He wound up at the one place he felt safe.
His furious pounding on the door was answered by Reno, wearing an unbuttoned shirt hanging off of one shoulder and a pair of loose black track pants with the drawstring undone.
His blue eyes narrowed when he saw Kadaj.
Instead of a courteous greeting, all he gave him was a displeased, irate, "Brat."
"Idiot," Kadaj hissed, and pushed past him into the foyer.
"Please come in," Reno wryly said, closing the door and locking it as Kadaj stalked into the apartment.
"Where's Yazoo?" he demanded.
"Bedroom," Reno answered, pausing to light a cigarette and pushing Kadaj to the side so he could pass into the living room.
"Reno, is that the baby?" Yazoo called, his voice muffled by the closed door.
"Yeah, the little kook is here, yo," Reno answered, slumping down at one end of the couch and propping his long, bare feet up on the coffee table, eyes fastened on the television.
"Don't call me that!" Kadaj snapped, moving to sit on the loveseat at an angle to the couch and fidgeting. "Why is he taking so long?"
Reno shrugged, not even glancing at him, his cigarette dangling from his lips.
Yazoo emerged moments later in a black silk robe, looking flushed and languid as usual, and so beautiful that Kadaj felt a sudden pang of nostalgia for the days when Yazoo was his to hold and love.
Kadaj pulled a face and asked with disgust, "Don't you two do anything but fuck?"
"Sure we do," Reno answered, taking a deep drag off his smoke. "Unfortunately, sometimes we answer the goddamned door."
"Reno," Yazoo scolded, but his voice was full of affection and he lovingly caressed the man's face when he moved past him to sit on the couch, stepping gracefully over his outstretched legs. "What brings you over this way, koishii?"
"Tifa is having Cloud's baby!" Kadaj blurted, and saying it aloud somehow made his anguish solidify, his conflicting and confusing emotions battering his self-control.
"What?" Yazoo asked, bewildered, clearly not expecting such a revelation.
Reno smirked, and Kadaj saw it, anger replacing the pain as he furiously hissed, "You knew? You asshole!"
Months of patient work melted in the face of his overpowering fury and Kadaj grabbed the nearest item at hand—a crystal globe candleholder—and chucked it at Reno's head with deadly accuracy.
Yazoo lazily snatched it in mid-air, sighing as he gently placed it on the coffee table, while his fox-faced lover didn't even seem to notice Kadaj's temper tantrum.
Angrily lashing out at anything he could, Kadaj glared at Reno and said to his brother, "So, he's keeping things from you, Yazoo—how do you like that?"
Yazoo looked at him with a mixture of concern and puzzlement, simply saying, "Reno isn't keeping anything from me, koishii—he isn't at liberty to speak of things told to him in confidence."
"Kook," Reno called him, stubbing out his used-up smoke.
Kadaj held his temper in check with astounding self-control, which apparently was not lost on Yazoo, who drew his attention once more, asking, "Tifa's baby is Cloud's? I don't understand, Kadaj—Cloud has never seemed more than distantly friendly with her…how could this happen?"
"I don't know," Kadaj whispered, miserable all over again. He propped his elbows on his knees and dropped his head into his hands, tugging at his hair. "But it happened after me…and now…now, he's—oh, Yazoo, how can I compete with her?"
Yazoo gazed at him sympathetically and softly said, "I'll get us some drinks."
"Guess he'll get you a double," Kadaj cruelly said, lifting his head and giving Reno a mean smirk, in the mood to hurt something. Reno's drinking had trickled to a near-stop, but Kadaj still remembered the wreck he'd been when Yazoo had first returned to him, and had always thought—sometimes aloud—that his brother could do so much better. "And how is the alcoholism coming, Reno?"
"I'm a lush and a letch, loony-bin," Reno told him, as unphased as usual by Kadaj's jibes. He turned his large, bright blue eyes to Kadaj and smirked at him, saying, "Beats being a goddamned fruitcake, yo!"
"I'm not crazy!" Kadaj snarled, wanting to hit him but valiantly resisting the impulse. "And how dare you keep such a secret! You knew this would upset me!"
"Yeah, and I didn't tell you because I knew you'd act like a goddamned basket case," Reno pointedly said. "Like so."
"Honestly!" Yazoo called from the kitchen, trying to still their bickering.
Reno just grinned and started watching the television again.
"How can he even let you touch him?" Kadaj wondered, grimacing. Even he would admit that Reno had his charms—he was tall and slender and very well built, easy going and funny with a mischievous sense of humor, and he had a slim, expressive face all sharp angles and crooked grins that gave him a rakish beauty. But he was, to Kadaj's eyes, uncouth, rude, and ridiculously annoying. He was, in fact, the exact opposite of his reserved, self-contained, and somewhat priestly brother.
"He seems to like it," Reno said, shrugging. "Maybe he's a bit of a kook, too, yo."
