four
The Ouran Host Club/Becoming The Club's Errand Boy – Even Though I'm Actually A Girl
"Hana-san is mean, you know. Satoru-san is more nicer than her," I pouted as I tell stories to Haruhi. She was laughing so hard at some of my stories. "Seriously though? It's not poisonous, I've checked!"
We suddenly came to a halt when we saw a door. Perking my ears up, I listened if there's some noise inside the room.
"Seems none," I looked at Haruhi. "We should check it out!"
Haruhi nodded and took hold of the knob, and then pushed it open.
In my – or our surprise, light and – rose petals?! Seriously?! – came out from the door. Some petals got into my mouth because I didn't realize it was open.
"Pweh!"
"Welcome!"
"What the fuck is this place?!" I blurted out. Somehow, we're now inside the room. "And you should be careful with those petals, you know?! They're not tasty!"
"To answer your first question, those with the wherewithal—first, in social standing and second, in money—spend their time here, at the Private Ouran Academy." The blond with pretty bright violet eyes said as he sat majestically at his seat. "As such, Ouran Host Club is where handsome boys with too much time on their hands entertain and charm girls, who also have too much time on their hands."
To put it simply for others to understand, bastards that have nothing else to do decided to make a shitty club for brats that also have nothing else to do so said bastards could seduce said brats.
Uh-huh, I understand now.
"It is the school's own personal, elegant playground for the super-rich."
"Whatever," I muttered under my breath. "Let's go, Haruhi—"
"H-Host Club?" Haruhi asked, seemingly shocked. Well, they are handsome. However, I'm immune to good looks and I only appreciate beauty for the shortest of time.
"Oh, it's boys."
What the fuck? Oh well, I am still wearing a hoodie that is sizes too huge for me. And those voices are really, really familiar!
A guy with raven hair and glasses looked beside him; and there, I saw the twins which are our classmates. So they belong in this club, huh? "Hikaru and Kaoru, these visitors are in the same class as you, right?"
"Yeah, they are. But Fujioka's not sociable, and so is Fuyukawa, so we don't know them too well."
I would like to keep away from you twins, thank you very fucking much.
The dark-haired stared at us for a moment, and then a knowing-smile adorned his handsome face. He's creepy…
"It's impolite to say it like that," he said. "Welcome to Ouran Host Club, Honor Student—"
Then suddenly, the blond cut in. "What? Then this exceptionally rare honor student we've heard about, Fujioka Haruhi, is you?"
"Do you expect it to be some rich-looking person?" I sarcastically asked.
Meanwhile, the girl beside me is struggling to open the door because for some magical – so realistic, Yukiko, wow – reason, it just. Can't. Fucking. Open.
"How did you know my name?" Haruhi asked suspiciously, and maybe, a little bit creeped out. No shit about that, I would've flipped if someone knows my name when I haven't even introduced myself yet.
"It's just that our school traditions make it difficult for commoners to get in."
And I, a former orphan now a daughter of a well-known businessman, got offended by that.
This motherfucker doesn't know what'll hit him.
"I've been told that unless you possess a rather audacious nerve, you cannot become an honor student here." The raven-haired continued.
"Why… thank you…"
Then suddenly, someone's hand found its way on Haruhi's shoulder. "Yes! He's saying that you are a hero, Fujioka-kun!"
"Can we just go?"
"Even though you might be the head of the class, you are still the poorest person in the whole school."
Fucking piece of shit being so rude ignoring me while sputtering out his dramatic shit.
"Maybe you lowly people are looked down upon," I saw Haruhi inching away from the blond when she noticed that the guy's touching her.
"No, I wouldn't necessarily go that far," Haruhi answered, still moving away as the blond stupidly follows her.
"It doesn't matter, does it? Long live the poor!"
…
I bet this guy loves to watch soap operas.
"Welcome to our world of beauty, poor man!" he dramatically raised his arms. I gave him a deadpan stare before encircling my arm around Haruhi.
"Let's go, there are weird people here," I whispered before pulling her towards the door—
"Hey, Haru-chan! Haru-chan! Haru-chan, you're a hero? Amazing!"
I turned and saw a familiar-looking kid pulling Haruhi away from my grasp. "I'm not a hero, I'm just an ordinary honor student." She answered, and then she noticed something. "And who are you calling 'Haru-chan'?!"
Then, the blond cut in again. "Still, to think that such a fabled, erudite student would be gay…"
I heard the poor girl muttering something in her breath. Poor Haruhi though, really… what kind of a mess did we get into?
"What is your preference?" the blond asked. "You too, hoodie boy."
