Chapter IV

The day of the funeral dawned bright but with a biting chill in the wind that no amount of warm clothing seemed to be able to keep out. Rin shivered slightly as she stepped out of the taxi and pulled her long dark green coat tightly around her, wrapping her hands in the ends of her long scarf. Sighing quietly, she looked around her at the various people wandering towards the old church building that lay half hidden by the surrounding trees, the grounds littered with dull, decaying tombstones and the occasional brightly polished marble headstone glinting in the bright morning sunlight. Rin smiled to herself as her eyes landed on a wall separating the church grounds from the large fields that surrounded it. Ivy hung in long tendrils over the top of the wall and swaying gently in the wind, its tips running along the mounted plaques. Not seeing anyone around who she knew, Rin diverted her course to go over to the wall and she brushed aside the ivy hanging over on plaque near the top of the wall, partially hiding it from view. Smiling softly, she let the ivy drop back into place as she turned around and joined the little groups heading for the church's large double doors.

Sesshoumaru had been standing by the doors beside Kagura as they greeted the people as they entered the church. His gaze was drawn to a figure in dark green amidst a sea of figures clad in black and as he looked closer, he realised that the figure was Rin. He hadn't bothered to tell Kagura about Rin because he knew that she would probably just cause a scene or be blatantly rude to the woman who had been nothing but kind to both him and her daughter. The woman beside him sighed and cast a bored look at the people walking towards them before disappearing indoors leaving Sesshoumaru alone at the doors. Shrugging, he looked out and his gaze once again fell on Rin who was walking towards the memorial plaques nearby. He watched as she paused to look at one before turning to come towards the church. Her brown eyes landed on him as she approached and she smiled slightly.

"How're you?" Rin asked softly as she came to a stop beside him, accepting the order of service offered to her by one of the ushers standing by the doors.

"So far so good," Sesshoumaru replied, his voice devoid of emotion and his face strangely calm.

Rin nodded and looked over her shoulder at the people behind her waiting to express their condolences. "Good. I'll see you after the service."

As she disappeared into the dim church, Sesshoumaru watched her leave silently, wishing that she would turn around and stay beside him. He needed the calm that she seemed to radiate. Beneath the calm façade he put up, Sesshoumaru was at a loss. His emotions were mixed and he felt strangely detached from what was happening, almost as though he was in a dream and nothing around him was real. Kagura was no help at all having only turned up at the funeral for appearances' sake rather than to actually mourn the child's passing. She clearly had no interest in anything that was happening or any interest in how Sesshoumaru was dealing with the situation. Kagome and Inuyasha had been his support since they had heard about the child, but even they didn't have the same calming effect on him that Rin did. The brief conversation he had had with her only moments before had calmed his nerves. He had seen concern in her eyes and how she didn't seem entirely convinced when he said he was fine. She was surprisingly perceptive. Blinking, Sesshoumaru looked up when he noticed yet another man standing in front of him and a tearful woman at his side. Sighing to himself, he brought himself out of his thoughts knowing that he should focus on the task at hand before trying to deal with his mixed feelings and thoughts.

The service hadn't been very long, but Rin had smiled slightly as she heard the tributes that a few people gave to the child, a couple of them had even been somewhat amusing and lifted the mood slightly. When the service came to an end, people drifted past her as they headed for the exit. Kagome and Inuyasha had stopped to talk to her for a few minutes before leaving for a doctor's appointment and Rin found herself one of the last people in the church save the priest who was talking to Sesshoumaru at the front of the church. Sighing to herself, Rin got up and looked around the church once more before heading outside to the now deserted grounds.

This particular always brought back fond memories for her and she slowly made her way across to the gravel pathway that weaved between the rows of tombstones. The chilly wind had picked up again and her long coat fluttered around her, but Rin ignored it as she headed down the path, her destination coming into sight. A black marble headstone sat at the end of the row she walked along and she stopped in front of it, picking up the hem of her skirt slightly as she dropped to her knees in front of it. She read the name on the stone and smiled to herself as the image of her mother came to mind. A frown creased her brow as she realised that the marble was dull in comparison to some of the other headstones and made a mental note to come back soon to tend to it. Adjusting her sitting position, she stretched her legs out in front of her and picked a daisy from the grass nearby. Lazily, she plucked the petals out as she started speaking softly, telling her mother about everything that had happened in her life since her last visit. She knew that there was probably no point in speaking to a headstone, but somehow Rin always felt a bit better after doing so.

