A/N: *ahem* Hello there.. it's been a while... (Desperate excuse time). So, first I put on hold (*cough* abandoned *cough*) this fic in order to finish off my first Johnlock. (Shameless self-publicity: any Sherlock fans, how about it?) And then, school. What can I say. It'll probably be a while until my next update as well; I ought to be revising and all manner of woeful things. But in the meantime, have another chapter. Mostly plot preparation, Martin-awkwardness and Douglas-snarkiness.

[Quiet, homelike sounds: kettle beginning to hiss, muffled clamor of students from downstairs]

[Telephone rings]

Martin: [picks up telephone] Hello?

Theresa: [tinny] Martin! Hallo.

Martin: Ah! Hello, darl- um- sweet- um- Theresa!

Theresa: Orrr you could call me "Your Highness".

Martin: Oh, um… really? Um. Yes. Hello, Your Highness.

Theresa: [laughs] Not really. I was teasing. "Darling" will be fine.

Martin: Ah. Yes. Okay. Fine. [Laughs nervously] Hello… darling?

Theresa: Martin, are you blushing?

Martin: [quickly] No! Certainly not. Not at all. Um. So, how are you?

Theresa: I am well. Maxi has gone to school and I am rather bored, so I have decided to call you. You are not busy?

Martin: No, not at all. As a matter of fact, we just got back from Cardiff.

Theresa: Oh? And the flight, did it go well?

Martin: Um. Yes. The way back was completely uneventful.

Theresa: [teasingly] And the way there?

Martin: Well. It was- it went well. Except, Arthur drank coffee, which was very dramatic. He's fine now, though.

Theresa: Ah, yes, I understand. Whenever I let Maxi drink the coffee, it is the same. You managed the landing, though?

Martin: I. Um. The landing was fine. Really great. Perfect, probably. Not that I'd know. I, um…

Theresa: [laughing] Yes, Martin?

Martin: I slept through it, if you must know.

Theresa: Ah, the pilot who flies so much. You are overworked, yes? You will relax while you are here in Liechtenstein. We have a very lovely lake.

Martin: Yes, yes, I'll. Um. Relaxing, definitely.

Theresa: And I am so looking forward to seeing you! You will be able to come, won't you?

Martin: Yes! Of course. I'll be there. Definitely. Right.

Theresa: Then I shall see you on Friday, yes? Until then, we shall say goodbye.

Martin: Yes, of course. Um. I. Um. I lo-

Theresa: And I love you also.

[Noise of phone hanging up]

Martin: [sigh]

[Pause]

Martin: [picks up phone, beeping of numbers, ringing]

Douglas: [tinny] Hello, this is Douglas Richardson speaking. Lucky you.

Martin: Douglas! It's me.

Douglas: Ah, hello, Me. What on earth could warrant such a call?

Martin: Well, I, um-

Douglas: [snappily] By the way, that was the polite way of me saying "What do you want?" I was rather busy.

Martin: Right. Sorry. Should I call back later?

Douglas: [sigh] No, that's alright. I'm just sorting out some papers for the divorce; it'll keep. What was it you wanted?

Martin: I was wondering. About the New Zealand trip. Theresa just called me, and, well, I was wondering whether you knew how I'm going to get to Liechtenstein, and how on earth I'm going to manage it.

Douglas: Aha, so you are wanting to discuss The Plan? Very well. I will meet you at the pub in Fitton in half an hour.

Martin: Couldn't we just discuss it now?

Douglas: I rather resent telephones; I've never seen the appeal of paying in order to talk. Besides, something as high-security as this needs discussing in person.

Martin: But you don't drink!

Douglas: That is strictly between us. The rest of the world need not know. I have appearances to maintain. Now, you run off to the pub- I have another call to make.

Martin: Douglas-

Douglas: Cheerio!

[Sound of telephone hanging up]

oooo

[Pub door opens; chatter, music and bustle]

Douglas: Martin! Over here.

Arthur: Hello, Skipper!

Martin: [scrape of pulling out chair] [confused] Hello…

Douglas: Martin, what will you have?

Martin: Just… I don't know, actually. I hardly ever go out.

Douglas: Allow me to recommend the house beer- it is particularly excellent.

Martin: Right. You'd know.

Douglas: Of course I would! [calls] Two pints of the regular, then, and one pineapple juice.

[Clink of glasses]

Martin: [hissing] Douglas, how're you-

Douglas: Cheers.

