a neon genesis evangelion fanfic
by materia-blade
-rapture-
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part four - naught dolls
Sub-commander Fuyutsuki stared from his position, diligently posted behind his commanding officer's seat, placed far up and behind the central bridge where the three technicians, and Misato Katsuragi stood in various states of worry.
"You risk much." He stated softly, so that no others could hear. "If she is selfish? If she wishes to live? What will you do then?"
The commander remained silent for a time, but that was his way. Gendo Ikari would answer him. That was the only thing the sub-commander felt he was here for most of the time. To act as the conscience to the man's cold heart.
But… he rarely felt he succeeded in bringing any amount good to the man. Even so… there was nothing he could do. There was no way for him to wrest power from the Commander. No way…
But if only he could.
Then he would… what…? Finish what Gendo started with a warmer hand? No. The truth was, The End was coming. SEELE was unstoppable. The only thing that could be done was to edit their version of The End to fit his own advantages.
And he was no fool to think he could do even half as well as the commander. He well remembered how little cowardice the commander was capable of feeling. The first time Unit 00 was activated. The beast attacked the wall where he stood with rage and fury like that of a wild animal, almost shattering the wall with a single punch.
Yet even on the second of those monstrous attacks. The commander had not even flinched.
What could he do? Next to that?
Admittedly, perhaps a bad descriptor for the commander's true skill, but definitely a good one for just how bold he was able to be. Even so, it didn't matter. He did what he could to alleviate the cold attitude the commander portrayed. He was the smile, where Gendo was the glare.
This was not the first time that Fuyutsuki had suspected that Gendo kept him around solely because, on his own, people would become so fed up with his seemingly unfeeling decisions that they would truly attempt to assassinate him.
He knew he sometimes felt the deed should be done himself. The commander… no… Gendo Ikari… was… not evil he supposed. But… as close as one could get without going over the line. But this was the best way. He had been placed into a hopeless situation and now it was either end the way SEELE wished and fall into the single epic being that instrumentality entailed. Or allow his one-time student his chance to become the head of that being… and get his own chance to see the woman… Gendo's wife… and the girl he would have liked to call his daughter, were the circumstances right.
Yui.
Everything always came back to Yui. Even now, she was the only thing on his mind. Even now, as he watched Rei go out alone to face the friend she had only just gained. Knowing every word of the conversation that had occurred within Rei's dismal apartment with Touji Suzuhara. Even as he watched, Gendo manipulated the girl Fuyutsuki had assumed the man had thought of as his own daughter, to her death. Even now, his thoughts resided on Yui.
The truth was that both of them were so obsessed… that they would do anything.
"Evangelion Unit 00 will launch on its own. Unit 02 is to remain frozen."
That was what the man said. What he told them all. As Gendo's conscience, Fuyutsuki could translate easily.
"Succeed alone, or die alone. You will receive no help."
Fuyutsuki watched the man bring up a private link to Unit 00, watched him and translated his words, feeling anger rise in him. But he kept it down. This was the only way. The best way. And there was nothing he could do.
"The third is injured, and Evangelion Unit 02 is still not safe for the pilot. That is why you must do this alone."
And Fuyutsuki translated once more.
"You are on your own. Fail, and no one lives. Succeed. And die, doing so. That is what you must do, for me. That is what I gave you life for."
Despite his obsession, Fuyutsuki knew he, at least, was not completely without heart. Not Gendo though. The man was so far gone, that he would do anything. Anything, to acquire that one, single moment, with Yui. With his wife.
'May god have mercy on you, Rei.' He thought dismally, as he watched the camera's viewings of Unit 03 rising with its back to the sunset. 'You deserve it more than anyone.'
They both stared on in silence, neither knowing just how powerful 'god's mercy' just might be…
"I don't understand why the hell I'm here if they aren't planning on unfreezing my eva! Wondergirl can't do this on her own! Dammit, even she knows that!" Asuka complained bitterly, her arms folded in a huff. She stood, once more, on the catwalk of her cage, staring openly at her evangelion and its four closed eyes.
'Four eyes.' She thought worrisomely, her thoughts returning, yet again, to three days previous. 'That has to be it. That has to be the connection.' The girl's mind concluded dismally. It had been three days since the 'weapons malfunction of 29th Street.' Yes. Seven missiles had been accidentally detonated due to a machine malfunction and the situation was already well on its way to repair.
Forty seven deaths. A hundred and thirty nine wounded. Surprisingly low numbers for a city of millions, but they had been lucky. A residential district. Most were at their jobs or at school. Millions in property damage. But there was one number kept from the media's lips. A hundred and forty had been wounded. Pilot Ikari's injury had been covered to prevent hype among the citizens. Tokyo Three was not a safe place… that was a known fact, but if it became apparent that the protectors were injured? The people would leave the city as fast as money could get them out. And their money would go with them.
Nerv couldn't have that…
But… what had caused the malfunction?
'It was me…' Asuka thought. She visibly gulped but no one was around to see it. Sweat began trailing down her forehead and her plugsuit suddenly felt extremely constricting and hot, as she remembered staring up at herself from red-eyes, just like Ayanami's imbedded in the crook of her palms.
But they were gone now. And no one could see.