Sesshoumaru stepped out of the church, his unbuttoned black coat whipping around his legs as the cool wind rushed past him, momentarily clearing his troubled mind, but it soon fell back into turmoil as the gust of wind passed. Sighing to himself, he sighed and wondered what to do with himself now that everything was over. The past month had been devoted solely to Yuri and now he found himself at a loss. Amber eyes looked around the seemingly empty grounds and widened slightly when they landed on a figure sitting beside a headstone. A closer look revealed it to be Rin and he frowned, wondering why she was still here.

"Rin?" Sesshoumaru asked quietly as he came to stop behind her.

She jumped slightly and turned wide eyes to the man standing behind her. "You startled me!" she gasped.

"Sorry," he apologised and turned his eyes to the name on the headstone she sat beside. "A relative?"

"My mother," Rin replied with a fond smile at the name.

"I'm sorry."

Rin shrugged slightly and got to her feet, dusting off a few blades of grass that clung to her skirt. She looked up and met Sesshoumaru's amber gaze with a slight frown. The response he had given her at the door when she greeted him had been blatant lie and she could see straight through the façade he had put up. Sesshoumaru looked away and walked beside her as they made their way over to a bench that sat against a wall nearby. He wondered what Rin was thinking when he caught her frown, but suspected that she was probably going to keep it to herself.

"You don't fool me," Rin said quietly after they sat in silence for a few minutes, tilting her head back to look up at the clear blue sky.

"I'm sorry?"

"You heard me."

Sesshoumaru frowned at her slightly stern tone of voice and once again wondered what she was thinking about. There seemed to be something different about her today, but he couldn't put his finger on what it was. Suddenly it dawned on him that her smile was missing. Normally she hid behind smiles and greeted him happily each time she saw him, but as he glanced at her out of the corner of his eye, he saw no smile, not even the hint of one. Her brow was creased slightly and she looked deep in thought as she watched a couple of wispy looking clouds float past. Rin Oshiro was truly an enigma. He thought he was beginning to understand her and now she brought out another side to her that he wondered if many people had seen.

"I understand that you're upset," Rin murmured, her hair blowing around her face as the wind picked up again.

"Do you?" Sesshoumaru asked somewhat bitterly, unable to help himself.

"Of course I do. You saw that headstone over there," she replied with a raised eyebrow as she nodded towards it. "That's not all of it either, but that's beside the point."

"What is the point?"

"The point is that you'll never get over it if you bottle it up. I understand that everyone grieves differently, but keeping everything to yourself is not wise."

"So I'm told."

Sighing, Rin got to her feet and closed her coat around her before turning to look at Sesshoumaru, motioning for him to follow her as she started back down the path towards the church. Curiosity piqued, Sesshoumaru caught up with her and fell into step beside her as he thought over her words. He knew the whole story about bottling everything up and he'd heard it so many times since Yuri's death that he was heartily sick of hearing the words no matter what good intent the person had. The fact that it was Rin now telling him this irked him all the more as he had thought that she would have known that he didn't need to hear those words and that they wouldn't take away his grief.

He looked up as he noticed they had come to a stop and realised that they were standing in front of the wall he had seen Rin approach earlier. Raising an eyebrow, Sesshoumaru looked down at the petite woman beside him who merely shrugged slightly. Staying where he was, he watched as Rin lifted the ivy that partially covered a plaque and read the inscription with a frown. The surname was the same as the headstone she had been sitting beside.

"My father," Rin said simply as her fingers lovingly caressed the name before her fingers dropped to the second name that was written below her father's. "My brother."

"Why are they not buried beside your mother?" Sesshoumaru asked with a frown, not sure what to make of the situation.
"Their bodies were never found."

