A/N: Sorry! I was (insert excuse here), that's why it took so long to update. Yeah...
Take your time.
I need to grow up faster.
Slow down.
I need to take care of them.
Don't let it consume you.
But I can't control anything.
death
and
dream
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IV
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"Understand this, Mira," Makarov spoke to the girl calmly, "Your form of magic… it's not, strictly saying, well…"
Frown.
The elderly master was one of the only people whom she respected in this guild, but she couldn't help but to interrupt, "Strong? Safe? Good? Something along the terms, I'm guessing?" She listed out impatiently.
He shook his head. "It's definitely strong, alright. Dangerous, even. Many of the council members – myself included – believe that it should be categorized as a Forbidden Magic." The shorter man explained, "So…"
Mirajane folded her arms. "Master, I know very well that it's hard to control," She said, "That's why I train."
Makarov eyed the young mage, concern spilling out of his stare. "Yes, I know you train, Mira. In fact, I know very well that you train hard." He paused, shaking his head once more. "And that's exactly why I'm worried. You tend to work too hard. You never give yourself the time to breathe. If this continues, I fear that you may lose it one day."
She heaved a sigh, shrugging her shoulders. "Well… I think I'm still managing."
Makarov narrowed his eyebrows. "Darkness Magic is extremely unstable, Mirajane."
The master's rare, heavy tone was frightening to many, but not to her. Why, of course she knew that her own magic could kill her if she wasn't careful – she was informed of that ever since she discovered this power.
Mirajane simply smirked. "Thanks, master," She unfolded her arms and started to walk away, "But, really, I can take care of myself."
As the girl moved further away, Makarov added one last bit, "It's going to consume you if you don't slow down."
Mirajane stopped.
"Slow down," He said again, "… not just in training, or accepting missions, or anything like that."
She turned around to face the master.
"… but in life." Makarov said. "Always, you're in such a hurry to grow up."
Mirajane looked to her feet.
The old man went on, "You need to take your time."
.
.
"Porlyusica," Mirajane called, just before the healing mage could reach for the door.
She turned to the young girl, sitting – emotionless – on the bed, still bound by that cruel spell.
There was a moment of silence; perhaps Mirajane couldn't believe that she was actually doing this. "I won't go anywhere," she stated delicately, "so please, undo this."
The pink-haired woman stood still. She stared at her patient silently, wondering to herself if this was the actual Mirajane. After all, the infamous and greatly-feared Demon, here, was begging. Of course she had to take a two to confirm.
"I'm sorry,"
The girl tensed slightly.
Porlyusica reached for the door again, "Releasing you would mean more work for me."
And then the woman was out of the room, leaving her alone again.
.
.
Take your time.
I need to grow up faster.
Slow down.
I need to take care of them.
Don't let it consume you.
But I can't control anything.
.
.
She had been absolutely still for the past few hours. Whether Porlyusica chose to help her or not did not matter in the first place. She didn't need help – Mirajane never needed help from anyone. Not the people in the guild, not Erza, not Laxus, not Master…
…
… not her parents, not Lisanna, not Elfman.
Because when they help, because when they even come close to doing something for her, nothing good would come out of it.
That was why she never asked for help.
Mirajane breathed in a steady rhythm. She kept her eyes closed and her posture comfortable because, one, she could focus better, and, two, moving pointlessly fucking hurt. This spell… it wasn't particularly a high, council-levelled one, it was just complicated. Complicated, but it was also a type of darkness magic.
And she knew darkness magic best.
Already, she figured out that it was just a series of magic energy flowing into every one of her neurons, cells – whatever, controlling a large majority of her nerves – particularly the ones that dealt with pain. If she could neutralize all of this foreign magical energy from her body, then she would be out of this pain-prison.
She took a deeper breath, preparing herself.
She had been hard at work for the past three days already, without anyone knowing. Mirajane first tested out her strategy on the joints of her fingers first; simply by shooting her own magic into the cracks of her nerves where the foreign energy occupied was all that it took. Though, she did remember that there were over millions of nerves in the human body, and that was why so far, she only got rid of thirty percent of the binding-spell. To speed up this process, to get out of this prison faster, she needed more power.
Just this was not enough – not the slightest bit enough. It truly was frustrating; Mirajane needed to focus better, but the pouring rain that was splashing against the window wasn't tolerating. She needed to control better, but in the current state she was in, her darkness magic – which she was ironically using – wasn't exactly easy to handle. And as obvious as it was, Mirajane wasn't particularly the patient type, so in turn, more frustration built up, and less accomplishment was done.