Hell, no one had even bothered to answer her admittedly childish whines about having her evangelion frozen. It seemed like a bad dream now. Her depression. Well… it hadn't disappeared. But the last words Shinji had said to her were burned into her mind. Both before and after the explosion.
"I… was a doll. He was right…" She muttered to herself. She'd stayed with him, almost constantly for the past three days. The truth was, they could have woken him. But the doctors had put him into a forced sleep. They… they told her and Misato that… if they woke him, the pain would be unbearable.
Great. Add a boat load of guilt on top of the depression. That was sure to brighten her day.
But Shinji had stood up to her. Dammit, but she had nagged him and bugged him a attacked him relentlessly, to try and make him grow a damn gut and here all it took was a week of feeling sorry for herself. That had been all it took… to make him stand up and tell her to her face that she was being a complete idiot.
So she had stopped.
Asuka Langley Sohryu was back. In all her confidence-filled glory. Feeling sorry for herself… that she'd gotten her hopes up and thought that a damn voice in her head was really her mother come back... She was better than that. Stronger than that. And Shinji knew it. It took weak, pathetic, third to show her that.
And that was where her opinions had begun to change. Shinji had stood up to her. And not just stood up to her, but gotten in her face and called her the one thing he knew would bring her rage like a hammer down upon him, and the boy hadn't even flinched!
She had to admit, from Shinji? Self professed wimp? That took balls!
So, she noted to herself, for future reference, that it might not be wise to go fishing for the invincible Shinji's spine just a thoroughly as she had been. If she did she… might actually find it.
A brief image flashed, unwillingly, across her wandering thoughts of Shinji, his hand on her shoulder, the other softly caressing her cheek, eyes hard and confident, staring down at her. His face moving closer… And she could do nothing but stare at him… and fall…
A flush trailed up the girl's cheeks and as soon as she realized exactly why she shook herself furiously.
'Dammit! I don't like baka-third! I don't! I've got eyes in my hands for god's sake, and Rei's about to get herself killed! Focus, Asuka!' She berated herself harshly. This really wasn't the time for romantic thoughts!
Now if it were Kaji in that image… maybe she could spare a few minutes to daydream.
"Eva Unit 00 Launch!"
Misato's high pitched voice shoved the red-head out of her thoughts as she watched Rei and her Evangelion jerk out of sight at speeds the fastest cars would envy.
'Be safe Wondergirl. I… you're creepy as hell dammit, but I don't want you to die out there alone!'
The situation was awful, and Asuka resented everything about it. If only they'd unfreeze her damn evangelion! Some idiot newbie had just gotten put into his own eva, and now an angel had decided to take over. What a great way for the poor sap to start his career of angel slaying.
How the hell was Rei supposed to both 'destroy the angel' and save the pilot at the same time?
Oh right.
She was Wondergirl.
The orders were to 'destroy the target.' She probably didn't even care who the pilot was.
God dammit. She hated that Shinji had compared her to that doll. Even if she had needed it, to open her eyes. And that thought brought back the guilt. Asuka felt like scum. The type of thing that people didn't scrape off the bottom of their shoe, preferring to just throw the pair of shoes away and be done with it.
That was the kind of guilt she felt. That, and a heap of insights into her personality that she was not fond of. It took a lot for her to realize her own faults, but Shinji had made it clear beyond the point of question. The way she reacted to his injury was proof enough of that. She verbally abused those she cared for. And there was no doubt now. When she thought of Shinji, it was not thoughts of a puny little boy. Nor were they even those of a simple friend. No. Shinji was… more to her then that. Closer than that.
And it had not begun at the twelfth. No. It had begun much earlier. She could admit that to herself, now that she had been forced to face the thought of him dying, even if it had only been for a little while. There was no going back.
She could deny it, even in her mind as much as she wanted, but when the chips were down… she knew that she truly liked him. He was close to her, in ways none had ever been. Her father. He couldn't care less. Her stepmother? Hah. That was a joke. The witch didn't even know her middle name. Misato was more of a mother figure than her. Hikari… she came close. And she was… the furthest thing from Evangelion that Asuka had. But still, their relationship was somewhat superficial. The girl… had never reached in. Had never been inches from dying together with her.
Even Kaji paled in comparison.
He didn't know her secrets. He didn't know her fears. Not like Shinji did.
But… now she had more secrets. And the only thing that comforted her was that… Shinji would listen, when he finally woke up. He would be there. For her.
Because… that was just who he was. Kind, sweet, shy, Shinji-kun.
That made her shiver too, and she hugged herself, small tears beginning to well in her eyes, as she watched Rei begin to engage the other evangelion on the monitors above her; for the first time she didn't deny it. Not even in her mind.
Shinji Ikari was her closest friend.
And Asuka didn't know… what she would do without him.
'Destroy the target.'
'Save Touji.'
'Destroy the target.'
'Save Touji, you idiot!'
'Destroy the target. Those were the commander's orders.'
'The commander is a heartless bastard! Even you should realize that by now! It doesn't matter that he's better then Naoko! He's still not a good man! Save. Touji!'
Rei flinched at the emotions and thoughts of her inner war. It was as if she had partitioned into two sides. Two separate Rei Ayanami. One, the stoic, feeling-less doll that she knew herself to be before Naoko had begun to speak to her, and broken her free. And on the other side was the emotional Rei. The Rei who felt so many emotions that she could barely manage to think so deep, and so strong were they, making her want to curse the elder Akagi for ever bringing them down upon her.
