The doctors were closing in on her. Well, that wasn't entirely true... There was a nurse by her side, a different one, who seemed more worried about messing up her needlepoints than that monstrosity of hair on her head. They were about to prepare her for her big operation on her leg and Lovina was nowhere to be seen.
Shit, she was late. So late, it was almost ten to four... she had overslept and had to run to the library on her way to the hospital. She burst into the corridor of Antonia's floor with her bag thumping on her back, filled with medical journals and other extremely heavy books, her hair thrown in a messy up do, wearing an old sweater. Lovina stopped caring about what she looked like years ago; she had just come to terms with feeling shit about her appearance and focusing on other things.
Antonia's heart warmed noticeably when her lovely friend Lovina pounced through the door, her half-fucked up pony-bun thing bouncing behind her. Still, she looked tired and sleep-deprived. This must have been the first time she'd seen sunlight since she got the job, the way she was carrying those books.
"Hey, you. Did you come to study with me?" Antonia smiled at her, patting the chair for visitors since her doctor was trying to help her stretch out her leg for her operation. She kept the thing limped for the past few days. Which apparently was a bad thing? It hurt too much to shove it straight. Luckily, Lovina was there for it. She was a bawling mess, but had pulled herself together for the woman in the doorway.
"Sorry," She muttered, dumping her things in the corner and going over to sit in the chair, breathing heavily. "I was busy."
She shrugged, wincing at how he stretched her out one final time and put a brace on her knee to keep it straight. "I don't mind. As long as you help me out here, I'm just really nervous. I can try and help you out with your homework."
"No, no..." Lovina insisted, tutting as a lock of her hair fell into her face. She tucked it behind her ear and pulled the chair closer to the bed, watching Antonia's face as she winced. "What can I do?"
The doctor patted her bed and told her he had it under control and promptly left, telling the nurse to start giving her the sedatives. "Ooh, nothing much, I guess, just try to calm me down. They've been feeding me pills; I think I might vomit from all of them, aha,"
"Try not to," She started, feeling inexperienced, and now that she had her breath back she realized she had nothing to say. Usually she would just talk about nothing that had always seemed to work before. "I have New Year's Eve off this year," she offered, making eye contact with Antonia so she didn't have to look at the needle. "Do you celebrate New Year?"
Antonia was thankful for her eyes holding hers, that needle really was longer than it should be. "Um, I just get drunk alone, usually." Cue the horrible look from the mouse-like nurse above her. She shrugged with one shoulder, so she wouldn't snap the needle off in her arm.
Lovina took a quick glance around. Everything in order. She turned back to Antonia and smirked. "That doesn't surprise me."
"If you haven't noticed, I get dragged to drinking parties a lot," She smiled, nestling up in her covers for warmth. She had finally gotten a shower last night. Although, it was more of a bath, because she had to sit down the entire time, but at least her hair was finally curling back to its healthy ways, if not a little limping. "Francis says I'm fun to drink with. Whatever that means,"
She just nodded and hummed, not wanting to get into that line of conversation. She noticed the nurse line up the needle with Antonia's vein and realized she had to keep talking. "So is that what you'll do this year?"
"Drink? No, not after this mishap." She laughed, hardly noticing the needles, now. Just small prods were all she felt. "I'm thinking I'll turn over a new leaf." In addition, drop the job in retail and get one in the medical wing— Of course, she was joking, although it'd be fun to stab people with needles from time to time.
She was still joking.
"Ah." Lovina forced a smile and overplayed the sage nod. "Very wise,"
"Why are you forcing your happiness on me?" Antonia giggled, not daring to look over her shoulder. "Its fine, I'm used to all these stabbings now."
She paused, taken aback, frowning very slightly. "I'm trying to calm you down. Like you asked," Ungrateful bitch.
She was only making her nervous. "Really? Well, thanks," Lovina couldn't force a smile without looking like a creepy doll. "But you should just be yourself. For some reason that calms me down even more,"
Lovina raised her eyebrows and sighed. "Fine. Fine, I'll be pissed off and tired, is that better?"
"Yeah," She managed a smile, hearing the sounds of what seemed to be a gas tank. The smile vanished just as quickly as it appeared, and she was suddenly trying to clutch for her friend's hand. "She's done injecting, right?"
She nodded and offered her hand over, all of her venom gone as soon as she had found it. "It'll be okay, I promised."
"Just answer my question, what's happening next?" She nearly demanded, hiding under her sheets and poking out her face so she could see her nurse.
"They're going to put the mask on..." she told her, giving her the look a mother gives an unruly child and edging the sheets off of her. " You can do it."
Shaking her head, but obeying when the other nurse edged her bed up so she could place the mask on her face. "How long does it take?" Antonia asked quickly, afraid by the noises the mask was making, like a dragon breathing in her face with the threat to kill her at a moment's notice.
Lovina took a deep breath; she had always hated doing this, being the calm one in a crisis. "We'll count to ten together, okay?"
"One," She whispered, barely noticing the nurse stalking off to leave them alone. "Two..."
She gave another hurried sigh and pressed on, rubbing little circles in Antonia's knuckles with her thumb. "Three..." she continued strongly, softening when Antonia glanced over at her. " I'm here, okay?"
Nodding was all she could do, now. Her brain was slowing to the speed of molasses. Her eyes were softening downwards, and everything was fizzing out as if someone had put out the flame of her motivation, and the last pieces of flame were flickering away. She hadn't even made it to four. "Te amo," She whispered out, just as she slipped under the gas, quite positive her words were hushed by the loud hum of air traveling through her mask.
"Five..." choked Lovina, just in case she was still there, just about to go. She squeezed Antonia's hand, surprised by the strength of feeling in her - she wanted her well, she wanted her happy and awake as soon as possible... she wasn't really sure what to make of that, or what to say, so she stroked her patients soft hair from her face gently. "I'm here," she repeated quietly. Just in case.
