Chapter 4: Cameron's Conundrum

A/N: This chapter was very satisfying to write, the last part especially. And that's all I have to say for now. ;)

There weren't many options left. Bearing down on the refrigerator, House scowled at the remaining containers of food, each adorned with a post-it note bearing a different doctor's name. Toward the back of the second shelf, he spied a container of chicken nuggets. The name on it was James Wilson. At this discovery, House couldn't help but grin wickedly. He grabbed the container and a bottle of ketchup.

Beyond the doors to the doctor's lounge, he heard women laughing. As the voices drew nearer, House glanced around for a place to hide. If Wilson found out that House had taken his food again, Wilson wouldn't go out for drinks for a week. House couldn't risk being discovered. He ducked behind the counter island as the door to the lounge swung open.

"He really said that?" It was Cameron.

House rolled his eyes. Of all the doctors in this hospital, he thought, it had to be her. If Cameron caught him food snatching, she'd chastise his ear off.

"Yeah, so then I grabbed his girlfriend's ass and kissed her." And that was Thirteen.

Figures. It would be in her gay agenda to grope random guys' girlfriends. That's my girl, he thought satisfactorily. House was intrigued at the thought of his lady-ducklings befriending one another. Only Cameron could be persistent and annoying enough to worm her way through Thirteen's emotional walls.

"No way!" Cameron gushed. "Then what happened?"

"Well, it finally shut him up," Thirteen laughed.

The voices remained at a distance, and House reasoned they had taken a seat on the couch. As quietly as he could, he began to eat Wilson's dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets.

"I admire your confidence," Cameron said, sighing. House froze mid-bite. He was sure she was about to spill some embarrassing and blackmail-worthy secret. "I'm worried about Chase," the ER head confessed. "Something is definitely wrong, but he won't tell me what it is. I trust him, but I'm worried, because he won't confide in me." Cameron paused. "I haven't had the guts to really confront him about it," she added, as though admitting this to herself for the first time.

House ran through everything he could think of that might explain the wombat's strange behavior. And then he remembered. A few weeks before Thirteen returned to PPTH, Cameron and Chase had temporarily returned to Diagnostics to diagnose the African dictator, Dibala, a man responsible for genocides and other atrocities. The team was devastated at their failure to cure the patient, who ended up dying. However, when Foreman and Chase were going over their reports to present the case at a conference, House discovered that Chase had intentionally misdiagnosed Dibala in order to kill him. He had attributed Chase being off his game in Diagnostics to sexual frustration, as usual; but maybe pretty boy really was wracked with guilt over killing Dibala.

"I think," Thirteen began slowly, "that you should give him time. It sounds like whatever he's dealing with can't be forced out of him."

Cameron sounded very far away when she asked, "But what if he never tells me?"

"Then I think you have your answer," Thirteen replied curtly.

Wow, House thought, a little harsh, even for you, Thirteen. He dipped a chicken nugget in ketchup and took a bite.

Cameron didn't seem to take offense. "You're right," she said. "Maybe if I give him space, he'll be more comfortable telling me."

"Exactly," Thirteen replied.

"So," Cameron sighed. "Now we wait."

"Wilson!" House exclaimed, bursting through Dr. James Wilson's office door. "I have an idea." He slumped into Wilson's couch.

"I give you permission," Wilson said, not looking up from the file he was reading.

"What?" House asked, taken aback. He hadn't even gotten to share his maniacal plan with his BFFL.

Wilson shot House a look of exasperation. "House, I don't have time to listen to your crazy schemes today. I have a patient coming in who has stage four pancreatic cancer and—"

Using his cane, House pushed himself up from the couch. "Fine," he said, cutting Wilson off. "Then I'll just tell Cameron and Chase that you didn't save their marriage when you had the chance." He headed for the door.

"Whoa, hold on, House," Wilson sputtered, standing up. "What are you going to do?"

House walked intently toward the elevator. "Does it matter? You, as my moral compass, have already given me permission."

"That is so unfair," Wilson whined, following House. When House didn't acknowledge his comment, Wilson persisted, "Putting a squirrel in someone's locker or sending Cuddy's nudes in a hospital memo or something is one thing, but you're talking about other people's relationships." House punched the down button with his cane. "House, whatever you found out is none of your business. Cameron and Chase are your friends."

The elevator arrived, and thankfully was empty. House sidled into elevator car, trying to push the "close doors" button before Wilson could follow him in. However, Wilson's reflexes were quicker than the elevator, and the oncologist managed to force his way through the closing doors.

"House, this is a mistake," Wilson insisted.

The diagnostician tried with all his might to resist Wilson's inescapable "please do the right thing" look. With a monumental groan, House conceded. "Fine," he muttered, "I won't do anything."

Wilson patted House on the shoulder. "Thank you."

When the elevator reached the lobby, House stepped out of the car and started toward the clinic. As he crossed the lobby, he saw Cameron, in street clothes, wave goodbye to Thirteen, who was still dressed in scrubs. Cameron left the hospital, but Thirteen stared after her for a moment. The brunette bit her lip and smiled to herself, and then headed back toward the ER.

"You've gotta be kidding me," House muttered, a gleeful spark slipping into his voice. He flipped open his cell phone and dialed Wilson's number.

"Hello?"

"Wilson, I take back what I said," House declared with satisfaction.

"Were you just lying from the start?" Wilson asked, disappointed.

"Nope," House replied, rapping his cane against the lobby vending machine until a bag of chips tumbled down. He snatched up the bag. "I really wasn't going to destroy Cameron's marriage."

"What happened?"

"Change of plans!" House proclaimed, reclining comfortably on the stairs. He hung up the phone. Smirking, House opened the bag of chips and crunched one in delight. He thought smugly, Thirteen's in love with Cameron.

A/N: Muahahaha! House, you sly dog. Get excited for high stakes in the coming chapters!