"Neither one of us is crazy!" Kadaj hissed, seething. "You…you…idiot!"
"Really, I can't leave you two alone for five minutes," Yazoo sighed, his low voice a pleasant, tension-dispelling purr. He swept back from the kitchen with three drinks in hand, giving Kadaj his first before handing the second to Reno. "Now, Kadaj, just what do you plan on doing?"
"I don't know, but I can't go home," Kadaj said, gulping his drink despite the burn of the alcohol in his mouth and throat. He took a ragged, gasping breath and said, "I don't want to deal with Cloud right now, not until I get myself figured out."
"Well, you can stay as long as you like," Yazoo told him, not missing Reno's slight scowl. "I'm leaving in the morning to go on a job—might take a week or so, but you can stay if you're comfortable. I know you and Reno don't get on very well but I'm sure you'll be fine."
"Can you believe this?" Kadaj asked, once again shocked by the idea that Cloud had slept with Tifa and—even more of a traitorous act—gotten her pregnant. "Can you believe he did that?"
Yazoo sipped his drink and gestured helplessly with his free hand, saying, "Kadaj, Cloud is a grown man and has reasons for whatever his decisions are. Are you sure that he slept with her after he was with you?"
"Yes, of course I know, he told me so!" Kadaj snapped, Yazoo's placid calm making him more upset. "How is this not a big deal to anyone but me?"
"Because you're a nutjob," Reno breathed, knocking back his drink and lighting another cigarette.
"I will not be called a lunatic by a manwhore pervert!" Kadaj informed him. He'd had about all he was going to take of Reno's comments, his little fists clenching to fight.
"That's Head Pervert to you, weirdo," Reno mildly said. "And Cloud's business is his own—don't get involved in something that has nothing to do with you."
"Nothing to do with me?" Kadaj demanded, and heard Yazoo sigh at the rising hysteria in his voice. "Nothing to do with me—"
"Koishii," Yazoo sharply said, distracting him again. "You need some time to think. You can have the couch as long as you need it, alright? Now, figure out what's bothering you and—"
"Don't talk to me like I'm a child!" Kadaj exploded, wanting to cry and fight all at once, he was so torn.
"How 'bout don't talk to your brother like that, you little fruitcake," Reno snapped, glaring at him.
"You think I'm the fruitcake, do you?" Kadaj hissed, well and truly pissed. It had been a very long time since he'd been so spiteful, but his security had evaporated along with Cloud's stabilizing presence, leaving him fearful and defensive. "Your darling Yazoo used to fuck me, you know—what do you think about that? Who's the crazy one now?"
Reno smirked at him and said, "Yeah, yeah, you incestuous little kook…"
"Kadaj," Yazoo sighed, sounding weary but not particularly worried. "Reno knows all about that, we don't keep things from one another."
Surprised that Reno had been told such a thing and not reacted badly, a contrite Kadaj softly said, "Forgive me, Yazoo—I didn't mean to try to hurt you, I'm just so…"
"It's fine," Yazoo soothed, the only other person in the world as patient with him as Cloud was.
"Aw, that's sweet. Why don't you kiss and make up?" Reno suggested, grinning.
Yazoo shot him a withering look but the grin only widened.
"You really are a pervert," Kadaj breathed, appalled by him and yet he found himself startled into amusement, a welcomed relief from his misery. "We're not kissing just to give you masturbation material."
"Perish the thought," Reno snickered, and winked at Yazoo, who laughed softly and collected their cups for refills, pausing on his way to the kitchen to whisper something in Reno's ear that made his fox-like grin widen even more.
"How long are you staying, brat?" Reno asked, still watching the television. Kadaj ungenerously thought that not only was Reno impolite, he was also rather ignorant to be so involved in such asinine programs.
"I don't know," Kadaj answered, scowling at him, his amusement evaporating. "Don't worry, I won't be underfoot."
"You'd better not do anything crazy while you're here, nutjob," Reno warned him. "I'm not getting thrown out of my apartment because you're a loony."
Kadaj made a disgusted sound and refused to acknowledge his comment with a proper response.
"Is your bag on your bike, Kadaj?" Yazoo asked, returning with more drinks for each of them.
Kadaj took his and gulped it down greedily, desperate to feel the warm numbness that the strong, pleasant alcohol brought. He shook his head, realizing with dawning dismay that he'd brought nothing with him but the clothes on his back.
"I left everything," he said, upset. "Yazoo, please will you go? I can't go back, I can't face him—I was shouting and…please?"
Yazoo frowned softly and shook his head, his expression sympathetic but unmoved.
"No, koishii, I like Cloud, I'm not going over there for this," he told him. "The two of you need to work out your problems like adults."
"But, Yazoo—"
"Ask Reno," Yazoo suggested, ending the subject as far as he was concerned.
