You guys are the most amazing people ever. I love you. Thanks! :)
Ps: Somerton is made up.
Also update from 11/14/10, I accidentally called Jill, Maddie a few times. I corrected that.
Somerton, Connecticut, 6. 7. 1995
I popped one shiny bubble with my finger tip. Giggling I popped another one, this time the bubble burst into more bubbles. I stood up onto my tiptoes and tried to reach one of the larger bubbles. My short child arms couldn't reach them but I tried anyways, 'till I decided to make new bubbles. Making a fish mouth I attempted to make seemingly hundreds or thousands more. I liked to think that those bubbles were the thoughts and emotions from everyone around me, pink ones were happy thoughts and when they turned blue they faded from everyone's minds.
"Rosie what are you doing?" My mommy came up behind me holding a bowl and a whisk; she even had flour in her long curls.
"I'm making bubbles mommy!" Excited I pointed towards the sky at one of the flying bubbles.
"That's nice Rosie! Do you want to taste the dough I'm making?"
"Yes!" My mom smiled came to my level holding the bowl down so I could reach into it. I put my finger into the chocolate dough and stuck the finger into my mouth. Instantly my face formed into a grimace. "Eww." I said sticking my tongue out.
"It can't taste that bad!" Determined she took a finger full of dough and for a moment she licked it. "Oh god. That's disgusting! What am I supposed to do now?" She exclaimed waving the whisk around. "Amanda struck again, bad cooking ahead and the guest will arrive in two hours." She said referring to herself in third person. It was true her cooking wasn't the best and half of the time we ate in restaurants or at Jill's home but I liked it very much.
"We could ask Jill?"
"Good idea, munchkin!" Kissing me on my forehead she loftily retreated back into our house. "Oh and come in too! If your Daddy knew that I let you play outside alone he would be furious!" Happily I bounced back into our house.
Inside the house I went to my room to change clothes. I liked to change clothes three times a day, sometimes even brush my hair that often. I was a real doll with my clothes and hair, even when it was winter I refused to wear ugly boots and snowsuits. But today I changed because for one it was my birthday and two because my Daddy was coming to visit.
His visits were rare, sometimes just four times a year, often even missing Christmas. His rare visits didn't make me love him any less, I always anticipated them; I missed him deeply and my child mind only understood that his job required him to travel a lot, which meant that he only could call me a few times a month. I missed my brothers too. Though they never missed a call and sometimes came for visits without my Daddy.
I was excited and happy. I stripped my overall off and pulled my white cotton dress over my head. It had those little butterfly's all over them which later would give me a permanent nickname. I walked back into the kitchen.
"Mommy? When is Daddy coming?"
Amandas P.o.v"Mommy? When is Daddy coming?" I looked up from my mess - ahem...my cooking - when I heard Rosemary ask me this question for the thirtieth time. I loved her very much but this question made me sigh. Exasperated I lifted her from the ground and hugged her close to me.
"I don't know sweetheart. He said that they'll be here this afternoon." For John noon often meant evening but that was something that I wasn't going to tell her. "But it's your birthday! Your friends will arrive soon and we'll eat cake!" I tried to cheer her up but she seemed lost in thought's while she nibbled on her lower lip.
"What does afternoon mean?" She asked her big green eyes shining with curiosity. I knew that she missed him a lot and sometimes she even slept with the telephone in her hands when John had called her. It hurt me to see her suffer this much from his absence but there was only a little that I could do. His 'job' made him drive with his car to anywhere in the US. He had told me about his job shortly before he left the first time.
At first I thought he was completely and utterly crazy, but he showed me his weapons and a few journal entries. It took him some time to convince me but he did. We made a deal not to tell Rosemary until she was at least nine years old.
"I don't know what afternoon means to John, honey. But they'll be here shortly and when the other's have arrived time will pass quickly." I knew it would keep her mind off of John and the boys - I really hoped so.
"Okay." She said not very convincingly, burying her face in my neck.
"Man up sweets! It's your birthday, it's going to be great!"
"I guess..." And I was related to this non-birthday liking being? Definitely not.
"It's your birthday! Stop being a downer!" Cheering her up wasn't half as easy as it was supposed to be.
"Fine." She mumbled still not as happy as I wanted her to be.
"You're getting heavy." I groaned and shifted her to my other hip.
"I know." She chuckled evilly.
"Yeah you do, don't you?" Before she could answer my question our doorbell rang. "That's Jill." Immediately the excitement that had appeared vanished. I set her down on the floor and got the door.