"I see."

Rin looked at him and smiled gently. "I do understand how you feel. I speak from experience."

Sesshoumaru could only nod mutely as his gaze fell on the names again. He wanted to know what had happened to them, but he also knew that if Rin was going to tell him then she would have already done so. Perhaps he would find out eventually. Dealing with grief was not something he was familiar with and unfamiliar things didn't sit well with him. It made him feel helpless because he couldn't prepare for what lay ahead and that annoyed him. He was always prepared for the things he knew he would have to face, but this had caught him off guard. Rin laid a hand on his arm and gestured towards the gate.

"Let's go. You'll feel a bit better," she said and led the way towards the street.

"Would you like a lift home?" Sesshoumaru asked, grasping at an opportunity to take his mind off the day's events.

"Yes please."

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

The journey to Rin's house had been a blur and an hour later, Sesshoumaru wondered how he had ended up sitting on her sofa while she bustled around the kitchen making a meal for them both. She had smiled and told him to make himself at home before disappearing and now as he sat on the sofa, he felt slightly out of place in her house. Just a look around the living room was enough to ascertain that her home had been furnished purely with comfort in mind and Sesshoumaru was surprised to find himself almost completely at ease despite not having been here before. The scent of vanilla, her scent, surrounded him and he felt himself calm slightly as he inhaled the scent deeply and an image of Rin came to mind.

"Sorry, I don't have much in the house at the moment," Rin apologised with a blush as she set a plate of sandwiches down on the table. "I haven't had time to go shopping lately."

"This is fine, thank you," Sesshoumaru replied, grateful that she was being so kind.

Rin slipped her shoes off and padded into the living root barefoot, dropping down into her favourite armchair near the fireplace. In the winter she would curl up beside the fire at night and she could tell that she would soon be doing so again as the winter weather seemed to have arrived overnight. She looked over at Sesshoumaru who sat on the sofa nearby. His gaze was fixed on his hands and he looked deep in thought. Frowning slightly, Rin could think of no way to help him except by providing a distraction of some sort and then her eyes landed on the fireplace.

"I'll make a fire," she announced suddenly causing Sesshoumaru to look at her in surprise.

"Allow me," he said after a moment hesitation and slowly made his way to the fireplace where everything was located.

Watching his movements, Rin saw that the usual fluidity was gone and his movements seemed disjointed as though his mind was preoccupied. Realising that her bright idea had failed spectacularly, she sighed to herself. When the fire was lit, she smiled at Sesshoumaru who merely nodded in response before sitting down heavily on the carpet he had been kneeling on.

"What happened to your parents?" he asked after a moment, knowing that it was a question she may not answer.

"They were murdered," Rin replied simply, her face showing no emotion at all when Sesshoumaru stared at her in shock.

"How can you be so calm about it?"

"It was many years ago. I've dealt with the grief of losing them all and moved on. There's no point dwelling on the fact that I didn't have them as I grew up. I'd rather remember them with smiles than tears."

Sesshoumaru nodded and looked into the fire, watching the flames leaping up as though they were reaching for something just out of their reach. Rin was incredible. He didn't think that even he could be so calm about what she had just told him. It was true that he had impressive self control, but he wondered if it would extend to being emotionless about a parent's death and somehow doubted that it would. Sighing to himself, he shifted and leaned against Rin's chair as he continued to stare into the fire, deep in thought.

"What would Yuri say if she was here?" Rin asked quietly, her gaze meeting his as he looked up at her.

"Probably to stop being bad tempered," Sesshoumaru replied with a vague trace of amusement in his voice as he spoke of the girl.

"That certainly seems like the sort of thing she'd say," Rin agreed with a smile. "She never did beat around the bush."

The pair sat in silence, each lost in their thoughts, and it was only when long shadows fell across the floor that Sesshoumaru realised how late it was. He truly had no desire to leave Rin's house. It felt like a sanctuary at the moment. A place where Kagura couldn't reach him, where his family couldn't shower him with attention and where he could relax without fear of being judged for any weakness he may show. Glancing over his shoulder at the woman who sat in the chair behind him, he felt his breath catch in his throat as she smiled gently at him and the meaning behind it was as clear as crystal. If he wanted to stay then she would welcome him.

