"I'm talking about the fact that you were married and have a daughter." She looked in his blue which she loved so much.
"I know, I know it isn't any of my business."
She turned preparing to go back into town but he stopped her.
"Wait." He reached out and took her by the arm.
She stopped and looked him again.
"I was goin' ta tell ya this mornin´, but ya slept late and I know ya agree that yesterday wasn't the right time to tell ya, but ya shouldn't trust everythin´ that folks tell ya."
"Are you going to deny it? I noticed it immediately when I looked into Hannah's eyes. I haven't seen such bright, wonderful eyes except in you. That has to prove that you're her father."
When she saw Sully´s smirk she realised that he had heard her admit that she saw him as an attractive man, and she felt very uncomfortable, but after a moment he guided the conversation in the right direction once again.
"I wouldn't ever deny Hannah. She means the world to me."
"Than what exactly is going on?"
"I know the moment I tell ya the truth ya will hate me and I understand that. The townspeople don't know the whole truth. They have made up a story ´cause I don't want ta talk about it. They think if they create their own version of the story that I would tell ´em the truth, but I don't think it's any of their business. The only person who accepted it is Charlotte, but I want ta tell ya the truth because I owe it ta ya. You told me of the incident with David and now I feel that I owe you the same courtesy. Please just don't tell anyone else.
"Sully, I know you haven't known me very long but I can promise that what you tell me will stay between the two of us. I trusted you with my secret about David and I'll keep your secret just as close."
"You right. I trust you too. Come on. Sit down. It will take a little while to explain."
They set on the porch.
"All right, tell me."
Sully sighed. "It's difficult for me ta talk about it ´cause I despise myself for it. I haven't talked about it with anybody."
"Everybody makes mistakes. Nobody is perfect. Now tell me about Hannah and her mother."
"When I was younger I worked as a miner. One of the other miners had lost his parents and he had to take care of his sister. Clarise was 18 when I met her. We cared a great deal for one another. She was like a sister ta me. We spent a lot of time together. Then my 23rd birthday came around. Clarise's brother organized a surprise party. I hadn't drunk much in my life but on this evenin´ I drank one glass. Sully shook his head. "I don't know what happened after that. The next mornin´ I woke up with a bad ache in my head. Then I saw Clarise lying beside me. We weren't wearin' anythin´."
Michaela stared at him before she spoke. "You had a black out from drinking only one glass? Sully nodded. "What did Clarise say happened?"
"That's the strange thing, she blacked out too. She hadn't drank much either just a few sips from her glass."
"I think there's something suspicious about that. Do you really think…. well that something really happened between the two of you?"
"It had to be true. Clarise disappeared little after that. About Eight months later I got a telegram from a friend who worked at the mine. He told me he had seen her in Wyoming and that she was well advanced in her pregnancy. I travelled immediately ta Wyoming. When I found her she told me that her pregnancy was the reason for her disappearance. She didn't want people thinking that she was a whore. She wanted ta start a new life in a town where nobody knew her so she told the townspeople that her husband died."
"She wanted to start a new life with a lie?"
Michaela thought for a moment about it. "I think I can understand her reasoning."
"Yep and I put her in the situation. I took somethin´ special from her that nobody could give back. I respect women very much and hate men that do such things. I just wish I could remember what really happened."
"Did you lover her?" Michaela was afraid of his answer. She didn't know why she was suddenly so jealous of this woman.
"Yeah I did love her ... as if she was my sister."
Michaela felt a wave of relief wash over her. "What happened next?"
"After she told me everything she went in labor and I sent someone ta get a doctor."
-----
"Sully I wasn't with any other men… except you. Now we can be sure that something did happen between us that night."
-----
"I was thunderstruck. That was all I had thought about during the journey ta Wyomin´. Now I was sure."
"Are you sure she was telling you the truth? I mean maybe she hoped you would help her and be a father to her child."
"She hadn't ever lied ta me. ´sides I promised her that if she needed me I would be there for her. She knew I would have helped where I was the baby's Pa or not. She didn´t want my help at the first that's the reason she had disappeared. And ya said yourself Hannah has my eyes."
"Yes. That's true." She smiled.
