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Chapter Four

Opening his eyes, blue eyes blinked a few times before noticing the unfamiliarity with the room around him. Jumping from his slumped position to his feet, Jim swayed slightly before settling on his feet, turning to face the place he had just risen from.

"Jim?" Spock questioned, a frown on his face in a moment of vulnerability before his usual stoic expression returned, leaving only a slight crinkle between his eyebrows.

"Sorry, I..." Jim trailed, anxiously. "I didn't recognise where I was."

Scratching the back of his neck, nervously, his eyes skimmed over every part of the room, paying particular attention to the dark, hardwood floors of the apartment.

"Jim," Spock spoke cautiously, rising to a standing position, as though Jim was a small, timid creature. "It is okay. You are safe."

Reaching out, he placed his hand on Jim's shoulder, withdrawing it immediately when the blonde flinched. The concern and disappointment of his reaction must have been evident on his face, for when the blonde took a minute glance at his face, he took a step back before the tide in his ocean eyes began to rise.

"Spock, I'm sorry, I...I," Jim trailed again, running his hands through his blonde hair in distress.

Taking a step towards him, Spock opened his arms, offering Jim a human gesture, which he had seen his colleagues, and even his mother, use in times of social comfort. Spock waited, his arms outstretched, allowing Jim to accept the gesture himself, for fear of distressing him further.

Upon opening his eyes, Jim noticed the gesture, his shoulders sagging. Taking a shaky step forward, Jim slumped into Spock's arms, breaking down into sobs as he felt Spock tighten his arms around him. Pressing his face into the slightly taller, Vulcan's shoulder, Spock lay his head in the crook of Jim's neck.

They stayed stood like that for several minutes until Jim's sobs had subsided. As Jim made to pull away, he was surprised to feel the Vulcan tighten his arms minutely, effectively keeping him in place for several more moments. Jim could not remember the last time he had been held, the gesture causing him to release a content sigh, his eyes closing momentarily.

Finally, the Vulcan's arms went slack, as they released Jim and stepped back, out of his personal space.

"I am sorry, Captain," Spock spoke, gaze focused on the floor. "You were in distress and I saw no other appropriate way to relieve it."

"Spock, it's okay, I'm glad you didn't nerve pinch me or something," Jim spoke, a flash of amusement in his voice. "And it's Jim."

"Jim," Spock spoke quietly. "A nerve pinch would be detrimental to your trust towards me, and as your First Officer, we need to trust each other."

"Right," Jim responded, failing at masking the disappointment that had reached his face. "Your duty."

"I have upset you," Spock identified.

"No, no," Jim responded defensively, as he made his way towards the door.

"Jim," Spock called out, as the blonde walked away.

"I'll see you later, Spock," Jim responded, effectively ignoring the Vulcan's call. "And sorry about last night."

"I-" Spock began, silenced as the door shut behind Jim.

Sitting back in his position on the sofa, Spock let out a huff of breath, resting his head against the back of the sofa, the way Jim had done the previous night. Closing his eyes, Jim's cologne reached his nostrils and he felt himself overwhelmed with a feeling of loss towards his absence.

Rising again, Spock made his way to his bedroom, determined to meditate. Since the incident in the Warp Core, Spock's shields had been weak, even more so in Jim's presence. But as Spock fell into a meditative trance, he could not help but think of how the Captain had felt asleep on his shoulder, how his soft, blonde locks had felt against his fingertips.

"You were right," Jim whispered, the words causing Bones to look at him as though he had gone mad. Jim could already see the cogs turning in his brain, figuring out which hypospray would solve this surge of madness.

"You've gone mad," Bones spoke, incredulously.

"Hobgoblin's don't have feelings," Jim spoke, disappointment evident on his face.

"Kid," Bones responded, exasperated. "I know I say that all the time, but come on, even I can see that Spock cares about you. I have two weeks of evidence to back it up."

"He cares because it is his duty to care," Jim replied. "He said so himself."

"Okay, fine, let me put it this way, when you died," Jim flinched at the word. "He broke regulation by beaming down to beat the crap out of Khan," Jim flinched again. "Leaving the Enterprise without an Acting Captain."

This point left Jim speechless. Spock always used regulation to point out the flaw and errors in Jim's plans. They had argued about him constantly criticising the young Captain's decisions, leading to Spock replying that he 'only did so 87.2% of the time'. Only. However, after that argument, the Captain had provided a stalemate.

