked about our dreams. He told me that he wanted to be somebody. Someone who would change people's lives or just someone who would make a mark in this crazy world. And with him, it feels like there was always something missing. I didn't mean that in a bad way. It's just that he has always yearned for something-not a relationship but a connection. Something that was beyond explanation or human comprehension. And I was the same too. I thought that when I found Dan then I achieved that goal. I found the one.

It's just that at that moment I knew that I wouldn't be as connected to him as Phil. Even then I just knew. He loved me, I knew that. I felt it every single day within the three years that we were together. But as we watched Phil that day, I knew that their paths would intersect. It had to.

"Hey Dan! Phil replies to some of the comments." I told him one day.

"So?" He asked me, obviously where I was heading at. He looked at me like the thought was pathetic.

"You know you want to." I teased, nudging him with my laptop. He stared at me as if I was crazy and I kissed him on the lips briefly for some encouragement. That did it. That's when the shitstorm that is Dannyboy the Fanboy started happening.

May 2009, Dan signed up on Twitter. I teased him so hard every single time Phil tweets because he panicked like crazy, thinking of the most witty thing to say.

"Jeez Dan! With the amount of replies he's getting, you don't have a freaking chance." I told him jokingly. He pouted, throwing a pillow over at my direction. I leaned on his shoulder while squeezing his hand for support. "You know I'm kidding right? Just say what's at the top of your head and one day I'm sure he'll notice. Trust me on this."

He looked at me, his eyes sad. "Nah. This is crazy."

I met his eyes and caressed his cheek. "No, it's not. Just go for it, okay?"

Good thing he did.

June 2, 2009-a few days before Dan's birthday-Phil replied. They got on so well that on the same day, they decided to talk to each other on Skype. Dan was so thrilled. I remember how his face lit up that day, his fingers trembling in excitement.

I remembered crying. Dan asked me why and I just said I was happy for him. I wasn't lying but that wasn't the only reason. I just felt that we were starting to slip away-not because of Youtube, Phil, or anything.

It was because of me.