A/N: Happy early 4th of July! I can't wait for all of the angry reviews about this chapter :P I am estimating around 3 chapters to go, so don't worry too much! All will be resolved. Thanks sweetwaterspice for being the best beta reader ever!
MastaGamerita: Haha so angry! I won't promise to kill off Kriss (although she has been a B in this story). But I think you will be satisfied with what I have planned.
KatelyntheSelectionfanatic and Guest: Thanks for reviewing! Since I am being so mean with this chapter and the last, I decided to update sooner rather than later.
Eadlynn: All of the angry kisses! I added some cuteness to this chapter just for you (And for me, let's be real)
Whisperblaze luvs Eikko: No spoilers! Although if you have read my other stories you might have a general idea about how I feel about Kriss, so...
rhmn: Clarkson would be pretty dang mad! And it would definitely be enough to get the wedding called off! But would America put Kriss' life in danger so she can be with Maxon?
violafanatic: I support strong America and strong Maxon. But I won't spoil you :D
sweetwaterspice: I will make an Aspen-lover out of you yet.
AMERICA'S POV
I stood in my old room, staring at the bed. Last night I had been so exhausted I excused myself early and collapsed into a fitful sleep. When I awoke, the memories of this room began suffocating me. I could see images of us on the balcony where he shyly kissed me for the first time. My blue bracelet scattered on the floor after a fight. The bed, where he proposed and we slept, arms wrapped around each other. The same bed where I bawled after he told me he was sending me home.
The room felt like a prison. I would be trapped here, forced to watch the man I love with another woman.
Three more days. Three days until I can leave. Three days until Maxon marries Kriss.
Begrudgingly, I slipped on a simple day dress. There was no use wearing something flashy anymore, nothing would bring Maxon and I back together. I thought back to our conversation last night. To his kiss… I touched my lips at the memory.
A knock on the door broke me out of my stupor.
"Marlee!" I whispered, pulling her into the room, my eyes wide with shock. She pulled off a scarf she had wrapped around her head. "I can't believe you're here!" I exclaimed, as we clung to each other. "How are you? How is Carter?" There were a million questions I wanted to ask.
"Fine. We're both fine." We hugged each other tighter as if we would never let the other go.
"What are you doing here?" I asked.
"Maxon suggested I visit and I was so excited to see you!" She exclaimed, pulling me in for a hug holding me now at arms length. She looked…happy. We talked about her life as a newlywed and laughed about antics from our time in the Selection.
Eventually, she pulled back, her eyes serious now. "You know you are my best friend, right?" I nodded and she frowned. "What did you do to him, America?"
"What do you mean?" Her question threw me off guard.
"He's a wreck. The maids say he doesn't sleep at all now. He stares out into the garden and barely eats. He paces around the palace like a caged animal. A few weeks ago one of the guards caught him in here, just sitting on the floor in the corner. And when he came to find me this morning, he looked…" She paused, considering, "haunted."
I let out a sob, covering my mouth. I couldn't keep my feelings from pouring out, so I didn't. She took my other hand into hers. "He proposed," I began. "Right here, on my bed."
"Why did you say no?" Marlee said softly.
"I didn't. I said yes. And I was so happy, I couldn't believe it. We spent the night together…" Marlee's eyes widened. "Talking. And sleeping." I corrected her silent question and looked down at the floor. I had kept so much from Marlee, I hoped she would forgive me for lying to her for so long. "Marlee, do you know Officer Leger?" She nodded, frowning in confusion. I began blurting out my twisted story, "I'm sorry, I should have told you this before. I was scared, and then I didn't have the chance after what happened with you… But I was seeing him. Before I came here and at the palace for a while…" Marlee's mouth gaped. "I told Maxon, when I came, that I was in love with someone else. That's why I wanted him to be with you. But he let me stay, to help my family. And slowly I fell for him. For a while I was uncertain, sneaking off with Aspen one minute and planning for the future with Maxon the next. But I ended things with Aspen when Maxon gave me a second chance, after the report."
The tears fell as I continued, "The morning of the proposal, Aspen found Maxon and I in bed together. When Maxon left, I went into the hall to apologize to Aspen for the awkwardness and Maxon saw us together." I continued my explanation through sobs. "I tried to explain." Sob. "He was so…" Sob. "Angry." Sob. "And now it's." Sob. "Too late." I leaned forward, weeping into her shoulder, and she rubbed my back soothingly.
"Shhh America. I'm so sorry, I had no idea." I cried for a few more minutes before drying my eyes. Marlee studied me carefully, "He loves you so much, America. Why can't he just explain he made a mistake?"