She took a deep breath, watching as Evangelion Unit 03 moved ever closer, its gaping maw seemingly dripping with hatred. A projection of Touji's hatred for her… now that she had done… this to him? God she hoped not.
"Suzuhara... be okay..." She whispered to herself in a silent plea.
As if it were a summons a screen appeared to her left. And… there he was.
"Touji!" She exclaimed in a manner that many of the bridge had never seen from her. That… none had ever seen from her.
"The Fourth Children! Dammit! Give me his status!" Misato's voice echoed throughout Rei's cockpit, but she ignored it completely.
"All we can tell is that he's alive! He's syncing with the Eva at almost eighty percent!" Came a response from one of the techs. Rei thought it was Maya but she couldn't tell. She didn't care.
On the hologram screen affront her sat Touji Suzuhara, still dressed in his plugsuit his face distorted as all Evangelion pilots' faces were by the haze of LCL between them. Upon seeing her, he gave a grin, his mouth going far wider then should be possible; he spoke in a voice that could not be classified by pitch, or tone, or even gender. It was male. It was female. It was… loud and quiet at the same time. It made Rei shiver in terror.
Filthy Lillim…
It slurred, and Touji's head lolling as if he were a puppet on strings, the angel using his mouth as a translator. Rei stared at him as his head lolled backwards, eyes bouncing as much as his head did.
Rei's eyes narrowed, but in her gut, she shivered. The angel was… talking?
"Attempt to establish communications with Unit 03!" Misato exclaimed heatedly and the response came back just as quickly.
"Negative. It's rejecting."
The major cursed vigorously. "Why the hell is it showing Touji to Rei? Dammit!" Then her face turned and she stared harshly at the first children. The girl didn't even seem to notice, so intent was she on Touji's image. "Rei! Focus! You've got to ignore the fourth children. I know it sounds heartless but you have to destroy the target. If you can get Touji out then do it, but… dammit Rei! Listen!"
Rei didn't hear a word. And without warning, Misato's screen went black.
Lillim see… nothing. Blind! I am blinded, by these… things… Your face haunts the lillim. Did you know…?
The voice asked, Touji's eyes locking with hers every time his face managed to loll into a somewhat normal position, but it seemed to have no experience with asking questions. No experience with voice, it spoke as if an adult in a newborn babe's body, its vocal chords undeveloped and unused to be used, though it desperately wanted to.
Rei reached for her cheek, touching her face with soft hands. "My face…?"
Yes!
The voice hissed, jumping on her words before they were even out of her mouth.
Disgusting! This thing! Repulsive… I hate it… This beast lillim have made…! Foul! Foul!
Rei stared at Touji, watching his torso drunkenly wobble, his arms and legs locked in place on their controls. What in the world was the thing saying? Eva? Was eva what repulsed the angel?
Its bre…ath stains this world. Foul! Foul! Souls. Holy souls! Pre…Precious souls! And lillim taint them! Sick beasts! Ugly! Foul! Pu…trid lillim! Return! Return to whence you came! God de…decries you! Foul lillim!
On the screen, Touji's hand blasted forward, the right control hand flashing. Shocked, Rei turned and, Unit 03's hand flashed blasting towards Rei's neck like lightning. But Rei was ready. She dodged, ducking beneath the sickening crunch of the Evangelion's bone expanding, and batted away the projectile hand.
Again the beast reached for her, its hands flashing against the red glare of the broken sunset, and again Rei batted it away.
Touji never left the screen. His face and body now slumped over the controls but his hands were working tirelessly. The evangelion fell to the ground, its arms retracting into itself. The beast jumped awkwardly as if it were some giant wild ape, and dived furiously upon her, sending her careening to the ground beneath it.
You will not hurt my Rei.
Rei knew she no longer considered herself a doll, but she felt like one. Without warning, her eva lurched its feet, curling beneath her, against her will. And then, like a spring, they unfurled, kicking the deranged angel off of her with enough force to shatter a building, sending the beast rocketing through the air to land kilometers away on one of the surrounding mountains.
"Touji!" Rei shouted, terrified as she watched the boy jostled and jerked in her monitor, even as the evangelion slid across the mountainside, hundreds of trees breaking the blue unit's fall.
'Touji…' Rei thought desperately, as she willed her evangelion to stand. It seemed no one had noticed that her evangelion had decided to take matters into its own hands. The communications were down. No one could see…
Instantly, her thoughts turned to the Evangelion. 'Don't hurt Touji!' She yelled, almost hatefully at the voice in her mind. 'Can't you see that I'm trying to protect him?'
Can you not see that I am trying to protect you?
Rei grit her teeth, standing haphazardly. 'I don't need your help.'
Suddenly, Rei felt the world shrinking. Her eyes fell into themselves, losing their forty story gaze. She felt herself… closing off. Her mind partitioning back into itself… away from eva.
'Wh-what is happening? Rei thought weakly. She concentrated, willing herself into the mind of the evangelion but she found a brick wall where before there was a vacuum pulling her in. 'Y-You. You are… what are you doing?!'
