**Scabior's POV**

Meanwhile, Scabior had his eye on a relatively new Death Eater who went by the name of Malvina. Scabior thought that Malvina was the hottest Death Eater he had ever seen. He longed to go talk to her, but he was rather socially retarded and wasn't sure how to approach her.

"Greyback," said Scabior, turning to his part-wolf friend who was eyeing a couple of the other Snatchers.

"Grr," said Greyback, by way of response.

"I was wondering, do you know how I could get acquainted with that chick Malvina over there?"

"Oh sure," Greyback growled. "I'm really good with the ladies." He turned and coughed a word into his clenched fist. It sounded like "wolves", but Scabior wasn't sure. He decided to let it pass.

Over the next few minutes, Scabior had heard from Greyback a whole list of magical pickup lines. Clearing his throat and smoothing back his ginger streak, he ambled over to where Malvina was standing.

"Are you using the Confundus Charm, or are you naturally mind blowing?" he asked, leaning against the wall.

"Excuse me?" she asked, raising an eyebrow. Scabior tried another one.

"Your smile is like Expelliarmus, simple but disarming."

"I wasn't aware that I had smiled at you, you creepy, creepy man."

"If I was to look into the Mirror of Erised, I would see the two of us together," Scabior said, trying and failing to smile.

"I'm...going to go now," Malvina said, edging away.

"No! Wait!" he racked his brains for another pickup line. "I don't need the Mirror of Erised to know that you're everything I desire!"

"Help! Somebody!" Malvina shouted. Scabior saw that his plan was failing rapidly. It was time to personalize his pickup lines.

"'Ello beautiful!" he called out, a last desperate attempt. Malvina stopped trying to scream for help and turned back to Scabior.

"You think I'm beautiful?" she asked, eyes widening. "Why didn't you say so?" She rushed into Scabior's arms.

"Yeah, bro," Scabior said to himself. And from then on "'Ello beautiful" became his prime pickup line.

**Voldemort's POV**

By this time Voldemort was totally wasted. No, not just wasted. He was toasted, cabbaged, mashed, plastered, pickled, tanked, zombied and utterly snobbled. He had decided that all of his Death Eaters needed nicknames. He decided to start with Greyback. Voldemort had recently seen Justin Timberlake's Sexyback music video.

"Greyback, I'm gonna call you Sexyback," he slurred with a giggle. "And you Macnair are MacCareBear. Gibbon, you're Ape. Crabbe, you're Hermit Crab. Rodolphus, you're Stranger Danger. Lucius, you're Snakaholic. Travers, you're Travers the Tractor. Yaxley, you're Yakitty Yakitty Yak. Snape, you're Prune. And Bellatrix..."

"Yes?" Bellatrix breathed, unable to wait for her nickname from her true love.

"You're Bella Swan. I'm a big fan of Twilight."

Bellatrix stormed out of the room muttering, "Voldemort's nipple, Voldemort's nipple, Voldemort's nipple."

"I love you guys!" Voldemort yelled drunkenly, pulling Yaxley and Travers into a man hug.

"Karaoke time!" Snape screamed into a microphone.

"Ooh, me first! Me first!" Goyle cheered. He had just woken up with a lump the size of a quaffle on his head. Snape set his SingStar on shuffle and The Lazy Song by Bruno Mars started playing. Goyle tried to sing, but his version of the song went a little like this.

"Ugggh uggh ughh ughh duh uggh
Uhh ugg duh uggh who uh ma ugg."

Snape cut him short with a round of applause.

"Well done, Goyle," said Snape sarcastically. Next up was Lucius.

"Some people say I'm bonkers, but I just say I'm free!
Man, I'm just living my life, there's nothing crazy about me!"

There was an okay round of applause for that.

"Well done, Snakaholic!" Voldemort yelled. Next up was Draco.

"Oh! Do you know what you got into?
Can you handle what I'm 'bout to do?
'Cause it's about to get rough for you.
I'm here for your entertainment!"

Narcissa whooped and cheered, "Well done, Draco Diddydums!"

"Thank you, mummy, but can you please not call me Draco Diddydums?"

"I'm dedicating this song to you, Voldemort," said Bellatrix.

"If you could see that I'm the one who understands you,
Been here all along so why can't you see?
You belong with me.
You belong with me."

"Make way for Greyback!" Greyback said, pushing Bellatrix aside.

"I eat boys up, breakfast and lunch.
Then when I'm thirsty I drink their blood.
Carnivore animal, I am a cannibal.
I eat boys up. You'd better run."

Greyback bared his teeth and all the men in the room screamed like girls.

"Should've sung Sexyback," Voldemort muttered. Scabior was next.

"I'm singing this for you, beautiful," Scabior said, staring at Malvina. Hello Beautiful by the Jonas Brothers came on.

"'Ello beautiful.
How's it going?
I hear it's wonderful in California."

He was booed offstage.

"That was horrible!" Malvina chided, slapping Scabior across the face. "We're through." Then Voldemort got onto the stage.

"My Little Pony, My Little Pony
Isn't the world a wonderful place
My Little Pony, My Little Pony
Everywhere you go, a smiling face
Running and skipping, merrily tripping
Watching the morning unfold
My Little Pony, My Little Pony
What does the future hold?"

"Who the bloody hell chose that song?" Voldemort asked, bashing the microphone down on Goyle's head. With an "uggh" he crumpled to the floor, the quaffle-sized lump doubling in size.

"Trampoline time!" Voldemort screamed, and ran outside.