"Spock, listen," he had started. "I know that I am not like other Captain's you have served or been acquainted with. I am rash, impulsive and arrogant, and sometimes I will make decisions that are stupid. I don't need a critique. I need an advisor, someone to help me, not make me feel like a terrible Captain."

As Kirk had spoken, he noticed that the hardness in Spock's eyes had softened, his cool demeanour deflating slightly.

"You are not a terrible Captain," he had begun, looking at the floor. "I find that the majority of our missions end successfully, despite statistical improbability. I believe, that despite your young age and inexperience, you are the best individual I have met to be the Captain of the Enterprise."

"But," Kirk began, tears forming in his eyes at his First Officer's unexpected praise. "You always criticise me."

"I did so, because your inexperience causes scepticism amongst Admirality, and I wanted to spare you the human feelings of disappointment and insecurity. However, I can see that I have failed, therefore I understand if you wish me to be transferred, or wish to file charges against me."

"Spock," Kirk had spoken, a small smirk on his face. "Why the hell would I do that?"

"I believe-"

"Spock," Kirk interrupted. "It was rhetorical."

Clapping Spock on the shoulder briefly, Kirk smiled at him.

"Perhaps we can try being friends."

"Perhaps we can," Spock had responded, as the Captain left the meeting room he had escorted Spock to after he had verbally disapproved of his decisions on the bridge.

As the door shut behind the Captain, he missed Spock standing there for several more moments, before following, the edges of his mouth tilted up slightly.

"I don't know," Jim spoke softly, frowning.

"Neither do I, to be honest, but here we are."

The two sat in a diner, eating breakfast. Jim continued to frown at his pancakes, stabbing them with his fork harsher than necessary. Bones just watched him, eyebrow raised, as he sipped his coffee.

"You look like Spock when you do that," Jim spoke, glancing at his friend briefly, causing Bones to immediately frown.

"I hate you."

"You love me," Jim corrected, earning an exasperated huff from his friend.

When Bones didn't correct him, Jim smirked, earning a small smile from his friend.

"Come on, kid," Bones spoke, as they finished their breakfast. "Let's go."

"Where we going?"

"For a walk, you need the exercise."

Jim just huffed but followed his friend out of the door, whining.

"You're an idiot."

"Nyota, I do not appreciate that insult," Spock replied, his gaze disapproving. Nyota just looked away, anger overtaking her features, as they stood in his apartment. "I do not know what I am meant to do."

"Well, for one thing, you do not tell Kirk that it was your duty to relieve his distress."

"Why not?" Spock questioned, as she met his eyes again. "It is the truth."

"Because that will make him think that you only calmed him, because it is your job to," Nyota huffed.

"He is my friend," Spock began, frowning slightly. "I disliked seeing him so upset."

"We both know that is not the only reason."

"I do not know what you are referring to."

"You said Vulcans do not lie."

"They do not."

"You're lying to yourself."

"You are incorrect."

"You hugged him because you love him."

"Incorrect."

"When we were dating, you saw me cry. Especially, when my grandmother passed away. But you never hugged me."

Spock stayed silent at her response, unsure of what to say.

"When Kirk died," Nyota continued. "You were furious, you scared me. You wanted to avenge him."

"I wanted to kill Khan," Spock confirmed, growling the name.

"Why?"

"Because he took Jim away from me."

They remained silent in Spock's kitchen for several moments, before Spock looked up to find Nyota looking at him with tears in her eyes.

"You love him," Nyota spoke.

Spock frowned but did not reply, looking down at the tea on the counter.

"I see the way you look at him, the way you do your slightly smile, the way you cried when he died."

Seeing Spock's flinch at the last word, a tear fell down her cheek, as she reached out to take his arm from the other side of the counter. At the touch, Spock looked up to her, tears also present in his own eyes. After several moments, she saw his eyes widen minutely, before looking back towards their tea.

"I believe," Spock spoke into his tea. "That I do hold regard for Jim, beyond friendship."

Nyota just smiled slightly at him, before they resumed silence, drinking their tea. Nyota, pleased that Spock was finally beginning to embrace his feelings, and Spock, frantically searching his mind, analysing all of the times he had conversed with his Captain.

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