Union Chapter 4
A/N WARNING: This chapter contains mentions of self harm. Also contains references to iSam's Mom.
Neutral POV
Can we talk?
The text message flashed across the screen of Sam Puckett's phone for what felt like the millionth time. It was sent at 9:34 P.M and Sam continued to stare at it almost 4 ½ hours later. She couldn't bring herself to reply. Why should she? She knew exactly what Freddie was going to say.
Freddie was going to be Freddie. He would be sweet and kind and tell her exactly how much he valued their friendship...until he broke her heart. Sam knew the second she kissed him that any semblance of a friendship with Freddie was gone. But she so desperately wanted to hold on to her fantasy. So if it took her acting passive aggressive and ignoring his attempts at conversation, so be it.
She had dated so sparingly in her life. Part of it was because she never truly felt deep feelings for a guy. She never got too close so she lost out on the experience. All in an effort to protect herself. Most people who walked into Sam Puckett's life eventually walked out.
Her parents, for instance. She hadn't seen the man she called "Daddy" in a decade. He went to the store to buy ice cream and never came back. And as for her mother? Pft. She'd have been better off being raised by wolves. The only interaction Sam had with her mother these days was her occasional drunken ramblings. Either that or being yelled at for daring to grace her with her presence without bringing excessive quantities of alcohol.
Consistency and love were not trademarks of Sam Puckett's life. Not that she believed she deserved it. Yet somehow, she had found herself a home with Carly and Spencer and someone she felt comfortable with in Freddie.
And yet I still managed to completely fuck that up Sam thought to herself.
"I'm completely useless" Sam sighed to no one in particular. Carly and Spencer were long asleep and Sam was left alone with her thoughts, a prospect that was often quite dangerous. Sam absent-mindedly ran a blade between her fingers. Cutting was her release. Her sanctuary. Her escape from the outside world. She kept it from Carly. She would never understand.
The things Carly worried about on a day to day basis were not the things Sam worried about on a day to day basis. Sam loved Carly but had to admit she was a bit superficial. It wasn't a lack of trust, but rather an educated guess on the outcome that kept Sam's secret a secret. Well that, and many long sleeve t shirts.
Sam had toyed with the idea of letting someone in. Sam would die before admitting it but there were days where she wanted to do nothing but curl up in a ball and cry. But the risk outweighed the potential benefits with Carly. This brought her to Freddie. Freddie was significantly less superficial than Carly and his sense of loyalty meant that Sam's secret would be safe.
Sam hated to admit it but she had a fantasy of her and Freddie. A fantasy in which she could call him at 2AM and tell him she needed help and he would come running. It was unrealistic from the beginning but as she began to fall for the one stable male in her life, she began to believe in it. Hope, even.
That was before the kiss. Things have changed. Any confidence she had evaporated the second her lips parted from his and she saw his face. There was surprise but there was also disgust. So Sam did something that Puckett's never do. She ran away, both literally and figuratively.
They hadn't spoken since that night, with the exception of their rather harsh conversation in the elevator. Sam had spent the last 4 days trying to believe in her fantasy but she had come to the realization that she couldn't pretend anymore. Sam opened her phone which once again displayed Freddie's message. As the clock struck 3AM, Sam realized it was now or never. She knew the only shot she had at a truly honest conversation with Freddie was when he was least expecting it.
Let's talk Sam texted. She waited a minute for Freddie to gain his bearings from the sleep she likely interrupted. She was not entirely surprised when she received a message a minute later.
Now? It's 3AM. Can it wait until morning? Freddie texted.
Sam wasn't surprised. That was awfully polite of him. She would have bitten anyone's head off who dared disturb her sleep at 3 o clock in the morning. But not Freddie. He was too nice for that.
Fire Escape Sam texted back. It was a strategic move on her part. The words "Fire escape" had become a special message for them. It was a way for them to convey that the situation was important. Sam and Freddie had had several "Fire escape meetings" since the fateful night they kissed for the first time. As Sam silently made her way out of Carly's apartment, she remembered their last one.
