Chapter Four-Healing
Sheppard was free from pain while he was unconscious, but he heard a voice calling him back. He moaned as the pain wandered back to his awareness.
"Colonel," McKay said quietly. "Colonel, can you wake up?" He had a hand on Sheppard's shoulder and was about to tap him on the cheek when the pilot's hand wrapped around his wrist as his eyes shot open wildly. "It's me John!" McKay cried.
Sheppard looked at McKay and around the room then slowly let go of the scientist's wrist. "Sorry."
"It's okay. I need you to touch the sphere again, but also Ronon. It is the only way to set things straight. As the images play you need…you need to go in his mind and let Ronon know that those memories belong to you and not to him. I don't know how to explain it but this etching with the orb in it is kind of like the chair. Do you understand what I mean?"
McKay had spoken louder at the end because Sheppard had once again, closed his eyes. Sheppard opened his eyes and looked at him, annoyed. "I'm not deaf or dumb, McKay," he rasped. But it did hurt to talk and his head was splitting.
"No, no of course not," McKay said hurriedly as he helped Sheppard to his knees then handed him the sphere. Ronon was close to the etching. Sheppard stood up and walked over to it then slowly knelt down and placed the sphere in the etching as before. He fought back the image of Ronon's angry eyes as he was choking him. Wasn't you. Wasn't you.
"Touch the sphere first, then Ronon," McKay said.
"Are you sure?"
"Pretty sure."
Sheppard closed his eyes. He had no clue what he was doing. He reached out and touched the sphere again. The beam shot out and he could feel it now, slightly different than before, and wondered what to do next.
Yes my lord, what information do you require?
What?
I am here to serve Evander's heir.
Who are you?
A program created by the great king.
Why did you not speak before?
I am programmed to relay the history of events of this world first. I then can further show you history of this system. I am a library of some of the greatest battles. The information transferred to you originally was primarily a key to unlock the information stored within you. Much of the information was transferred but, now, future keys will help you to use that information and to gather more. The first key, combined with what you know, will allow you to control the Wraith and, if necessary, any humans. I was only activated after you retrieved the key and placed it in the lock. It is the only proof that you are Evander's heir and it was meant to disseminate what you have acquired slowly. That transfer of the history of this world was disrupted when the other came too close. He was going to harm you.
No he wasn't. I need to set his mind right again.
You have this power within you.
What do I do?
You know what to do.
Everyone always said that.
Sheppard reached his hand towards Ronon and placed it on the Satedan's wrist. The images began to play from the beginning again. Sheppard saw more this time. He saw Evander standing before a Wraith queen, who was kneeling; then there were the battles with the Ancients and the Kildarans fighting the Wraith, the Ancients leaving, and the ever present cullings. Sheppard searched Ronon's mind and tried to find the threads of memory that were mixed. He could not erase them completely, but he could organize them. No wonder Ronon had thought he was working with the Wraith--the images stopped with the last person in the village being fed upon.
He is whole, my lord.
Sheppard looked at Ronon, who was stirring. Sheppard took his hand away and focused on the program.
The Wraith I saw in the images…what happened to them?
They are gone but return periodically. There are too few humans left to be of any use to them.
Have they always come to this world?
Yes, but I fear that they came in earnest four months ago.
Why?
I was fully activated through transmission that you had arrived. This was done when you activated the Eye of Armentarii. The enemy must have intercepted the transmission.
Sheppard had been afraid of that. There was a pause and Sheppard felt the computer program scanning.Once again, he felt pain spike in his head that sent a wave of nausea through him, but it was a different sensation this time. There is a disturbance in the force, Anakin. Sheppard almost laughed at himself as the thought crossed his mind. He realized the program's scan had been alerted and the neural connection, which sent an alarm, was not a pleasant feeling.
My Lord. Sever the link with me. You must leave when the storm subsides.
They have returned?
I have scanned the Wraith hive with my long range sensors.
How long?
Eighteen of your hours.
Can I come back?
Yes my lord. Your genetic code has been authenticated. You will not need the stone, but no one else will be able to access this information.
