Author Fighters Happy Hour
Chapter 4
Previously on Happy Hour…"You still don't understand, do you?" Anti-TL asked before saying, "The android Spud is the key to controlling it!"
"Whoever controls Spud controls the Authors?!" (Dramatic note)
"And now Oldkid has Spud!" TL exclaimed. (ANOTHER dramatic note)
"It's free ice cream day at Dairy Queen!" Johan said, holding out a news ad. (Yet ANOTHER dramatic note)
A thought then occurred to Nukid and he asked Anti-TL, "So, I could change at any moment?"
"Perhaps." Anti-TL answered, shrugging, "Oldkid has…SPECIAL plans for you."
Nukid scowled before asking, "Well, why hasn't Soul been changed?"
"We're not sure." Anti-TL stated, "For some reason, he's been completely immune to Oldkid's influence. The only logical explanation is that his perception of reality has already been altered."
Sudden realization then dawned on Nukid as he remembered something TL said earlier…
Enter flashback…"Nukid, I think I might've gotten a girlfriend and forgot about it." TL admitted.
End Flashback…"Oh my God, he was RIGHT!" Nukid said.
"Nukid! What's up?!" TL asked, "I heard a noise and…"
TL's statement was cut-off as he saw an unconscious Nukid and conscious Authors. DM, Hikari Ino, D-Dude, Loony, HQ, Airnaruto, and Ranger were all standing around the unconscious Nukid with Oldkid standing in front of them.
"Hello, TLSoulDude." Oldkid stated, "Do I have a deal for you…"
TL was never the profane type, but the curse that escaped his lips would've made TSS blush…
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Someone prodded Johan.
"Johan?" the person asked.
"FINLAND!" Johan shouted, returning to consciousness. He groaned before noticing the person in front of him was Ino.
"You've been through a lot." She commented.
Johan massaged his head before saying, "The only thing I remember is Reliant K, Weird Al, Phil Collins, something about pumpkins, and embarrassing myself more than usual…" he then remembered something before asking, "That really happened, didn't it?"
Ino held out a tray to Johan, which had a sandwich and a bottle of blue Gatorade on it.
"Yes. You were embarrassing Darksides EVERYWHERE." She replied.
"Rats." Johan swore, "I was hoping I'd only embarrass those stinkin' Russian Darksides (A/N: I just did that for kicks. I'm not racist or hate Russians)."
"Now, just act like you're still hallucinating." Ino said, pointing at the backs of three Authors—Airnaruto, Ranger, and Lunatic. "If Oldkid finds out that you're sane again, he'll brainwash ya."
"You have feelings for me, don't you?" Johan asked.
"None whatsoever." Ino replied, flatly.
"I KNEW IT!" Johan exclaimed, happily.
"You're not listening." Ino said.
"I NEVER DO!" Johan said.
Ino left Johan to revel in what he thought was a triumph of love.
"WOO HOO! I DID IT! I TRUMPED DRAKE! I…" Johan then noticed that the three were giving him funny looks, "I mean…On Wisconsin! On Wisconsin! Plunge on through that line!"
Loony made a noise.
"What?" Ranger asked.
"Nothin'." Lunatic replied, "It's just, whatever's goin' on in there must be some pretty good sh…"
"THANK you, Lunatic." Airnaruto hissed, "There is no call for foul language." Airnaruto then glanced over to whoever's watching this and said, "Yes, the writer's decided AGAINST foul language for this chapter."
"Shut up, you dumb-ass whore!" Ranger spat.
"So much for clean language." Airnaruto sighed.
"I don't get it." DM growled as he and Hikari walked in, "Johan and Anti-TL are BOTH Darksides. We should be wiping them off the face of the earth!"
"Yes, but Oldkid can change them to be like us, Sempai." Hikari said, "Isn't that good enough?"
"I guess so." DM said, but added, "But isn't Oldkid allied with Drake? Everything's just so confusing now…"
"Maybe you should ask him. I'm sure he can clear it up." Hikari pointed out.
"He MIGHT." DM said, coldly.
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
TL groaned and clutched his head before pushing himself up.
"Felt like I did AFTER I died." TL mumbled, clutching his head.
"Good morning, Soul." A voice said.
TL glanced over to see his old friend, X Prodigy.
"X PRODIGY?!" TL asked, happily, "You mean Oldkid DIDN'T change you into thinking you're a brooding, dark warrior?" TL then noticed the description and added, "Who…uh…DOESN'T work for Oldkid?"
"Oldkid spiked everyone's drinks." X Prodigy explained, "I drink straight from the bottle."
"Yeah. I remember you busted one over my head when I was trying to clean your table." TL mumbled.