. 0 .
Antonia's eyes were all lazy and glossy, she could tell from the way the doctors looked at her as she came out of her stupor that she probably looked like an infant about to cry. She slumped over the bed, trying to look for her gorgeous, cute little friend Lovina. No such luck, unless Lovina was hiding under the bed.
Lovina balanced the tray carefully, being sure not to spill any of the ice water. There was another ham roll, some chocolate, and a little bunch of grapes.
Hey, it wasn't what it looked like; it was part of her duty to bring a patient's meal after an operation, if they were willing. Antonia should have been awake about an hour ago, so she edged backwards into the room, expecting her bright-eyed and ready.
Well, now the white-coated blurs were moving out and Antonia was edging back to the bed. Her head felt like it weighed two tons, and her legs were just numb and twitching. She heard the door opening and closing a few times, afraid of seeing Gilbert or Francis waiting to play with her and her drug-induced thinking.
Watching with concern as Antonia blinked around blearily, she edged closer to the bed, and Lovina set the tray down and took the seat. "Hey. How are you feeling?"
"Did they knock out one of my eyeballs?" Who was even talking to her- "I can't see... clearly, y'know?"
"Keep blinking," Lovina told her firmly, edging forward in her seat and holding up her index and middle finger. "Can you see that? How many?"
"Lovi," She nearly whined, blinking and rubbing her eyes. "You're holding up two, I'm not blind."
"I was just checking!" she tutted, rolling her eyes. "Do you feel okay?"
Antonia shook her head. She felt like a bowl of cold oatmeal. Obsolete and just gross all around. "I don't know, I'm sleepy but I can't sleep..."
"You've been asleep for hours..." She told her, standing up and lifting the sheet over her leg and immediately drawing back, shocked. "Oh, God, they were right..."
She hummed, arching up to look. "What's the scar like?" Photoshop was a magical thing, and she was positive her managers wouldn't care. She was the best looking, feet wise, at least.
"Antonia," she started, looking up with quiet panic on her face, but she couldn't keep her resolve for long. "They've amputated your toe." Her face broke into a grin, not even able to joke. Damn, that might have been funny for a minute.
"No they-" She snapped forward, bending down to feel her little toes. There were one, two, three, four, five toes- on each foot! "You liar!" She shouted, her voice slurring wildly. "You know how much I need these!"
She laughed and went back up to the top of the bed, putting out her hands to plead innocence. "Calm down, it was a joke. You're so sensitive."
She moved her foot so Lovina could stare at it all night if she wanted to, just to be guilty. "These things are the only thing I'm sensitive about, Lovi." She mumbled, ignoring her hands and pumping some lotion into her hands, rubbing her toes and heels.
Lovina watched for a moment, transfixed... she shook her head quickly and looked at Antonia's face. "What kind of things do you model for?"
"Foot crèmes, rarely… But I pose for shoes and other designers." She smiled shyly. "It pays rent."
Paying rent by being nice to look at. Lovina was a little ashamed at the ripple of jealousy she felt, but she did feel somewhat entitled - she hadn't had more than a day off for the best part of a year. "That's good," she replied, without much else to say.
Antonia nearly attacked the tray of food once her eyes adjusted back. "Lovi, you have wonderful eyes, y'know?" She smiled, easily edging it towards her, inspecting all of the delicious foods in front of her. She didn't even think about how they might have been drugged. It didn't matter.
Lovina watched her quietly. She was obviously still over-tired. "No I don't, eat your meal..."
She plucked a grape from the bunch and almost moaned as its skin broke away. "They are, they are, I just love them,"
"You're on a lot of drugs," Lovina said flatly, watching her eat. "You're speaking total shit. I'll remind you tomorrow and it'll be embarrassing." Ha.
"But I mean all of it. Go ask my friends, they'll say I'm an honest druggie." She didn't realize she ran out of her rare-showing items like the grapes and the fun-sized little chocolate bar until she was halfway done with her roll. "Where did you get this stuff? Did you smuggle it?"
Lovina opened her mouth to speak, thought better of it, and nodded. "Yup. From home." Ignorance is bliss, as they say...
"You're going to get in trouble!" She teased, laughing. That funny metallic, powdery taste was filling her mouth. Must have been from the operation.
"Not if you don't tell," She answered, with a fake plea to her voice. "How are things with Doctor Kirkland? Have you seen him again?"
"Don't even mention him," Antonia's mood seemed to take a one eighty turn for the worse, finishing her roll and taking a sip of water to wash down that gross powder. "Such a dick. He woke me up yesterday because he said all I do is sleep. And he must of injected me with something because I couldn't go back to sleep for hours and let me tell you; The Price Is Right via American Broadcast is not fun three times back to back."
"He's doing his job, don't be ungrateful," Lovina told her off.
"He's bad at it." She placed the spotless tray back on her table, leaning back. "Thank you so much, honey, I loved it."
"He isn't," She argued feebly, just for the sake of good practice. She didn't actually dislike the guy, he put in a full shift and knew a lot, but damn if she wasn't at least a little scared of him. "And that was a one-off; you have to start eating the food they bring you, okay? Promise me."
"But they sneak drugs in it. Why do they sneak drugs in my food if I can just take it myself?" She pouted. Antonia didn't even want to think about the gross doctor who insisted she stay awake for no fucking reason.
"Because it's easier than having to set you a meal time and a time to be given your pills, there's only so much time I can spend with you—" ranted Lovina, realizing she had actually whittled away quite a chunk of her shift shooting the breeze. She stood up, patting down her scrubs. "I should go."
"They should at least tell me they're giving my meds through my ham rolls or whatever." She scoffed, stopping when Lovina bolted up. "Why?" Antonia was disappointed. She never was able to spend time with her. Ever. She was either asleep or some person was getting her attention or she was studying— She looked over to Lovina's large stack of books.