Flashback- 6 months ago
Sam focused on taking deep breaths as she leaned against the railing of Bushwell Plaza. As she watched the streets of Seattle from the fire escape, she couldn't help but think that she could get used to this view. It was not one she could enjoy often. Sam didn't spend a lot of time on this fire escape. But with Carly away for the weekend, Sam sent a text she wouldn't have dreamed sending two years ago.
It wasn't a long text, only two words in actuality.
Fire escape.
But for Sam and Freddie, those two words held a lot of meaning. Sam wiped her eyes in vain. The falling raindrops would erase any evidence that she had been crying anyway. Freddie would be here soon. He always responded to this message.
On cue, she heard a knock and there he was. Sam motioned for him to come out and he joined her against the rail. For some time, they stood there, in a comfortable silence. Words would come but for now they weren't needed. There was an unspoken understanding between them that presence counted more than anything. Finally, Freddie decided to break the silence.
"I heard about the therapy box." Freddie said. A nod of acknowledgement on Sam's part indicated that Freddie knew why Sam had called him here.
"I don't know what Carly was thinking." Sam remarked with a laugh that didn't quite reach her eyes.
Freddie gave Sam a sympathetic look. "Well you know Carly. She gets these ideas on her head..." Freddie sighed. He had known it was a bad idea. Sam's relationship with her mom wasn't something she talked about but it was easy to glean that being trapped together would not help the situation.
"You know she meant well, right?" Freddie added trying to ease the situation.
Sam gave him a look of scorn. "Do you ever think of anything other than Carly?" Sam remarked.
Freddie sighed in frustration. That's not where he was going with this. "Sam, I'm just trying to keep the peace here."
"9 hours I was stuck in there with her" Sam said at almost a whisper. Freddie's brow furrowed but he quickly realized that they weren't talking about Carly anymore. He didn't interrupt her. Sam needed to get this off her chest.
"Do you have any idea how awful that was?" Sam continued. Her voice cracked but her mask remained intact.
"Believe me, I know a thing or two about crazy mothers." Freddie commented which drew a half smile from Sam.
"Looks like we have something in common after all, Freddie" Sam stated with a laugh.
"Any chance we can make Freddie my full time name?" Freddie grinned.
"Not a chance in hell, Freddicini" Sam grinned back.
"Hey that's a new one. What is that, a play on fettucine?" Freddie asked.
"I'm naming you after my favorite pasta. You should be honored." Sam declared.
Freddie couldn't help but laugh. "Only you, Sam. Only you. Do me a favor and never change." Freddie said.
Sam turned to look at Freddie now. Suddenly the atmosphere felt a whole lot more serious. The look that was exchanged between the two web stars held a thousand words.
It held Freddie's question. Was Sam okay?
It also held Sam's answer. I am now.
Sam nodded in acknowledgement of their silent conversation and motioned towards the window.
"I suppose you better get back before your mother has a panic attack." Sam commented. With a smile and nod, Freddie understood that this was his cue to leave. He moved towards the window but was stopped by Sam.
"Hey Benson..." Sam started and Freddie turned around.
"I won't if you won't." Sam added. Freddie smirked and nodded in acknowledgement.
"Goodnight Sam."
"Goodnight Freddie."
And with one more glance, he was gone and Sam was left alone with her thoughts once more. Only this time, she didn't entirely mind.
End Flashback
Sam couldn't help but smile at the memory. The fire escape had brought nothing but good memories for her and Freddie. But she had a feeling that this meeting may have a less satisfying conclusion.
On cue, there was a knock on the window and Freddie was there. He looked extremely disheveled, having been woken up in the middle of the night, but remained as cute as always.
"Well, here we are again, Sam." Freddie began stepping outside. "Let's talk." Sam took a deep breath and turned towards Freddie. Her long night was just beginning.
A/N: You know the drill. Please let me know what you think :)