Hello there. As promised I updated faster this time. Although I love Regina I felt there was a lack of stories concentrating on Robin's perspective so I came up with this. So I hope you will get exited about this story (if you are not already) as I am. So lets get on with it.
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters and story of Once upon a Time. I really do not own anything exept the plot.
Chapter 4: Yet mad I am not.. and surely do I not dream
The King was furious. "How could they escape?" King Leopold marched though the throne hall with his arms crossed behind his back. A dark scowl smeared his face into a wrinkled mask.
Three of his men knelt in front of him with there heads bowed in shame. While one of them sported a black eye, one of them had a broken nose which had yet to be treated. The man tried to contain his tears blinking rapidly. They were the very same men Robin and his comrades had stolen from. The Queen sat on her chair next to the King's throne hiding a sly smile behind her hand. One of the men raised his head and spoke up. He was the one who followed Much into the depth of the forest to step into a trap. "It were to many, your majesty."
The old, wrinkled King stopped his march and stepped towards the man. "And after one of them stole just a vase you didn't think it was an ambush but instead you ran after the thief letting yourself be fooled?"
The addressed guy flinched in fear. His reply was a low mumble. "Everything happened so fast."
In the back of the scene Regina stifled a laugh secretly amused as she watched the King interrogate his guards.
King Leopold snorted in rage like a boar and resumed to walk back and forth. After a while he sharply turned towards the line of three men and barked at them: "Who were they?"
The man who had spoken earlier eyed the black eyed comrade at his right side, silently pleading him to speak. The other seemed as if he got the message because he cleared his throat and answered to the king. "I don't know. They wore hoods to disguise them."
The king shook his head and continued his walk along the steps to the throne. Suddenly he stopped and turned to Regina. "You ordered this?"
Regina looked like being slapped shocked at her husband's accusation. Her eyes went wide and she slowly dropped her hand leaning her arm on the armrest while King Leopold climbed the steps. His body towered above her delicate form. Regina regained her composure and straightened her back. "Only because you were on one of your travels."
"So this is my fault?" Her husband raised his eyebrows and pointed his hands to himself in an exaggerated gesture looking rather foolish. But a king that was a fool remains being a king.
Regina shook her head in a calm fashion while her hands strengthened their grab on the armrests. "I did not say this."
The King bend his body leaning over her. The difference in their ages could not have been more obvious as his his wrinkled old face came in stop in front of hers. She was young, young enough to be his daughter. He was old and twisted, distingly so. He whispered, "Then whose fault is it?"
Regina being a strong woman held her head high and met his glare with one of her own. "If you ask me I would say the thieves but they aren't here to confess, are they?"
The echo of the slap rang like thunder, echoing through the hall. "Don't you dare to make fun of me." The King angrily waved a finger in front of her face were a red mark appeared on her cheek. "Don't you ever dare again to make fun of me."
Regina's face was contorted in utter fear as the King's hand raced back and forth towards her face.
The gray haired man's head turned redder the longer he barked at Regina. "I am your husband and your king. Do you understand?"
She nodded barely daring to swallow, muttering. "I do understand, your majesty."
The King turned around in total furry. The men on their knees flinched having witnessed the scene.
"Bring me the thieves that stole from me. I want to punish them for mocking me in front of my kingdom and in front of King Midas. They will be hanged after I had the chance to look them in the eye."
The guards bowed their understanding and left the room quickly rodents. The king again turned to Regina who held her cheek, hurt in her eyes. When he wanted to approach anew she flinched away and ran out of the hall.
Tears streamed down her face for a long while before she reached her chambers in the castle full of nooks and crannies. She threw herself onto the bed and continued to cry into her pillow. For what must have been hours she did not leave her bed. After the biggest wave of anguish had been subsided she cried herself to sleep looking more vulnerable than ever before. She was a flower withering before it came into bloom.
When Robin woke up his heart felt as heavy as lead. His head pounded and his stomach hurt. Although he had looked to deep into his mug last night, he knew that his sickness wasn't caused by alcohol. He felt guilty for being the reason for Regina's punishment, her humiliation. If he hadn't stolen from the king wouldn't have been so angry and hit her. And for what? All because Robin wanted to take the gold and get the assurance of something his heart had whispered to him weeks ago, that she was a part of the present. He had been selfish and not thinking about the consequences. Of course would someone as simple minded as the king search for the fault in anybody than himself.