"Because I have a lot to do!" She snapped, frustrated and over-tired. "You're not my only patient! I only have a few hours left, I'll come back then."
"Fine!" She picked up a camera lying next to the pile of books and turned it on. What kind of pictures could she be taking at work? Silly Lovina…
... Was that her leg open in the middle of an operation?
Lovina stormed out, giving her hands a quick rub from the antiseptic pump on the wall and walking down past the nurses' station to pick up some paper work- she stopped dead, whipping round to check the beeping monitor. With a growl, she slammed her papers back down and started up the corridor again.
She was huddled up, the camera still on and sitting on the floor, balancing on the lens.
S-She couldn't take her eyes off the thing. All open, the bone showing completely. Antonia felt a rush of panic when she looked down to her leg, where the large set of staples and stitches stood. That happened hours ago. She was asleep the whole time. Her heart was pounding like an angry man's fist on a door. She couldn't look away. Oh my god—
The door banged open and Lovina hurried back in. She looked from Antonia's pale face to her own feet and saw her camera, laying, lens-down. She had paid a lot for that! She took and held it up to Antonia, glaring at her. "Why were you going through my things?"
"I was just wondering what you were doing with a camera in a hospital—" She whispered, hiding her eyes from the image. Luckily, she didn't even break the damn thing. There were more pictures of open leg surgeries to be made.
"You know, just me and the girls, there's a really nice one of this guy in radiology!" She spat sarcastically. "What do you think I use it for? In fact, that doesn't even matter, why were you touching it?"
She tried answering, but just gave up from the terror in her lungs. Antonia hid her face and vision from the hospital room, Lovina, and most importantly, her leg.
Lovina watched her, panicking when she hid her face. She could barely bring herself to calm down and talk more quietly, but she managed it. Slightly. "Antonia," She didn't respond. "Antonia!"
She shook her head, pushing her away. Legs weren't supposed to look like that. She could have gone her whole life without looking at her operation photos.
Lovina flipped the camera over and looked more carefully at the photo. Okay, she could she how it was unsettling, but everything out there was sealed inside Antonia's leg anyway. She didn't see the big difference in having it out at the open air. "Antonia..." she started, slightly more calmly, sitting down beside the bed. "Look at me... it's sewn up now, in a few weeks you'll barely be able to tell."
She shook her head, peeking a wide, panicked green eye to her companion. "I-I'm not a rag doll..." She coughed, moving her hands away from her face. "Lovina, what in God's name did they do?" She hadn't realized she was raising her voice until its remnants echoed in the room and into the bathroom.
"Look..." She started, after a slightly frightened pause, holding up the camera again to use it as a guide. She quickly pulled it back when Antonia screwed her eyes shut. "Okay... well, your ligaments are what hold your muscles together, and yours were torn. The surgeons get to your muscle and graft tissue to it... that's all," she said simply and calmly.
"What tissue- where are they getting the tissue from? Boxes?" She asked quickly, looking through her fingers to make sure the camera was gone.
"People donate their musculoskeletal tissue for operations like this..." She muttered, not sure whether that would make it better or not.
Antonia played with her fingers to distract from the gaze of her nurse. "From people who are alive or...?"
Lovina hesitated for a long moment and breathed out slowly. "... well, live people still need their tissue..."
Once Antonia's mind forced itself to make the connection; she nearly kicked Lovina off the bed and huddled into a ball. God, there was a dead person's skin, tissue, whatever the fuck it was- inside her. Whimpering and shaking, she hid herself from the world's eyes.
"Antonia, please..." pleaded Lovina desperately, going round to the other side of the bed to try to look at her face and putting a hand on her shoulder. "It's not as bad at all like that... whoever it was wanted you to have it, that's why they had a donor card. They save lives..."
"They didn't save my life they saved my fucking leg and now I'm part zombie!" She hissed, shoving her away. Once her friends found out— Was she going to crave flesh now—
"Hey!" she yelled, frowning. "Just because they didn't save your life doesn't mean they don't save lives. I'm only going to tell you one more time to have some fucking respect for people who try their best to help you; no one had to donate that! And you would be out of a job!"
"Get out!" She wailed, trying not to connect the two images of her mother yelling at her and Lovina right here. "Just get the fuck out! You're not helping!"
Lovina stood up, scowling, going red with fury. "Fine! I'm sick of trying to get through to you! I put myself through hell to help you and you don't give a shit! It's people like you who make me hate this job!" She crossed quickly to the door and slammed it closed, freezing in the hall.
Antonia froze, staring at the cold looking white door heading out to the hall. She was alone, again. Just like how her mother left her when she got flustered with her. The woman sniffed up her fears and pain, swinging her legs over the bed, despite all of the ache and rip, and limped to the bathroom.
Lovina didn't even deserve her attention now. She locked the door and sat in front of it, a weeping, horrible mess.
She stood in the hall for a long moment, breathing deeply and shakily - she was such an idiot. She had told a complete stranger everything, everything that worried her, hurt her, everything she tried to keep all bottled up, and had actually expected her to care. At least try to understand.
She only took a few steps before she realized her books, bag, and camera were still in the room. Lovina contemplated leaving them until later, but Antonia really couldn't be trusted. She barged back in, huffing. "Forgot my—"
The bed was empty. In a panic, she looked around the room, eyes setting on the bathroom door just in time for a loud whimper.
Her back was planted firmly against the door. No way in hell was anyone coming in unless she said so. This little amount of power helped her mood just a tad, even if someone was marching around outside her hiding hole. Probably a doctor searching for the little nosy shit known as Lovina...
She was being too harsh; this woman wasn't her mother... Moreover, anyone who had taken that much care of her and didn't scream at her to hand the money over was a good person to her.
Lovina edged to the door, and sat down beside it. If experience taught her anything, post-surgery hormones meant she'd be here for a while. Granted, that wasn't the whole problem, she had snapped at her. And swore at her. And the rest. She raised a hand and knocked the door timidly. "Antonia? It's me."
