Disclaimer: I don't not now or ever have any rights to the characters or the verse Joss has created; I am simply here to entertain.

Author's Note: Thanks again for all the reviews! I apologize again for not updating. Testing and the remainder of school have taken complete control over my life, but summer is almost here so I will try to get more posted on every story soon.

This is a short chapter, but I thought by waking her up or giving you another dream that it would ruin it, so for now I hope you like this as much as I loved writing this.

Chapter 4: My Soul

I felt a tingling in the back of my neck as my thoughts regained their consciousness. It was a familiar feeling I had for awhile during my…relationship with Spike. There was the sense I had when a vampire was near, but with Spike there was a similar yet different feeling all together. I sensed him. Not the vampire, but him. This was the feeling I got when he was watching me.

After we would sleep together, sometimes we would both fall asleep from exhaustion and I would awake with the same feeling. Just like he was doing now, he would watch me until I woke up. Sometimes he would brush a stray hair out of my face or run his fingers down my arm in the softest way to not disturb me. I would often just linger, letting him think I was asleep and bath in the feeling of the love and affection he bestowed upon me.

I just realized how much I had missed this. I thought back to the dream I just had and realized that we were in a similar position. I thought about what we said to each other.

Love. I felt a small pang in my chest, not a painful one, but a feeling that shocked me. I could feel the beginnings of love when I thought of him.

I couldn't though…love him. He was a vampire and I was a slayer. He couldn't love.

Then I felt his fingertips graze me arm and a light kiss brush my forehead. It was these little things that made me doubt with every fiber of my being that he was incapable of loving me. Spike would touch me or look at me in a way that made me feel how much he cared. I think that is what scared me the most. Riley showed the emotions, but not to the extent of Spike. And Angel…when I knew the love was there, but I never felt it or saw it in everything he did.

I could feel the arguments against this feeling stirring within my mind, a silent plea for me to get up and bolt, but a stronger part of me made me snuggle closer. I could hear his breath catch as he stiffened and then immediately relax, taking a deep breath. A sigh of relief.

He began to run his fingers through my hair and I felt him watching me. I realized I would give anything to stay like this. In his arms, I was the little girl who was able to love so openly, to not look at the world in black or white or scrutinize her actions with her past, but to just let herself be run by her feelings.

"I love you." Spike whispered so softly it was barely audible. "I 'ave missed you, pet." He began to laugh silently. "Look at me. Talkin' to you while you are sleeping." I could almost picture him shaking his head. He caressed my cheek causing me to shiver. "I wish you could see yourself. How beautiful you are…how peaceful. I would give up forever just for you to stay like this. At peace. Not fretting 'bout the next big bad or worrying 'bout your friends. I'd give up eternity for you. Hell, I would suffer in any hell dimension for eternity for you."

I could feel the tears form behind my eyes. He was speaking so softly, trying not to wake me and oblivious to the fact I already was. I could feel the vulnerability and I ached when I thought of what I put him through.

"You can't imagine how hard it's been not seein you. I miss waking up to you in my arms, even if you were to run off the second you wake up. I want to be able to be the one you went to for comfort. And I'm not jus' talkin 'bout the sex…I want to be the one who protects you. You protect your friends and kid sis, even complete strangers, but there is no one to look out for you. I wish that you didn' 'ave to be so strong all the time. You deserve so much more. You deserve to be able to be at peace, to do somethin' for you."

"As much as I hate to say it…you deserve so much better than me. I can love you more than any other bloke on this Earth, but I know that love isn't enough. The guy you need is the one who can take you out of the darkness, not the one who brings you closer to it. I know that. 'm being selfish. You will never know how much just being in the same room as you means to me. I feel alive when I am with you and closer to death when you're gone. Right here, right now, with you in my arms, must be like what heaven felt like to you because I can't envision anything better than this."

"I would do anythin' you asked of me. I'm love's bitch and a bloody ponce when it comes to you. You make me feel more alive than I could ever be and I only wish that I could give you the same. I know you will probably never love me, Buffy, but I can't stay away. I've tasted perfection and I'm not bloody strong enough to let you go. If it is what you wanted I would though…even it was for someone like the Poofter. I'd be happy knowing that you were happy because that's all I 'ave ever wanted. When you smile, the Earth seems a little bit brighter."

I felt his tears drop on my cheek and his finger gently brush it away. I felt the air leave my being as I tried not to cry. I didn't want to wake up. I knew it all would end if I did.

"I need you more than anything. I just wish that you knew. I've told you I loved you, but I don' think you get that I'm nothing without you. I am just empty and cold. I am dead inside. But when you're near I get a touch at life. I see you when you are happy and you are more alive than anyone I know. And just when I thought I couldn' love you more, I do. I know with every ounce of my being that it's true. I don't need a soul to feel what I feel for you. I have you."

"You are my soul."

TBC