Knew it. Of course, they would think I'm a boy! Even though I have ridiculously long hair!
"The wild type?" he asked, pointing to the – what the? He belongs to this club? "The boy Lolita type?" Hani – of course, he belongs in this club and is actually a student here, how stupid of me – looked at us with cute eyes. "The little devil type?" He referred to the twins – what kind of preference was 'little devil'? "The cool type?" the guy with glasses. He's not cool, he's more likely creepy!
"It's not like that!" Haruhi said, taking steps backward. "We were just looking for a quiet place to study and read!"
"Yeah, and nap too!" I frowned, nodding. "Besides—what the fuck…" I quickly scrambled away as the blond almost caressed my face with his hand. He succeeded in doing so with Haruhi though…
"Perhaps," his face was close to his. "You'd like to try me? How about it?"
The baffled girl jumped away from him, accidentally hitting a pretty-looking vase. I winced as it made an unpleasant noise as it broke into pieces at the floor.
"Well, shit…" I bit my lower lip, contemplating of how we should escape on this mental institution they call 'The Ouran Host Club'.
Suddenly, the twins spoke. "Ah!" "The Renaissance vase that was to be featured in the school auction!"
"Now you've done it! We were going to start the bidding at 8 million for that!"
What the – 8 million?! Are they fucking serious?!
"8 million?!" Haruhi exclaimed, "Wait, how many thousand yen is that? How many thousands are in 8 million?" she calculated to herself.
I helped Haruhi to stand properly. "Um," she started to speak. "Can I pay you back?"
"Can you even? You can't even afford the designated uniform." The motherfuckers mocked. "What is that grubby outfit anyway?"
"It's what you call clothes. You know? A sweater, a set of pants and a pair of shoes." I sarcastically answered. "Shitty bastards…"
"What do you think, Tamaki?" Haruhi and I jumped when the creepy guy spoke behind us while holding a shard of the broken vase.
"Have you ever heard this saying, Fujioka-kun?" Tamaki – so that was the dramatic shit's name – asked as he crossed his legs. "'When in Rome, do as the Romans do!'"
What a total change of personality! And I didn't know a saying like that exists! (Yes, I quite lived in the mountains, you see. Kidding, I'm not really a fan of sayings.)
"If you have no money, pay with your body! Starting today, you are the Host Club's dog!"
"MOTHERFUCKING WHAT?!"
Piece of shits.
I grumbled as I continued washing dishes and tea cups – very careful not to break any since I have a debt that worth 8 million yen already – and utensils as well. Even though it's not really my fault the vase broke, it is my fault that we're in this blasted room in the first place. Ugh, I could have just remembered that this is a club room before we entered.
I frowned and turned when I heard a small commotion. As I went to the place where the commotion is, I saw the stupid blond holding some – was that instant coffee?
"Yosh, you can pour hot water now," I told Haruhi beside me as I backed away, in my hands were a teaspoon and the container of the instant coffee.
Haruhi nodded and pour water at the cups. After I mixed them all for a moment, we gave it to the students. I don't really see anything big on this…
"Let the tasting begin—"
"Just drink, you stupid blond. There's nothing big on drinking instant coffee." I grumbled.
"I'm a little scared to drink this," a girl said. No one poisoned your drink, stupid! Just drink it!
"If I drink this, my father will yell at me," another one commented. But your father doesn't scold you when you're spending time in a Host Club?!
"What if you drink it from my mouth?" The blond magically appeared and swept the girl off her feet to some… ridiculous-looking pose.
"I-I'd drink it."
"Disgusting," I mumbled as I started to clean up. The girls squealed at the scene and I couldn't help but roll my eyes. What's so squeal-able at that? It's so obvious that that stupid blond is a flirt.
Averting my eyes to somewhere, I saw the twins putting up an act – motherfucker, is that incest I'm seeing?! In what hell have I been dumped into?!
I quickly looked away and saw the kid and that friend of his coming in.
I wonder if Hani still remembers his offer. Oh well.
"Hani-kun! Mori-kun!" the girls said. Geez, do they have to say that simultaneously?
"We've been waiting this whole time for you!"
"I'm sorry." Hani smiled. I could feel a smile tugging on my lips. He's too cute! "I was waiting for Takashi to get out of his swordsmanship club, but I drifted off to sleep. And I still seem to be sleepy." He said that last part while rubbing his teary eyes. Out of the members of the club, he was the one I like the most.
The girls squealed at his cuteness. Haruhi spoke beside me, "Is that boy really in his third year?"
My jaw dropped as I looked at her, "What?! He's a third-year student?!"
