Chapter 4 – Kyouko's Depression

"*moan**moaning continued*"

"Guys…guys! She's waking up!"

"Oh, thank God!"

"Wh…What? Wh-Where am I?" I asked. I had woken up on a bed in the hospital. Surrounded by what looked like my friends and…even my mom? My eyes were so blurry, so I couldn't really see everyone clearly.

"Kyouko! Thank goodness you're okay! You had me so scared!" It sounded like Mom's voice as I felt a great mass around my weak body.

"M-Mom?"

"So I see that you've awakened from your coma, Ms. Toshinio." I heard another voice. A deep one, to be exact. I looked to the right of me and saw a white blur getting closer to me. Seeing how I'm in a hospital, this white blur had to be the doctor.

"C-Coma?"

"You had lost so much blood by the time you got here, we had to put you in a medically induced coma. You were out for a month."

"A-A month?"

"That stick was only near inches from the internal carotid artery, which supplies blood to your brain. We put you in that coma so that your brain wouldn't swell up. You're lucky that your friends brought you here as quick as they did. They pretty much saved your life."

"R-Really?"

"I'll leave you all alone for a bit. I'm sure you want to catch up with each other."

"Thank you, doctor." I heard Mom said.

As the doctor left the room, I felt the giant scar on the right side of my neck. Patched up with a huge line of stitches. But then, after apparently laying in this bed unconscious for a month, I remembered…how I got this massive scar.

"Kyouko. I'm so happy that you're okay now." With my eyesight still blurry, I was now hearing Yui's voice. "You had us all scared that you wouldn't survive and…"

"Y-Yui…why?" I interrupted her.

"Huh?"

"Why? Wh-Why did you all…s-save me?"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. What do you mean "why?"?"

"I mean…there's a reason…why I stabbed myself in the neck. That's what…suicide is, right?"

"W-Wait a second." I was now hearing Ayano's voice. "K-Kyouko. A-Are you saying…"

"Yeah. I wanted to die. I wanted to bleed out from that stabbing so that I wouldn't live anymore.

I wanted…to cease from existence.

But you all saved me. And now I'm still here. Why? Why did you guys save my life? Why didn't you let me die? We all would've been happy. If I…if I was six feet under right now."

"Kyouko! Stop saying that crap!" Yui shouted.

"Why, Yui? It's the truth. I'm nothing more than a nuisance to everyone. Including me. I make everyone unhappy. Including me. I hate myself and just want to die already."

"K-Kyouko…sweetie…y-you're scaring me." Mom said. Struggling to hold in her tears.

"S-Sorry, Mom. But it's the truth. I didn't tell anyone…because I didn't want to make anyone feel worse about me."

"Wh-What about that talk we had, Kyouko? Didn't that mean anything to you?" Ayano asked.

"W-We were both smiling at each other when we forgave each other! What happened to that?!" I was now hearing Sakurako's voice.

"W-Well…" I had to think about this on my own. "D-Don't get me wrong. They did make me feel better…but not for long. I went back to being depressed the next day."

It was around this time my eyesight had returned. And seeing everyone's sad and tear-filled faces was only making me feel more depressed.

"*sigh* Being happy again is just completely hopeless. Just like me."

"Kyouko." I looked over to the person who called my name. And honestly, this was the one person I really didn't want to know about this state I'm in.

"A…Akari…." Her face was just as teary as the others. But the only (and main) difference was that her tears looked bigger and more powerful due to only having one tear duct.

"Kyouko, please stop saying those things. They're not true."

"B-But…"

"No! Listen to me!" Akari yelling that took everybody off guard. She rarely yells. So to hear her do such a thing…

"S-Sorry." She ended up apologizing. "But seriously, you really need to stop blaming yourself for everything. That's what's hurting you."

"B-But…th-that day…th-the accident…"

"I know you feel bad for it. It may have made me feel the same way you're feeling now, but I'm slowly getting by. Trying to forget that day ever happened is an impossible and pointless thing to do. I know because I look at it every morning I wake up. But I'm not going to let it ruin me. And you should do the same."

Hearing Akari say these words…I couldn't think of a way to respond to them. So I just kept silent and turned my head a little.

"And plus…I really am sorry for hurting you at the party."

*sigh* This again?

"I know that's the main reason why you tried to kill yourself."

…

"Wh…What?" I asked in shock as I faced Akari again.

"It was selfish of me to reveal my secret relationship with Rise like that without a care in the world. I gave little thought to how you or Sakurako would feel afterward. I felt so guilty…being the cause of your suicide attempt. I stayed here with you every single day that you were unconscious. Constantly apologizing to you for possibly making you take your own life. I would sometimes cry myself to sleep on the rails. It was the worst month of my life! I'm sorry, Kyouko! I really am! Please forgive me! Waaaa!"