Rejecting you. You do not require my help. You said so, yourself.
Rei's mind swirled, and she began to shiver. Rejecting her… her evangelion… the only thing that she could use… to save Touji… was rejecting her? "N-no! No! I… No!" Rei screamed, shocking everyone listening.
Rei felt her eva begin to slump down, it's power source beginning to fail as her synchronization with the evangelion began to wane to the point of nonexistence. "No! Please… don't do this! I have to help him! He wouldn't be here if it wasn't for me! P-Please!"
I will not let you be hurt. Not for the fourth children. Not for the commander. Not for anyone. If eva doesn't move then it is no threat to the angel. The commander will have to dispose of it some other way.
"NO!" Rei screamed. "Please, don't do—!"
Rei's words were silenced by a dull pain in her chest, as she realized the angel had risen again. It had bashed her in the chest, and she knew her evangelion was skidding along the ground, but she barely felt it.
Miles she moved, bashing over buildings which became small roads, and then trees. She felt the power cable snap and burst as she continued skidding but it was only a light thing; a pinprick next to the pain of dragging her body further and further from the confines of Tokyo Three.
Even that pain was fading as her synchronization rate steadily plummeted.
'Please…' she whispered. 'It's my fault Suzuhara-san is in there in the first place! Please… I need you!' Rei exclaimed in her mind. But the evangelion would not respond.
Naoko was gone.
Toujistared at her, one gigantic eye pressed up to the camera within the screen and Rei turned her eyes back to him, and shivered.
You… are no… lillim! Ahah!
The voice… giggled in a sadistic sort of glee, using Touji's lips. Hatred. Hatred was the emotion that burst within Rei. And it burned in her. It burned and for the first time, she felt the need to destroy. Hatred for Naoko. Burning hatred for the angel that would use Touji this way. Hatred at herself, for convincing him to pilot.
Hatred.
She didn't like it. But she reveled in it now.
Kin! You are my kin! Why? Foul lillim! Why do you lay within lillim scum? Come out! Come out, blood of my blood!
Rei stared into the monitor above her now fallen evangelion, and fear enveloped her. The angel stood over her, staring down with devilish eyes, as if it were about to eat her.
A babe… so small… but my blood! My kin!
That gaping maw knelt down, hovering right in front of Rei's eyes, staring down into her soul. And she felt so afraid that she could not move. Off to the left Touji giggled in mad delight.
"Wh-what do… what do you want from me?" She asked, staring up. "L-Let the… lillim free…" She whispered. One screen held devils eyes and the other, her… her friend, whom she betrayed. Touji seemed to grin all the wider, and it was then that Rei realized what was so strange about the boy's grin. His jaw was broken. More guilt built up within her atop the overwhelming fear.
Care about the ants that much? My little sibling. So young you are… I will bring you away from here… Lilith can wait. You are more important, young sister.
Rei felt a strange tingling on her chest but her evangelion would not move. She could not see what was happening.
With a sudden roar, Rei felt her eva return to life angrily. Her mind opened! Yes! She felt herself begin to sync with the eva once more! Naoko had been wrong! The angel hadn't gone on to attack Nerv, so now she had—!
Without warning, the great mouth of Unit 03 opened wide and descended upon her, swallowing her world into darkness.
The tingling in her chest continued. And grew.
"R-Ree… Re…" A muffled gurgle, and Rei's eyes snapped to the only light around her. Touji's screen.
"Touji!" She exclaimed, seeing the reason. Seeing humanity in his tired, pained expression.
"Whaaa…" He tried to say, his broken jaw rendering his speech useless as the lower half of his mouth hung open, gaping in a way that was not dissimilar to Unit 03's own giant mouth. But he stared at her with eyes that were his own. Concern that was his own. Held his mouth in pain! It didn't matter. He was back to normal again!
Thank god…
But… the angel…
As if the thought had drawn it, she heard the angels booming, voice in her mind.
Tainted! The lillim tainted you! Now I understand… daughter of Lilith. Do not be afraid. You will be alright soon. You will be safe! Little kin.
Rei lulled. Her mind felt dizzy. It was… entering her. It was… oh… it felt… good.
"Wh-What are you… doing?" She asked, timidly. She felt… strange. It was… taking her somewhere. Like a ride or… like… she didn't have anything to compare it to. She felt herself becoming lightheaded. She felt… small… in a… in an older brother's large, comforting arms. Her head begin to bob and lull, as if drunken.
It is taking over you! It… It has left the fourth children! And is taking over you! R-Rei! Fight! Fight! H-Help me!
Naoko. Naoko in her mind. The angel in her mind. Emotions! Fear and hatred. Guilt! Everything! Naoko… she could feel her. Warring with the angel trying to enter her mind. Trying to… to join with her…
But… it felt so safe… and Touji. He was alright now. He was… staring at her. 'Go away…' she thought tediously. As if by magic, the screen holding Touji's concerned face flashed and was gone.
My kin… Let me heal you. Let me help you. Lie still. I shall protect you.
Naoko's fear burst through Rei like an explosion as she listened and new life came to her! And Rei fought. "G-Get out of my head!" She screamed, her emotions blaring back in with Naoko's aid. Something was wrong! Something…!