"You didn't announce yourself." X Prodigy stated.
"WE WERE THE ONLY PEOPLE IN THE BAR!" TL shouted.
"If that's YOUR story." X Prodigy replied.
TL thought before asking, "How do you drink when you're constantly wearing that mask?"
"Even I don't know that." X answered.
"Well, why're we waiting?!" TL shouted, "Oldkid's either gonna brainwash us or kill us if we don't do something!"
"Believe me, killing me would only make me happy." X stated, "And I AM doing something—waiting for an opportunity to present itself."
"Hey, Soul." Said a certain Pokemorph.
"Roscoso?!" TL asked.
"FIC SNATCHER!" Ranger shouted.
"LET IT GO, RANGER!" Ross shouted back.
"How come YOU'RE not like them?" TL asked.
"My Life Auras burned the nanotech outta my system." Ross replied. He then shuddered before saying, "It hurt like crazy, but it worked." Ross then jabbed at the collar around his neck, "Would've busted outta here if they hadn't snapped this collar on me. They took my Life Auras and I can't change. Lousy son of a…"
"What happened to YOU?" Nukid asked as he appeared.
"NUKID!" TL exclaimed, "You're here, too?!"
"Looks like Team Ryche is united in imprisonment." X Prodigy stated.
"What did Oldkid tell ya?" Nukid asked.
"He just said he had a deal for me and shot me with elephant tranquilizer." TL answered, "I see that Roscoso's red."
"Yeah, that'd be the side-effects of the massive amounts of tranquilizer that went through your system." Ross said.
"Yeah." TL replied before continuing, "And, next thing I know, I'm here."
Johan then popped out with the bottle of Gatorade in his hands.
"Hey, guys." He said, in a conspiratorial whisper "If anyone asks, I'm Eragon and THIS is Sapphira." He held out the bottle when he finished before continuing, "We're going to Carvahall, singing songs by Utada Hikaru." Johan then walked away.
"O-kay, what was that about?" TL asked. Suddenly, someone grabbed him by the mane and pulled him up.
"YOU'VE BEEN TOUCHED BY THE DEVIL, HEDGEHOG!" snarled TSS.
"Hey, I'm a Christian not a Satanist!" TL shouted. He then said, "And if you're so upset about it, TSS, why can't you just open-fire on everyone like you always do and get us outta here?"
"I can't kill them." TSS replied, "I only kill the evil ones, NOT misguided heroes. These are our comrades. Besides, it's NOT everyone else or your religion. It's…"
TL then vanished.
"SOUL!" Nukid shouted.
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
TL appeared in a chair. Cuffs strapped him to it and he noticed someone…
"'Sup?"
"Spud?!" TL asked, "Don't you know what Oldkid's doing?!"
"Yeah." Spud replied, "It's awesome, isn't it?"
"He's…" TL stopped, chuckled a bit, and then agreed, "Okay, it is, kinda." TL then asked, "Don't you work for Drake?!"
"Yeah. It's weird." Spud said.
"AND YOU'RE HELPING OLDKID TO CONTROL THE HEROES?!" TL shouted, spastically.
"Cool." Spud simply said. The doors swung open and Oldkid walked in.
"I think what my douche of a friend means to say is that I went peeking around Drake's papers while he was, (cough)and still is(cough), doing some jail time." Oldkid explained, "Then, it was a reprogramming here, an override there, and finally…"
"'Sup?" Spud asked.
"Exactly." Oldkid said.
"What's your plan, you sick jerk?!" TL demanded.
"Oh, you'll see." Oldkid replied.
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
DarkMagicianmon walked over to the cell and handed Nukid a laptop.
"Oldkid wants you to have this." DM explained. Nukid took it as DM continued, "It doesn't have to be like this. We both want the same thing—vengeance. You're just too naïve to do anything about it."
"Never thought YOU would be sayin' that to me." Nukid simply said.
"OH, THE RICH IRONY!" Johan shouted.
DM then glanced over to the three guards and asked, "Are you sure he's drugged?"
"Pretty sure." Lunatic replied.
"Seriously, Chief." Airnaruto said, "It's hard for a guy to sing like THAT and not be on somethin'."
Airnaruto gestured at Johan, who was dancing.
"I don't know." DM said, "Whatever's going on in there seems a bit TOO whimsical."
"In other words, you ALSO think he's drugged." Ranger stated.
"NO." DM snapped.
Nukid opened up the laptop to see TL strapped to the chair and Oldkid in front of the Fictorian Hedgehog.
"Well, well, well." Oldkid said, "Good to see you, Nukid."
"Feeling's not so mutual, Oldkid." Nukid replied, "What're you planning?!"