Martin: [sounds of drinking] It's apple juice! How-

Douglas: Never mind that. Now, shall we discuss what we came for?

Martin: [coughs pointedly]Arthur?[cough]

Arthur: Gosh, Skip, that doesn't sound healthy! Are you alright?

Martin: Yes, yes, I'm fine.

Douglas: Trust me, Martin, and all will be revealed.

Arthur: Wow, Douglas! You sound just like someone in a movie!

Douglas: It's my natural glamour and style, Arthur. Would you care for a straw?

Arthur: Brilliant! Drinking through a straw is so much more fun than not. It just makes everything taste so much better!

Martin: Actually, I think he's right about that. It's a fundamental law of the universe or something; anything drunk through a straw is automatically improved.

Douglas: You'd like one too, would you, Martin?

Martin: As befits my status as captain, in fact, I'd say that… I deserve one.

Douglas: Well. I'm not one to let my colleagues outrank me. [Calls] Oh, and three straws, please.

[Sounds of sucking through straws]

Douglas: Aaah. Just the ticket.

Martin: So, about this plan then.

Douglas: Ah! Would you be referring to…The Plan?

Martin: You know, you really don't have to say it so dramatically.

Douglas: Yes. I do.

Martin: Right. Anyway, listen, Douglas, this is a big thing. Carolyn has offered to pay me if I do the flight.

Douglas: What was that? Sorry, I thought you just said Carolyn had offered to pay you.

Martin: It's true! Just for the New Zealand trip.

Douglas: In which case, I'm certain that since you won't actually be flying it, you would be more than willing to split the pay with those who make it seem as though you do. But I fail to see your problem.

Martin: It's not just that. If I don't fly, she will personally charge me for the company's loss of earnings. The price of a whole flight. To the other side of the world. For ten snobby rich girls.

Douglas: As I said, I fail to see your problem. The plane will fly, and it will appear to be you flying it. Therefore, no loss of earnings, which means that Carolyn can't charge you for anything, even if she were to find out-

Martin: She can't find out! Ever! She'd laugh at me! Or shout at me for betraying her trust and never employ me again ever! Besides, you know that the regulations require two pilots. If anyone found out that you did a long flight without a backup pilot, MJN would be fined and you'd have your license revoked and then the company would go under!

Douglas: Ah. Someone's been doing his research.

Martin: You see my point?! So that's why I'm saying, Douglas, unless we can work out a way of doing this legally, then I might…just…go on the trip.

Douglas: Martin, I'm flatted that you would even consider putting my job above your girlfriend's birthday. However. You seem to be running on the assumption that we could be caught.

Martin: Well, you could be!

Douglas: Martin. When, in all your time flying with me, have I failed in anything?

Martin: I still think that, by the regulations-

Douglas: Regulations, schmegulations! We will be fine. Quite honestly, Martin, you have nothing to worry about. After all, I'm in charge- what could possibly go wrong?

Martin: You keep on saying "we". Who is "we"?

Douglas: Well. You realize, of course, that since we will be sadly bereft of our original Martin, we shall have to make it appear as though Martin is with us, despite him- you- being in Liechtenstein. I have therefore purchased a spare pilot's uniform, with the intent of causing another person to become Martin. Merely for this trip, of course.

Martin: You're going to dress someone up as me? Douglas, that will never work. Carolyn will not be fooled in the least. You can't be serious.

Douglas: Ah, but you're forgetting. Carolyn will not be paying as much attention as usual, due to the stress of having left her dear son Arthur-

Arthur: Me! Hooray!

Douglas: -at home, with a bad cold.

Martin: What? Arthur, are you ill?

Arthur: I don't know! I've never had a cold!

Douglas: Of course he's not ill. Not only will he not have a cold, he also will not be at home. He will not be at home, due to the fact that he will be on Gertie with me-

Martin: …Oh, no.

Douglas: -as you.

Martin: [starting to laugh hysterically] No, no, no. No way. You're going to dress Arthur in a pilot costume, and pretend it's me, and you think it will fool Carolyn? It won't work.

Douglas: Try me.

Arthur: Don't worry, Skip! Everything is going to be brilliant!

Martin: [hysterical laughter]

A/N: Oh, another confession: I just realised that I'd spelled "Theresa" wrong in all the previous chapters. Oops. From here on in it will be fixed. Thanks to anyone who's read/liked/favorited/followed/glanced disdainfully at, but especially reviewed. I love reviews. Anyhow, until next time! -Ro :)