She stiffened, trying to remain calm. She reached over, keeping an arm on the door and flipped the switch to turn on the shower. Maybe now she'd think she wasn't coming out for a while.
"Antonia, please, don't go in there," Her small voice rushed, standing up and giving the door a shake. She was holding it closed. Dammit. "Antonia, please... you'll hurt yourself..."
"Just get your shit and go." She growled, shoving her right leg out of view. The area around the stitches seemed red and stressed, which concerned her mildly. She could see her nurse's shoes under the door, trying to get in.
Lovina grimaced, giving the door another rattle. "I can't, Antonia, just open the door, please...!"
"Why can't you, huh? It's sitting right there! Just take it!" She shouted, shoving off the water since that clearly wasn't working.
"Because I have to take care of you!" She yelled back desperately, going silent as the water shut off. "Thank you," she said, only slightly calmer. "Now, open the door. Please."
"You're like Bomb Squad. I'm not a terrorist." She spat. Silently unlocking the door just to see if she was really worth it. "Calm the fuck down." Maybe she should practice what she preached.
"Okay," she answered immediately, trying to keep her tone steady, her hands still on the handle. She felt it shift, but didn't push it. "I'm fine, everything's fine."
She raised to her feet, lifting her leg up to spare the pain she already gained. "Yeah, yeah, everything's just peachy keen." She scoffed, giving two small knocks to the door to show she could come in if needed.
She hesitated, not opening the door right away, to give Antonia some more time. "I'm sorry I shouted," She called through steadily, hands trembling on the door. Let her come out, let her come out; let her come out before she hurt herself... "I need you to go back to bed."
Since when did Lovina sound like a frightened little puppy? She couldn't help but want to help to calm her nerves through all of this anger. It wasn't even her fault, putting a dead person's tissue in her leg. It was her fault for even getting in the car drunk. "You're the only one I can trust here." She said calmly, her hand firmly on the handle.
Lovina was quiet, waiting for her to move. She took her hands off the door, watching it expectantly.
She opened the door just a crack, making sure there wasn't a team of doctors behind her.
"It's just me," whispered Lovina, realizing she was scanning the room. She edged the door open, looking Antonia over, and her breath caught at the sight of her leg red and swollen at her stitches. "Antonia..."
"I'm sorry," She whispered, itching at her neck. Lovina couldn't handle this stress, she should have just became someone else, something that didn't require all of the work she was causing for her. "I'm so sorry, Lovi."
After a fleeting moment of panic, she held out her hand, waiting for Antonia to take it in her own time and looking up at her with a fussy, bossy air again, though her breath still trembled.
She took it with both hands and pulled her in towards her, trying to get an embrace before any of the thick, awkward air steamed in around her. "I'm so sorry." Antonia tried in a lighter tone.
Lovina gasped and held her up, softening against her. She nodded against her chest. "I should have been more patient," She mumbled.
"I should have never gotten in that car," She shook her head, resting it on Lovina's little messy bun. "Are you always trying to put up your hair? Is it required?"
She looked up and shrugged. "Gets in my way."
She never wanted to say to cut it, it was too beautiful and wavy the way it was. "Have you ever heard of bobby pins then?" What she wanted to say was to ask if she could go to her house, and while she was sleeping, go outside and throw out all of these stupid little hair ties.
Lovina stared at her, perplexed. "What— you need to lie down, come on..." She took Antonia's arm more forcefully to take her back to the bed.
"Aw, c'mon, c'mon, I'm not that weak," She smirked, sitting down and slipping underneath the covers. "Do you live in an apartment?"
Antonia moved a hair out of Lovina's face as she was tucked in like a child in those Christmas movies, one of her nice dreams coming true for a brief moment. "But I bet its cozy enough."
Lovina just tutted. Sure, it was as cozy as it could be when you lived alone. "What about you?" She changed the subject, taking the arm closest to her out of the little cocoon and checking the scratches, wiping here and there.
"I live wherever I can, y'know, but my landlord kicks me out a lot because of my money problems when modeling jobs are scarce and the pay at retail is slow." She shrugged, watching her hands move around her arms, wiping up little spots with delicate swipes. "Sometimes I live at Francis's, other times I live with Gilbert, but when I can't go anywhere else, I go to my mom's and..." Antonia gulped, adjusting her spot.
"Where are you just now?" She asked, unrolling a fresh pad for her head wound.
"Here," She merely said. "I'll ask if I can stay with Francis or Gilbert, but I doubt it, since I'm blaming them for it."
"Towards me..." she muttered, her hand tilting Antonia's head and taking off the old pad. "You don't have any brothers or sisters?" Lovina shrugged and didn't look at her, failing to feign nonchalance. "Or a boyfriend? This is going to scar a little," She hastened to add, her face quite pink.
She shook her head, her lips forming a straight line. "I'm not really... into..." She coughed. "Guys." And that's all that had to be said, she thought. The way she interacted with Gil and Francis should have been enough. "My mom didn't have the faith or anyone to bang her, anyway."
Lovina paused in what she was doing and picked up again quickly, not wanting to give the wrong impression - she didn't want to seem like she disagreed or anything. "Oh," she said, mortified she couldn't think of anything else to say. "Do you... have a girlfriend?"
"Nope," She tried a happier voice, finding it failed her almost immediately and slipping her arm out and giving her the other one in case she needed to give her an IV for any drug they had in the hell-forsaken place. "I'm all single." She looked at her ring fingers, her neck, wherever a ring could be. "You got a boyfriend?"
She went quiet, taking the other arm and wiping it carefully. She had never had time to talk about this kind of thing... she loved Feliciano, dearly, of course, but he had always come first. What did anyone care about her sexuality when there were more important matters at hand?