Sheppard thought he would have to fix that. He wanted Rodney and the others to be able to come without him in the future.He broke the link and felt his second's hand on his shoulder. "You okay sir?" Sheppard nodded in the obligatory affirmative, but Lorne looked at him skeptically. Sheppard was going to say something when his headache spiked and he hunched over and grabbed his head. He felt Lorne's hand on his shoulder so he reached up and grabbed the arm to pull himself up. Lorne helped him back to the pallet.
"Wraith coming…18 hours," Sheppard managed to say.
Interfacing at this level was taking its toll on him although it was getting easier. He was thankful Evander had seen fit to give him only small doses of information. He was sure he would have gone mad or died if he had been given it all at once.
"Just lay still sir. We have everything covered. As soon as this storm lets up we can go home." Lorne wished that he could go now, but he knew that there was no way in hell he could fly home in this storm. Only Sheppard would have attempted it and conditions had worsened in the past half hour. Sheppard nodded and closed his eyes, but Lorne saw that his brow was furrowed in pain. They were all soaked, but not too worse for wear considering what they had been through in the past four hours. Lorne almost laughed at the absurdity. He needed a vacation.
Teyla was thankful the temple was well heated and that the elements were kept at bay. This had occurred, she knew, because of Sheppard. She saw McKay looking worriedly at their leader lying unmoving on the bed they had made for him earlier. She noticed Sheppard's hands were clenched on the blanket and his breathing was quick, but otherwise he was still. Ronon was by one of the exits looking out the door. She prayed for the weather to change but she knew that it was unlikely for some time. Lorne had ordered shifts and the majority of the marines had made beds of sorts with some of the bedding from downstairs. She noticed how they had spread out in a circular pattern around Sheppard. McKay, who was also in the center, was working with his laptop as usual. She gathered her belongings and some of the blankets and made a pallet close enough to Sheppard to monitor him but far away enough to give him space. "John?" She said quietly. She checked his vitals. His pulse was quick but strong and, although his breathing was rapid, he did not appear to be in distress.
"John?" Sheppard opened his eyes briefly and grimaced. The lights dimmed immediately in response to some unspoken demand of his. "I'm okay, Teyla. Just …just a monster headache." He did not tell her that he was fighting a darkness he had not had to fight before. "Everyone okay Teyla?"
She placed her hand on his forehead and he relaxed momentarily. "Yes John. Please tell me what is wrong."
"Just have to fight the darkness." He said nothing more. He was fighting to not lose himself. He wanted to kill Ronon. He knew that he could crush his friend's mind now if he wanted to--and he did want to--but a part of him was telling him that he should want to. He had experienced something like this before when the retrovirus had overtaken his system, but this was different. This had nothing to do with DNA and everything to do with mental ability--and he was exhausted. This was like the Wraith signatures in the Eye of Armentarii. There was something else, though, but he wasn't sure. It almost felt Ancient but with a twist. The headache had eased to migraine level and he focused on containing the spread of the poison in his mind. He could not let himself lose control again.
Teyla checked Sheppard's wrist again and was glad that it had stopped bleeding. She realized that he was shivering so she covered him and just watched him until her eyes became heavy and she slept.
oOoOoOoOo
Samsus felt Sheppard's mind briefly touch his and he was alarmed. What was this infiltration trying to poison his protégé? He tried to reach out to Sheppard and guide him, but he could not reach his king.
oOoOoOoOo
Feed on their minds, coward. Let their power be yours! They are unworthy of you and yet you let them live. Make them bow and you will have dominion over all--Human, Lantean and Wraith. They will worship you!
No! I do not want that power!
But you must have it. If you are to defeat the Wraith, you must have it. You will lose all that you care for if you do not do this.
Power is not darkness!
To defeat darkness, you must walk in darkness.
Bullshit!
Destroy the Satedan. He cannot be trusted.
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
Sheppard was tired and the fight was getting harder, especially since it was between he and himself, and he wondered if psychotic people were maybe just ancient descendants on some quest. He knew if he was back on Earth, he would be in a hospital if people knew what the hell was going on in his head.