Mirajane clicked her tongue.
This was bullshit. She could create holes in mountains, manipulate rivers, control the clouds, and make the skies obey her will, but this? What the hell? What was it about this juvenile, trivial, stupid binding-spell? Her body tensed up, her fists tightened into balls and her knuckles cracked.
Just then, the door to the clinical room burst opened.
"Mira!" said the red-haired girl who entered.
Faint, black waves began emitting out of Mirajane's body and more of that frustration built up. This was so stupid. She was getting so fucking angry—
"… Mira!" Erza sought no hesitance; the all-too-familiar, cold, life-sucking energy in this room (which she could feel from miles away) could only come from her one and only rival. She dropped the tray of food she was supposed to deliver on the closest bed-table and ran up to the Demon. Ironic, but Mirajane was sitting casually on the bed and at the same time, she was posing as a dangerous threat. The dark waves coming out of the Demon's shoulders were intensifying; Erza knew that she had to stop Mirajane soon, otherwise…
The scarlet knight grabbed onto Mirajane's shoulders.
Yes, it was dumb. And yes, Erza knew that the effects of touching those dark waves were deadly because right away, the said, cold, life-sucking feeling drilled into every inch of her body. If she wished to live… if she cherished her life even the slightest bit, she had to let go.
… But she couldn't just leave this miserable girl, could she?
"Mira," Erza fought away the coldness with all her willpower, "You need to stop this."
…
… Why wasn't it fucking working? Mirajane breathed out, nearly making an animalistic, growling noise as she did. She focused harder, and as she did, those waves surrounding her body darkened into a shade that went far beyond the colour description of 'black'.
It was like seeing hell itself. The vivid, sharp images of pain and suffering of her past… death, Rob… a-and… and him – flashed through her mind in agony. Erza knew that this was just an illusion, she knew that these were just the effects of the Demon's darkness magic – SHE FUCKING KNEW – but everything was so real; the sounds, the smells, the pictures, the senses—
"God, damn it… Mira…!"
…
"… Your name," Erza could see the boy with blue hair say to her. He was smiling. Through her tightly shut eyes, in the dark, that malevolent, evil child was smiling at her. "… it's full of kindness, brightness, and warmth."
Erza bit at her lower lip. "Shut up…"
"Your hair—scarlet—" He spoke in a ghostly yet gentle manner, "Erza… Scarlet—"
She lost her breath. The boy was still there. He was still fucking there— "… leave me alone… get away from me…! Please…!" Erza begged lowly.
…
The glass cracked. Mirajane's magic had somehow pierced through the solid material without her intention, and it was that sharp, glass-cracking sound that broke Mirajane's concentration. Having lost to loss of control, she was about to grunt in annoyance when she suddenly caught sight of a body in front of her. "E-Erza—" Before she could finish, the re-quip mage started to fall—
Everything was turning dull; her vision was becoming blurred. She didn't want anything more, she only wanted to give up. Erza wanted to give up on life. She wanted to die. She would much rather die than to experience hell all over again.
—and as the scarlet knight fell, Mirajane, still sitting on her bed, somehow caught her without much effort. Gently, she lowered her rival to her knees, allowing Erza to rest her upper body on the side of the bed.
"… Erza?" Mirajane called softly. Her rival's rapid panting and shivering was starting to worry her.
Took a moment, but when she regained her senses (sanity, rather), Erza spoke up in broken coherency, without raising her head. "Y-you have got to stop using your magic so mindlessly…" Her voice was muffled in to the mattress. "And just… what exactly were you doing…?"
Mirajane looked oddly at her rival. It wasn't often that Erza Scarlet talked to her with her head down. She thought for a moment, and then looked outside the window. "I… wanted to stop the rain."
Slowly, the re-quip mage brought her head up. She eyed the Demon with wonder and curiosity and confusion all at once. "What…?"
"… I was… bored."
An eyebrow arched as high as it could reach.
Mirajane looked away.
After a bit of silence, the red-haired mage broke the awkwardness and commented, "You're crazy."
She looked back to her.
Erza shook her head, defeated. She did not feel like questioning the reason behind her excuse. After all, the reason itself was already quite obvious. Though she still felt like beating her rival up for draining all of her strength and energy. It really wasn't smart to mess with Mirajane, especially when you didn't have the intention of fighting back. Throwing a thumb over her shoulder, Erza spoke up again. "You're paying for that."