She blinked at me, "Yeah. Don't tell me you weren't listening? Didn't they introduce themselves earlier?"
"I was probably in my own world that time," I muttered.
"Hani-senpai is a prodigy, despite his appearance. And Mori-senpai's draw is his silent disposition." Came the creep with glasses. I don't know his name, but he's still a creep for me. I was standing in the middle, but I went a little closer to my friend.
"O-Oh…" Haruhi said beside me.
"Haru-chan! Yuki-chan!"
"Oh, you remember me!" I smiled as I caught him when he threw himself at the two of us. "Oh my gosh, you're heavy!" I couldn't help but say as I got him into my arms.
"Haru-chan! Yuki-chan! Want to have some cake with me?"
Yes, please… but the creepy guy is practically just beside me so…
"No, I don't really like sweets…" Haruhi said.
"Well, I'll let Haru-chan borrow my Usa-chan! You love cakes right, Yuki-chan?"
"Yeah!"
"No, I'm not up for Usa-chan either…"
Hani(senpai?) pouted, "You don't like Usa-chan?"
Haruhi stopped and reconsider for a moment, staring at the cute bunny Hani – err… Hani-senpai was holding.
"I-It is cute, eh?"
"Take good care of it, okay?" after a short moment that made me quite confused too, Hani-senpai spoke before pulling me. "Let's go eat cakes, Yuki-chan!"
"Not so fast,"
Ugh.
"Maybe later, Hani-senpai. Yukiko-kun and Haruhi-kun have lots to do."
"Okay…" Hani-senpai nodded solemnly but quickly returned back to being cutesy and cheery. "Later, Yuki-chan!"
"S-Sure…!" I smiled. This creep totally ruined it!
"Our club's policy is to utilize everyone's individual characteristics, to respond to the needs of our guests." The bespectacled boy beside us spoke. "By the way, around here, Tamaki is number one, the King. His request rate is 70 percent."
"What is the world coming to?" Mumbled Haruhi.
"Apparently, the world's gonna end," I mumbled back.
"Anyway, with your 8 million yen debt, you two are this club's dogs until you both graduate—oh, pardon me," he shows a smile. "Errand boys, I mean."
Is his face inviting my fist?
"You're free to run away, but my family employs an able, private police force of roughly 100." He pushes his glasses. "Do you have a passport?"
"You might as well say that we won't be able to stay in Japan," I grumbled.
Haruhi paled at that. Rolling my eyes, I patted her hair. "Don't worry, Haruhi, it will all get better."
"Yeah, be sure to work hard… Dasa-oka-kun."
[Dasa means uncool, lame, unfashionable.]
Breathing at her ear, Haruhi quickly reacted and jumped away. The creep with glasses already left to do God-knows-what. "Please don't do that!" she said to the blond which turns out to be – surprise! Surprise! – a senior of ours.
"I'll leave you here, Haruhi," I said, "I'll be in the kitchen, washing the plates and cups. I know you can handle him alone."
"Don't leave me here!" she whisper-yelled, but I only waved my hand and quickly left.
"How the fuck all of this happened?" I frowned, making Haruhi give me an exasperated look.
"Maybe if you haven't made the kitchen your comfort zone, you would know." She deadpanned.
"What can I say? The kitchen is now my safe zone, away from those shitty bastards, it's a haven. You wouldn't understand, and you'll never be." I grinned. "With looks like those, I bet you're already a Host!"
"Right off the mark," she sighed. "Hey, did you saw my bag? I saw yours, but it wasn't there with it."
"Huh?" I blinked. "Your bag's missing, bagnapping is now a trend?"
"Oh, shut up. I'm going to search for it." she ran out of the room, making me blink. I shrugged and continued getting the used cups and small plates.
"A-Ano…"
"Hm?" I looked up and saw girls looking at me. Oh sheez, this is Haruhi's costumers. "Uh, yes? Do you need anything?"
"A-Are you also a new Host like Haruhi-kun?"
I confusingly smiled, "Eh? Uh, no… I'm just actually helping with some chores here…"
The girls looked mildly disappointed, "O-Okay…"
"C-Can we know your name?"
Is stuttering now a trend too? "Fuyukawa… Yukiko…" I frowned when they all looked down. Man! Doing things simultaneously is a trend too?!
"O-Okay, Y-Yukiko-kun…"
I smiled at them and turned to leave, carrying the plates and cups at the silver tray.
There are so many weird people here…
"Ugh, contact lens is such a pain." I groaned. After ridding of them, I put on my thin-framed lenses next. "Ah, glasses are saviors." I hummed happily and prepared a tea set for Haruhi's next costumer.