"Teyla?" He tried to raise his head but it hurt too much. She was by his side quickly.
"Yes, John. What is it?"
"Teyla, have to get back. Need…Sam."
"John, the storm is passing. Major Lorne thinks we should be able to leave within an hour. Please hold on."
"Need to hurry, Teyla." He closed his eyes in concentration.
Teyla quickly went to Lorne. She spoke with quiet urgency. "He has requested to leave, Major. Something is happening. He said that he was fighting a darkness. I do not know what this means but he is getting weaker. We could be in danger. "
Lorne looked worriedly at his CO.
"Because if there is a darkness within him and he cannot control it, he could…" Teyla started.
Lorne locked eyes with her. "He could control us."
"Yes, or worse." She did not tell Lorne about what Sheppard had done when Ronon had them captive underground, but Lorne and the marines had seen Sheppard put Ronon to sleep.
Lorne looked at his watch. Four hours had passed. He looked out the door. Still raining and windy but definitely better. Lorne had his doubts about flying into the storm, but the gate was not that far and it could be even longer before the storm died out completely--which he would have preferred. But the Wraith were coming and he did not doubt his commander's knowledge of this. The man had a spooky spidey sense now when it came to interacting with Ancient technology.
Lorne turned and faced the team. There was no choice. "Let's pack up. We need to get back now. The storm has died down enough to get to the gate and we have men that need medical attention. Just take our gear. We can come back to clean up later."
McKay looked at him anxiously. "What's wrong Major? Is the colonel okay?"
"I don't know, doc. I think so, but to be safe we need to get back. Ronon, help me with the colonel." The Satedan looked uncertain but went to Sheppard's side.
"Come on, Sheppard. Need to get back," Ronon said quietly as he knelt next to Sheppard, one hand on his shoulder. He avoided looking at his friend's neck. Sheppard's eyes shot open and he looked wildly at Ronon. The Satedan hesitated but tried to help Sheppard sit up. Sheppard scooted away and got to his knees. He raised a hand and Ronon grimaced, placing his hands on his head.
"Strigo!" Teyla heard John say quietly but intensely. He was on his feet now, although shaky. His hand was still raised toward Ronon but he was looking at the others. The Satedan was still clutching his head as he looked both angrily and fearfully at Sheppard. She watched in horror as Sheppard made the Satedan get to his knees again then finally lay completely on the floor. She approached Sheppard cautiously.
"John, it is us. We are going to help you to get back to Atlantis like you wanted. Samsus will be able to help you." She moved slowly toward him. "Remember Samsus? You wish to see him, John."
After a moment Sheppard grimaced; then he lowered his hand. He looked at Ronon with pain etched on his face. "Stun me Ronon," he rasped. The Satedan looked at him but did not move. Sheppard looked at him, pleading. "Stun me. Hurry…please." Still laying on the floor, Ronon lifted his weapon, fired, and Sheppard crumpled to the ground. Lorne ran to him and helped Ronon carry him to the jumper. He didn't know what the hell was going on, but he knew that they needed to get back to Atlantis ASAP. It did not take long for them to load their gear and Lorne said a prayer then conveyed his hopes and expectations to the puddle jumper. Lorne bit his lip and ignored everything as he focused on getting to the gate. He did not even hear Teyla requesting medical assistance.
oOoOoOo
"What happened?" Weir demanded as the medical team wheeled Sheppard away. The lieutenant colonel was unconscious and a medical technician was already starting an IV.
Lorne followed her to her office, sat down, and began describing the events.
oOoOoOo
Teyla and Rodney watched as Carson examined Sheppard. Ronon, Fuentes and Pierce had been taken to another area for examination as well. She could hear from the monitors that Sheppard's heart was strong, and there were no alarms going off which was a good sign.
"What happened, Teyla?" Carson asked as he examined the arm wound.
"He asked Ronon to stun him just before we came to the gate. He seemed to be struggling with control of a 'darkness' as he called it. His head seemed to be hurting quite a bit."