The platinum-haired mage blinked and followed wherever she was pointing at. "Oh." It was a crack on the window – just a minor little scratch, no biggie. "I can afford it."
"Of course you can." Erza said, rolling her eyes. Though a large portion of her strength had yet to return, she was fine enough to stand up. "I've brought you food," she said and walked back to the tray she had left earlier.
As she watched, Mirajane felt that it was necessary to say it, "Hey, uh…"
The re-quip mage came back with the tray in her hands almost instantly. "What?"
Mirajane took a deep breath. "Sorry," she muttered, "… about what I did."
Erza placed the tray in front of her rival and then crossed her arms, regaining her commanding-posture. "What are you talking about?"
"I nearly killed you, didn't I?" Mirajane said.
Was that guilt in Mirajane's voice? No, not just guilt alone. Erza could also hear shame, and she didn't like it one bit. True, she had indeed experienced something much worse than death just now, thanks to the Demon, but above revenge, she wanted her rival to go back to how she usually was. So, she answered in her arrogant tone, which would typically make the Demon argue back. "You, kill me?"
But the Demon only raised her head weakly.
Dull blue eyes met piercing hazel ones. A muscle in Erza's jaw twitched uncomfortably as she watched – god damn it, Mirajane – but could not watch long enough, for she couldn't stand it. This difference, this change, this… person. Erza couldn't bear to look. In fact, she was going to go insane if she stayed any longer. "Eat. Porlyusica will come by to check on you in a bit," She instructed blankly, not wanting to drag on the non-progressing conversation. "Make sure you actually eat this time, though. Or else you're going to have it again." And then she made her way to the door.
"Hey, Erza…"
Her hand already on the doorknob, the re-quip mage turned to her call. "What is it?"
Mirajane clenched onto the sheets of the bed. "Really… I'm sorry."
Erza's eyes swelled in an instant to the sound of her weak voice.
She looked toward the red-haired mage once more and went on, "I'm so sorry," Mirajane said, smiling faintly – shamefully – at the same time. "For everything. Everything I've done."
It was an instinct, a reflex. Upon seeing her smile like that, Erza simply felt the need to say it; she felt that it was necessary, that she would kill if anything stopped her from saying it.
"Please… don't apologize," Erza replied, keeping her voice firm. "You've done nothing wrong."
.
.
"Happy?" Erza called to the blue cat. If she were her usual self right now, she would be scolding him, but quite frankly, she wasn't in the mood. "What are you doing up here on the second floor?"
With his head down, Happy turned to the scarlet knight, almost in slow-motion. "E-Erza…"
Her eyebrows narrowed. "Is something wrong?"
Tears were threatening to spill out of Happy's large eyes as he answered. "Natsu… he… he's…"
Immediately, she tensed up. The fiery pinkette couldn't possibly be doing dumb things again, could he? Well, he usually goes crazy whenever things don't go his way, so—
"… he hasn't been home for a week… I don't know where he went…" Happy continued, still sobbing.
"A week…?" Erza said with wide eyes. Come to think of it, the boy hadn't appeared in the guild for the entire week. She thought that he was simply out, doing missions, to get his mind off the death of his close friend, but to not inform Happy about it? This was very unlike Natsu. "Happy, where did you last see him?"
"H-here…" The cat stuttered. "On the first day Mira was brought in to the clinic, Natsu ran away. I-I don't know where he went…"
Erza thought fast. That idiot – knowing him, he would be storming to seek revenge, but… the 'killer' was Elfman. There would be no way that Natsu would harm anyone in the guild, right?
"Erza… p-please find Natsu…"
The S-class mage loosened up. She quickly gave the blue cat a slight smile, remembering that Natsu was very much a guardian – no – an older brother to Happy. So to have a family member go missing all of a sudden like this, Erza could almost feel the pain Happy was going through. "Don't worry," She said, patting the cat on the head, "We'll find Natsu."
Happy sniffed. "R-really?"
Her smile widened. "Yeah. It's going to be fine."
"Oh, ho, ho… what's this?"
A deep, mellow voice coming from below the staircase interrupted the two. While Happy jumped to the sound, Erza reflexively got into her battle stance. She really wasn't in the mood for this guy right now. The footsteps ascending the stairs became louder, and soon enough, the sight of bright, blonde hair caught Erza's hazel eyes. Subconsciously, she bit at her tongue to contain her frustration.
"What's the little, talking, flying kitten doing here, on the S-class floor?" Laxus asked mockingly.
Happy took a step back, clearly frightened, but Erza kept her stance firm. She stood to shield him from Laxus. "Come on, Happy, let's go find Natsu."
