I don't want to steal your freedom
Chapter Four
Ruth settled back in her chair and smiled at the man across the table. This was more like it she thought. This was comfort and well being, this was just pure affection with no silly complications, this was as easy as slipping on an old cardigan. Stupidly she felt the beginning of silly tears in her eyes and she reached over the table to take his hand.
He didn't hesitate for one moment even though they were in a very public place in fact he scooted his chair around so he was sitting next to her so that their legs were pressed close to one another, still holding tight to her hand he intoned "Come on now, none of that. We don't want a wet tablecloth when the waiter comes back with our meals do we? Let me pour you a glass of wine and you can tell me all about it."
It seemed that he'd decided that he wasn't going to move far from her side as he slipped one arm around her shoulder whilst he poured her a large glass of wine. She raised her eyebrows at him when she saw how full the glass was and he laughed softly before he said quite casually "Purely medicinal Ruth, purely medicinal. Now be a good girl and drink up."
She laughed out loud then, he'd always had the knack of making her laugh and it seemed that the years that they'd been apart had not changed that. And it felt good to just relax and let go, she didn't have to pretend anything with him; he'd seen her at her highest and lowest points in her life. He'd held her hair away from her face as she threw up after finding out about the delights of Pernod (she'd never been able to face even the smell of it after that night). He'd chased her along an empty beach in Naxos catching her so they'd rolled into the incoming surf where they'd shared their first kiss.
He'd moved back to his side of the table but as the waiter placed their starters in front of them he noticed the blush that infused her cheeks, silently reaching out his hand once more he asked softly "Are you really okay Ruth, truly?"
"Just memories, that's all she replied as she picked up her knife and fork. "The beach in Naxos."
"Are yes Naxos" he squeezed her hand in silent understanding and Ruth was astonished to see that he was also blushing. They stared at each other across the table once more and Ruth found herself thinking back to when she'd first meet Joe or as his passport refereed to him Joseph Armitage Pickering. They'd first set eyes on one another during a lecture in their first months at Oxford and then their paths crossed more frequently as they were placed in the same tutor group, chosen as students who showed the greatest promise. During that time they'd hardly exchanged two words with each other except when they were arguing about some interruption of ancient text; Ruth always veering towards the more romantic whimsical side of the words whilst Joe stood firm by his beliefs that one had to look at the words in a harder light, needed to see the "political" meaning within even some of the most beautiful words ever written. In short they drove each other mad and if either of them had been less well brought up it could all have turned very nasty indeed. It didn't help that their tutors had quickly picked up on their divergence of views and had seen it as a means to get the whole tutor group thinking and debating. It had worked but had left the main protagonists at daggers drawn for the whole of the first year and it would have probably stayed like that had not one of Ruth's friends blurt out on a drunken night out "You do know he fancies the pants off you don't you?"
She had a bloody good idea who she was talking about but she'd ignored the remark putting it down to the excess of alcohol not even enquiring who it was who Fancied the pants off her, not really wanting to know as she was so focused on her work and achieving her ambition of a first. Little did she know that her friends were plotting behind her back determined to bring a bit of fun into her life.
It had all changed the day her friend Lisa had come knocking on her door with a large fresh cream cake and a request. It was nearing the end of their first year and the round of end of year balls had begun. Lisa had her eye on an young man from Balliol college who she'd meet the week before during a crawl around some of Oxford's more dubious pubs and it seemed against all the odds Oscar was maybe interested in Lisa. He'd invited her out for a meal the only trouble was he wanted to bring his friend along It seemed that this unnamed friend was a very serious young man who'd spent all his time so far at Oxford working without having any fun and Oscar felt sorry for him so had suggested a double date, sure that a girl like Lisa would have many friends.
Ruth could remember as clearly as if it were yesterday seeing her nemesis Joseph Armitage Pickering rising from the table to greet them; she had the idea that he was as shocked as she was at the turn of events. Lisa and Oscar seemed oblivious to the tension in the air as they kissed each other chastely on the cheek and sat down next to one another still holding hands.
"Shall we try and keep in civil? For their sakes" he'd asked and she'd nodded her mute agreement before she'd quickly added "But no scoring points or discussing the course or I swear I will." Joe, for that was what he'd asked her to call him held up his hands in surrender and pulled out her seat for her waiting for her to sit down before he sat.
The evening had been a surprising success; it turned out that "Joe" had a really wicked sense of humour and was a very good mimic, he had them in fits of laughter as he gave them his version of many of the college worthies and even a few well known personalities. Ruth couldn't help herself and in a lull in the conversation she leant over and asked quietly "Do you do a parody of me Joe?" He'd looked straight at her before he replied "No. I care and admire you too much to do that Ruth. I know we will never agree on many things but I hope that we can be friends."
"Do you mean to tell me" she'd hissed at him a smile on her face for the sake of her friend who was just so happy that the evening was going well "That that "she continued "You have been amusing yourself by baiting me?That in fact you don't mean half the rubbish you come out with? That you do it to amuse yourself and others because if you do I may very well have to use physical violence to show you just how I feel about that!"