Carson spoke to a nurse who nodded, left briefly, then returned and started attaching the EEG monitor to Sheppard.
"And the arm?" Carson prompted.
Teyla closed her eyes and the vision of Ronon driving the knife through Sheppard's arm flashed in her eyes. "Ronon stabbed a knife through it during their struggle."
"Does that also account for the bruising and cut on his cheek?"
"Yes," She said tightly.
Carson continued to examine Sheppard. "Bloody hell," she heard the doctor curse. He turned and looked at her sadly.
"And the bruising on his neck, too?" She nodded as her eyes became wet with tears. The sound of Sheppard gasping for breath was not something she would soon forget.
"Anything else, Teyla?" she heard Carson ask gently.
"Yes. He had two seizures. He retrieved a key and it was like the Eye of Armentarii but not so…intense. The seizures did not last long. He has not had one for several hours. The last one was when he was…when the knife was in his arm, staked to the table. I held it as still as possible.
McKay, who had been listening to Teyla's account of Sheppard's injuries, swallowed the lump in his throat. He said nothing, but looked at Teyla in support. That experience must have been horrible--watching one friend hurt another.
Carson came up to her and smiled. "He is fine Teyla. It does not look like there is any permanent damage to the arm thanks, I am sure, to you keeping it still; although I will have to perform some minor surgery so it can heal properly. His EEG looks normal so I am not sure what is going on. Go get some rest. It has been a trying day. He should be good for visitors by tomorrow morning." He put a hand on her shoulder and squeezed it gently. She knew she should check on Ronon but she was not ready to see him.
"Come on Teyla. Let's get changed and then I can buy you dinner."
She smiled at McKay. "Thank you Rodney. I accept. We should let Samsus know that John wanted to speak to him and that he is back."
They turned to leave and saw Samsus coming through the door. Of course he would know already.
"Teyla," the old man said quietly. "Please tell me what happened." She nodded.
"Join us.
oOoOoOoOo
Sheppard opened his eyes and looked around. He was home. Damn! That was supposed to be an easy mission. Life in Pegasus was never easy and never predictable--but couldn't he catch a break? He reminded himself that this was what life was going to be like from now on. It was weird that future pain did not bother him so much. He wasn't afraid of that. It bothered him more how close he came to completely losing himself to the darkness. He really wasn't sure what else to call it. It was there--contained again but confusing in that he knew that it wasn't the darkness that humans carry--like what he and Sophistides had talked about. This was pure vile hatred and an unadulterated desire for dominion over anything living. It wasn't animalistic and it wasn't instinctual in a survival sense, but more planned and calculated. Pain did not scare him, but losing control of his mind and what he could do with it, did. In that sense it was like the bug experience--slowly losing himself as he watched and maybe reaching a point where it did not scare him anymore. He was not sure why, but being knocked unconscious had helped him contain the darkness. He wished he had known that sooner as it would have spared him a headache.
"How are you doing there, lad?" Carson asked quietly.
The doc had a way of sneaking up on you. "I'm good Carson."
"Aye. I believe that."
Sheppard grinned. He was good physically anyway.
"Really. I mean, my arm hurts a little but, well, I guess you gave me something. Jaw and shoulder hurt too, but not bad. No more headaches--just sore. Yeah. I really do feel okay."
Carson nodded. "Fine. Physically, you are not too worse for wear, but the arm needs rest. No sparring for a while. You might find it hard to use a weapon unless you can shoot left."
"I can."
Carson smiled. "Yes, I figured. How are you doing about what happened?"
Sheppard looked him in the eye. "I need to talk to Sam. This key we found gave me the ability to control a Wraith mind…and others. It's scary, Carson."
Beckett looked thoughtfully at him. "That is troubling. I am sure Samsus can help you sort that out."
"Yeah I hope so." Sheppard said quietly. He hoped that was enough for Beckett but he should have known better.
"What about the rest of it son?"
Damn! Sheppard did not look at the doctor as he answered. "It wasn't his fault. It was an accident."