Smirking slightly, he closed his eyes and leaned back against the chair but they opened moments later when he felt movement behind him as Rin got out of her chair to sit on the soft carpet in front of the fire. Her pale skin glowed in the light of the fire and Sesshoumaru wondered briefly if she was malnourished again, but she had seemed fine throughout the time he had spent with her that day so he pushed the thoughts aside. Rin caught his eye and looked up, blushing slightly under his scrutiny and looked down, gazing into the fire as he had done moments before.

"What will you do now?" Rin asked quietly, not entirely sure that she wanted to hear the answer.

"I'd like to stay here if you don't mind."

"N-Not at all," she said quickly, slightly flustered by the admission. "But that wasn't what I meant."

"I know what you meant," Sesshoumaru said with a smirk before he looked serious. "There's no longer a reason to stay married to Kagura so I suppose getting a divorce comes first and then just try to move on."

Rin nodded. "If I can help then please let me know."

She lay back on the soft carpet suddenly and sighed as she looked up at the ceiling. Brown eyes widened slightly when she felt a presence beside her and she looked over to find Sesshoumaru propped up against a chair just behind her, looking down at her with his usual serious expression. Smiling slightly, Rin turned her attention back to the ceiling, not sure what to say and feeling slightly awkward knowing that his gaze was fixed on her.

"I always knew she would die," Sesshoumaru murmured, his gaze on the floor and a frown creasing his brow.

"I'm sorry?" Rin stared at him in surprise and confusion.

"She lived longer than everyone expected her to. I cared for her like she was my daughter and now it feels like something has been taken from my life."

"She's not your daughter?" Rin asked, completely confused.

"Kagura's daughter from a previous marriage."

"I see."

"It was hard not to care for her when you saw the way her mother treated her. I didn't want to get involved in the beginning, I knew she would die and I didn't want the sorrow that would inevitably come with her death if I formed a bond with her, but in the end, I couldn't help but care for her."

Rin couldn't believe what she was hearing. She had told him not to bottle everything up, but she hadn't expected him to actually start talking about it all and to her no less! Unable to comprehend why he was open with her when he had his family around him who were eager to give him support, Rin could only be glad that he chose her to be his confidante. Looking up at him, she saw the troubled expression on his face and knew that he was hurting more than he was willing to let on. He had fallen silent and Rin was at a loss for what to do with such a stoic man who was so unwilling to acknowledge his feelings. There was little she could do for him if that was how he chose to live his life. She pushed herself up and knelt beside him, biting her lip as she wondered what to do about his melancholy. Eventually, Rin gathered her courage and leaned towards him, wrapping her arms around his broad shoulders and pulling him towards her.

Sesshoumaru's eyes snapped open when he felt arms wrap around him and they widened as he felt himself drawn down toward the petite woman kneeling beside him. He hadn't expected this of all things, but even in his depressive state of mind, he was pleased about the unexpected contact with the woman who plagued his dreams so often. Deciding to act in instinct for once, Sesshoumaru wrapped his arms around her tiny waist and buried his face in the crook of her neck, sighing softly as the scent of vanilla calmed his frazzled nerves. Rin had not been expecting a response from the stoic man. If anything, she had thought that he would push her away in disgust and then leave, but he surprised her by wrapping his arms around her and pulling her forwards to kneel between his long legs. She felt dwarfed by his much larger frame, but was still determined to try and give him the comfort that hadn't been available to her when she needed it.

"Thank you, Rin," Sesshoumaru murmured, his voice muffled as he buried it further into her neck.

Rin's reply was to tighten her arms around him, but a quiet gasp left her lips as she felt herself pulled flush against him and she began to wonder if this had been the right thing to do. When she felt Sesshoumaru relax against her, she decided that it didn't matter if she had made a rash decision as long as he felt better. Somewhere along the line she had found herself falling for the man and Rin realised that if she hadn't fallen for him already, no doubt she would have done by now.