If Artemis Was….
He he... BTW, please ignore the fact that Artemis Fowl lives in the 21st century and Angelina Jolie and Miley Cyrus are probably dead. (squee! On the Miley being dead thing.)
If Artemis Was…
A Fashion Designer.
"We're here, at Harbor Hotel where there is a spectacular fashion show taking place where everyone who's everyone is at. From Taylor Swift to Angelina Jolie, this amazing clothing line has attracted the biggest names in the industry…" The reporter said, feeling very smug she got the celebrity fashion segment in the news. "Of course, the master behind this fashion phenomenon is no other than European fashion designer-slash-billionaire Artemis Fowl the Second."
"What ya' doing, horse?" Holly said, as she entered the Ops Booth. Foaly closed the laptop immediately.
"Nothing, elf." What? He had to say something about the horse comment.
"Elf? This has got to be how low you get." Holly snorted. Then Foaly's laptop started playing I'm Too Sexy for My Shirt song thingy. "Well, I stand corrected. What's that in the laptop?"
"Eh, nothing, just mud man news."
"Oh. Well, then, I'm off to the surface. When's the nearest hotshot?"
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o
Paparazzo was perhaps the second most annoying thing in the world. The first was Mulch Diggums. Artemis Fowl tried to answer every question, but it seemed that every time he answers one, a thousand more comes.
"Master Fowl, how did this clothing line start?"
"Sir, was this inspired by your rumored girl friend Miley Cyrus?"
"Mr. Fowl, is it true that you imitated your designs from Armani coats?"
"Bubblegum!"
Artemis rolled his eyes. He has got to make a list of annoying things in the world and beneath it. Seriously, Miley Cyrus? Artemis struggled his way through the crowd towards the limousine. (Not actually, since Butler shoved them all away) From the hotel, the young genius went to his after party-slash-press conference in La Bella Italia.
0o0o0o0o00o0o0o0o
Artemis looked at the crowd. They were all very formal in the clothing line he patronized. No security alerts, money is cashing in at his bank accounts at alarming paces and he is now world renowned. Juliet better start preparing her taste buds.
This started all in a little dare. Once upon a time Juliet said that Artemis had a bad taste in fashion, wearing the same thing everyday, over and over again. So when Artemis got annoyed since she started writing remarks about his choice of clothing everywhere, from the walls to his breakfast (cereal formed into the words 'get some real clothes doffs') Artemis devised a way to make her shut up. Juliet ended up making a deal wherein if Artemis could prove he has an excellent style in fashion in 3 months Juliet would eat Beckett's feet. If not, Artemis would say I love you to Holly and propose to Minerva. Of course Artemis would never say no to a challenge.
So here he is, dining with Domenico Dolce & Stefano Gabbana and other people that Juliet would be dying to even just breathe the same air with. He is so gloating over Juliet. Oh well, time to flatter the guests. He stood up.
"Good evening everyone." Artemis nodded, then paused as he stared at a peculiar scene on the far corner of the room where in Lady Gaga was adding her own twist to Artemis' design by tying the tie on her waist instead of her neck and pouring some juice on Akon's pants. "I hope everyone enjoyed the fashion show and the food.
"As we all know, I have just released a brand new fashion brand appropriate for all ages, for all occasions. I daresay it is the most effective item of fashion that is comfortable, formal and appropriate. You could even travel 4 continents; embark on a trip to an underground city and save someone in the Antarctic in those tailored pants." Everyone laughed at this. Artemis was dead serious though.
"I would like to thank a few people who made this possible, and a huge success. Thank you to my dear friend Juliet who inspired this clothing line and gave me the motivation. She was something to look forward to after all of this is finish," He grinned at his own private joke. "I would also like to thank the Kardashian sisters for being the face of this brand. I would also like to announce that in a week, A.H.M. Collection would be going world wide."
His privileged guests clapped their hands.
"Master Fowl, you wouldn't mind me asking, what does A.H.M. stands for?" A man who is important enough to be on Artemis' table said.
"Well, it's simply Artemis Holly and Miner-"Artemis started, but was interrupted by a raging woman who was rather fat.
"I LOVE YOU!" Then kissed the genius right in the lips. Just before the security guards dragged the lunatic fan away, she managed to sprinkle juice all over Artemis' pants.
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"Well Juliet, why don't you call Beckett now." Artemis gloated smugly as Butler's sister called for Beckett.
"Halo Julie" Beckett squealed as he ran inside with all his fingers inside his mouth.
Juliet closed her eyes, grabbed his feet and started to lick Beckett's disgusting, unwashed 'piggies'
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o
"Well, Commander, I'm on my way to Dubai. I'm approaching mudman territory, sir." Holly mumbled into her earpiece.
"Captain, just go to the address Foaly would give you." There was static. Holly was not answering.
"Holly? Hello? Holly!"
Holly was in no state to answer. Her mouth was open in shock.
"Commander I think I need a vacation. I'm seeing millions of Artemises around me." Then she fainted, the vision of young kindergarteners playing skip rope in ties.