Rei… F-forgive me…
Naoko's voice. She was there! There with her! Watching her. Protecting her! She was why Rei was not already a mindless doll like Touji had been. A puppet.
Why do you resist? Your place is with us. With your kin. Come with me… you will… belong.
Rei shivered, her sense returning even more. "I… have to destroy it.'
I thought… I thought… if you were not a threat, it would leave you alone! I thought…! P-Please… Rei! I… did not know this…!
Rei fought the urge to simply lay down and let go. She fought with all her might and found herself losing. She felt… she felt herself… slipping away.
Rei smiled. 'You… saved Touji. Do you see? He is safe… now. I've… kept my promise.' She felt a wave of happiness brim over her, and Rei felt certain that it was not her own emotion. 'N-Naoko… I… I have to destroy it.'
Little one. Little babe.
Rei shook herself. Kin? Kin… This was her brother. This… no! Angel! She had to… Had… to! The angelic part of her felt the joy of meeting her brother. It… called to her! And she yearned for it! But… she couldn't…!
A flash. Shinji Ikari.
A flash. Touji Suzuhara.
A flash. Asuka Sohryu.
A flash. Misato Katsuragi.
A flash. Ritsuko Akagi.
A flash. The commander…
Clarity… so brief. But she knew.
'If it gets into my mind… I will become one of them… I will become an angel. Fully. I can't let that happen. Or… they will have to kill me.'
She couldn't let that happen.
And slowly, her hand reached for the one button that she had only just learned to fear.
So… y-you're willing to die? For them?
Naoko appeared in front of her, and behind her lay a ghostly white visage. In her mind, the woman held the specter at bay, her back to it as she spoke to Rei, her eyes brimming over with tears.
And Rei smiled, a tear of her own trailing down her cheek.
'F-for them?' The blue haired pilot laughed, even as she cried. 'N-no! I'm doing this… to get back at you. K-Kill for a kill! Now we're even!'
Humor. Hah… You truly are… my Rei-chan, now. I… I am sorry. F-for everything.
The woman fell to her knees, her arms spread wide, desperately trying to keep the angel away from Rei's mind. But she was failing. Still, a smile adorned her face, her auburn hair glistening ethereally.
Rei pulled the hatch revealing the button she now feared, and pressed it lightly. Her hands shaking, but her resolve as firm as she could make it. The angel didn't even notice, nor did it relent. She wanted it! She wanted to join her kin! Her brothers! Her sisters! But…
Besides… I'm expendable. It's… it's okay. Even if it was the commander's plan… to kill me. Better this… than becoming one of them...
The woman jerked, her frail bones seeming weak behind the onslaught of the white figure behind her. But her body held. And her eyes held an intensity unlike anything Rei had ever seen.
Don't say that! You are not expendable! You are… my Rei-chan…
Maybe you're right… but I have no choice. I won't become one of them.
The woman shuddered. Her body was giving way, and Rei could hear the voice of the angel returning. So… comforting. So… angelic. She was already being corrupted… falling under the mental barrage the angel was supplying her.
You are so beautiful! Foul lillim! Maybe not so foul… they crafted you… Now just rid you of their taint and you will be perfect!
Much more quietly, Naoko quipped, her body seeming to… fall apart as Rei felt the last vestiges of her own humanity being swept away.
S-so.. is this goodbye?
Rei nodded… and then wondered why. Why was she associating with that… lillim? She was going… to join her brother! To shed the taint and become…!
The small part of her that was still human gave a small whisper as she felt herself fade away.
I forgive you… mother. I love you…
A brief burst of the strongest happiness Rei had ever felt, and suddenly the angel was banished completely from her mind.
A flash of red.
The world exploded.
"R-Rei…. Oh god… Rei!" Misato screamed as she watched the mushroom cloud burst into the sky from the video feeds, miles above them.
"E-Eva… Evangelion Unit 00… is… gone…" Maya whispered. "No response from an… any functions. She… she self-destructed… All traces of the angel are terminated…"
"Self-Destructed? No! She… she wouldn't have—! Th-The entry plug! She ejected, right? She ejected in time, right!?" Misato demanded hatefully, staring down at Maya with heat and terror and guilt burning in her eyes. She might not know the first children as well as she knew the other two but… but…!
Maya burying her face in her hands did not comfort Misato in the slightest.
She bit her lip as guilt attacked her in full, her heart rate picking up.
"God Dammit!" She screamed slamming her fist down on the desk shattering the computer monitor beyond repair, imbedding shards of glass in her hand that did nothing to ease the guilt.
But anger did. Anger burned in her, guilt dying with her instinct laying the blame, and she turned her face up to glare through her tears at the one responsible for this…
Commander Ikari… The arrogant bastard…! He hadn't even flinched! D-Didn't he give a damn at all!? Her fingers twitched with indescribable fury as they curled shakily around the handle of her pistol.
She wanted to kill him.
Had she seen the smile hidden behind his gloved hands, she probably would have.
Shinji awoke staring up at a white light, squaring off directly with the burning sun seeping in through his usual Nerv Rescue Facility room. He was saddened to find that the ceiling was no longer familiar. He remembered a time when he wished it had been. Now it was an old friend. One that he had reached once again. One that he had come to loath and love both at the same time.