"That wasn't my question."
Sheppard sighed. "Carson, it was scarier than crap, but it wasn't Ronon and…I don't know how I feel."
Carson knew that was as honest an answer as he could ever have expected. Sheppard would file it away and deal with it in his own way.
The colonel turned and looked at him. "Is Ronon okay?"
"He's not talking."
"I controlled his mind…three times," Sheppard said sounding ashamed."
"Sgt Fuentes told me and we ran tests on him. He is fine." Carson touched him on the shoulder. "You saved him, from what I heard. Now get some rest, colonel. I know you are okay but it has only been a few months since your trials on Ilium. This has to take a toll. My guess is that this is just the beginning. "
Sheppard closed his eyes. "I know, doc. It will be a while before I can keep my promise about you not having to worry."
Beckett shook his head. He was worried about the abilities Sheppard had acquired. He had no idea if the effects could be cumulative or if Sheppard would be better able to handle them. The colonel would not admit that his experience with Ronon was anything that would trouble him, but both men would get through it. Teyla, however, worried him a little. She had witnessed everything and that could have in no way been easy.
oOoOoOoOo
Ronon, no! Please! Please don't hurt him! She watched John stop struggling and his breath leave him. Teyla woke up sweating. Thank the Ancestors it was just a dream. She knew that it would be morning soon so she got up and decided to head to the infirmary. Ronon still had not said anything although they had dinner together last night. She was not sure if he remembered anything, but it did not require much recollection on the Satedan's part to figure out what happened after seeing the bruising on John's face and neck--not to mention the stab wound to Sheppard's arm. She entered the infirmary and headed for a more private area that Carson had created not just for Sheppard--but it seemed that way. Sheppard was no longer on any monitors and he appeared to be resting peacefully. He was lying on his side with one arm cradling the other. She did not understand how someone so strong could look so vulnerable at times. She pulled the blanket further up on him and he stirred. She saw the bruises on his neck and she shuddered. She tried not to cry but could not hold back her tears. The images of him struggling and his willingness to give himself up disturbed her. She felt the tears rolling down her cheeks as she remembered the feeling of her forehead against his as he had a seizure. She heard a groan and saw him grimace as he rolled to his back. She kept still and thought he was still asleep when he did not open his eyes until she felt a hand on her arm.
"Teyla? What's wrong?"
She quickly wiped her tears with her free hand and smiled. "John. I am sorry to wake you."
"It's okay. Ready to get out of here." He opened his eyes and looked at her. "Why are you crying Teyla," he asked her evenly.
"I am fine. It was just a bit overwhelming. I guess I need you to get better so that we can spar."
He laughed quietly. "Seems that you wiping the mat with me makes you feel better."
She tried to smile but she couldn't. She heard him sigh.
Teyla, share it with me. What you saw.
She felt the warmness of his mind touch hers. "No John," she whispered, "I can't."
It's okay. I was there, too.
"No," she said quietly with a smile, "This is not your burden. I will be fine."
He would not press her although he wanted to take those memories from her. He would not intrude on her mind if she did not want to share.
"Is Ronon okay?"
"He blames himself."
"It wasn't his fault."
"I know. I told him this, but it is difficult for him, nonetheless."
"He hasn't come by."
"He will not. He has been avoiding everyone."
Sheppard looked at her. "I don't want this to get around Teyla."
"No, no. Of course not, John. Major Lorne already spoke to the marines. Rodney and I already understand this."
Sheppard sighed. Ronon likely did not remember what happened but he knew that the Satedan would hold himself responsible.
"Just give him time, John," Teyla said softly as she touched his hand.
Sheppard was not sure if Ronon would even forgive him for what he had done. Oddly, he had put at peace the voices--at least for now--but Sheppard was still unnerved by what he had done and by how it had felt, and he wasn't sure he could forgive himself. That was his problem. He could always forgive everyone one else but never himself.
Teyla, seemingly oblivious to his turmoil, said, "John. Get some rest. I am sure others will be in to talk to you. I will be by later this afternoon."