"Tss, tss, Amanda, Amanda!" I was greeted with a click of her tongue, her flaming red curls were sticking up in different angles and she grinned widely. It made her look like a maniac.
"Yes my dear mad Jill?"
"Cooking? Are you pregnant again? Or did you just lose your mind?" Answering her own question she shook her head.
"No, you aren't pregnant and you lost your mind when you gave your heart to the f-a-t-h-e-r of your c-h-i-l-d. So is the cooking to impress him?" Ever the bold one she hit the nail square on the head.
"Not that I blame you, but I know these kind of man, you won't get him to settle down." Though her words were harsh she grinned at me.
"I did not gave him my heart!" I protested holding my hands up.
"True. You gave him half your heart. He took the part with the logic and reason, which left me a crazy soppy woman with the behavior of a teenage girl." Unfortunately that was true, but because I wasn't willing to admit my feelings I shook my head viciously.
"I didn't give him anything. I'm an emancipated woman and I do not cook for men." Besides for my father, my brother, my cousins, my nephews and for my great-uncle Gregory, who doesn't really taste anything; that's also probably why he likes my cooking. Which equals that he doesn't count; he would even like dog food.
"Suuure." She rolled her eyes at me shoving a plate into my face. "That's the cake you asked me for. You can say that you made it."
"Well thank you, but according to you I don't bake or cook unless I'm pregnant, they would know that I did not make the cake."
"True. I thought I'd be generous today; I thought it would amend the fact that I overdrew the amount of weight-watcher points again. You know like karma." This time it was my turn to roll my eyes at her, she was ridiculously obsessed with her weight.
"Don't get overboard again; you'll have to eat a piece of cake later for the sake of your goddaughter."
"Speaking of which, where is my cool already five year old goddaughter?" As if on cue Rosemary came up behind me smiling broadly at Jill. "Come here, cupcake! Give your auntie a hug."
"Hey Jill!" she squealed and hugged Jill tight.
"You've grown since last time I've seen you." Jill said measuring her with her eyes.
"We have seen you yesterday, Jill." Rosemary reminded her.
"Ever the smart one, huh?"
"Always." I said on Rosemary's behalf.
The guest arrived shortly after Jill which meant eight frilly ballet class girls and five boys and girls from the neighborhood all Rosemary's best friends. To say it was busy would've been an understatement, the cake was gone in a minute and all the gifts were unwrapped.
As I had promised, Rosemary was laughing together with her friends and playing games, she even had one of those sparkly plastic tiaras on her head. Now and then she would have a distant look on her face staring off into space but her friends distracted her and her usually pale cheeks had a nice rosy color.
"Still waiting for John?" Jill asked carrying dishes into the kitchen.
"No I'm not." She didn't stop talking about John the whole time and she couldn't pass a moment to mock me. On my part it wasn't funny at all, joking about the lack of love life didn't help my self-esteem much.
"Funny thing is that I thought he was the first guy in your collection of men that showed a little bit of taste. If you remember Jake…" Ignoring her I scrubbed the dishes harder.
Rosemary's P.o.v."You're gonna marry lanky-Spency." Grace whispered to me, even taunting me a little because I had invited him. Generally most of my ballet class friends didn't like Spencer because even at the age of six he was awkward, lanky and somewhat shy.
"No I'm not." She giggled and formed a heart with her fingers.
"Spencer and Rosie sitting on a tree…" "Shut up Grace, Spencer is nice." Juliet interfered, looking pretty like always.
"Yeah he is nice and funny, I like him."
"Uhh, you like him." Grace took off laughing, her frilly pink dress bulging around her.
"Don't listen to her, she is a penguin face. Come on, want to pick some flowers so we can make a daisy wreath?" Excited I followed her, making flower wreaths was something I liked and together with Juliet it was even more fun.
"My mom made me wear this pink dress and I poured cranberry juice all over it. The expression on my mom's face was priceless!" Juliet laughed as she remembered this. I never had to wear clothes that I didn't like, my mom always let me wear what I wanted when I wanted it.
"Just like that?" I asked. "I do that every time, sometimes I even use food to damage those clothes. Mom thinks I'm clumsy."She laughed and added. "But I'm not." I laughed with her, thinking about Juliet's mother. For a moment we sat in silence.
"Ready!" I exclaimed and held my wreath up; Juliet examined it shortly and then smiled.
"Can I have it? I'll take yours and you take mine?" I looked at mine and hers, Juliet's looked dead and withered while mine on the other hand was green and pretty, nonetheless I held it out for her gracefully she laid it on to her head it worked perfectly with her straight blonde hair, that I so was jealous of.