His eyes, blinking at the war of separate dueling lights above him, attempted to scan the room, failing miserably as black spots cluttered his vision tirelessly. In his sparse glance he only managed to catch the hint of an orderly and a sparse touch of amber.
Asuka.
"Y-You're awake." The girl murmured. As if she should be surprised… but was not. As if… as if she were in shock from something. Or… depressed.
So he had failed. He hadn't gotten the girl out of her funk at all… but at least… at least she was here. That was a sign that something was different about her. At the very least.
"Asuka…" He murmured, rubbing his eyes thoroughly as he sat up trying to make them see the girl, but only miserably gaining vision of her shuffling red hair. "Wh-why are you here?"
The girl… didn't really say anything. "For you. Ante baka."
For Asuka, that was nothing. There should have been a neon victory speech about how he had only just been lucky enough to wake when the girl had been around for a spare minute or two, and that his waking had likely been caused by her presence!
That was the Asuka he knew. And those speeches and rants of self-importance, walls to keep people away though they may be, were an entire personality for the red-haired girl. Admitting that there was a truly delicate interior to all that brashness… should not have caused her to lose everything that she was.
"I… see you're still depressed." He said, his eyes finally managing to focus on her. She stared vacantly at the wall opposite her. Shinji was in no way of interest to her. Hell, he might as well have not existed.
"I think… I have a right to be." She replied, her eyes never leaving the wall across her. Her mind burning.
Shinji's ire peaked. "A right to be? You beat me up all the time! Whatever that was I—?"
Finally, she turned to see him, her eyes boring into his soul, halting his speech mid-word, a deep sadness there running like a river within her, reaching out to him. Freezing him. Her eyes, however, had nothing on her words.
"The thirteenth angel attacked…"
Shinji jerked. His eyes flashed and he lost what little bit of weariness that had been plaguing him. An angel had attacked, and he wasn't… wasn't even awake?
"What?! It… what happened? What was it?"
Asuka turned away, her hand lingering next to her face. Guilt striking her as it had relentlessly since Rei's death. She recalled watching the explosion that seemed to rock the entire world. She watched… staring with her mouth hanging open. It seemed almost surreal. Rei...? She just… pulled the switch? It was the only way to protect everyone.
And… Rei took it.
While Asuka sat staring into the monitors above her frozen evangelion, shock rippling through her.
"It… hijacked Evangelion Unit 03."
'Unit… 03?"
Asuka barked a laugh. "I guess you wouldn't know… Rei… Rei fought it. I… I've never seen her so worried before. I'd… never seen her look so… human."
It was a different type of depressed. She wasn't repressed, or turned into herself, tuning out the rest of the world like she had been. No. Something had happened. Something was wrong. Shinji could feel it in her words. Rei…? Wait. 'Rei?' he thought warily. 'Rei? She… I don't think I've ever heard Asuka call her… just Rei before. Unit 03? Wait… who was the pilot?! What… what could have…?'
"She… W-Wondergirl. Hah… I… think she was a better pilot then me… after all. Because I couldn't ever do what she did. Heh. Not if it were the only course left. Not if third impact were the result, I… still couldn't do it. Heh… heh." A sad laugh. A laugh to keep herself from crying. What… what had…?
"Asuka? What… what happened? Is Rei okay?"
Asuka's eyes met his once again. Tearful. Always tears…
"It was… it was like I was watching a video game or a bad movie drama! Just… Game over. You know? She… communications were cut. No one could see what was going on with her. The… the angel left Unit 03, and entered Rei's evangelion. Tried to take it over…"
"Is Rei okay!?" He repeated, harshly this time. Asuka didn't evade questions! Asuka… she…
"I… Shinji…kun. I… there was nothing I could do… your… your prick of a dad wouldn't let me go out there! And so I… I just… sat there… and watched!"
Shinji couldn't take it. His eyes developed anger, and his voice radiated it. "Is Rei Okay!?"
Asuka's turned to stare at the floor, tears now flowing down her cheeks in rivers.
"She… self-destructed her eva… She…"
Shinji couldn't believe it. He wouldn't believe it! Rei… Rei couldn't be dead! Not Rei… not… she couldn't be! She was… so much better then that! She was… Rei… She was too good to die… like…
"Instead of letting the angel take her over… she just… died. And I… I couldn't do a damn thing." Asuka cursed, into herself. "I couldn't…"
The girl's eyes squeezed shut. Her bangs hung over them depressively as tears fell into her lap. Shinji didn't remember who it was who moved. But suddenly, he was embracing her. Tears trailing down and soaking his shoulder, he could only stare in shock.
Rei was dead.
Rei… was dead.
He held her that much tighter.
'We are alone.'
No. You're not.
The phantom words, sounding oh so like those of his mother, long forgotten in the depths of his memory, whispered in his ears like a soothing mantra sometimes when he felt terrified within Eva… when he felt terrified out of Eva… did little to comfort him.
"Ritsuko! Thank god!" Misato exclaimed joyously as she dashed to the bed of her closest and best friend. Wires attached everywhere to the blonde-haired woman and it was obvious that she was somewhat delirious from pain killers.
Even so, the scientist's face lit up at seeing Misato Katsuragi. "Good to… good to see you Major." The woman coughed weakly. "Heh… you're lucky. If Shinji hadn't been hurt by that freak accident in the city you'd be lying in that bed right over there."
