I've changed this episode because I'm not happy with the old one, and I'm finally continuing the story.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The TARDIS materializes in an abandoned alley, only 12 hours after the Doctor and Rose left… possibly. Rose runs off to see her mum, closely followed by the Doctor when he realizes he still can't steer his TARDIS. Speaking of the TARDIS, some little kid gives it a Bad Wolf makeover during the absence, then writes it in Rose's diary for her. Aww.

However, trouble is afoot back at the old Tyler place (I've always wanted to say that!) as Rose arrives back home. Jackie is, naturally, terrified. Cue the Doctor… who happens to think an hour and a year are the same thing. Silly Doctor. He plays a game of Slaps with Jackie to cheer himself up, but seeing as she's had a year to practice, he loses. Miserably.

Up on the roof (because everyone likes to hang out on the roof), Rose moans about being the only person to know about aliens (well, apart from all the people who saw the Autons… and all the Doctor's other companions… and anyone involved in any other adventures he's had…). At this point, of course, the Doctor notices a slightly-inconspicuous-spaceship-trailing-black-smoke-that's-an-obvious-distraction-from-hydrogen-based-aliens-in-the-North-Sea-which-crashes-into-Big-Ben-and-the-Thames. Rose is suitably annoyed, completely forgetting her moaning from moments before.

Later, back at Jackie's flat, the Doctor watches a bit of TV. Deciding Futurama isn't realistic enough, he turns to the News. The reporter mentions various significant words, such as 'spaceship', 'soldiers', 'Prime Minister', 'alien' and 'this is a clue Doctor'. The Doctor wonders if there could be a clue somewhere in there. The random small child makes up his mind for him and switches to Blue Peter. Hooray!

At the creepy hospital… Toshiko Sato, of Torchwood fame (but not yet) and General Asquith, of being-killed-by-Slitheen fame (but not yet) have a chat about an alien they found (yep, they know about aliens too). It's real, apparently… but it may also be fake. The alien oinks in confusion.

Meanwhile, the suspiciously fat Joseph Green regenerates into the suspiciously fat Prime Minister Joseph Green, and celebrates by partying with his suspiciously fat friends. Suspicious indeed. Paul McKenna, apparently, could not make them thin. Nor could Actimel. Haha, they say. Suspiously.

Back at Jackie's flat… well, outside Jackie's flat… okay, on the Powell Estate! On the Powell Estate, the Doctor goes off for a "walk around the TARDIS". Which is Gallifreyan for "I'm off to the creepy hospital with the alien in it". Unfortunately something, possibly the loud grating noise or the sudden random wind, alerts Mickey to the Doctor's fiendish plan. He runs towards the TARDIS, the TARDIS is disappearing, it's a race, it's going to be Mickey, no, the TARDIS, no, Mickey, no, the TARDIS, no… The TARDIS gets away and Mickey runs into a wall. Silly Mickey.

The Doctor arrives at the not-actually-that-creepy-hospital. Well, Doctors and hospitals go together like… the Doctor and trouble! Like Jack and cons! Like Rose and Mickey! No, wait, scrap that last one. Anyway… the Doctor arrives at the hospital and leaves the TARDIS. Wait! He forgot to check the coast was clear! Ah, well, it probably is. The soldiers surrounding him and holding guns are totally unfazed by the fact that the Doctor is coming out of their closet, but the sound of life outside the room they're in distracts them from killing him. Cos if they had, the rest of the series would have been rubbish. The Doctor and his new army friends run down a long corridor (finally!) and find… a pig! BANG! And now it's a dead pig. Thank you, random soldier. The aliens rewired its brain – the real aliens. They aren't pigs. Probably.

At Number 10 – again – Harriet Jones, MP for Flydale North wants entry. Who? Harriet Jones, MP for Flydale North! After going through this a few times, the guard denies her entry. Damn. So Harriet uses her amazing Spider powers to sneak in and takes a look at the top-secret emergency protocols that were left lying open on the desk. But her Spidey-sense is tingling – the suspiciously fat people are turning! The obvious solution, of course, is to hide in a cupboard and leave the door open. Luckily, the suspiciously-fat-people/suspiciously-tall-aliens-that-they-happen-to-be obey the laws of Doctor Who physics – it is impossible to look anywhere other than straight in front of you. As does Asquith, which makes him dead.

The TARDIS returns to the scene of Mickey's murder… well, running into a wall anyway. Come in Rose, Mickey, older Rose! Like my slightly inconspicuous time machine/convenient spaceship? Apparently Jackie doesn't, and runs screaming. Mickey would, but then he finds the Doctor's TV and settles down for the afternoon. Or whatever time it is.

Back at the flat, Jackie watches a bit of TV. "Have you seen an alien" asks the guy on TV. "Yes" says Jackie. The man on the TV doesn't respond, for some reason, so she phones up and repeats it, before adding that he was "an irrelevant alien man with a slightly inconspicuous time machine/convenient space ship which he calls the TARDIS! It's a blue telephone box!" Ganesh (he was in it earlier. He works in the government) types in the keywords (irrelevant, inconspicuous, convenient, TARDIS) and finds that the Doctor is the expert on aliens! Then he finds out about UNIT – the other expert on aliens!

The Doctor leaves his TARDIS, thankfully not into another closet, and he finds himself surrounded by soldiers. They are, of course, unconcerned by the fact they can see a big room inside the little police box. They're more concerned with the fact that the Doctor isn't a policeman. Mickey, always the hero, runs in terror as his girlfriend is arrested by some big men with guns – well done, Mickey! Of course, this is fine, because the big men with guns are actually just giving them a lift. And Mickey misses out on riding in a limo. Silly Mickey.

The suspiciously fat policeman comes to Jackie's flat, introducing himself as 'the fat policeman, not to be confused with the fit policeman, because I'm obviously not fit'. Jackie is, understandably, confused.

Back at Number 10, where Rose and the Doctor have just arrived, Ganesh reminds them to wear their deadly ID cards at all times. No, the random, possibly expendable girl can't go in. Or have an ID card. SpiderHarriet, who just used her amazing spider powers to escape the Cabinet Room, decides to lead her to certain death. In the Cabinet Room. There, they have a contest to see who can find the weirdest thing. Dead MP? Dead PM! Ganesh, who's being stalking them (possibly) is less than impressed by this, but before he can get very annoyed one of the suspiciously fat people (who was stalking him) comes into the room – the one that's going to be more important later.

Meanwhile, the Doctor realizes he's caught in a trap. Yay!

Margaret (the important-later one) reveals she's an alien (oh no!), and unzips her forehead. It's just like real life, isn't it? Oh, and the fat-not-fit policeman does likewise. Jackie is, of course, obeying the laws of Doctor Who physics and doesn't notice. Silly Jackie. Back at the briefing, the Doctor has figured it all out (naturally) just in time for the bit where the aliens reveal themselves, thus making his revelations obsolete. The Doctor is sad. And then he's electrocuted by the deadly ID card (the name does kinda give it away, doesn't it?) before he can even find out what the conclusion of the episode is!

…what do you mean, he's gotta wait another week to find out?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You know what to do - review!