Chapter 4
By time Jane gets a flight back to Boston she arrives at 7.30, luckily she was able to get a flight straight away.
She thinks to herself she might as well head straight to the precinct get caught up on any case her partners have got going on.
"Jane!" Frost says almost choking on his coffee.
"Hey Frost." Jane says heading to her desk.
"Thought you weren't back for another 3 days?" He asks her looking confused.
"Yeah, thought I'd get back early. In case I was needed." She answers powering up her PC.
"RIZZOLLI, WHAT THE HELL." Cavanagh shouts. Frost nearly chokes on his coffee for the second time that morning.
"Sir, I – there wasn't much happening in New York." She stutters over her words slightly she knew this would happen.
"My office." Cavanagh says. Jane lets out a sigh. "NOW." He barks back at her.
"Sir." She says standing and following into his office.
"Look sir I am sorry but sitting listening to a bunch of know it all's is not what I need to prove I can do my job." Jane starts.
"No you're totally right Jane." Cavanagh says pinching the bridge of his nose. Jane smiles thinking this was easy. "But you needed to prove to me, to this precinct that Jane Rizzoli can actually follow an order." He says his tone no longer angry more sympathetic, which makes Jane winch slightly.
"Sir it wasn't like th-." Jane says but is cut off by Cavanagh standing up.
"No Jane I don't want to hear it. Out." He says pointing to the door.
"What?" Jane asks confused as to what he means.
"Leave your badge; go to the rest of your scheduled therapy sessions. If they sign you off after that then your back. But not before." He says
"You want my badge?" Jane asks not bothering to keep the hurt out of her voice. "But this is my life." She finishes her voice small.
"Look Jane it's not forever just until you are cleared. I tried to get you back easier. Go it's only a month." Cavanagh says eyeing her carefully.
Jane takes her badge off slams it on her boss's desk and walks to the door. "Jane I am So-." Cavanagh starts.
"Save it Sean." Jane says before slamming the door making everyone around look up. She stalks past Frost and Korsak without bothering to look at them. Just as she heads into the lift she notices Cavanagh at his door face fully of sympathy she doesn't bother holding his gaze to appalled at what he has done to her.
Once outside Jane contemplates whether to go to her Ma's to pick up her little yapping dog or go straight home she decides on the latter.
30 minutes later after stopping off to pick up some groceries and much needed beer she arrives to her small apartment, opening the door she sees the place clean. "Ma." She says with frustration.
She changes into a pair of jogging bottoms and an oversized t-shirt. She sits down with a beer turning on the TV deciding to catch up on sports centre see what she has missed in the world of Boston sport.
An hour later she has finished the first 6 pack of beer she bought so heads to the fridge for the second pack her head slightly foggy.
When she sits down she tries to get back into the programme she is watching but her mind starts to drift to the mysterious blonde. "What the fuck. Man up Rizzoli you made your choice." She says frustrated.
"But what if I made a mistake?" she asks herself. She goes to get up when she falls straight back down. "FUCK." She says fully feeling the effects of all the alcohol she has consumed over a short period.
"She won't want to see me anyway, if was just meant to be a harmless fuck that's all." She says to nobody. Not fully convinced she seen the look in her eyes too sure she seen some of the emotions Jane was feeling. She shakes her head and stumbles to her room and fall's face first fully clothed on to her bed. She falls asleep straight away where she dreams about the blonde goddess she abandoned.
Over the next week Jane has not really left her apartment only when necessary to walk her dog Jo Friday. She has no choice but to actually get dressed and venture more than around her block she has a session with the company shrink, which is not looking forward to.
She dresses heads over to the Dr's office on her way she passes a street all taped off and sees Frost she feels a pang of jealousy which only lasts for a second when she sees a well-dressed blonde getting into a Prius. She slams her break on and gets out of her car and rounds the corner by that time the car has gone. "Just your mind." Jane thinks, she has spent the past almost week dreaming of Maura and her Hazel eyes and amazing smile. She just wishes to see her even for a second to say how sorry she is.
Jane arrives at the Dr's office a couple of minutes late. "Thought you had stood me up again." Says a voice from behind Jane.
"No Dr Grey, I wouldn't do that more than 4 times would?" she says rolling her eyes. "Well should we get this over with? I do want to get back to work at some stage." Jane says walking into the doctor's office.
"I think the idea of these sessions is to talk." Dr Grey says looking at Jane. Jane keeps her eyes fixed on her hands not looking up. "Jane?" Dr Grey can see she wants to open up.