Granted, she'd had a fleeting experience with the Hungarian girl he'd taken to prom, but that was it. There had barely even been tongue, she remembered, with a bitter edge. "Do I look like I have time for a boyfriend?" She scoffed under her breath, looking up at Antonia's face.
Antonia shrugged. "You can always have love, no matter how strange the timelines and schedules are." She said silently. Did that make her sound interested? She was. Kind of.
Yes, yes, she was. Lovina was so sweet when she wanted to be, she could tell.
"Maybe other people can..." Lovina muttered, finishing and sitting back in her chair, flicking her hair out of her face for the umpteenth damn time. "No one wants to come home to me shouting and screaming and panicking over nothing."
"It's just a project, is all." She smirked. "People like me like a challenge." She turned to the TV, trying not to look like a white sheet as that little bit slipped out. "Like driving cars in snow storms." Shit. Now she'd think she loved danger. "Or swimming in a marathon."
Lovina stared at her, not sure whether to be offended at being called a 'project' and a 'challenge' or intrigued by the fact that Antonia seemed to be volunteering herself.
No, she was reading too much into it. Idiot, idiot...
"Do you go looking for trouble?" She asked with a smirk, finally catching up with the rest of what she'd said.
"I guess if I'm in the hospital I shouldn't answer that," She laughed, scratching her bandages. She didn't want to ask if she could help with the house of Lovina's, or even if she would like to go out on one date, or a study date- Oh! That's what she'd do. "Do you need help studying for your intern things, Lovina?"
"You mean with you?" She asked, embarrassed at how surprised she sounded. "... I... just, a lot of it's... there's a lot of photographs, I don't want you to freak out..."
She shrugged. "It was just harder because it was my leg," She hated to admit that the mere sight of blood made her squeamish, but she didn't think that mattered. They'd be pretty clean, right? There was a small trash bin right next to her bed in case. "I can handle it. What are you studying?"
She glanced over at the clock. Only fifteen minutes until her shift was over anyway, she may as well... "Well, actually, muscle hypertrophy and hyperplasia," She told her, collecting a heavy book and taking her seat again. "That's why I wanted to see your leg."
She probably looked like a confused chimp, as she might as well start making oo-oo-oo sounds and scratching her armpits. Lovina knew all of these big words and how to insert a needle into skin, and all she knew was how to con a bartender to get her five free drinks and other street smarts. "So, where are we starting?" She just thought she'd pick pieces of text and ask her questions, or go through one of her notebooks.
"We have to be able to tell which is which, and then what strains of it the patient is showing..." She explained, going into her uppity, fussy, know-it-all tone. Well, she'd barely spoken to anyone in months; it was a nice change... "See here," Lovina said, showing Antonia a page in the book, showing several pictures of slight deformities and twisted skin. She pointed to a woman with small yellow growths on her face. "She has sebaceous hyperplasia, it says so underneath there. If you describe the picture to me, I'll tell you what it is." She took a breath out, satisfied. "Ready."
Page 983. Where books even allowed having that many pages? She grimaced, playing with a piece of her curly brown ringlets. One of them was all gross and sweaty and probably dead now. "Dead-looking," She started.
"Uh..." She racked her brain. Nope. Too much in the tank for, 'dead-looking'. "Can you narrow it down? Do they have warts?"
"They kinda look like a frog..." She said through quite the frown. "She looks all stressed out; looks like she got Kirkland as a nurse. Ha ha ha." Antonia licked her lips, flipping through more pages of the book.
"Then it could be focal epithelial- hey!" She snapped, sitting forward. "None of that has anything to do with what we're talking about, what are you looking for?"
"But maybe I want to teach you about..." She leaned back, trying to read and see what that long word was and how you pronounced it. "Trabicycleosismosishocuspocus,"
"What the hell are you talking about?" tutted Lovina, turning the book towards her and scanning over the text. There was nothing on the page even remotely close to what Antonia had said. "Can we just stick to what we were doing?" she asked, exasperated.
"How do you even read something like tha-" She pouted, slamming the heavy book shut in frustration. No way in hell was she ever becoming a nurse. "Why do you even want to learn about this?"
So much for help! She snatched the book back and held it carefully. "Because it's important to me!"
"I want to help, but I can't!" She nearly whined, scooting down further. "I'm no use in this department... maybe you can study with Kirkland?"
"He flips his shit every time you make the tiniest mistake," she told her with a shudder. "Look, I didn't ask for your help, it's not your job to help me."
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," She mumbled, shoving her blankets over her head. Obviously Lovina didn't hear her little confession before the surgery. "Maybe some of the other interns can help?"
Lovina sighed and took the covers down from her face. "I'll study when I get home; I don't have to do it right now... you just offered."
Antonia smiled with a small twist of hope. "Oh, well, I'm sorry I couldn't help."
Lovina shook her head, setting her book back down. "It's fine, really... I have to ask, how soon do you think you'll be leaving? Not that we're rushing you, but once your stitches heal a little more, you can go." She wasn't sure what to expect, Antonia had said she preferred hospital than her other options, but at the same time, she was constantly pushing her luck and getting distressed and routine checks.
She wanted to know if Lovina had extra space, if she wanted to get an apartment together; where they could help each other with rent. "Hey, Lovina, I gotta somethin' to ask," She sat up, holding a few of her notebooks to her chest just for something to clutch.
"Once I can get outta here... by chance do you want to..."
C'mon, Antonia you aren't the soap opera girls, spit it out!
"Flat?"
Lovina stared at her, confused. "Flat? Flat what?"
"I don't know? English terms are stupid." She laughed, looking away. "Live together in a flat? Is that what it is? Screw England, this place is weird."
"Live together?" She repeated, staring at her as if she were demented. "Antonia, there's barely space for me in my flat!"
"Well; we could get a new one!" She twirled her hair, braiding the ends. "I have enough money sitting around for new shoes and stuff from my foot job, we can buy a nice flat."