Misato sobered at that. "I'm… not lucky. None of us are…"
Ritsuko's eyes widened a grim display of worry. "The angel?" She asked, but whatever the major's reply was, she missed it as a fit of deathly coughing erupted from her stomach, blood spewing from her throat. Damn idiots. She'd been assured they'd done their jobs right!
Still they were persistent and quick. Medical white coats, probably four of them but her eyes were too dizzy to tell, swarmed up and around Misato's blurry face.
"Ritsu-chan." Misato murmured as the doctors began examining her. It had taken a miracle for her to actually get to her closest friend. Apparently, the situation was a bit worse then she had feared.
It was some time before the Nerv employed doctors backed away from the woman, sure enough that her condition was definitely stable. Misato had not moved from the foot of the bed, worry beginning affect her. It didn't matter, though. She was a professional. Here, at least, she could control her fears.
"The… the angel?" Ritsuko demanded quickly, having been waiting.
Misato did not mince words. Her heart skipped only a beat or two as she delivered the news in a stoic tongue that she had not been able to hold the day before. "Rei is dead. She self destructed her Evangelion in order to destroy the angel. Evangelion Unit 00 is no more."
Ritsuko slumped back on to the pillow, surprising Misato, who hadn't truly even noticed the woman rise. Was that… was that… relief? Was relief the emotion her best friend was wearing? It… it couldn't be…
"The bastard… he pulled it off." Ritsuko murmured as she turned her head to the side, her voice trailing off with her consciousness.
Misato's eyes narrowed. "Pulled what off!? Dammit! What are you hiding, Ritsuko?"
Ritsuko gave a small, chuckle… a weak chuckle, forcing Misato to lower her voice, knowing that her friend was likely in extreme pain. Not a particularly strong motivator for her anger.
But dammit did she hate Ritsuko for her secrets!
The woman seemed to laugh at her. Mock her. Poke playful fun at her. Misato didn't know. She sometimes barely thought she knew anything about 'brainiac' Ritsuko anymore. "It's nothing." Was the answer she finally gave. "Forget I mentioned it."
Misato only grit her teeth… but she couldn't stay angry. Not at her best friend, on her sickbed. She walked around the bed and took a seat in one of the few chairs situated about it and began glancing around the room. She'd been in them often enough waiting for Shinji or Asuka, or much more rarely, for Rei to awaken from one of their triumphant battles. She didn't like them very much either. Too… too white.
Still irritated, she forced herself to change the subject. "So, are you going to be okay, Rits?"
Ritsuko rolled her head over to face Misato and gave a loud moan of protest, forcing the Major to give a small laugh at the other woman's expense. "I'll be fine, Misato. But… could you do me… one little favor…?"
The woman left the question hanging and it was Misato's turn to groan. She glared at the blonde-haired woman furiously.
"I hate feeding those stupid cats!"
"So what do we do now?" Asuka asked, suddenly.
They had been sitting in silence when Shinji saw Asuka's lips moving. Misato was gone, with Ritsuko they had both assumed. They were glad to find out that the destruction of Matsushiro had caused relatively few deaths. Only several thousand.
What a way to cheer them up. He pulled the earphone out of his ears and caught the last word that Asuka was saying, pulling himself out of his depressing thoughts. "What did you say?"
The girl sighed, exasperated. Good ole' exasperated Asuka! But… She wasn't quite normal. Neither was he.
"What do we do now?" She repeated, obviously irritated. The grief had faded after the days Shinji spent recovering in the hospital. Rei was gone. They had… begun to accept that.
Three days. It seemed like it was always three days between the time where Shinji awoke and the time that he was allowed to return home but things were a bit different this time. A gigantic bandage adorned Shinji's arm where the glass shard had been imbedded. He could walk, but he limped when he did, both of his legs having been twisted. Surprisingly, no bones had been broken, but he felt like that was a lie.
His head wound had healed neatly, and was the only one that was not plaguing him.
But now he sat on his couch, staring together with Asuka at a television that neither were truly watching. Especially not now.
"I guess… we'll just keep going." He said. "Just because Rei's gone doesn't mean we should just giv—!"
"I'm not talking about Rei! Baka!" Asuka shouted, a picturesque vision of her old self returned from the dead.
"Gomen…" Shinji said out of reflex. And that only lit Asuka's anger more.
"Stop apologizing dammit!" She shouted down at him, rising to her feet in anger.
Shinji couldn't help but let his eyes trail across her. Jean shorts, cut so high he could see all of her legs, mixed with a red shirt held on by what seemed a small thread in the form of two straps crossing over her shoulders.
She was gorgeous. As always.
"W-well what are you talking about?" Shinji asked, as he desperately tried to keep his eyes on her face. He didn't quite succeed. Rei's death hanging over his head and he was thinking about Asuka's body…
'Great job, Shinji.' He berated himself weakly.
"I… I'm talking about…" the girl trailed off. Her eyes left him in that slightly embarrassed look… or perhaps she was so angry that she couldn't stand to look at him, he couldn't be sure.
Shinji looked on, trying to convince her to continue talking, but it didn't appear to be working. Whatever the girl was mad about -he of course, never knew- she would probably need a push. Or… something.
