Thank you all for the support with this story so far. It mean so much to me. Okay, maybe I should have said this earlier but I am not actually very knowledgable when it comes to religion so I'm trying to use as little references to the bible as possible. But when I do use one and it makes no sense in the context, I apoligize for that and invoke artistic liberty. Also probably some people might not agree with Castiel's point of view, but it's how I see things. Okay, now enjoy the chapter.

Bobby kept Dean busy for the next days, so Dean didn't have time much to even think about the problem Castiel might be for his resolution. Bobby showed him everything he needed to know and even though the monastery wasn't as old as it led people to believe, there was always something that needed to be fixed. Sometimes they just needed to change a light bulb, sometimes fix a broken chair and once they had to replace a leaking pipe in one of the bathrooms.

Dean also got to know a few of the other monks and so far he liked all of them. First he met Rufus who was in charge of everything that happened in the kitchen, which made him a very important and powerful man in Dean's opinion. He was the one who needed more light. Rufus was about Bobby's age and the two men seemed to be good friends, as far as Dean could tell.

The broken chair was in the library, where Dean met Chuck, the librarian, who was around Dean's age. He was shorter than Dean and his small frame was hidden in an overly wide robe, just as his face was hidden behind a beard. He was very shy and hardly said a word while Dean and Bobby were there and he never looked at them, keeping his eyes on the ground, even when they were talking to him. Bobby later told Dean that Chuck had been an abused teenager who had found refuge in the monastery and had never left and he only felt comfortable when he was surrounded by his books.

The monk who alerted them to the broken pipe was Zachariah, who took care of the herb garden and his knowledge was a great help when someone got sick. He was gray-haired and balding and he had a strange sense of humor but Bobby assured Dean that once you had gotten used to that, Zachariah was actually a nice guy.

And when they weren't working they were having private prayer time or had mass or it was meal time, where Dean never caught a glimpse of the abbot. Not that he couldn't wait to see him again. He just wanted to know where to expect Castiel so he wouldn't be taken by surprise. But Castiel didn't seem to be eating with the other monks. At least Dean never saw him but then he couldn't really see all of the men from his place at the end of the long table, which was good because it made not thinking about the man easier.

The night before his meeting with Castiel was difficult for Dean though. Even though he had hardly thought about the abbot, this night he invaded his dreams. As soon as he closed his eyes, Castiel's face appeared before him, with his amazing blue eyes, the tousled dark hair and the kind smile.

He caught himself imagining what those lips would feel like wrapped around his cock and suddenly he realized that he was naked and Castiel was sliding down onto his knees in front of him and Dean had his hand in his hair on the back of his head. Dean was already hard and before he fully comprehended what was happening, Cas took his length into his mouth and started sucking. It felt unbelievably good and Dean moaned loudly.

"Caaassss!"

He woke with a start. He had moaned out loud and that had woken him. He sat upright in his bed, breathing heavily, covered in sweat and shocked about this dream and to find that he was still hard in reality. For a few minutes he just sat there trying to calm down but the images from the dream wouldn't go away and his erection only grew harder until it became almost painful.

Having to admit to himself that the problem wouldn't just go away, he got out of bed and went to the bathroom where he quickly and none too gently jerked off, hating himself and his lack of control the entire time. When he washed his hands he couldn't even look at his reflection in the mirror and he was glad when he could leave and go back to his room and after a short prayer to ask for forgiveness for his weakness, he went back to sleep and had no more dreams.

He was very tired the next morning and had to be careful not to fall asleep during the morning prayer. That would not only have been embarrassing but also disrespectful and would not make a good impression. Finally it was time to eat and Dean was relieved because it'd wake him up some more but at the same time he dreaded the end of the breakfast because then he would have to go see Castiel and he had no idea how he could ever look at the man after the last night's dream.

