Summary: We're all just casualties of war. All these paths crossed each other all at once, we would never be the same again. Our lives from then on would take a turn for the better or turn for the worst. I for one, am glad, because it led me to you.
Casualties of War
Chapter Four: The Only Exception
She was packing her clothes…it was time for their most recent tryst to end. She felt happy and yet…it was strange. After years of watching her parents unhappy, and experiencing firsthand all that she did…it felt odd to be so completely comfortable in a relationship…no matter how twisted that relationship may be…
Although, she knew she never loved any of those in the past…not like this. Most of them she was using just as they were using her. And at one point and time in her life, she never felt she would truly love someone…actually she'd promised herself that, because she'd witnessed how much hurt it caused. This, however, was her exception…He was her exception.
"Hello beautiful," Hawkeye said as he stepped in behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist.
She smiled softly and said, "YOU are biased."
"Nah, just madly in love…" he said inhaling the scent of her hair. He then began to plant soft kisses on her neck.
"Hawkeye…" she said softly and quietly, "I have a train to catch…" she said this almost reluctantly…as though she wanted to pull away and yet…
"We've got time…and if we run out…then…that just means we used our time well," he said then continuing with his actions.
She stopped him by turning around in his arms, "Wasted well or not, it doesn't matter…it's time for me to go. I have to get back to work and…so do you."
He opened his mouth to argue with her and she stopped him by kissing him. He responded by kissing her back and gently pushing her down onto the bed. She let it continue on for a few minutes, then pulled back. He stared back at her, his gaze holding hers…she was mesmerized by his eyes…always had been. It was how they communicated without words…his eyes always seeming to speak volumes. She could easily read what they said now…and if she were honest…it partly scared her. No matter what he told her, and how much she wanted to believe him…she couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong.
This is what kept her from continuing on…this is why she decided to leave today…She shook herself from her thoughts and stood up. "Come on, we've gotta finish packing," she said her voice shaking…he stood up and began to pack his own suitcase…they finished the packing in silence.
She thought back to when she'd first called him…envisioning nothing more than a pure fantasy…operating on some silly notion. What had really made her think that she could have him? Hadn't she always wanted it that way…keep them at arm's length. Love never lasts…and you've got to find a way to make it on your own…or keep a straight face. That was how she had lived…and she was content with that, or at least she thought she was…but then…
She remembered that day so clearly…meeting him for the first time. She had been certain that it was only a simple attraction…he was a handsome man, how could she not be just a little bit attracted to him? All the other nurses seemed to be…it was normal for her to be drawn to him as well…
But they were stuck in that godforsaken place together…and were there for a long time…it allowed them time to manage to for a relationship. She fell in love with him…despite her conscience screaming, trying to warn her…Sure it went against everything she had tried to prevent…but this was love…nothing before this had been worth risking her heart.
"Well, I guess I'll be seeing you," Hawkeye said his arms wrapped tightly around her as they stood at the train station. His face resting gently against her head, he inhaled her scent.
"Yeah," she mumbled against his chest. She felt like he was smothering her, but she was holding him just as tight, if not tighter. The smell of his cologne making her melt into him even more.
"You don't have to wait so long for your next visit you know?" he said pulling back slightly, looking down into her eyes.
She smiled slightly, "What about you? You could come my way next time you know?"
He leaned down and kissed her softly, he spoke when he pulled back, "Who knows, maybe I might."
"No 'maybe's or 'might's to it, you're coming to Hartford next time," she said.
"Okay, okay, I will, but don't think I'm going because you win, it's because I know how stubborn you are and how much you like to have your way," he joked his smile lighting up his eyes.
"Last call for Hartford, All aboard!" rang the voice through the entire station.
"That's my cue," she said reaching up to kiss him once more, he kissed back and when she reluctantly pulled away she spoke a breathless, "See ya!"
"So long!" he called after her as she ran for the train. She turned to wave back to him, and that was that…she was gone again.
She walked into her apartment, she was exhausted. The train ride had been long and bumpy, the car she'd been in was a tad crowded and it's rough movements had made her nauseous. It was always her trip back home that put her back into reality…It was as if she'd just dreamed the past three days. Just as well though, she never had any proof that she was spending the time with Hawkeye except the memories…
She never told anyone where she was going, they just assumed she was going to visit family. She didn't think it was any of their business. And besides, what kind of a reputation would she have if people she worked with knew she was the other woman. She hated how that sounded…and had been thinking about it a lot. She had hurt so much when Donald Dumbass had another woman, but now she was the other woman and it felt like something totally different. She was…happy.