Obviously, Happy was far more attached to Erza than Laxus, even though the former was equally as scary. He summoned his wings and followed after the knight without any further questioning. Passing by the lightning mage, Happy remembered to avoid eye contact, as that alone was able to freeze him on the spot.
Unaccustomed to being ignored, Laxus clicked his tongue and folded his arms. "Hey, aren't you being a bit rude here?"
Erza ignored him and walked on, straight to the staircase where the lightning mage came from.
He scowled with annoyance. "If you're looking for Natsu,"
She stopped instantly. Erza spun around.
"… I've seen him hanging out near the mountains."
"Mountains...!" Happy exclaimed, catching both S-class mages' attention. "T-that's where Lisanna and we used to play together…!"
"Lisanna…?" Erza said with surprise. "Then that explains it. Come on, Happy, let's go!"
"Unn!"
The two rushed down the stairs. From the second floor, Laxus could see them bursting out the exit, and running mindlessly into the thick, pouring rain.
"Hn, how pointless."
Bored, and realizing that he was left alone, the lightning mage heaved a long sigh. He sat down, relaxing on a bench by the railing. He leaned back, resting his head on the wall and stared down at the first floor. "Now then," the air, he realized, had gotten dangerously thick today, and it wasn't because of the quiet atmosphere of the guild. "… what should I do?" He stared at the entrance to the clinic.
.
.
There was a presence approaching – one that wasn't stoic and heavy like Erza's. Rather, it was… static, peculiar, and… familiar? The only person to give off this presence in the guild, to her knowledge, had to be him.
"You're not eating," said a voice she knew very well, which also confirmed the identity of the person in question.
She ceased the magical flow inside her body, so that what happened to Erza this morning would not happen again. Her initial reaction was to glare at him and say something like 'it's none of your business', but she did not find the point in arguing at the time. Hell, she didn't even feel like arguing with Erza, so why waste time on him? Instead, she lied down from her sitting position and closed her eyes, hoping that the lack of attention she was giving him would make him lose interest and leave.
But no, he did not lose interest. In fact, Laxus was intrigued. He was intrigued by the Demon's calmness, her lack of will to fight, her vulnerability, and… and just her. His feet moved on their own, drawing himself closer to the young girl whom he continued to observe in silence.
"What do you want?" She scowled as she spoke.
Laxus hooked his foot at a leg of the closest chair, dragging it to the side of the girl's bed. His eyes travelled around the room, and once he found an answer, "I'm hungry," he sat down. Grabbing the untouched tray of food in front of Mirajane, he went on, "Don't mind me, I'm just going to help myself."
Mirajane stared at him lifelessly, lacking any form amusement.
Using the girl's bed as a table, Laxus really did help himself. "Wish I came in here earlier," Laxus said, cutting the meatloaf into neat squares. "The food's cold."
"…"
The awkward silence prompted his eyes to dart upwards; of course, once he did that, his eyes only clashed with those boring, dull, blue ones that he wasn't one bit fascinated with. Well, to be frank, he wasn't just not fascinated with her lifeless eyes – perhaps subconsciously, he was hoping for the girl to talk back; maybe she could flinch an eyebrow at him? Or, simply, she could even rolled her eyes at him, showing some sort of human response…
"I'm quite disgusting, aren't I?"
Her sudden, and rather, random statement caught Laxus off guard; he blinked to bring himself back. "What?"
She stared at the man blankly, keeping still and quiet.
Annoyed, he tried again, "Kid, what are you—"
"I almost killed Erza."
Laxus froze.
She continued, "Without my knowing," Mirajane looked down at her hands, "I was only trying to cancel this spell, but my magic, it just…"
He, too, looked at her hands, which were now shaking unstably.
"… Something's wrong with me." Mirajane stated firmly. "I… I could've killed Erza."
Laxus watched her clench her fists – the girl was tensing up; it almost seemed as if she was getting more and more delusional.
"She was trying to help me… and I-I just…!" She paused to breathe, "I can't help anyone in return…!"
Her voice was rising, even the tension in the room was getting thicker. Yes, Mirajane might actually be—
"I can never help anyone, and I never will—"
"Stop," he cut in, resting his hand on her shoulder.
"…"
"Just… stop." Laxus said softly.
Staring at him with a straight face, Mirajane did just as she was told.
He waited until she was breathing evenly again, and then he removed his hand from her shoulder.
