It was early in the day, I woke up and noticed my feet looked rather larger than usual. I weigh them on the scale and it claimed I was an extra 30 pounds. So I was guessing my feet were weighing at least 15 pounds each. So anyways, I go to the kitchen. My belly is rumbling!

I opened the fridge and I started gagging!

"AUUGHH! UHHH!" I gagged and a hairball came out of my mouth! How did I do that?! Was I part cat?!

"I better get ready for Gafgarion. He should be here very soon." I picked up my hairball and some food in the fridge and prepared a dinner. I realized I was an idiot because it was morning. Oh well…

Knock KNOCK!

I heard the door knocked. I ran to the door and there he was that stud muffin Gafgarion.

"Hello there." I smiled.

"Yes, hello. You called me last night on my cellphone. You said it was urgent." Gafgarion spoke.

"Yes it is. Please come in. I am preparing dinner… I mean breakfast."

Gafgarion comes in and sits down at the table. I sat down next to him. Blushing.

"So, um do you like boogers?" I asked nervously.

"Yeah. I eat them for lunch." He replies.

"Oh that's cool." I smiled. He was making me feel all warm inside. I just wanted to take him into my bedroom and dress him like a pussy cat. But my mind began to wander off about last night how I slept with my foot in my mouth and how I developed a hairball down in my throat. I than slightly started to imagine myself with pepperoni on my nipples and began to moan Santa's name at the table.

Gafgarion looked at me puzzled. I stopped and frizzled.

"You moan Santa's name for no reason too? Or when you get caught up in imaging things?" He asked me. I nodded slowly.

"Good! I thought I was the only one! Like last week I went to pay Formav a visit, and he started talking and my mind began to wander off. You know what I mean? And I began to imagine Formav with pantyhose tied on his head like a bow. And then all of a sudden I imagined Formav wearing these cute polka dot panties. I started screaming when I imagined Formav coughing up a turd out of his mouth." He said.

"You know, I sometimes just sit there and imagine weird things too. Like this morning I imagined I had big large feet and you know what?" I asked.

"What?" Gafgarion asked me.

"They disappeared when you knocked on the door." I replied.

"Look outside! A rainbow!" Gafgarion shouted and pointed out the window. Me and him jumped out the window and followed the rainbow. When we arrived at the end of the rainbow we saw a pot of poop and one beautiful unicorn eating it!

"Is that a unicorn?!" I( asked so shocked.

"Yes, it is!" Gafgarion replied to me. We both were so excited, we ran over to the unicorn and was petting his butt. The unicorn stopped eating the crap out of the pot and looked at us and smiled.

"Hello Dycedarg and Gafgarion. I heard many great things about you two." The unicorn said.

"Really?! Wait you know us?! You can speak?!" I was so speechless yet I still talked.

"Yes. I mainly heard great things about you Dycedarg. I have came to Ivalice to tell you that you are to be the next Poop Leg Driver in the town. And heck all the land." The unicorn said.

"THAT IS SO COOL BABY!" I kissed the unicorn and could taste the wonderful taste of crap on his mouth.

"Kiss my horn and you will become the next Poop Leg Driver." The unicorn smiled. I blushed and kissed the unicorn's horn with Gafgarion and I woke up! It was a dream! I was sitting at the table with Gafgarion and smelt my food burning!

"Oh darn that wasa dream! Oh well, better get my food." I ran off to go get my food. Gafgarion was looking around with a clueless face as he realized he also feel asleep and had a unicorn dream. I come back to the dining room and sat the food down and me and Gafgarion began eating.

"This is really a nice date." Gafgarion smiled at me. I blushed.

"Thank you." I smiled for joy. Gafgarion really was the sweetest thing that ever came in my life!

"You know you're brother Ramza is becoming a bother. He is ruining everyone." Gafgarion said.

I stood up and was pouring wine for me and my date.

"Kill him if he refuses to cooperate." I replied to the hunky man.

"What a brother you are." Gafgarion smiles. I hand him a wine glass and we both cheered for unicorns and drank it. We both began coughing.

"WHAT IS IN THIS?!" Gafgarion shouted as he fainted. I stopped to realized that I remember peeing in that wine bottle last month. Oh well…