a/n: boo! been a while, right? hope i didn't scare anybody! hehehe...

Dawn.

Alone.

Hands on my hips, I tried to glare at my little brother. Because he's a pain. Because he's a brat.

I can't pull it off. I feel my face cracking a smile.

Jeff's face spreads in a smile, as well. He knows he's won. "Agreed, then. I won't tell."

With a hearty sigh, I nodded. Jeff took off upstairs, shouting that he was getting dressed. Ever since he turned thirteen he's been caring about how he looks, dressing nicer. He's always been pretty mature for his age. We can handle him.

I had argued for my little brother the entire drive home from Long Beach. We'd taken Dad, Carol, and Gracie, seen off their ship. As the ship left the dock, Jeff had murmured something about staying for the party. Originally he'd been talking about staying at his friends house tonight, so I figured that Sunny, Ducky, and a few friends could come over no problem. Somehow, I have no idea how but somehow, Jeff managed to find out my plans.

So now Jeff would be there. His condition for not telling Dad about this, or anything else he caught me doing while they were gone, was that he be involved.

It's just Ducky and Sunny and a few friends. It shouldn't get too wild. Maybe I'll let Jeff try a wine cooler or something, keep him happy. Maybe, just maybe, if we're boring enough, he'll leave us alone.

Sighing, I head up the stairs myself. How lame were these people going to think I am? A little thirteen year old at a party. God.

I slam my bedroom door and survey my mess. Clothes. Think about clothes.

Maybe it's for the best that Jeff will be here. I won't get drunk and stupid with him around. I won't say anything I don't want to say. That's getting very, very hard. After spending a week in a motel room with Ducky, I simply avoided him best I could for two weeks after we got back. Sunny, too. I claimed I was sick, that I had picked something up in Mexico. They bought it. Then last week Sunny started pestering me about the Summer's Second Event, as she called it. The leaving of the parents.

I put on a white bikini, dropping a short yellow summer dress over it. I'd told everyone to bring bathing suits, for the pool. I pulled my hair back into a long ponytail and perched sunglasses atop my head. I didn't put on makeup. Again, pool.

Checking my image in the mirror, I felt satisfied. I ran back downstairs, barefoot. Who needs shoes at a pool party?

I found Jeff in the kitchen, shoving potato chips into his mouth. He looked good.

"Hey!" I said, giving him a little shove. "Those are for the party. Come on, help me cut up the veggies."

For about a half an hour we worked, cutting up vegetables and mixing dips, arranging platters. We hauled them outside and set them on our patio table beside the pool. I stood back and surveyed. "What do you think?"

"Looks fine. Where's the booze?"

I gave Jeff a withering look. "There's not going to be–"

"Come on, Dawn, stop lying to me."

I sighed. "Well, I don't have any. I guess it's sort of BYOB? If anyone wants anything? I'm not going to stop them. I'm not going to be drinking, I don't think. And neither are you." I added for good measure.

Jeff scoffed. "Please, Dawn. Like I've never tasted alcohol."

I raised my eyebrows. Jeff's drank before?

Jeff stared at me evenly. Not talking.

"Might as well tell me, I already know you did it." I offered.

He sighed. "Parties, you know? I mean, didn't you ever do stuff like that when you were my age?"

I thought about the BSC, the biggest bunch of goody-goodies east of the Mississippi. "Not in Stoneybrook..." I started thoughtfully. "Not really here, either, I don't think. Sunny did. A lot." The idea of Jeff doing the things that Sunny did scared me. "Look, just be good, okay? This is just a kick-back. And if you're going to be doing stuff like that at parties... let me know, okay? That why I can come get you if you need me."

Jeff rolled his eyes. "Sure."

The doorbell rang, and I made a mad dash for the door. I threw it open to find Ducky. "Hiiii!" I cried.

He threw his arms around me, kissing my cheek. "Ah, Dawn. Are you feeling better?"

I cleared my throat. "Uh... yeah." I muttered, trying not to think too much of how his arms were around me.

Ducky pulled back, and, arms still around me, looked into my eyes. I shifted, but held his gaze. "I really missed you, you know." He said softly.