He'd looked abashed then before saying "No it's not like that at all Ruth, I do mean what I say but at the same time I admire the way that you stick to your guns with what you believe even if it's polar opposites to what I believe and it makes you notice me Ruth. You are so engrossed in your work if we didn't lock horns in the tutorials you wouldn't even know I existed …...would you. Go on be honest with yourself."
That had rather taken the wind out of her sails and she had to admit that she did tend to isolate herself more than most, that she was a hard person to get close to, a hard person to be friends with and that had come as bit of a jolt to her and it made her think about the way she was choosing to live her life.
The upshot was that she'd agreed to see him the next day and the day after that. Their friends thought that they were having the great romance but that was not it; to Ruth it was much more important than that. She'd found a friend, a friend who she could trust with all her deep dark secrets, all her insecurities. With who she could share her hopes for the future without being laughed at and scorned because she hoped she would be worthy of love. No it was not the great romance but it was the most important relationship in Ruth's life up to that date. He was her friend, her equal, someone she could trust trust implicitly, be silly with without fear of judgement and after a while they decided to share a house for the rest of their time at Oxford. It didn't in any way alter their feelings about their work and they still debated one another to a standstill on a regular basis but at the bottom of their relationship was a deep and long lasting admiration for one another.
And Ruth thrived on the joy and comfort she got each time she turned her key in her own front door knowing that inside the little terraced house she would find peace and sanctuary from a world she didn't really understand.
Of course there had been the misstep on the beach in Naxos; as they'd fallen onto the the warm sand, the moon bright above, the crickets singing far far away Joe had pushed her into the yielding softness of the beach and kissed her, forcing her mouth open with his tongue as his hands wandered under the loose top that she wore. Meanwhile Ruth had pushed her hands under his tee shirt feeling the muscles that rippled on his back as he moved above her enjoying the feel of his warm skin and the closeness of him. It would have just so easy to get carried away by the moment but thankfully they had both come to their senses as a stray wave broke over them lowering the temperature in more ways than one.
Joe had gasped as he pulled away from her his face a picture on contrition "Ruth. Ruth I'm so sorry" he'd babbled. "That's not what I intended at all. I love you Ruth but not in that way, you're, your friendship, your support, your love is too precious to me to throw it all away for a quick fumble on a beach. A fumble that we'll both regret for the rest of our lives. Please say something Ruth." and he'd turned away from her as he threw himself onto the sand not daring to look at her.
Ruth could remember laying in the sand her shorts and the bottom of her tee shirt drenched trying to make sense of what had just happened. They had both drunk too much and danced themselves to a standstill and if she was honest with herself she couldn't quite remember how she had found herself flat on her back being drenched by the incoming tide. And that kiss! Where had that come from? And more importantly how was she to respond to it without spoiling everything?
"So you don't fancy me then?" had been her opening words and it seemed that she had chosen wisely as Joe had pulled her into his arms as he'd gently rocked her "You are my best friend Ruth" he said his voice breaking so that Ruth could tell he was on the verge of tears "Please say you understand, please say you forgive me. Please Ruth, please!"
She'd laughed then; not in a cruel way but a way that she hoped would let him know that everything was okay between them. "That's good" she'd told him "Because I don't fancy you one bit Joseph"
And so the incident had been as Joe so cleverly put it Put to bed although over the years it had become a very private in joke that the two of them sometimes shared. And in a strange sort of a way it had served to make their connection stronger and longer lasting and they shared a love and a bond that could not be broken by time or distance; a friendship that was like a comfy pair of slippers that one could slip in and out of always knowing they would fit perfectly. That's how it had been when Joe had turned up on her doorstep the night before last having made a sudden and unexpected decision that it had been too long since they'd been in the same room together. "I just needed to see you Ruth, to talk to you face to face, to ask your advice" were the first words he'd spoken to her as he'd stood on her doorstep weary and slightly bedraggled after his long flight.
She'd been thrilled to see him of course and had flung her arms around him as she dragged him into the warmth and safety of her house, if he'd noticed the state of the art alarm system that she'd quickly re-set before she'd taken his coat and ushered him into the living room he'd chosen not to comment; just another thing she loved about the man. That first night he'd collapsed in her spare room within a half hour of arriving and he was still there snoring away when she'd left for work so there'd been no chance to talk then and last night when she got home late as usual she'd been wiped out and then of course Harry had arrived on her doorstep and thrown a spanner in the works. And at the thought of Harry she sighed deeply her emotions all over the place once more.
Quietly but firmly Joe took her hand and said "What is it Ruth? Is it work? you've not embezzled the petty cash have you? Or bet all the firm's profits on a dodgy horse? Please tell me it's not your bloody mother again, I swear if it is I'll swing for that woman! Or man trouble?"
Ruth didn't answer but she didn't need to; Joe had been watching her closely as he spoke and he'd picked up on the pain that had crossed her face when he mentioned "man trouble" and he was on it like a terrier after a rat.
"Who is it Ruth? And more to the point what has the bastard done to you?"