When breakfast was over he talked to Bobby, agreeing to meet with him in the library after his meeting with the abbot. Chuck had asked for help again because he thought the ladder he used to reach the top shelves was starting to fall apart and Bobby wanted to check out the rest of the furniture there, before Chuck called them again in a few days.

Then Bobby walked away to see Chuck and Dean made his way to Castiel's office. He knew his way around the monastery pretty well by now and found the office without a problem. He was determined to be strong and make it through this meeting quickly but when he lifted his hand to knock, he hesitated for a bit and took a deep breath before his fist connected with the wood of the door in a confident knock.

"Come in," Castiel called and Dean pushed the door open and walked into the office, his confidence fading with each step he took closer to the abbot. He could almost feel Castiel's presence before he could see him and when he finally stepped into the open space of the office and saw the actual man sitting behind his desk he had to avert his eyes because the feelings the dream had caused him came back immediately.

"Hello," Dean said quietly and took a seat.

"Hello, Dean. How have your first few days been in here?" Castiel asked with an amiable smile.

"Good. Everyone is very friendly and helpful and I enjoy working with Bobby. It really helps with getting to know people and this place, too," Dean answered still avoiding to look at the abbot as much as possible. Castiel nodded at him.

"It does. I'm glad you're settling in so well. Let's start with our studies, shall we?"

Dean agreed and they started with reading and discussing bible passages about new beginnings, something for Dean to hold on to when he felt that this new life was not what he had expected and was harder than he thought. They read several passages and talked about what they meant and Dean chose his favorite, which he memorized.

'Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.' Isaiah 43:18-19

Even though he was trying hard to concentrate on his task, the images of that dream he'd had kept haunting him and every time he looked at Castiel he felt a rush of lust and he had to look down at his bible again to pretend that nothing was wrong. He did manage to follow everything Castiel said and answered when he was supposed to, so he was surprised when Castiel closed his bible with a soft crack and gave Dean a stern look.

"Dean, I can tell there is something wrong. Obviously you don't want to talk about it but it would really help. Maybe I can even give you some advice," Castiel said and Dean looked shocked. He thought he had been doing a good job at pretending that everything was alright.

"Thank you, but I think I'll be okay," Dean tried to get out of this uncomfortable conversation but Castiel just smiled and shook his head.

"No, that is not good enough. Tell me what's wrong."

Dean hesitated a little longer but he had a feeling that Castiel would not allow him to leave until he had told him what was on his mind, so Dean told him an edited version of the dream he'd had, leaving out whose face he had seen.

"I feel so dirty for having that dream and I feel weak for having to touch myself after. I just couldn't help it," Dean confessed but leaving out the fact that talking about the dream and looking Castiel in the eye was actually a huge turn on, no matter how bad he felt about it. He was grateful for the wide robe he was wearing, so that Castiel couldn't see how twisted and dirty he really was.

Castiel remained quiet for a moment when Dean had stopped talking. "What did you do when you were done?" he finally asked.

"I asked the Lord for forgiveness," Dean answered.

"Good. That was the right thing to do. Living in a monastery isn't always easy, Dean. Not even for me," Castiel started and Dean looked up at him, surprised at what the abbot was implying. "We're all just human and we have human weaknesses and sometimes we give in. The Lord knows this, he created us like this. I don't believe he will condemn us just because we were weak and gave in to a natural urge. You asked Him for forgiveness and you shall receive it. Try your best to stay strong, that is all anyone can ask."

Dean was stunned by these words. This was completely different from what his father had preached every day at home. He didn't know what to say but Castiel was a monk, an abbot, he had to know more than his dad and Dean very much wanted to believe in every word Castiel had said. All his life he had felt dirty, like a constant sinner and here Castiel told him that things weren't that bad, that sometimes your control slipped and it was okay.

"Thank you," Dean mumbled and then got up to leave the office, determined to be strong today and ignore his arousal, which had only intensified when Castiel had said those words. He would prove to God, to himself, to his father and to Castiel that he could be strong. Now he wanted that more than ever.