Lovina was quiet, watching her intently. "I don't know, Antonia," she finally managed to say. "We met three, four days ago? You're not... mentally stable to make decisions like that right now. You'll still be drowsy and you're being careless and..." She struggled to think of more reasons that it was a terrible idea. "I... I'd wake you up coming in every morning."
"I'm a pretty deep sleeper, and I'm totally stable," She argued calmly, sneaking a look at her. She still looked all stressed out. "But we could pitch in money, and your dog could come to live with us, if you want, Charlotte and him would be great friends, I bet." smiled Antonia, patting her shoulder.
She watched her, nervous, and stammered back into speaking, cheeks pink. "I mean... if you're saying that you couldn't take care of yourself on your own... I should stay with you..."
"I can take care of myself fine! I just, can't really cook anything, but churros..." She laughed.
"Then why do you want to live with me?" She asked, shaking her head in confusion.
"I think it'd be fun," said Antonia, rather honestly and confidently, she might add. "And together, we'd be unstoppable."
Lovina froze, feeling all the color drain from her before it rushed to her cheeks again. She scoffed, unable to think of anything to say. "What do you mean?"
"I mean that together, with our paychecks combined; with my retail and foot-model job, and your intern job, we'd rake in lots of money that we can share, and stuff." She offered, wanting to pick up her phone to look for photos of her turtle. She missed little Charlotte.
Oh. Unstoppable in a practical way. Obviously. Obviously not in any other way and Lovina was an idiot for letting that cross her mind— "... I don't think so," she said with finality, glancing away.
"Oh." She nearly grunted, surprised at the violent rejection. "Well, the offer's always there, so don't worry if you change your mind."
She nodded quickly and awkwardly, clearing her throat. "If you need me, you know where I am," she muttered, worried by Antonia's tone.
So much for dating, huh? Well, it tested the waters, at least. She obviously wasn't interested. She'd just stay at her mom's house then, just like old times. "Mhm," Moreover, she didn't even know what Lovina meant by it, but she was probably just saying it to make her feel better. To get her out of her hair, finally.
The air was quiet and tense. Lovina bit her lip and had to try a few times before she could speak. "I... It's nothing against you, I just..."
"I know!" She was on the verge of raising her voice, and that wasn't good, was it? "I know," Antonia tried again, this time a bit more crackly. "I'll just stay with my..." Someone was knocking on the door. The frizzy old hair, the smoker's face, and the cheap clothing straight from The Salvation Army's trashcan were hard to forget. "…Mom."
Lovina looked up to the door and stood, glancing at Antonia and taking a few steps. She gave a little nod, trying to ask permission to let her in and assure Antonia at the same time, and started over to let her in.
"Don't," She begged. "Don't, please, please," She wanted nothing to do with that woman, and her nurse, her friend, one of the only people she could ever trust was just going to- let her in. "Please, Lovina, I'm begging you."
"They must have taken her as your emergency contact," she hissed, pausing only a few feet from the door. "What am I supposed to tell her?"
"Wrong room, I'm at Gil's house, I don't want her just get her away from me!" Streaks of water were streaming down her face now. She couldn't escape and there really was no escape. Her cold, spoiled apple colored eyes were tracing around the door, making sure the room really was her's. Frosted glass was a blessing.
"I can't tell her you're not here, Antonia..." she sighed, glancing at the door, starting to become extremely nervous at Antonia's reaction. "Wait here..." she slipped into the hall and closed the door tightly behind her.
She huddled up into a ball, slipping behind the side of the bed. From the angry, crackled and smoke-damaged voice, she knew her mother was having an absolute fit. Her name kept on popping out along with a set of violent curse words, and 'where is she where is she'. Antonia wanted to die, right there in the cozy, dimly lit hospital room. Lovina didn't deserve this treatment. She was too good willed.
Lovina had her hands raised, opening her mouth every few seconds to try to interrupt, panicking at being screamed at in that thick accent, hardly able to understand. "She's barely awake..." she would attempt, only to be drowned out by what she assumed was very colorful language. "She asked not to see anyone-" She was cut off again, growing more and more frustrated, her breath starting to race, eyes starting to prickle. "If you would listen I could answer your questions!" She raised her voice and immediately felt like clamping her hands over her mouth.
Antonia finally gathered her strength to just get out there, and face her fears. She stood up, limping off to the door and straightening her clothes, just to appear bigger than her. Swinging open the door to the woman, who she had feared for years too long, she took her arms and shoved them away.
"Stop it!" She nearly screamed, switching over to her Spanish tongue in case she dared to insult her nurse in a language she didn't understand.
Lovina spun around to her, putting a hand on her arm to stop her. "Antonia, its okay, go back to bed..."
"No, no, no, Lovina it's not," She nearly laughed. She had been waiting for this moment for years. "Listen here," She began, her voice running easily in the words of her native language. "If you dare hurt this woman I'll make sure you get cut off from any money streaming in to you keeping you alive, for as long as you walk the Earth." Antonia spat, pressing her nurse close to her chest.
She gave a short gasp and tried to step back, but it wasn't going to happen. Antonia was clinging to her, staring at her mother, after some particular outburst. Lovina could feel Antonia's heart racing, pressed tightly against her, and looked up to try to figure out what to do, but she was completely lost. She stood still and silent, waiting for either of the women to make a move.
Her mother drabbled on silently about how worthless Lovina was, how worthless all of this medical 'shit' really was. She pulled herself together, which at least calmed Antonia just a tad.
What Antonia didn't expect was the fist to the face and the ripping away from her Lovina. She kicked with her good hand all she could but somehow this woman was so much stronger than she was.
"Antonia!" Lovina gasped, regaining her balance and rushing after them, slipping by them to block their path and grabbing her mother's arm. "She's injured, stop it!"