Since the costumer only wanted tea, I didn't bother to take snacks along and quickly went out to serve. "Here's your tea," I smiled at Haruhi and her costumer.
"Hey, Yuki-chan! Come here, come here!"
"Ah, Hani-senpai is calling me. I'll go now." I said and quickly went to my seniors; Hani-senpai and Mori-senpai.
"Hai, Hani-senpai? Do you need another snack?"
"Are? Yuki-chan, you wear glasses?" Hani-senpai blinked at me.
"O-Oh, yeah…" I sheepishly laughed, rubbing my nape. "My eyes are burning with the contacts since I'm not used to them yet, so I took it off and used my glasses instead." I forgot to say that I use glasses all the time, but not often when I'm in school since back in town, I was always sitting in the front. Now in Ouran, Dad told me that I should start wearing contact lenses.
"You look cute on it! Ne, ne, I'm right, ne?"
"Yes, Hani-kun! So cute~" They're probably referring to Hani-senpai.
"Hani-senpai, why did you call me?" I asked, getting back on the main point on why I was even talking to them when I should be working to pay our debt off.
"Yuki-chan, you like cakes too, right?"
"Yes," I nodded, looking like a nice waiter with my arms hugging the tray against my chest.
"I saved a portion for you so you should eat it later, ne?" he smiled cutely. I nodded, "Thank you, Hani-senpai!"
Suddenly, there was a crash and a scream.
"Haruhi-kun… Haruhi-kun suddenly attacked me! Somebody, quick! Deal with this commoner!"
SPLASH!
I quickly left the seniors and went back towards where Haruhi and her costumer are. In a promising position, I saw her and the girl. "Haruhi…" I also saw the twins that seem to be the ones who spilled water on them.
Tamaki-senpai came and helped the girl up, getting rid of some water off her face. "Tamaki-sama, Haruhi-kun assaulted me—"
"How disgraceful." Almost everyone stiffened at that. "You're the one who threw Haruhi's bag at the pond, aren't you?" his voice was serious, and I actually prefer his goofy and stupid side than see him like that.
"How can you say that? Do you have any proof?" the girl demanded.
"You really are pretty, but you are not fit to be our guest." He glared at her. "I know this much—Haruhi is not that kind of man."
Actually, she's a girl. But obviously, since he's a stupid oaf—a wonderful, stupid oaf—he doesn't know that fact yet.
"Tamaki-sama, you idiot!" she ran. But then I just realized…
"Hey, wait, miss! You're quite responsible for the tea set!" I admit I had now some sentimental value for the tea sets. They were there while I was grumbling while washing them. They just listen and listen – this is why I like animals and inanimate objects better than people – excluding Haruhi. They all just listen and try to understand. What little sweethearts they are.
Tamaki-senpai faced Haruhi and me – I was helping Haruhi dry herself up. "I'm going to decide your punishment for causing this trouble."
"What the fuck? It's our fault his costumer was jealous?" I muttered to Haruhi who only sighed dejectedly.
"Your quota is increased! Instead of having 100 costumers to be able to pay the debt, it'll be 1000 instead!"
"What?! Why, you—" Haruhi just in time covered my mouth. A hand then appeared before our faces. I rolled my eyes and stood on my own while Haruhi accepted Tamaki-senpai's hand. "I'm expecting a lot from you…" Tamaki-sensei helped Haruhi up. "… natural rookie." He sends a wink.
"What a disgusting flirt," I muttered.
Washing the used ceramics once again, Haruhi was told to change into a new uniform. I quickly finished and with a victorious smile, started to eat my so-called reward. The portion Hani-senpai left for me!
I found myself eating in utter bliss and try to savor every bite. Unfortunately, it wasn't enough for me – I want a whole cake, to be honest – but meh, beggars can't be choosers. That didn't stop me from looking at the plate in disappointment though. I admit that it was longer than I intended.
After cleaning the small plate and fork I used, I went out to only see the Host Club members looking at me.
"Wait, Yukiko's not cross-dressing too, right?" Tamaki-senpai asked suspiciously.
My brow arched, too? Ah, they must've found out already about Haruhi.
"That's all for you to find out," I coolly answered and took my bag, circling my arm around Haruhi's neck. "Let's go, babe, I want to go sleep in your arms already."
"B-BABE?!"
"It's hard to find out, Tono." One of the twins whined. "He's androgynous,"
"And foul-mouthed too. Girls are not like that."
Surprise, surprise! The very opposite of your ideal girl is in front of you!
"Now, now—get away from my daughter!"
"Adieu, you oafs." I waved my hand, sending a last smirk over my shoulder.