"Come on, Nukid. I'm doing this for the other Authors' greater good." Oldkid explained, "Apparently, you and I are quite successful when it comes to reviews. Now, EVERY Author wants their stories to be just like ours. And you're always complaining that the Authors are hardly relatable. I decided to give you and the people what they wanted." He gestured to Spud, "The power to alter someone's perception of reality is useful. I could find what the Authors cherished most and, with the help of Spud…"
"'Sup." Spud said.
"I managed to take them and crush them into unrecognizable masses of blood and tissue." Oldkid finished. He gestured at DM, Hikari, Airnaruto, Ranger, and Lunatic, "Now, virtually ALL of the Authors believe that their loved ones were brutally murdered in front of them and, little by little, they took the next step on their never-ending quests for justice."
Ino then walked in on Oldkid.
"Only they're willing to KILL for justice." Ino added.
"AND, as you can see, I got some of the Darksides." Oldkid said. He then socked Ino, sending her to the ground, "Wait until I'm finished."
Johan noticed this and snapped.
"WHAT?! THAT SON OF A (censored)! I'M GONNA GET HIS SORRY (censored)…"
The rest of Johan's sentence was censored along with many others. He waved his hands around, banged his head on the wall, tried punching X Prodigy, only to get repelled. Ranger apparently sighed before aiming his gun and shooting. The censor bleep stopped there and Lunatic was on the ground, clutching his leg.
"RANGER!" Airnaruto snapped.
"Sorry, I'm just used to solving ALL my problems like that." Ranger explained.
"DANG SORRY REASON, IF YOU ASK ME!" Lunatic shouted.
"…Up Gary Coleman's sorry…" Johan then noticed that everyone was staring at him. He then said, holding up the Gatorade, "I mean…ya hear that, Sapphira?" He then answered, doing a very poor impression of Rachel Weisz (A/N: One of the two actors who they got it right in the movie. The other was Jeremy Irons), "Yes. You have a language problem."
"What do you want with TL, you sick bastard?" Nukid snarled.
"Well, Spud tried finding what he cherished most." Oldkid replied, "But the hedgehog's taught himself how to take losing people and get back up. Besides, the thing that got destroyed was too small to make any impression on his psyche."
"See, Seifer?!" TL demanded, "I can take being called Chicken-Wuss!"
"Shut up, rodent." Oldkid murmured.
"What does TL have to do with this?" Nukid asked again.
"Oh, I just want him to turn it off so he can be like everyone else." Oldkid replied. He glanced over to TL and asked, "You want your fics to be more popular? You want to be cool like Nukid? Well, you CAN if you just let me in."
"And…why should I do that?" TL asked.
"THIS is why." Oldkid replied. He snapped his fingers. Spud held out his hand and electricity flew from it to electrocute TL. The hedgehog roared in pain before slumping forward, smoking slightly.
"NOW I know how those guys I shock feel…" TL groaned.
"You want to be Nukid's partner." Oldkid said, "Well, you'll find out what happens to his partners…"
"STOP!" Nukid shouted.
"Excuse me?" Oldkid asked.
"Leave him alone." Nukid said, "He has plenty of potential as a good author."
"Well, never thought I'd hear you say…" TL never finished, because he got electrocuted.
"Just turn your mental shields off." Oldkid said, "And all the pain goes away."
"I CAN'T!" TL barked, "I don't remember!"
"Well, let's just…"
"HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND!" Nukid shouted.
"Excuse me?" Oldkid asked.
"You heard me. He has a girlfriend." Nukid stated.
"I DO?" TL asked.
"If you can jog his memory, you can get him." Nukid finished.
"Why're you telling me this?" Oldkid asked.
"Because if you have him, you won't have reason to torture him anymore. YOU can save that for me." Nukid explained, "And TL's a good man…hedgehog…Fictorian…whatever the heck he is." Oldkid didn't seem phased by this, so Nukid continued, "Besides, even a sick, twisted mind like yours can't resist controlling ALL the Author Fighters."
Oldkid then froze. He turned around and asked, "How do I crack it?"
"You can't." Nukid explained, "But I can."
"How?" Oldkid asked.
Enter flashback…"I mean, X Prodigy's already paired me up with Hanabi Hyuga and I'm friends with other girl authors like Sakkee and Lucky." TL explained.
End flashback…"I know her name." Nukid replied.
"You know her name?" Johan asked, "You really HAVE been around."
Nukid's response was to grab Johan's wrist in a manner similar to DarkMagicianmon in the previous chapter.
"Pumpkin, pumpkin, PUMPKIN, PUMPKIN!" Johan screamed.
"Pumpkin?" Nukid asked, confused at Johan's choice of words.
To be concluded…