Realizing the trouble she may or may not have caused, Mirajane started immediately, "I-I'm sorry…"
Her apologetic voice, which he was – once again – unaccustomed to, threw his gaze away. Right now, Laxus decided to look at anything and everything but the girl.
With all seriousness though, why did he come in here? Of all the things he could be doing – like going out for another S-class mission, bothering the weaklings in this guild, or simply just taking a drink… why did he choose to come in here?
His head dug for the answer, and it dug deep. Without his knowing, at the same time, his eyes unconsciously met Mirajane's, and – god help him – how he wished he wasn't spacing out. Because right then, he was locked in the most sorrowful gaze ever. Beautiful, but sorrowful. Heavy, wavering feelings overwhelmed him, and he couldn't shake them away. Laxus started to hate himself; he hated himself for losing guard, for deciding to come in here, for not being able to foresee this, and… and he hated how he suddenly felt so vulnerable—
"Laxus—"
"Stop." He said again, surprisingly not in a harsh way, but strong enough to interrupt her once more. Laxus turned to the window, where he stared at the endless rain pouring outside.
Seeing how the lightning mage was clearly in here for his own joy and entertainment… or whatever the hell it was, and that he had no reason to listen to her speeches of grieving, Mirajane silently cursed herself for speaking out so stupidly. Yes, she was so stupid. Mirajane had to grip onto her blanket to channel this anger away.
"The rain," Laxus started.
Mirajane looked up and turned to the blonde.
His eyes glued themselves to the endless raindrops, and then he went on, "It bothers me."
"…" She stared at his back in silence as if she were waiting for him to continue his captivating story.
"It bothers you too, doesn't it?"
She couldn't give him an immediate response, as she was far too stunned by the fact that the cold, arrogant, lightning mage was trying to have a casual conversation with her. She shook her head to bring her conscience back. "I…"
"Let's go out for some fresh air." Laxus finished.
Mirajane jumped when he suddenly turned his head around. She eyed the man in a questioning manner, waiting for him to list out the reasons.
Laxus looked out the window again. He really didn't like the rain, but he decided that needed this. She needed this.
Mirajane believed that she was probably dreaming. Just what in Magnolia was this man trying to do…? "What…"
"Fresh air," Laxus cut in before she could finish.
Her eyes followed him like magnets as he placed the tray of food on a solid table. She was quite amazed by the fact that he actually cleaned up after himself.
"Well, what do you say?"
Okay… she probably wasn't dreaming. Mirajane's initial reaction was to frown at his nonsense. "In the rain,"
"Yes," he said easily, "In the rain."
Her frown deepened. "You said it bothers you,"
"Can't stop me from doing what I want." He walked back to her bed after washing his hands.
"What do you want?" Mirajane's annoyance was rising, but so was her curiosity.
The man rolled his eyes. "I said I want some fresh air. Do you not know what 'fresh air' is or something?"
… And did this man know that she was bound by a spell? … Actually, of course he knew. Hell, he was there when Porlyusica casted it, he was even there when she tried to escape so miserably—
"Come on, stand up."
The way he said it so impatiently shocked her at first, but then her expression soon twisted in confusion and bewilderment and… well, mostly confusion, as she wasn't completely repulsed by the idea of taking a walk with him (which she shamefully regretted). Still, she wanted an answer.
"L-Laxus, why…?"
He ignored her and bent down, leaning his upper body over the bed as if he was going to pick the girl up.
The Demon was long grimacing. She tried her best to shove him away when his arms stretched out. "No, stop it," she protested, unintentionally whispering.
Laxus smirked. "Still got the power to argue, huh? Even after your nonstop usage of magic for the past three days…"
Mirajane raised her head. She glared at him.
The blonde simply prolonged his cocky smirk.
Then, it came to her – of course, a powerful mage such as Laxus would've felt it for the past three days; she was only using a little bit at a time, but even the weakest mages could have felt her eerie magic if they concentrated hard enough. So, of course Laxus knew that she was trying to break away from this spell. He probably didn't say anything because it was too troublesome, or because he didn't care.
So… what was all of this?
"Why are you doing this?" Mirajane questioned, strangely without threat.
The man in question stared at her with a blank face. Good question, he thought to himself. Why, really? Why was it that even though he had an idea, he couldn't say it out? His mind began to wander off as he searched for an answer – actually, more appropriately, his mind wandered away to think of a plausible excuse.
"Because," Laxus started.
… it is not true,
"I feel like it." He reached out a hand to the girl.
… that you can't help anyone.
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Stuff is happening at last!
Please review as always :D