Sighing, she turned on the light and started lugging her suitcase to her bedroom. She swung it up on the bed and opened it up, but all of a sudden it was like her energy had escaped her. Seeing that her weekend was somehow, all behind her with nothing to really hold onto now, will had all but escaped her. Whenever she came home after spending a couple glorious nights with the man she…really did love…she felt like a whole had been punched through her heart.
Resting her head in her hands, she could feel the tears start. Taking another deep breath, she rubbed her eyes and got up from her spot on the bed to make sure they didn't start. "Get a hold of yourself…" the order to herself only worked for a few minutes. Her vision became blurry as she started gathering her things and putting them in piles of clean or dirty clothes. She was about to put the clean clothes away when she noticed a small box and a piece of paper in the dark corner of the luggage. "What the…" her whisper trailed off as she reached for the object.
Opting to open up the box first, knowing in her heart of hearts what was inside…she gasped when she saw the ring. It wasn't large…but it wasn't exactly small either…it was extravagant. White gold setting, in the design of vines around the jewels…three diamonds with small emeralds between each one. It was a ring…a beautiful ring…to many a ring meant serious commitment, but this was Benjamin Franklin Pierce. Commitment was the bane of his existence…asking Hawkeye to make a commitment to anything other than medicine was ludicrous.
She sat the box with the ring aside and picked up the letter and began to read…
'Dearest Margaret,
I know these aren't the best circumstances…or even the best timing, but I don't think I can wait any longer…I love you. I love you so much, I can't imagine my life without you…and if I keep this up I could be here awhile writing this…I've always heard it takes three seconds to say, "I love you.", three hours to explain it…and a lifetime to prove it…
And I'm sure you've already seen the ring…and you probably know what I'm going to say next…but…
I was wondering, if maybe you wouldn't give me that lifetime…
Don't worry because I don't expect an immediate answer…but…feel free to call when you're ready.
I love you, forever and always…
Ben'
He'd signed the letter, 'Ben.' It was a very rare occasion she'd ever heard him referred to as his given name…she'd only ever called him that once, and it was during an argument…
She wiped the tears away from her eyes and stood to her feet and ran for the phone, she had to call him. Had to talk to him…
The phone rang as she reached her hand out for it.
Where was it? Where had that ring box gone? He'd kept it in his sock drawer…always, hidden, thinking she'd never find it. It had been there ever since she'd moved in and now it was gone. She'd been envisioning that ring on her finger for the longest time…even during their time in Boston. It had been his mother's…and knew he'd been saving it for the woman he'd wanted to spend the rest of his life with, she was sure that woman had been her…until recently.
She still felt like she should be the one with his ring…and now it was gone. Her mind worked quick enough to figure out where the ring had disappeared to…he'd given it away…given it to her…the whore.
DISCLAIMER: I hate to repeat myself so I'm not gonna go into that whole...MASH isn't mine thing. The lyrics in italics below belong to perhaps my favorite band, Paramore. It's a great song called "The Only Exception" I recommend that you listen to it if you haven't heard it because it is that great. Okay I'm done.
A/N: Okay so...I was gonna wait to post this...but...I decided to post it today anyway in honor of the fabulous Loretta Swit who staked her claim as one of my favorite actresses by playing Major Margaret Houlihan for 11 seasons, and played her so wonderfully. Not likely that she'll ever read this, but I wish her a Happy Birthday. I'll try to have the next chapter out soon, I've got some of it written, but I've been loaded down with homework so I'm gonna try to get that out of the way before I finish this chapter...as much as it pains me to say...my degree comes first right now...and so...that's all I have to say. Reviews Please! ~Allie
When I was younger I saw my daddy
cry and curse at the broke his own heart and
I watched as he tried to re-assemble it
my mamma swore she would
never let herself forget
that was the day that I promised
I'd never sing of love if it does not exist
darling…
You are the only exception (x4)
Maybe I know somewhere deep in
my soul that love never lasts
but we've got to find other ways
to make it alone or keep a straight face
I've always lived like this
keeping a comfortable distance,
and up until now I swore to myself
that I'm content with loneliness,
'cause none of it was ever worth the risk
but you are the only exception (x4)
I've got a tight grip on reality,
but I can't let go of what's part of me here.
I know you're leaving in the morning,
when you wake up,leave me of some kind of proof it's not a dream...
You are the only exception (x8)
And I'm on my way to believing.. (x2)