I watched as Akari fell to her knees and started crying hard. It was painful. More painful than me stabbing myself with that sharp stick. Me feeling this way, and trying to commit suicide. It was only hurting her more. And everyone else, too. Now I was the one feeling guilty. I put my friends and my mother through so much hell because I was too much of a coward to tell them how I truly felt this whole time.

I truly am a selfish jerk. Not because of my old self. But because of how I treated them all now.

"*sniff* Akari, Mom, everyone. I…I'm sorry. I'm sorry for keeping these feelings a secret for so long. It's just…I felt alone inside. It wasn't this extreme before. But going to those therapy sessions made me start feeling worse about myself."

"Kyouko, why didn't you say those sessions weren't working?" Mom asked me.

"I…I wanted to, but that lady…she scares me. I always dreaded going back there. But I kept it to myself."

"Kyouko, I…"

*RING* *RING* *RING*

"Ugh, really? Now, of all times?" Mom complained as she took out her phone. "*sigh* And it's work, too. I told them not to call me when I'm here."

"It's okay, Ms. Toshinio. We can take it from here." Yui said.

"Thanks, girls. I'll be back, sweetie."

"Alright." I said as Mom left the room to answer the call. Which left me alone with Yui, Ayano, Akari, Chinastu, and Sakurako.

"So was I…really out in a coma for a month?" I asked.

"Yeah. It was really bad." Yui replied. "The doctors believed that it would be longer than that."

I did a sigh of sadness for actually having a chance of that happening to me.

"You missed the entrance exam. And we're actually halfway through summer break." Ayano added. "Which means that…well…"

"Just tell her, Ayano. There was nothing else we could do." Yui said to her.

"Huh? Tell me what?" I asked.

Yui and Ayano looked at each other with worried looks before Ayano continued talking.

"Kyouko…it means that you have to miss a year of school."

…

…

"What?" I asked.

"Since you couldn't take the entrance exam, the school had no choice but to hold you back a year. We kept telling them that you were in the hospital nearly surviving a suicide attempt. But to them, it didn't serve as a reasonable excuse."

"S-Seriously?! GAK!" I yelled, which caused a sharp pain in my neck from the giant scar.

"Hey. You shouldn't yell like that. You only just woke up." Chinastu said.

"B-But this is insane! What the hell am I going to do for a whole year?!"

"Don't worry, Kyouko. We'll all keep you company." Sakurako said.

"Thanks, Sakurako. But that doesn't really help me with anything."

And as if I thought my situation couldn't get any worse than it already is…

"Uh…hey, Kyouko. I've…got some bad news." Mom said as she came back inside the room."

Why do I felt like I just jinxed myself?

"What bad news?" I asked.

"Well…my boss just called me and said that I have to…go overseas for work."

"Wh-What?! S-Seriously?! GAK!" I yelled, causing my neck to hurt again.

"Overseas? To where?" Akari asked.

"Somewhere in England. Not sure where. And they want me to be there for a year."

"A year? Damn, that sucks." Sakurako said.

"*whine* Why do bad stuff always happen to me?" I asked as a fell back on my bed.

*SOUND OF A DING COMING FROM AN INTERCOM*

"Attention, everyone. Visiting hours are now over. Please make your way to the exit. Thank you for visiting."

"Geez. It's already time to go." Ayano said.

"Yeah. Don't worry, Kyouko. We'll be back tomorrow." Chinastu said.

"And we'll tell the others that you woke up from your coma, too." Sakurako added.

"*sigh* Thank you…everyone." I said.

As everyone left the room (including my mom, who was showing them out before staying with me), I laid in my bed thinking of all the things that happened in the past, and everything that's going to happen once I get out the hospital. My mom's going to be overseas for a year and I'm held back a year from school.

So I have a second chance at life, huh? I can only hope it gets better than how it is so far…

This was my last thought for the day. Before closing my eyes and going to sleep for the night.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Kyouko survives! And it was close, too. Now she slowly accepts the fact that she can't hide her true emotions anymore and tries to move on from the past. No doubt it will be difficult for her to do.

So Kyouko being held back a year is actually based on an anime I watched called Slow Start. Where, after getting sick during entrance exams, the main character had to miss a year of school. And thus, she started high school as a year older than the rest of the people in her class. It's basically about her struggling to tell her new friends this secret. It's good. And it has its funny moments, too.

Feel free to review, favorite, and/or follow the story. The next chapter will explain why Kyouko hated the therapy sessions. Although it won't come for a little while. Got other stories to work on. Thanks for reading. Later.