I smiled a little, studying his eyes. Maybe I'm looking too much into it, but there's a softness there, something. Almost flirty. I stood up a little straighter, putting my arms around his neck. "I missed you, too." I replied sweetly, all thoughts of letting it go flying out the window. I felt him wrap a strand of my hair around his finger and shivered a little, but did not dare look away. It feels like one of those moments you see in the old movies, the couple look into each other's eyes, the man leans down and kisses her passionately...

Of course, as soon as it had started, it was over. Ducky let me go and picked up a bag he'd had sitting by his feet. "I brought fun stuff." He said, opening the bag and handing me a bottle. I looked it over. Mikes Hard Lemonade.

"Is it good?" I asked, twisting off the cap.

"It's great. Tastes like lemonade."

I took a long swig. It really was good. A lot of these flavored drinks have a hard bite of alcohol in the end. This went down smooth. "Yummy." I said, smiling at Ducky. Not a friendly smile. A smile that told him something else. He winked back at me, and headed toward the backyard.

Funny. It seems like he's flirting back with me. I briefly indulged in a fantasy of Ducky spending the last two weeks pining away for me, miserable, as I slowly closed the door. I took another long drink of the lemonade. Already half of it was gone. I walked quickly to catch up with Ducky. "Where's Josh?"

A shadow passed over Ducky's face, gone so quickly I wondered if I might have imagined it. "He's up in San Francisco visiting some friends." Ducky said cheerfully, passing into the backyard. He looked around. "Don't you have somewhere to put the drinks?"

"I don't..." I trailed off. Shit.

Ducky grinned. "Rookie." He glanced at his watch. "Well, it's a little after six. You told people to be here at seven, right? Does your dad have an ice chest? Let's go to the store."

I followed him silently to his car, feeling like an idiot. How do you have a party and not think of a place for drinks? Dumb.

The liquor store is only down the street. Ducky opens my door for me, and when I step out of the car, he grabs my hand. Electricity sparks all the way up my arm and into my brain. What is going on? He hold my hand into the store, then to the ice, where he finally lets it go to stack to bags of ice in my arms, grabbing two himself. We set the ice on the counter and argue briefly about who's paying. It's my party, so I insist. Ducky relents. The cashier is putting the ice in bags for us, and as I take my wallet out of my purse, Ducky's puts his hand on the small of my back.

I shiver again. This time he must have felt it. I glance up at him briefly from my wallet and he smiles. I look back down. What is going on? Ducky has touched me before, he's held my hand before, but something is different. Something is strange. Ducky is flirting with me. I know he is.

When were back in his car I felt... awkward. I felt like smacking myself in the head for it, too. This is what I want! I want Ducky to like me! This is my wish, coming true. Ducky, my probably-gay (but maybe not?) friend, is flirting with me.

I rode silently back to the house. Ducky didn't say anything, either. At least he didn't seem uncomfortable.

Ducky lugged the ice through the house as I stopped in the garage. I know we have an ice chest. I just don't know where. I surveyed the garage briefly, seeing nothing within my reach. I looked up and spotted it immediately. In the rafters. Dismayed, I dragged the ladder to the side of Carols van and climbed it. When I got to the rafters I had to lean over the ladder to get to it.

It was a far reach. I braced myself and leaned further, feeling stupid again. If I fall, it's nobody's fault but my own. Put that on my headstone.

I grasped a handle and sighed with relief. I pulled the chest toward me, settled back onto the ladder, feeling more steady, and–

"I can see up you dress."

The ice chest slipped from my already loose grip as I jumped. I gasped and cursed as it his the hood of Carols van. Ducky retrieved it, wide eyed. "I'm sorry, Dawn!" He said, trying not to laugh. He bent over the van. "Oh..."

"What? Shit! What is it?" I swooped off the ladder, and, in my haste to see the van, bumped into it. I watched in horror as it fell, too fast for me to stop it. I shut my eyes at the last second, and heard the crunch of glass, then the ladder hitting the ground.

Oh no. No no no.

I covered my face, not wanting to see. "Oh, God. How bad is it?"

"Well, the ice chest left a little dent in the hood..." Ducky said, sounding amused.