"Absolutely not," the man flatly said, and for the first time he looked anything but amused.
Kadaj shot a pleading look at Yazoo, who merely shrugged and smiled a little as if saying, 'Be my guest.'
"Please, Reno?" Kadaj begged, pulling out all of the stops, even going so far as to fold his hands angelically over his heart. Unfortunately, he wouldn't stop staring at the damned television, and Yazoo just kept smirking, amused.
Kadaj opted for a more direct attack and put his glass down, scooting across the carpet on hands and knees to rear up between Reno and the stupid idiot-box.
"Please?" he asked, everything that was sweet and innocent, even going for the lash-bat.
"Though I wish I could, I can't see through you, fruitcake," Reno informed him, pushing him aside.
Yazoo stifled a laugh, amused at his lover's growing irritation. Kadaj, never one to take anything lying down, redoubled his efforts—which was aggravating considering that he and Reno were barely civil to one another.
"Please?" he asked, flinging his arms around Reno's narrow hips and ducking his head against the man's flat belly. "I'll be your friend forever!"
"Yazoo," Reno said, his voice holding a hint of warning. "Your brother is being a goddamned head case, yo."
"Kadaj," Yazoo said, laughter floating in his low, pleasant voice. "Stop pestering Reno."
"Please go get me some clothes? Please?" Kadaj asked, lifting his face to look up at Reno, annoyed that he was still watching the television. Wasn't he the Head Pervert? Wasn't this the Reno that Kadaj had heard so many amused, gossipy tales about? What precisely was wrong with this picture when Kadaj put his head in a pervert's lap and got no reaction at all? It irked Kadaj, who simply wasn't used to anyone not being immediately seduced by him. Changing his tone and his body language to utterly inviting, he purred, "Or do you want me roaming around your apartment naked?"
Yazoo chuckled, one graceful hand lifting to cover his perfect mouth, his amused jade eyes flicking from Reno to Kadaj.
"Good point," Reno sighed, and gave him another absent push to get Kadaj unwound from his waist. "I'll go get your clothes, you goddamned whacko."
"Thank you, Reno," Yazoo said, and leaned over to kiss his lean cheek.
Kadaj sat back on his heels, scowling. One second the man couldn't yank himself out of television-insanity, but a second later responded to Yazoo with complete absorption, tilting his narrow fox-face to receive the kiss and then turning his head to get one full on the lips. Kadaj was simply not used to being passed over, despite that Reno and Yazoo had an extremely tight relationship and that he himself wanted only Cloud. Still, he was a self-doubting, unsure, and unsettled sixteen year old boy who had just been informed that there was shortly to be a baby to take his place—he was owed a little jealousy at his brother's happiness, and it was jealousy he was feeling, and an aching need to see Cloud again.
"Gross!" he snapped, shoving himself to his feet and retreating back to the loveseat, folding his long legs up and hugging his knees while the pair kissed like he wasn't even there. "Hello? Hey, if you two are going to do it will you go in your room, please?"
Yazoo sighed and pulled away, leaving Reno scowling. His narrowed blue eyes landed on Kadaj, who gave him a triumphant smirk, and he lowly said, "Cloud should beat you more, yo."
Kadaj flashed him a sultry smirk and purred, "What makes you think he doesn't beat me?"
"Fuckin' pervy weirdo," Reno snorted, polishing off what remained of his cigarette and blowing smoke from his nostrils.
"Look who's talking!" Kadaj snapped, aggravated when Reno zoned back into the television.
"Can you two stop it for even one minute?" Yazoo sighed, touching his forehead as if their bickering gave him a headache. "I have to pack. Come help me, koishii."
Reno absently slid his hand along Yazoo's flank as he passed, and Kadaj felt a sudden pang for Cloud, missing that easy intimacy…But had they ever even had it? He hadn't really spent much time with his brother since he'd moved in with Reno, and Yazoo guarded his privacy as jealously as Kadaj had ever guarded his possessions. Perhaps Yazoo and Reno's relationship held an element that his and Cloud's did not, and that was why his beautiful, wonderful older brother had gone and slept with someone else. And still, deep in the darkest, most frightened part of his heart, Kadaj heard the echo of Sephiroth's words, 'He's already laughing, Kadaj, my little prince. He went straight to another lover's arms and erased the taste of you out of disgust…'
"Stop staring at me, weirdo," Reno told him, startling Kadaj out of his thoughts.
Kadaj flushed, embarrassed and annoyed, though Reno had only been a focal point for his inner thoughts and he hadn't actually been looking at the man.
"Come on, koishii,' Yazoo gently urged, and hugged him close.
"Don't get up to any squirrely shit in there, yo!" Reno called. "There's no incestuous pedophilia going on in this house!"
Kadaj sputtered in offense, but Yazoo just rolled his eyes, smiling, and sighed, "Honestly…"