As he went to wash himself Robin suffered with the remembrance of the slap and the fear in her eyes. His feet carried him to the lake where he filled a bucket with water. Controlling his breath he tried to stop the sickness from bursting out of his body. She had suffered because of him. No, because of the king but only because Robin stole from him. The lovely creature that she was had worn a face of misery as she cried her eyes out. A deep understanding of her feeling connected him to her. She hadn't been crying because of the shame or even the pain. She had been reminded of the constricting prison. She was owned by the king. A dark fate for such a beautiful being. The image of her amber eyes struck with tears haunted his thoughts. After he finished washing himself and away some of the grim and some of his regret a different realization suddenly floated his mind. Regina no longer occupied his mind but his heart.
When he returned to the house in deep thought he felt like going back to bed. Entering his recently gained shelter he was instantly surrounded by the men. Shocked about being ambushed and about the seriousness on their faces, Robin took a step back. Before he could level his voice he croaked, "What is going on?"
Friar Tuck took a step forward while the mob still encircled Robin. "The men and I have talked, Robin."
Feeling uneasy Robin searched for John's eyes which glittered with amusement. Swallowing down some of the suspense Robin tilted up his head in challenge. "What about?"
"After yesterdays events we all came to an understanding." Friar Tuck smiled folding his hands in front of his body. "Since John and you came into our lives, we have been much better and yesterday you, Robin, showed us how much we can achieve. You did a good job on planning the ambush and leading us. We will be a group of thieves and follow your decisions."
Confused if this was a joke Robin tilted his head. Normally Tuck wasn't known to make that elaborated kind of jokes. "You want me as your leader?"
"We'll be some merry men with you as our leader. In fact we want to be your Merry Men."
Robin shook his head. They did not know him. They did not know the things he had done. "But I am no good. I don't deserve your trust. The things I've done-"
"Are in the past where they do belong."
Robin sighed. He was a murderer, wasn't he? Even if his father had everything he could to keep this a secret, in his heart Robin knew. "Tuck, I am-"
"You're not different than any of us, Robin. We all had our share of mistakes and no matter what you did here begins our new chapter if you want to."
Robin was stunned into silence. Not once in his life had been put so much trust into him. Maybe for the first time in his life he would try his best to live up to his promises.
Tuck held out his hand to Robin. "What do you say? Will you be our leader?"
"You don't know me." He shook his head in disbelief.
Tuck chuckled lightly still holding out his hand. "It's long enough for all of us to be convinced of you."
How could the fates play such a game? First he found a home. Now it seemed he was welcomed with a purpose. He eyed the hand that was offered to him. How could he say no?
Tuck gave him an reassuring smile. "And?"
Robin turned his head to John who nodded his approval. It was the last string for Robin to let go of his fear to disappoint. "It would be a honor to me." Laughing he grabbed Tuck's hand and pulled him into a short embrace.
Around him cheers and laughter exploded while some took his hand to shake it and others put a hand on his shoulder. When the congratulations finally settled down they sat down for a cheery breakfast. Robin's gaze traveled over his comrades who accepted him without asking questions about his past and who believed in him although they did not know him for to long. Finally after all the years he made his miserable life unworthy he had found a purpose. He wondered how on earth he did get to this point. At one point he was banished from his home, moving from village to village without a destination with his brother by heart at his side. If they hadn't met Friar Tuck in the forest they wouldn't be here. If they hadn't planned to visit that powerful wizard, they wouldn't have been in the forest. If he had not been haunted by dreams of the Queen, they would never have started their journey. Was it not ironic how much influence she had on his life without being a part of it? And now he was daydreaming about her. Robin shook his head to abandon the thoughts of the queen and concentrate on the conversation around him.
"- a quick job overwhelming them. Imagine how the king must have fumed after he was informed." Alan chuckled and pointed the bread he held in his hand towards Robin. "It was all because of you Robin."
Robin flinched. So much for suppressing the thoughts on the Queen.
Much chewed on his bread and told him with a mouthful. "Yeah, Robin, we could repeat the ambush or we could pay him a visit and strip him out of his fancy clothes."
No, he couldn't put Regina into such danger again. He couldn't risk her well-being for stealing from the king. From now on he won't make use out of his situation that the queen ruled his dreams. He wouldn't be selfish again. He would make sure that she would remain unharmed. The voices that surrounded him were echoing in his head. Mocking him for his guilt.
"The King shouldn't complain. After all he possesses enough wealth to feed the population of this lands for years. He shouldn't cry about a carriage full of gold."
"And he has a very beautiful woman as wife. I would trade all my belongings for such a young and pretty woman."