Jane looks up when the Doctor leans forward in her chair. "We-." Jane starts to talk then feels her throat tighten and hands start to shake.
"Jane. One step at a time. Take it slow." Dr Grey says softly.
"I fucking left her." Jane blurts out putting her head in her hands. "She was perfect, smart beautiful, sexy as hell. And, and I just freaking left her. Jane says her voice thick.
Dr Grey is looking confused. "Jane I don't understand. Who did you leave?" the Doctor if trying to run through Jane's file in her head. Single it definitely said single she thinks to herself.
"Maura." Jane says looking up at the Doctor for the first time since walking into her office 30 minutes ago. "I met her when I was in New York." Jane says seeing the confused look on the Doctors face.
"Ok." Dr Grey says trying to get her head around the direction the session has gone. "Why did you leave her Jane?" She asks.
"It was just meant to be sex but I don't know I looked at her and I felt she deserved more, than I could give her." Jane says her voice getting thicker with each word. The Doctor can see how much this is affecting her patient maybe she can get through to her.
"What did she say when you tried to mention this?" Dr Grey asks.
"I didn't bring it up. Not much time. If you catch my meaning Doc." Jane says a small smile playing around her lips at the memory of kissing the delicious blonde.
"So when you say you left you left her in bed?" Dr Grey asks trying to get as much information as she can.
Jane stands up and starts to pace. "No Doc I mean I legged it when she left the room. I left her a note saying sorry." Jane doesn't stop pacing. "Just sorry. How pathetic?" Jane stops to look at the Doctor.
"Actually Jane considering what you have been through I thin-" Jane cuts the doctor off.
"Woah stop right there doc, this had nothing to do with him." Jane says her voice deathly cold.
'AT LAST' Dr Grey thinks to herself it's the first time Jane has showed any true emotion regarding the accident that happened. "Are you sure though Jane?" She asks ignoring Jane's death stare.
"Fuck this." Jane says turning for the door.
"Your letting him win Jane." Dr Grey says quietly. Jane stops with her hand on the door handle. Her shoulders slump and her tall skinny frame starts to shake. Jane, come sit. Please." Dr Grey says in a soft even voice this is the break needed.
Jane slowly turns and walks to the sofa her was previously sitting in she doesn't look up at the doctor feeling embarrassed that she is crying.
"I saw him every night I closed my eyes, felt his breath, his touch. Heard his voice." Jane says her voice weak and broken.
"Saw?" Dr Grey says not letting anything pass her.
"Yeah I have only seen him 3 times since New York." Jane says in the same broke voice. "Instead it's a worse torture I see those hazel eyes and that blonde her." Jane says.
"Maura?" the doctor asks.
Jane nods. "I tried to speak to her but, but, but." Jane can't finish before more tears come.
"She deserves more than I could have offered, all because of him. Jane says the last word so quietly the doctor struggles to hear.
"Jane, you are an incredible woman." Jane looks at the doctor and rolls her eyes. "You are, you are kind, loving, and fiercely loyal. You are incredibly charming." Jane quirks her eyebrow. "Yes Jane you charming, and funny. And once you let some of those walls down and let someone truly see you, you will also know this." Dr Grey says quietly having grown fond of Jane since they starting seeing one another in a purely professional manner.
Jane snorts. "Yeah right doc." Jane laughs. "You do know it's not me paying you right?" She asks.
"Funny Jane really. "Dr Grey says. "But Jane don't let him take away all this good." She says sternly.
Jane raises her eyebrows at the tone. "I am trying doc really." She says her voice weakening again.
"Ok how about from now until next week, you do a task for me." She looks at Jane who nods. "Ok you come next week and tell me about your ordeal." Jane goes to protest. "Wait, wait." The doctor says cutting her off. "Hear me out, if you don't think you can tell me please write it down. It may make it easier for you." The doctor says softly.
"You want me to draw you a picture for your fridge too?" Jane asks sarcastically.
"That Jane would be wonderful." Dr Grey says in the same tone which makes Jane laugh.
"Ok doc, well until next week." Jane says standing up. "After all I am a busy woman I have to stare am apartments walls for another week." Jane does something she has not done in the past with the doctor and holds out her hands.
The doctor hides her surprise and takes the offered hand to shake not wanting to linger or accidently look at the freshly healed scars. "Goodbye Jane." She says slightly proud of herself getting Jane to open up even a tiny bit. In Jane's world that is huge.
"Doc." Jane says and turns to leave the office hands stuffed in her pockets.