"About…?" He questioned.
The girl tensed and met his eyes once again. She was… biting her lip. A nervous twitch he'd first noticed when they were together within the twelfth. When they were trading stories and she came to a particularly difficult part, she would do that.
God she looked adorable.
"About us." She finished lamely. "We… we've been skimping on this ever since you woke up. I… I bet you're still mad at… at whatever I did… So… I just wanted to…"
"Us…?" He questioned lamely. "I… well I thought you still hated me, after calling you… well… and…" Both of them trailed into an awkward silence.
Asuka took her seat again, crossing her legs, angry, but not at him. At herself perhaps, or maybe at her inability to say what she wanted to. Time passed but sooner or later, Asuka met his eyes again, and blushed.
"Asuka..." Shinji murmured as he rose. "Listen. I—!"
"Do you want to kiss?" She interrupted strongly.
Whatever Shinji had been about to say was completely lost as his mouth hung open in shock. Memories of the last time she asked that question resurfaced and he shivered. But… this time, she didn't wait for him to answer.
Without warning she was over him, her face inches from his own. Her voice dropped to a whisper and Shinji gulped. "I don't… Shinji… I don't want to lose you. I can't lose you."
Her arms wrapped slowly around his shoulders.
She leaned in…
A stalwart looking older man shuffled along his usual route, staring at his feet as he usually did. Old man Hideku, was a name many called him. He was a good old man, or at least that's what he assumed most people thought of him. He ran a local greenhouse, growing a random assortment of plants, both pre and post second impact.
A surprisingly large number of new species of plants had grown out of the ashes of the dead world fifteen years or so ago, and he had always been fond of his plants. Tonics and mixtures brewed from grinding their roots or leaves or petals. Supplies that were sold to large companies for a rather hefty profit.
The random orchid or rose for a pretty girl passing by his shop, where he kept his large rows of plants.
It was a rather small town, now residing on the outskirts of Tokyo Three but it had been a stand-alone village once. He remembered a time before the city was built where miles and miles of endless greenery stretched on forever creating immaculate landscapes and admittedly adding to some of his more romantic youth.
He was traveling, out to his favorite old spot in the hopes of relieving a few of those memories, a few pictures and a scented candle or two toted around with him in his patchy overalls.
Rounding the closest bend, humming a cheerful but old tune, he stared up at the night; it was late and the stars dotted the sky with beauty. It was amazing for these days but the scene had nothing on the blissful days he remembered so well, back before Tokyo Three with all its metal and lights and people blocking them from his view.
Ah well. Times change and all that.
As he turned, he finally set eyes upon his lake.
And his jaw dropped.
Right out in the middle of the lake, a girl, wearing a white, skin tight body suit of some type, stood on the water in a picturesque vision of serene beauty. Blue hair as beautiful as any blue sky he had ever seen, added together with the blue glow that seemed to emanate from the girl, made her seem a angel descended from the heavens.
Small fireflies trickled about her, adding a strange luminescence to her daunting glow. She held both hands clutched together, and her eyes stared up into the endless sky. She seemed like she was praying.
Blinking, Hideku realized she was a young girl, little more than fifteen if he guessed right, but her beauty was not diminished one bit by that. The fact that she was walking on the water, where he had many times gone to swim as a child, however, admittedly scared the hell out of him.
The girl whispered, but he heard it echo through the night as if she were standing right next to him. She seemed to emanate her own white light, fading into a blue aura that surrounded her.
"Why am I still here?"
Hideku shivered. He recognized the girl. She looked like one of those Evangelion pilots that were so important in the city, but… so much different. The girl, he'd heard of; he'd seen her vaguely in pictures of the pilots.
But if he could have imagined then that this angelic version of her would exist… and he would live to see such a magnificent sight… he would have paid a bit more attention.
Then he began to worry. Was this death? He was old… Did all people see something like this…? No… surely not. But then… how was the girl standing there, staring up into the sky.
Her eyes suddenly turned to face him.
"How am I still here?"
A shiver crawled up Hideku's back. His lungs locked up. His eyes saw a sudden flash of red, and the lake exploded into the sky, a vortex of water… no… a tsunami, rising miles above his wide eyes, only to come crashing down on him.
And he screamed.
Then, he didn't scream anymore.
end part four
author's notes:
Alright. Bit of info bout me just for the fun of it. I am now a student at Eastern Illinois University. There's so many people here! It would be so cool someone who reads my fics existed at this joint! I just moved away from home! I'm lonely! Heh heh. Doubt it though. For what it's worth, my loneliness has contributed to an increase in the overall amount of writing that I've been doing the last couple of days. I hope you all enjoy that!
For those who get it, if there are any: "I am eiu!"
Sorry about the somewhat shorter chapter but there was a lot of stuff happening and I think that sorta makes up for it. And a cliffie too! I wonder if you guys have enjoyed it? I don't know. But I must learn if you did somehow! Now… how could I find out whether you guys enjoyed this or not? Hmm… what sort of function provided by this online reading apparatus could I convince you people to use in order to let me know about the results of my nine thousand word effort here? Hmm… hmm…
Review!
Heh heh. By the way, great job readers! I got thirteen or fourteen on the last chapter! Now that is what I was expecting! Well…!
Till next!
MB