-----
Clarise we'll find a way. I just wish I coulda loved ya the way ya deserved ta be loved ´cause ya deserve to be loved. Ya deserve to be loved and respected. I'll do whatever I can to help you and the baby."
"I'm not sorry that you love as a sister. If not it would make it more difficult ´cause that's how I feel for ya. I just don't understand why it happened since we don't love one another as more than siblings."
-----
"I don't even understand it today, but in that moment I was glad I hadn't disappointed her. I know it is something special for a woman so it... so it is for me... and I took it from her without remembering exactly what had happened between us."
Michaela could feel how guilty he felt and put a hand on his arm to comfort him.
"After a while the doctor came and Clarise delivered Hannah. Afterward Clarise was very weak and the doctor told me that there wasn't anythin' he could to save her."
Now Sully had tears in his eyes.
"Clarise felt it."
-----
"Sully...", her voice was very weak.
"Ya have ta promise me somethin´."
"Anythin´."
"Promise me ya will always be... a good Pa to Hannah ... and ya will love her... even if we didn't loved each other... like a man and a woman that create a child."
"Hey ya will make it." He lied to her trying not to make it worse.
"We both know... it ain´t true. Please... ya have to take care of her forever... and ya have to give her a proper home. Settle down...Someplace where nice…. Ya always told me… some day you would be goin´ in the west. Try to raise Hannah there. Maybe there ... would be ... a good ... place."
"I ... I promise."
"I want …ya to know that I want… you to be happy."
Her voice became more and more weak.
"I´m sure someday ya will meet a beautiful woman … who ya love … and who makes … ya happy. I want ya to tell that her that I don´t mind when ya… give Hannah… a new Ma."
"You're her ma and ya always will be."
"I can't be there for her. But I will watch over her. I want her to… be happy. Don't feel guilty… if ya find… a Ma for her. All I want… is for ya both…. to be happy. She needs a Pa and a Ma. She needs a family. So do you."
Sully didn't know what he could to make it easier for her.
"I´ll tell her everythin´ about ya."
"I hope she won't think to bad of me."
"She´ll only think the best of ya like I do. I promise ya."
"How can… ya say that?"
"It´s the truth… I will miss ya."
"I will forever be there with you. I'll watch over you both and your family if it grows."
Sully gave her a quick kiss and laid Hannah in her arms. Clarise looked at Hannah and smiled then she closed her eyes and passed away in a restfully sleep with a smile on her lips. She looked happy and peaceful because she knew that there would always have someone who would take care of Hannah.
Sully started to cry. He was so confused by what to do now.
I just lost the important person in my life. And now I have to take care of a baby, my child. I am a Pa… a Pa. I can't believe it.
-----
"Hannah is all I have even if she didn't come from love. I can't explain to you how much I love her."
"I know how much you love her because I hear it in your voice.
Could I ask you something personal?"
Sully smiled at her. "Sure."
"Do you think you could ever accept another woman as Hannah's mother? From what you told me you had promised that Clarise that you would but I don't really know how you feel about that."
Sully sensed that there was something behind this question.
"I don't think ya can plan on when and if ya fall in love with somebody. Ya can't resist against it if it's there, but it's difficult if ya have a child. I wouldn't allow myself to start somethin´ with a woman if she couldn't accept Hannah and treat her as if she were her own.
"Whoever doesn't love Hannah doesn't deserve your love. She's an angel. You can be very proud of her."
Is she talking about any woman in general or is she talking about herself? I hope she is talking about herself because I can't think of anyone else that I'd rather have as Hannah's Ma. I haven't felt something like that in my entire life.
Sully could see the sparkle in her eyes and it let his heart quicken.
"That I am, very much." He hesitated a moment than he asked: "Do ya hate me now that ya know everythin´?"
"No, I don't hate you. Nothing that happened was your fault, but there has to be a logical explanation."
"I stopped searching for an explanation a long time ago."
Michaela smiled and rose to her feet. "Alright, now what do you say we head back to town and pick up Hannah from Charlotte's and then have lunch at Grace's? You've told me so much and now I'm starving."
Sully returned her smile as he also rose, "That's a great idea. Come on. Let's go."
Then they boarded the wagon and drove back into town.