I took her hands in mine, rubbing her scars. "His father... would never allow us to be together. Even before, I don't know how he would have reacted to Maxon's proposal. He hates me. And he will never let Maxon change his decision."
"Oh America," Marlee pulled me into another hug and I could hear the despair in her voice. "I know how it feels to love someone you weren't supposed to have, and I can't imagine what it must be like to lose that person." She looked over at the clock and sighed. "I'm really sorry, I want to stay, but I have to head out. Maxon is downstairs waiting for me to return, we are taking advantage of a change in the guard rotation."
"Right," I nodded, clearing my throat. "I have to get ready anyway. All of the Selected have to spend the afternoon in the garden with the bride and groom." Marlee looked at me sympathetically. "I wish you could be there, it might help me from bursting into tears."
She squeezed my hand. "You can do this America. Three more days."
Three more days and it would all be over.
The garden party was torturous. The Selected sat at a U-shape table, with Maxon and Kriss at the front at a little sweetheart table. During lunch, Kriss giggled and hung onto Maxon. Maxon smiled, although I could tell he was just pushing his food around his plate, like I was.
"I watched you on TV, you know," Ashley said to me, breaking my concentration.
I groaned. "I hope to never see any of that footage."
"I've seen it," Natalie piped up from the other side of me. "It was actually really funny to go back and look at how we all changed! And you have to watch what they filmed of the Italian visit, it was hilarious."
Ashley was quiet for a second. "I always thought there was something between you and Maxon," she said to me. "And you were so nice to me while I was here, I rooted for you."
"There was!" Natalie said, so much more outgoing than she had been as part of the Elite. "Everyone here knew America was Maxon's favorite. But after the thing with…" She mouthed Marlee's name. "Kriss attached herself to Maxon before the rest of us knew what happened!"
That remark felt like one straight to the gut. I sank down in my seat, willing myself away from this conversation. I wondered how much wine Natalie has already had to make her this talkative but I wished she would hold her tongue!
"But he kept you," Ashley said. Part of me hated her for being so obtuse, but I knew she was trying to understand what her life might have been like if she had made it through the first cut. "After your speech on the report, I thought he would make you leave."
I cringed at the memory, "I don't know, I think he just thought I kept things interesting around here." I smiled halfheartedly and glanced over to Maxon. He was staring at me, concern in his eyes. I sat up straight, not wanting him to worry about me. He raised an eyebrow and I gave a small shake of my head before looking away.
Stop this, Maxon.
I glanced around but it didn't appear anyone else had detected our silent exchange. If anyone happened to notice and Clarkson or Kriss heard about Maxon's lingering affections, there would be hell to pay.
The afternoon dragged on and Kriss started opening presents from around the world. A painting of the countryside in Kent. A long, ridiculously ruffled nightgown from Germany, so prudish I would have laughed, but the look of dread which crossed Maxon's face stopped me. I swallowed hard, realizing Kriss would be the one sleeping next to him, not me.
"Wine!" Kriss called, pulling out the gift from the Italians. "And they sent a card!"
Maxon snatched it away playfully, scanning the words. He glanced at me once before closing the card. "They send their best wishes," Maxon smiled at Kriss, leaning over to kiss her cheek and smoothly slipping the card into his pocket. When he pulled away, he looked at me again and I turned my eyes to the floor. I suppressed a smile. Nicoletta must have had choice words to say to Maxon about his pick of a bride.
"Ooh from England," Kriss said excitedly, and I slouched back down in my chair. I accepted the invitation to visit England partially because I decided it was better to be pursued by one man than to be unable to walk into the street without being hounded by three dozen. I couldn't wait for some peace, and to not have to see Maxon's face on signs and in magazines and on television. But I hated the feeling that I was selling myself off to a man I had never met, even though I had been clear I wasn't promising anything to him. The prince seemed friendly, if not a bit formal, in our few video conversations. And May gushed over how handsome he was. But after having my heart broken by two men, the last thing I wanted was to be pressured into another relationship.
"America!" Kriss called to me, and I looked over to see her draping a jeweled necklace across her chest. "You'll have to thank your prince for me, this jewelry is to die for!" A flash of darkness crossed Maxon's face before he regained his composure, nodding at Kriss' words.
"America, you have all the luck!" Natalie whimpered, the wine obviously making its effects known. Fortunately her comment only reached those girls sitting closest to us.
I smiled and nodded back and Kriss was soon elbow deep into the next gift bag. When I finally had the courage to look back to Maxon, I found him watching me again. Tugging his ear.