"This isn't funny, Ducky!" I yelled, finally looking. The minivan's windshield had a large crack spreading across the passenger side. "Oh, God! I'm going to have to pay for that! How much does a new windshield cost? And what about the dent? Oh, God! The party I'm not supposed to be having hasn't even started yet and there's already property damage. Dad's going to kill me. What am I–"

"Dawn!" Ducky said with a chuckle. "Relax! We'll take it to get it fixed tomorrow. They'll never know."

"But what about the money? I don't have enough–"

"I'll loan you the money. It's my fault anyway, for scaring you. Now will you come outside and have a drink?" He picked up the ice chest.

"You didn't scare me." I retorted, following him. "I was surprised. That you would say something like that."

Ducky stopped and looked back at me. "I say stuff like that all the time."

"Yeah, but..." I trailed off. Whatever is going on... maybe it's in my head. If I call him on it, and it's not true, then what? "Oh, nevermind." I muttered, shoving past him outside. Jeff was laying on a lounge chair by the pool, one of the lemonades in his hand. I opened my mouth to protest, but spotted my own nearly empty bottle on the table and decided it might not be a good idea. Instead I kicked his chair as I passed and gave him a dirty look. He toasted me and closed his eyes.

"Jeff, that's it, pal. I didn't buy those for you." Ducky's voice rang out. I looked at Ducky and gave him a grateful smile. He winked and poured a bag of ice into the chest.

"Eh." Jeff replied. I wasn't sure what to make of it. Probably it meant "Don't worry, I'll find something else." Well.. I guess it's okay. I'd rather he be doing this at home. I swigged the last of my bottle and grabbed a fresh one, twisting it open. This party is already way too stressful. I need to relax.

"Did anyone order a plethora of alcoholic beverages?" Came a cry from inside the house. I heard the clinking of bottles before I even saw her. Jeff perked up right away as Sunny emerged from the back door, loaded with shopping bags. "God, I love that I.D. It's so handy."

"How many people are coming?" Jeff asked, looking at the bags with wide eyes.

"Sunny! You dyed you hair!" I shrieked, running up to her. He hair was red. Not like Mallory Pike redhead, but like a fire engine.

"Dyed? What are you talking about? I'm a natural redhead!" Sunny retorted sarcastically. She set down the bags and embraced me. "I missed you! I'm so glad you're better!"

Jeff snorted. I shot him a Look. He knows they think I've been sick. He doesn't know why, but he agreed to keep his mouth shut. I held Sunny at an arm's length and surveyed her. She looked good with the red hair. Then again, she could pull off anything. "I like it." I said. "You have my stamp of approval."

"Thank God. Duckster!" Sunny cried, picking up the bags again. They clinked all the way over to the ice chest.

"That's a lot of booze. I thought you said this was just a kick back?" Jeff muttered from beside me.

"I thought it was, too." I replied slowly. "I don't know. But you," I said, turning to him, "Need to watch yourself. I'm not going to tell you to be an angel but if me, Sunny, or Ducky think you have had too much, you're up in your room, got it?"

"Got it." Jeff replied, grinning. "Thanks, Dawn. I'm glad I have such a cool sister."

I don't know how glad I am. I took another long drink as Jeff settled back in the chair. Sunny and Ducky were arguing about weather to use the patio table as a bar or bring out a folding table. Suddenly Sunny turned around. "Hey, Dawn? Are you wired for music out here?"

Two hours, an extension chord, a folding table, twenty guests and five drinks later, I was sitting on the lounge chair Jeff had occupied earlier, surveying my party. I didn't know most of the people there all that well. They were Sunny's friends. A few people were in the pool. The sun had finally set, and I had thrown on the backyard lights. All in all it was pretty cool. Sunny had drug my father's stereo and speakers from the living room outside and was playing DJ, mixing up all kinds of music. Jeff lost interest sometime around eight and had gone up to his room to play X-Box, thank God. So far nobody was getting wild, everybody was having a good time. I felt good as I stretched out on the lounge, enjoying my not-too-drunk buzz. Ducky was nowhere in sight. Hasn't been for a while.

Sunny ditched the Cd player and sat down next to me, holding two shot glasses and a bottle. "Dawny." She said with a grin. "Guess what?"

I looked down at the bottle. Jack Daniels. "Oh, Sunny... no. I don't think I can handle that stuff."