Her mother kicked her off, ripping away. She needed the money from Antonia's job to stay alive, and finally this hospital had brought her money back. Maybe now she could buy a damn smoke. Fucking nurse.
Antonia couldn't even walk straight. The stale smell of her horrible tyrant's body invading her senses with a trigger so mentally crippling, she almost lost the ability to keep her feet available.
She froze to the spot, shoved against the wall, and watched helplessly as Antonia tripped and stumbled and was hauled back up by her mother. She had no idea what to do, the more she fought, the more Antonia was grabbed at and dragged around like a rag doll. There was blood on her leg, her stitches torn. Lovina ran back, thundering on every door she went past for another nurse, a doctor, or even janitor, anyone to help her. She reached them again, begging desperately, trying to hold Antonia up and pull her mother back at the same time, half-slipping into Italian and trembling.
Antonia looked at her, wide-eyed and blinded by the yanking and tearing of all the pain. Her mother was losing stamina, she'd go out soon. The stairs would kill her. Lovina was crying out something, begging and yelling and screaming. She did her best to stay with her by shoving her feet in front of her mother, no matter how many stabs to the rib she took. Antonia did her best to resist for Lovina.
Lovina gripped the front of Antonia's clothes to try to hold her up, noticing her breaking into a feverish, pain-induced sweat, shaking and pleading— an errant leg swung her way and took her feet out from underneath her. She hit the ground and struggled to scrabble back to her feet, behind them now, unable to move in front past their scuffle, or get a hand on Antonia. She continued to attempt to pull the older woman back, clamping a hand around her arm.
Thankfully, Antonia's foot trick finally worked, because now they were in the middle of the corridor, her tailbone officially numb from all the falling and tossing.
"Help!" She wailed with her voice a shaking mess from all the terror that was in her mother's eyes. She slid from under her, noting that she had broken her mother's fall. "Get her away!" Antonia crawled back until she found herself against the wall, watching doctor after doctor swarm around her mother and assist her up to send her out.
Lovina ran to Antonia as soon as she fell, reaching her as she pressed herself against the wall and crouching beside her, putting her arms up over both of their heads. She stayed there until she heard the odious woman being pulled up and sat back slightly, eyes flickering over Antonia's bruised face. "Oh my God..." She gasped, her voice broken with dry, shocked sobs. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry..."
She couldn't speak. She was almost dragged out, never to see the light of freedom for a long time. Antonia watched as her mother's eyes glared at her on her way out, how the large doctors promptly escorted her out the doors and down the stairs, her arms confined in there grasps. It wasn't until she couldn't see her or hear her that she relaxed into Lovina, unable to cope with what just went on.
She was shaking as she ran her fingers carefully over Antonia's face - it was bruised, her cuts opened and reddened, starting to bleed lightly. Lovina could feel her scrubs sticking to her from the blood from Antonia's leg on the ground beside her. She sobbed and put her arms around her shoulders, resting a hand on the back of her head and rocking her gently. "You- you need to come h-home with me... it'll be okay..."
Antonia didn't realize the small tears licking down her cheeks, burning into her cuts and scratches. "Okay," She replied in a small voice, hopefully just enough to calm her down. Nurses were coming back in after a short while, leaning and kneeling down to help. Lovina, who was an emotional wreck beside her, didn't seem to want to move.
"I'll try harder," She whispered, pushing Antonia's hair behind her ear, becoming more angry than scared, looking at her with determination. "I'll take care of you." Another nurse put a hand on her shoulder and she had to get up to help Antonia onto the bed that had been pushed out into the hall to take her back to be re-stitched.
Shaking and nodding, she sat on the bed, lying back with a terrified look in her eyes. She could still smell her mother on Lovina and her own gown. She was still locked in that state of terror. "I need a shower." She said silently, to the Italian beside her. Now she probably looked like the aftermath of a deer in headlights.
Lovina shook her head, stroking Antonia's face with her thumb. "You have to go and get fixed up, you can wash later... I'll still be here..."
"Okay." She forced a small smile. "I love you," Antonia closed her eyes, concentrated on something other than the pain, the sweet, soft stroke of Lovina's thumb she craved each day, or perhaps the scent of stale smoke lingering on her clothes.
Her chest tightened and she gave a breathless laugh, sniffing back a few tears and shaking her head. How Antonia thought that was so important after what had happened to her, she had no idea. She laced her fingers through hers and held on tightly while she was given her injections, and the mask was brought back to put her under. "We'll count to ten together, okay?" asked Lovina, running a hand slowly over her hair to calm her. "I'll be there when you wake up, I promise."
Antonia nodded, sniffling her nose. "Ok-ay," She let go of Lovina's hand because she couldn't count with her voice just yet. She held up her fingers, one, two, three, four... The mask was put on her, the loud noise of flowing air drowning out her sweet, soft little voice into a blur of wind. Antonia hesitated, but put up her fifth finger, and then her other hand was raised, trembling only slightly.
"Six..." She said calmly, putting her hand on the back of Antonia's and rubbing her fingers while her eyelids drooped and she lost consciousness. "Seven..."
She didn't expect the gas to knock her out the fast- good lord, she thought she'd pass out after ten seconds, but no, this time they put the mask on five seconds late and it only took her three seconds to go. At least she was happy for the last few moments she was there. Soon it'd be over.
. 0 .
Lovina had fallen asleep. Twice. In addition, she woken up in blind panic, looking at the clock and breathing sighs of relief. Eventually, Antonia was brought back to her room and left to wake up in her own time, so she sat in the chair at her bedside, folding her arms on the mattress and placing her chin on top, curling her own fingers against Antonia's and watching her chest rise and fall slowly while she slept.
Antonia's dreams weren't going so well. Mostly just running from the snake who visited her earlier. Tried to kidnap her.
Just as her ghostly arms clasped around her legs, she felt the same falling action. At impact, Antonia gasped awake, clutching the nearest thing, which turned out to be Lovina's hand. That was such a nice thing to wake up from a nightmare. It nearly calmed her instantly.