Robin clenched his fists under the table.
"Oh yeah I would like to have a night with such a beauty as the Queen."
His stomach twisted and his jaw tightened.
"I wonder what she tastes like?" Laughter – dirty laughter – waved through the room.
His body began to shake. But he could not control the rising anger any longer. He felt like-
"Probably like the rosewater she bathes in."
- he snapped and hit his fists on the table. "STOP" He hissed a breath. "Stop talking about her like that."
All the noises stopped instantly and he felt many eyes watching him. John who cast him a knowing glance raised his voice. "What is it Robin?"
Everything in his body had tightened to the brink of control. He couldn't and wouldn't answer without choking on his mad anger.
Alan next to him cleared his throat. "Perhaps he wants to take a bite of her too and does not want to share."
Will joined Alan's effort to rise the mood."He first would have to deal with the king to get a bite of her."
Robin stood up from his position in a sharp motion. He left the house without sparing anyone a second glance. Red blurred his vision. His feet took him some steps into the forest where he threw his fists at a tree. His anger did not perish until his fingers were covered in his blood. Finally he draw a deep breath and hung his head low irritated because of his own behavior. He had lost his senses often. Never before because of a woman.
The rustling of leafs made him aware of a presence beside him. Not knowing how long stood next to him he crunched his eyebrows. His friend stood there waiting for him to make the first move. As long as Robin knew John had not once been anything but considerate of his feelings. "I am fine now."
John huffed out a breath he must have been holding. "You're still dreaming about the Queen, aren't you?"
Robin turned to lean on the tree. How could he have been so naive to believe John wouldn't be aware of his state. "You noticed?"
"For a while now." John shrugged. "I thought maybe it will go away in time. Now I have enough proof that it won't go away and it won't affect you less either."
Robin nodded. John knew of his dreams and that he had grown accustomed to them. Maybe he even noticed that Robin was growing a need for them.
"That's how you knew about the carriage."
Damn him for using his knowledge. John made it sound as if Robin had committed a crime. He had done worse. He leaned his head back on tree. He felt tired.
"Robin, this isn't you. Since when do you carry your head in the clouds?"
Robin choose to stay silent. This was a thought he accomplished earlier himself. Loosing his temper once in a while? Yes. But daydreaming about a woman and caring about her so much that he made his knuckles bleed? No. Beauty was deceptive. And so was hope. Hope for something he could never have.
John tore a leaf of a twig next to him and rolled it between his fingers. "Robin, this isn't healthy. You just got carried away because the guys were joking about her. This can't go on like this."
He swallowed and clenched his eyes closed afraid of the truth he was beginning to face. "So you're saying?"
"I am saying what you already know, what you must have been aware of already."
Judgement told his heart to be wrong. His heart told his wrongs to be right. Yet, he could not stay sane if he had the queen's vision on his mind. John was right. His obsession became worse. Would he let his anger out on one of his men next time? Before he could claim the leadership of this group of men he had to abandon his dreams. Even though his heart shattered with the very idea. "I have to visit the powerful sorcerer." Beauty was deceptive...
"And I will accompany you."
Robin finally opened his eyes for what felt like eons. His gaze met John's smiling eyes. How was it possible for him to deserve a friend like John? "John, you don't have to."
A short laughter escaped John. "I do. We started this journey together and we will finish it."
Gratefulness was to less of meaning to equal the emotion he felt towards the kindness of his friend. "Thank you, John."
"No problem. I'd say we start our travel tomorrow." He pointed to Robin's hands. "First you need to get that bandaged."
When they rejoined their comrades Robin was glad that no one spoke about his outburst or joked about Regina.
"Please, Regina. It's been so long since we played together." The irritating girl was there again. Hopping in front of a troubled looking Regina.
"Snow, I told you."
"Please, Regina, please!" The girl's whining grew louder and louder. Suddenly she stopped whining. Instead she smiled at Regina sweetly and took her hand. "Don't you miss me like I miss you?"
An apprehensive look took place on Regina's face. Emotions were rushing over her face and in her eyes while she stayed silent.
The girl named Snow pulled at her hand and maneuvered her towards the sitting area of the queen's chambers. "You could braid my hair and I yours."
Regina stopped walking and shook her head.
"Regina, what is with you?"
Regina smiled her guarded smile that she hid her emotions behind. "Nothing, dear."
"Just until sundown, please?" Determined the girl hopped again.
Regina turned her head towards the balcony. The sun was already low in the sky. "Only if you promise you'll leave then."