Sunny scoffed. "You are well on your way to being a party girl. You need to learn to love the hard shit."

"Can't we... mix it with Coke or something?" I pleaded. I've never tasted whiskey, but I've seen other people drink it. I don't want to make that face.

"Nope. Straight." She poured the shots. "Just drink it, Dawn. Drink and be merry."

I sighed, and clinked my glass to hers. "Okay. On three?"

"One... two... three!"

I tossed the glass back and let the whiskey into my mouth, swallowing quickly so I wouldn't taste it. Not such luck. I gagged, gasping. "Sunny! That's horrible! It's..." I sucked in a few deep breaths. "Wow that is awful! How can anyone like that? Uhg!"

Sunny was just grinning. She poured two more shots. "One more and I'll leave you alone."

"I'm gonna barf all over you, I swear." I grumbled. I took the glass, clinked it against hers, and swallowed it without a countdown. I just wanted to get it over with. It wasn't as bad this time. Probably because my mouth and throat are still numb from the first time. My stomache gave a small rumble, but I ignored it and swigged my lemonade to get rid of the taste.

"See? Not so bad. You'll thank me in a few minutes."

I don't know about thanking her. I'm still not quite sure how I like being that drunk. The way I feel right now is just fine, but...

I sat in the chair a few more minutes, watching Sunny making the rounds to her various friends with the bottle of whiskey. Nobody else protested the way I had. I guess I'm still a little behind these people.

I sighed and pulled myself up, headed for the bathroom. When I stood I swayed a little. I put my hand on top of the chair to steady myself. Oh, God. No more drinking for me.

I stumbled up the stairs to my bathroom, so I could brush my teeth, get the taste of whiskey out of my mouth. As I passed Jeff's room I peeked in. He was perched on his bed, mesmerized by Grand Theft Auto: Vice City. Dad let him get it. I don't think it's so great. Then again, I let him drink.

"Hi Jeffy." I said, leaning in the doorway. "You doin' okay?"

He paused the game and glanced up. "You're plowed."

I giggled. "A little. Are you okay up here? You can come back down."

"Naw. No offense, but your friends are boring. I don't know anybody."

"It's fine." I said as Jeff unpaused the game. I ducked out and hit the bathroom, where I brushed my teeth and hair, and splashed water on my face. When I emerged I felt better. Still drunk, but less like I was going to fall down. I made my way down the stairs carefully, though.

As I came to the last step I spotted Ducky, who's been missing for about an hour. It was a familiar scene; Ducky sitting on the couch with a group of people, leaning over the coffee table, a straw in his hand...

He met my eyes, guilt washing over his face as I approached. I know what the guilt is. He thinks I'm going to be mad, having this stuff in my house. At this point, I really don't care. I want Ducky to know I like him. Because he was flirting earlier. Because there is something there.

"Whatcha doin'?" I asked with a smile, sitting next to him.

"Oh we're just... you know." Ducky looked down. "Sorry."

"It's fine." I waved my hand. "You should have invited me!"

"This isn't... the same stuff." Ducky said in a low voice.

I raised my eyebrows. "What is it?"

"It's... speed."

Like Sunny does. I took a deep breath, and looked into Ducky's eyes. We stayed that way again, like earlier, at the door. A Moment. That's what it is. I know it.

"Let me try it." I breathed.

Nodding, but not looking away, Ducky handed me the straw. "Go ahead."

As I took the straw his hand covered mine, and he held it for a moment.

Something. It's something.

I leaned over and snorted the line without really thinking. I sat up quickly, so quickly I got dizzy. Ducky grinned and me and did a line, too. As he sat back up it hit me. Adrenaline. Energy. Passion. Something.

Without thinking, I hooked my arm around Ducky's neck and pulled him into a kiss. He made a surprised noise as I pressed my lips to his. Really it was nothing more than smashing our faces together.

But then, his mouth opened. Maybe to protest. But he wasn't pulling away. Something.

I was in awe of myself, forcing a kiss on my probably gay (but maybe not) friend Ducky. Somewhere in my head, I knew I had to stop. But there was something.

As shocked as I was at myself, what I was doing, what I had done tonight, what I've done this summer, nothing, nothing in this world could have shocked me more than when I realized Ducky had started kissing me back.