She blinked up at her tiredly, raising her fingers to her mouth and giving them a quick, shy peck before putting them against her cheek and settling down again. "You okay?"
She blushed as the Italian sunk back down into her spot. No, no, this couldn't be happening. She'd never do that. "Is my mind playing tricks on me or am I still dreaming?" She joked, the half of her mouth resting in the crook of her pillow
"Nope," She hummed, looking up at her, feeling her heart sink at her shiny bruised face and newly scabbed cuts. "How do you feel?"
Antonia reached up, pinching her arm for a bit and slamming her eyes shut, but there was no rush of reality. She relaxed back, sighing contently. "Sore," She answered.
"Well, that didn't help," she tutted, brushing Antonia's other hand off her arm. Idiot.
She laughed. Oh. Oh. Oh. No, no, no. Antonia winced, pressing her rib. "What did she do to my rib?"
"Broke," she told her quietly, looking up and squeezing her hand. She didn't know what to say, so she just shrugged and echoed herself. "I'm sorry. About everything."
"Really?" She asked. She couldn't really remember anything that happened, other than the fall and the screaming and that punch she got to her jaw. "It's fine, I'm fine."
Lovina sat up straighter and looked at her, her eyes wider than they had been. "Really. You remember, don't you?"
Antonia shook her head, confused. "Could you elaborate on that...?" She asked.
Oh, God. Her chest clenched once again, not sure how much she knew, would she have to go from the start and work on? "Your mother was here? You know that?"
She nodded. "She punched me right here..." She pointed to the left side of her face.
"That's right," nodded Lovina, disheartened, slumping back in the chair and dropping her hand. "You had a fight and you had to go back to the OR."
"I remember a bunch of screaming, but after that it's all fuzzy,"
She tried not to sigh audibly, nodding, tight-mouthed. "They took her out. There'll probably be some legal issues, you can do something to keep her away from you," she replied monotonously, trying to ignore the fact that her eyes were wet. She crossed her arms indignantly, glancing around the room so she didn't look at Antonia.
"I can remember feeling really, really, happy before I went under, though. They gassed me. I can't recall why," She said silently, her face sinking when Lovina slipped away. "... Did I say something stupid?"
Lovina looked up at that, considering just spilling and hoping for the best... but she couldn't. If Antonia hadn't meant it, if she still didn't remember, if she didn't believe her... "They took you to the operating room," she answered, and looked up at the clock, sighing deeply. "Well, I've been here for... twenty-eight hours... another nurse is taking my shift for the next few nights, so..." She hesitated, still sitting in the chair, her breath always catching in her lungs and her chest tight. "I'll see you whenever."
"Wait, wait, wait!" She yelled, bolting up in her bed, her hair a wild mess. "Don't go. I wanna come with." She nearly broke her mind thinking as she tried to remember. "You said I could come with before. You said you'd take care of me. You promised." Antonia accused, pointing her finger at her.
She froze, cursing internally. Of course, she would remember that. "They have to keep an eye on you here for a while," She told her plainly. With any luck, she would make other arrangements while she was absent, and Lovina wouldn't have to face her every day in such close quarters.
Antonia nodded, looking clearly let down. "Te amo," She said, picking up her phone and pursing her lips. It almost slipped out naturally, as if she'd said it before. "Buenos noches."
Lovina paused again, standing beside the bed, almost afraid to ask.
"What did you say?" She whispered anxiously.
"You don't know it in Spanish? Ti amo, then. I love you." She said, looking up from her phone to her nurse.
She went silent for a moment, before breaking into a huge, slightly teary smile her breath shuddering as she sat on the edge of the bed and put her hand on Antonia's, watching her eyes flicker. "Thank God," She breathed, edging forward.
Antonia said something stupid. Something stupid that she forgot. If she didn't say those three little words, she might have walked out on her. Antonia smiled, since good Lord, just look at that beautiful, beautiful smile and all those white teeth. "Sorry I forgot," Antonia chuckled, planting a small kiss on her cheek.
Lovina shook her head, chewing her smile and putting a gentle hand up to Antonia's scarred cheek. "You should be..." She snorted, and closed her eyes, leaning carefully across the bed and pressing her lips against Antonia's. Finally.
She raised her hands to Lovina's neck, kissing with her, probably making the moment bigger than it was meant to be.
She kissed back, of course she did, but she pulled her face away when Antonia became slightly more forceful, shifting on the bed. "Easy," She scolded, thinking of her battered ribs and newly sewn leg. "Be careful."
Antonia settled back, laughing, and a little giggling mess. "Oh my god~!" cried she, trying not to hurt her ribs. "Oh my god, oh my god, Lovina you have lips like an angel!"
"Shut up," she answered immediately, going pink and trying not to smile. "You're doped up again..."
"Maybe! I don't react like a monkey on these meds!" She played with Lovina's nails, grinning like a fool.
She laughed, rubbing Antonia's fingers with her own and tutting. "You know, I really do have to go home... I've slept for... thirty minutes in the past two days."
"Go. Go." She patted her hands. "Go... as soon as you give me your number in case I need your support." Antonia handed Lovina her phone.
Lovina huffed and took the phone, struggling a little to find where to enter her number, making a few educated guesses to get past the Spanish. "There." She handed it back, and bent over to kiss Antonia lightly on the head. "I'll come back after I've had some sleep."
"I'll probably just be sleeping, too." She smirked. "Telenovas, too. Kirkland doesn't approve but then again when does he? Have a good break, cutie. Love you."
She smiled, going to the door; too nervous to say anything else... she berated herself silently.
Oh, suck it up, Vargas!
"Love you," she rushed, turning around. She gave another nod and turned back again, cheeks burning, a giddy grin still on her face.
Who would have known you could find your lover in such a strange place?