„Now you put mine on your head."
Carefully she placed the withered flowers into my red, frizzy curls. Later it would always be this way.
"We look so pretty!" Juliet squealed, I nodded not quite as cheerful but that wasn't because I didn't think we weren't pretty but because my father still hadn't come around. "Rosie, be more cheerful!" I stuck my tongue out at her, smiling nonetheless.
"Who is that?" I heard Charlotte, one of my ballet classmates, ask. Curious I turned around to see my Dad standing in our backyard smiling at me. As always he had his leather jacket on, he even had three-day stubbles on his chin like usual. He was still my Daddy that was a great relief for me.
"Rosemary!" He called for me, bending down to my level he stretched his arms out for me.
"Daddy!" Without hesitation I ran up to him and wrapped my arms around his neck.
"Happy fifth Birthday, baby." He lifted me up and placed me on his hip I was welcomed by his familiar smell; he always smelled like leather and a hint of cologne and something else that I never could place. For me this was back then, next to raspberry soap the best smell in the whole world.
"Thanks." He kissed me and chuckled. „I missed you, daddy."
"I missed you, too." He assured me, kissing my forehead, shifting my weight a little and then he turned around so I could see Sam and Dean come in through our backyard gate, grinning at me just like they always did.
"Hey Rosie."
Sam's P.o.v
For some unknown reason I was shy as soon as a saw my sister in my Dad's arms, I was scared that she wouldn't recognize me. I have read that children under five years easily forget people if they don't see them often.
Dean didn't seem to have this problem as he easily snatched her out of Dad's arms and placed a kiss on her on the cheek. She giggled a good sign that she remembered us.
What surprised me even more was the fact that Dad took her right back into his arms as if she was his greatest treasure. Dean scolded a little Dad, but otherwise he didn't lose his cool face, like he never did. Dean stepped back next to me and put an arm around my shoulder.
"Don't you want to say hi to her?" Dean whispered obviously knowing exactly what I was thinking. Dean squeezed my shoulder a little and pushed me forward a bit.
I was caught off guard by the action and almost stumbled into my Dad, who as usual was totally absorbed with Rosemary so he didn't notice anything. I didn't mind it all that much because he hadn't seen her in at least four months.
"Hey Sam." Rosemary waved over Dad's shoulder at me, instantly taking my fears away. She had grown a lot since the last time, her hair was longer and she seemed a little taller. I felt like one of those old relatives that always, no matter how long ago they saw the child, say.
"My, you have grown my dear." But I held myself back.
"Hey." I mumbled, this moment was a little overwhelming and uncomfortable, I wasn't really sure how to place those feelings. But I was rescued by Amanda's arrival. She as always smiled brightly and had her hair in a high bun, a few strands falling into her face; those strands made her look a little loony. But that was exactly what she was: loony and scatterbrained.
That was what made her so loveable, she was the closest thing Dean and I had to a mother figure. She was pretty unconventional though, because she couldn't cook and she would always give us her coupons from different fast food restaurants.
"Hey guys!" Excited she hugged Dean close, she ruffled his hair and then pressed a kiss on his cheek.
"You've grown so much, Dean." Amanda released him and moved on to me. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Dean adjusting his hair and then he moved back into an indifferent stance trying to keep his cool attitude.
"And you didn't grow, Sam. Don't worry, someday you will be taller than me."
"I hope so." I heard 'midget' as often as my real name, I even had started answering to that nickname a long time ago, which is – I admit – devastating.
"You will, trust me." She also ruffled my hair leaving me with a wild mop that I was left to fix. "Anyways we have some cake left."
"Did you make it?" Dean asked skeptically.
"Haha. Funny." She answered dryly, but to our relieve she answered with.
"No I didn't." We all breathed a sigh.
Later that day, evening, Amanda's P.o.vThe dark had already fallen and only a few rays of sunshine were left to see and after the kids had left, John, Dean, Sam and Jill were the only ones left to sit at our table. I had a glass of wine in my hand and sometimes I swirled it slightly while I observed John. Maybe it was the wine, but he seemed really good looking when the sun was shining in this special ankle at his face. His hair was a little messier than usual and his skin seemed really tan.
I was sure that this all was my pure imagination and a little wine. Nonetheless it was almost mocking, I hadn't seen him in weeks and now I hadn't even had the chance to say a hello to him. I longed to feel him again.
I felt just like a school girl drooling over him, but no matter how hard I tried I couldn't avoid or prevent these feelings. I should've moved on the minute I knew that he wasn't going to stay, that he would leave with my heart in his pocket but without leaving his behind. I knew this all along but I didn't move on because my heart had decided otherwise. I shook my head, trying to get those soppy thoughts out of my head and focused on Jill who was engrossed in a conversation with Sam about her job.