My heart leaped at the familiar gesture, the promise it had once brought. I began to raise my hand to my own ear, but lowered it again, shaking my head instead. There was nothing left to talk about, no reason to torment ourselves over what would never be. But when I looked back a few minutes later, he tugged his ear again, his eyes determined. I stared at him, trying to explain myself with my eyes, but he just tugged his ear again.
I sighed, finally returning the gesture.
After the gift opening, the girls spent the afternoon mingling and telling old stories. I felt Maxon's eyes on me as girls came over and talk to me. It was nice to see the ones I was friends with, but reminiscing only brought me pain. And many of the girls were dismissed early on, before I even learned their names. But now that I was some sort of odd celebrity, they all wanted to chat and take pictures with me.
Finally, I snuck to the back of the garden during a lull in the conversation. If Maxon wanted to talk, now was as good of a time as any.
I heard the crunch of leaves under his shoes within minutes. "What?" I whispered angrily, not wanting to turn around.
"I-" He stuttered, surprised at my rudeness, "I'm sorry you have to be here."
"Me too." We were silent for a few minutes before I faced him. Marlee was right, he looked terrible. Large shadows framed his downcast eyes, his face and clothes were scruffier than he would have ever allowed. Misery seeped from him.
"I know I should leave you alone." He ran his hand through his hair, "But this is the last time I will get to see you, and I can't seem to stay away."
"If you keep staring at me, someone is going to notice."
He scratched his head, embarrassed. "I didn't realize you had noticed." He shrugged, leaning down to pick up a stick. "What can I say, I can't help but torture myself with the one thing that will never be mine."
"What do you want, Maxon?" I said, sitting on a small bench tucked between two bushes. Maxon stood so close I could reach out my hand and touch him, but I refrained.
"Don't ask that. It's a dangerous question."
"I mean right now. What did you want to say to me?"
He was silent for a moment, using the stick to trace shapes in the dirt. "Are you really going to marry the Prince of England?"
I let out an exasperated sigh. "Does it really matter?"
"It matters to me," Maxon said softly.
"Maxon, you are marrying another girl in three days. A girl you publicly chose over me, even though I begged you not to. You lost your chance to have anything to say about my romantic life," I snapped.
Maxon flinched and straightened his suit. "Of course. You are right. Forgive me, Lady America. I should go."
He started to walk away but I grabbed his arm and pulled him towards me. "I don't know, Maxon. I don't know what to do anymore. But watching you with her is torture." I run my hands down his suitcoat, smoothing the fabric. "And everything I do is plastered on every magazine and news channel. I want out. And if going to England is what gets me out, so be it."
"You don't even know him."
"Well I didn't know you either."
There is a long pause. "Do you still love me?" Maxon said, looking at the nearest tree.
"Damn you, Maxon, for even asking that question when you already know the answer."
He knelt down in front of me. "I could confront my father. Or convince Kriss not to marry me. Or go on national television and tell the world I'm in love with you. Or—"
"Maxon," I framed his face with my hands. "Enough. It's over. I've made a lot of mistakes at the palace, but watching your father destroy you is not going to be another one." Tears filled my eyes but I didn't stop, "Three days from now, you will marry Kriss. You care for her, you told me once." He started to argue, but I touched a finger to his lips. He rested his head in my lap and I absentmindedly ran my fingers through his hair, allowing myself to briefly enjoy the feel of it between my fingers. "You can be happy with her. And one day you will be the best king Illea has ever had. And maybe one day I'll be Queen of England," the fury in Maxon's eye when he looked up quenched my laugh in my throat. "Anyway. That day we will laugh and tell stories of how I kneed you in the garden, how silly our little fights were, and how I almost made this country go up in flames."
"Three days," Maxon said softly. "We have three days."
I was already shaking my head. "No, Maxon. We don't. I can't… this is the last time. No more ear tugging or secret meetings. I can't bear it."
There is nothing quite as devastating as watching the one you love walk away with another. Nothing can prepare you for the clenching, squeezing feeling that aches in your chest, knowing that nothing you will ever do can fix this. I could see this pain in Maxon's eyes as he knelt before me echoing my own.
"I can't say goodbye to you, America."
"Then don't," I said. And he bridged the gap between us, threading his hands in my hair and kissing me. A kiss full of tenderness, longing, desperation, and tears. A kiss that wasn't a goodbye, but a promise that the few months we had spent together would remain locked away in our hearts for years to come.
A/N: I know that ending was mean! And because I feel bad about it, here is a little preview for the next chapter (Maxon's POV):
"I can't," I said, still gasping for air, feeling as though I was drowning. "I can't marry Kriss." The words had escaped my lips and become truth. I was finally ready to fight. Because I couldn't bear to give away the rest of my life just to placate my father.
Kriss deserves more. And I deserve to spend my life with the one I love.