They seated themselves. While Regina braided Snow's hair, Snow blabbered on and on about stories which she experienced outside the castle. Never did she turn around to see Regina hurting more and more with stories she would never have to share.
After a while the little girl fell silent and seemed to enjoy the feeling of her hair being caressed while the Queen wore an absentminded expression braiding Snow's hair with the speed of experience.
Being a young girl Snow White could not stay quiet for too long."Regina?"
Regina was in a dream like state as she watched her hands work on their own. "Hm?"
Snow turned her head slightly to the side earning a noise of protest from Regina. "Do you believe that dreams can become true?"
A bitter smile formed on her face while her voice remained soft and young. "I don't know. Maybe that is something you should discover yourself."
"Have your dreams ever become true?"
Like burned with fire Regina shifted away to put distance between them. Her voice was low and dark. "Never."
The girl stopped smiling and crinkled her forehead in confusion.
Standing up Regina turned away from Snow. "You should leave now, Snow."
Pursing her lips Snow White turned in the direction of Regina. "But isn't it my turn now?"
"Leave!"
The girl rose from her seat. Taking one of the flowers out of her hair, she put it on the cushions. "I believe dreams can become true. Yours surely will be true one day." Snow ran towards her and hugged her. "And if anyone comes in the way, I will chase them away."
A laughter escaped Regina. Her smile was more honest than it was bitter as she looked down upon the petite bloom.
The girl let go of her and dashed out of the room with one turn to wink a goodbye at the still smiling Regina.
"Maybe they will."
Before the sun was able to rise Robin woke up feeling content with Regina's smile on his mind's eye. Stretching his limbs he felt more rested than he had been the morning before. Suddenly he heard a noise from his right side. Someone shifted in his sleeping bag not far from Robin. He raised his head trying to make out who was awake this early.
Friar Tuck's eyes met his before he blinked his eyes. "Robin, can I help you?"
Robin sat up and folded his legs. He berated himself if he should ask Tuck about a question that lingered in the back of his mind since the dream had vanished. Without making room for an explanation, Robin asked him, "Do you believe dreams can come true?"
Slowly Tuck sat up, too. He cleared his throat and stared at his futon for a while seemingly thinking about the question very thoroughly. When he met Robin's gaze again and opened his mouth he only spend a few words directed towards Robin. "I am certain they can if you work hard."
Chewing his lips Robin tried to diminish the disappointment he felt at the very short answer. Although he knew Tuck would not offer him a recipe to fight off all of his problems, Robin wished for a little bit hope.
Tuck cleared his throat again interrupting Robin's inner debate. "If you work hard enough there is always hope, my friend. The important thing is: Do you think they can come true?"
Sighing Robin crossed his arms behind his head before he layed back. "I do hope so." He wished, he could just make them true now being connected Regina. Even though that was impossible he could not help the smile that overcame his face when he thought about her. Even though he was wrong.
"A funny thing about life is that there are only two great courses which lead us to act upon something. Either we are running away or we are searching for something. Sometimes it is both. Sometimes it the one thing but when you do it you find it is the other. Take this group for example. We all have in common that at one point in our life we kept running away. For my part when I gave up being a monk in the monastery it was a form of running away. But when I found a new purpose to live I detected I had been searching for a new home, a new ideal of life."
Robin stayed quiet while he watched Tuck intensly through his speech trying to make out where Tuck was going with this. When he didn't go on Robin's curiosity overwhelmed him. "What does that have to do with my dreams?"
Tuck chuckled as if he knew something, Robin couldn't see. "Isn't it obvious? Our dreams tell us whether we are searching for something or if we want to run away. You should ask yourself what it is that you want and if you are still running away or if you found what you have been searching for."
Robin nodded absentmindedly. His thoughts formed a confused net. He didn't have the answer to Tuck's question. What was he searching for? Was he still running away? He wished someone could give him the answer to his questions. All the while one truth had covered his heart like a warm blanket: He wished for his dreams to become true. And this idea was at the same time comforting as it was frightening. Nevertheless thinking about her lifted the fog in his mind and the vision of her smile lingered on his mind's eye. Beauty was deceptive and he could not help himself to hope.
In a few hours he and John would leave to get rid of his dreams, so he could overcome his obsession with Regina. In a few hours but not now and who was to judge his heart for feeling lighthearted after seeing her smile again?
A/N: How did you like it? I know some of us are still mad at Robin for his actions on the show but I hope that a Robin in a slight AU is acceptable. ;)