"I'm just a preschool teacher but I have pretty big impact in what they are going to be later, Personality wise and carrier wise. What do you want to do when you're an adult?" I knew exactly that she was trying to recruit him to the fancy lifestyle of a preschool teacher. But Sam shifted in his seat avoiding her eyes; he stiffened a little more and then stared blankly at the table.
"I'll be going into the family business." He looked shortly at his Dad and then back at the table.
"Your father is a mechanic, right?" I could tell that Jill was disappointed to hear this.
"Uhm…yeah, he is." He was, would've been the right answer. They all seemed to have no problem lying about what they were doing. I had though my answer to that question as always 'he is a superhero, mom' and 'he saves the world at night, mom' with this sarcastic undertone. Sometimes that works, sometimes it doesn't.
"Fine." Jill took the wine bottle and poured herself another glass of wine. Looking over Dean was half asleep on the edge of his seat. It wasn't that late, but it looked like all the Winchester's didn't have enough sleep lately. All Winchester's including my daughter who was still clinging onto John. Her eyes were opening and closing and occasionally she would yawn. Since the moment they had arrived she hadn't let go of him, she even had refused to play with her guests.
She wasn't interested in her friends in the slightest; she just leaned into John. John too didn't like to let her go too far out of his reach so he enjoyed the attention she was giving him and vice versa.
I had shot a picture of them they just looked to cute! I intended on gluing the picture into our family photo album soon, so we would have something to remember from today.
My attention was brought back when for at least the fifteenth time this evening Rosemary yawned. I decided that for all Winchester kids the time for bed had come a little earlier than usual. I shook Dean slightly to see if he was still present. With a jolt he opened his eyes and came back to the non-dreaming society.
"What?" He mumbled looking around sleepily, I waved around to get his attention.
"It's time for bed." I smiled at his face expression. He was in that sixteen year old teenager phase where you try to be cool no matter what and the fact that he fell asleep earlier than his younger siblings was really embarrassing to him.
"Sam and Rosemary will go to bed, too." I assured him. I had been in that stage too one time, though I didn't have any younger siblings to fall asleep before me and I wasn't male and I was too weird and nerdy to be cool. But I didn't like to be seen with my mother in public. Then again I still don't like to be seen with her or seeing her at all.
"Get up, I have the guest room arranged for you guys." John too stood up, holding a now sleeping Rosemary in his arms. She still was holding onto his jacket as if her life was depending on it. He whispered something to her and pressed her even closer to his body.
"Which way?" Dean asked drowsily, he had problems placing his left feet in front of the other.
"Just follow me. I can show you everything." They hadn't been here before because we had moved in just two months ago. There were still a lot boxes and cartons everywhere.
"This is my sign to leave. Amanda we're going to see each other soon. Nice seeing you guys again. Oh and Sam think about your future again. I'm sure there is something else than being a mechanic." Jill got up and waved at everybody. With one last final wink she walked through my garden gate and vanished into the dark. You only knew that she was there because you could hear her muttering the word mechanic over and over.
Sam and Dean were settled in pretty fast, and shortly after I had switched the light off I heard snoring - undoubtedly Dean's. Satisfied I walked down the floor to the Rosemary's bedroom. It was softly lit with her night light. Rosemary was breathing softly. John though you couldn't hear. He was staring at her with something that could only be described as wonder and amazement. I leaned against the door frame and observed them. It was another perfect picture, father and daughter in a silent conversation.
"She is beautiful isn't she?" John broke the silence with his question. I nodded forgetting that he couldn't see me. "Hmm…she is." He said to himself, that was when I realized that he hadn't talked to me. I watched a few more minutes and then because I felt like an outcast I turned around and thought about doing the dishes. Instead I made it comfortable on the couch and leaned into the couch pillows. For a moment I closed my eyes. I wasn't tired yet but I wasn't ready to face him now – or ever. These thoughts were wiped away when I felt his arms around my hip.
He had sat down beside me and breathed on my neck raising all my neck hair. I turned my head to face him to tell him to stop but as soon as moved I felt his lips on mine. He tasted good.
Somewhat wintry not the cinnamon type, more male and rough. His kiss lasted long enough that I forgot that I wanted him to stop. This was exactly what always happened, he would do this thing, and it would last 'till he left again. It always stopped when I had my heart betrayed enough to think he would someday settle down and love me.
He never did.
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