He smiled at her as she left then tried to get some sleep and find some peace from the memories. It was hard that his dreams revolved around Ronon hurting him and then him hurting Ronon.
Dreams sucked.
oOoOoOoOo
Ronon could not bring himself to go see Sheppard. He knew on a rational level that he did not hurt his friend of his own volition nor did Sheppard hurt him purposely. Sheppard probably wondered why he had not visited, but Ronon had seen the marks on Sheppard's neck and knew his hand had made them. That was enough to keep him away.
He stopped midway through his run. He supposed it should bother him the way Sheppard had stopped him with his mind and put him to sleep but, from Teyla's report, those actions had probably saved his life. In addition, even though he could not remember everything he had done to Sheppard, the flashes of it were enough to make him angry. He started running again. He knew he wasn't responsible, but the bottom line was he was ashamed to see the marks of his fingers on his friend's neck.
He ran as fast as he could to the balcony and stopped just short of the rail. He loved watching the gentle water. Usually it calmed him but he could still feel himself raging inside. He was angry at Sheppard for controlling him and for making him kneel not once but three times, but he was not sure he had a right to be angry since it was he who had placed his friend in that position to begin with. He did not want to see his friend because he was ashamed for what he had done to Sheppard but also because he was angry for the humiliation of what Sheppard had done to him. His mind roared in rage and he turned to run some more.
oOoOoOoOo
"Do you think he is an ancient?" the young anthropologist asked.
"What? Don't tell me that you are all gaga over him now."
Clara looked at her friend Robert. He was a typical nerdy scientist and also her friend; but all the women on Atlantis figured that all the men were jealous of Sheppard in some form or another--at least the non-military men. They knew that Sheppard could have any one of the women; and now he was an even bigger catch since he was royalty--at least here in Pegasus. Funny thing was that Sheppard kept his distance and was not in any relationship. That made him all the more desirable and made the other men especially jealous.
"I'm not "gaga" over him now, I was just asking from an anthropological point of view."
"I doubt he is an actual Ancient, but if you're curious why don't you research it?"
"Well, I can't really."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean that records of royal heritage are sealed on the Armentarian worlds."
"Hmmm," Robert said thoughtfully, "that is intriguing."
oOoOoOoOo
"Sam, I almost lost control. I mean I really almost lost it completely. I wanted to, or something inside me told me to destroy Ronon; and I know that when he had us underground, I threatened to destroy him if he would not untie me. If they hadn't stunned me…"
The old man sat with Sheppard in his quarters. Beckett had let the colonel out of the infirmary after two days only because Samsus agreed to stay with him and begin to help Sheppard with the darkness that had almost overtaken his mind.
"Is it the Wraith that you felt?" Sam asked.
Sheppard closed his eyes and thought a moment. "Yes, mostly. The hatred, the desire to feed--I felt all that stuff. But there was something else in there. It was like another voice behind the Wraith voice. It was like…something, or someone, telling me to…I don't know…to dominate them. The only part I really remember is the promise of "dominion over all--Human, Wraith, and Lantean."
Samsus stared at Sheppard. Surely that could not be true. Frankly, he was not sure what this meant, but it it left his mind unsettled.
"Do you feel it now?"
Sheppard shook his head. "No, not really. Just a whisper. Like a bad taste in my head."
Samsus smiled. Sheppard had a way of putting things succinctly but with such clarity. "Was it different than when…" Samsus hesitated in bringing up the memory to Sheppard…"than when you controlled the pirate's mind?"
If the thought bothered Sheppard, he did not give any indication. "No. I did not control his mind Sam…I just terrorized it," he said quietly.
Samsus said nothing more for a while and they settled into a comfortable silence. "You should rest now, sire."
"Sam, please go to your quarters. You should not sleep on that cot. Here, let me trade with you."
Samsus put a firm hold on Sheppard's shoulder. "I am fine, my lord. I will rest well knowing you are safe."
Sheppard did not fight him and simply nodded. He closed his mind to Samsus, then closed his eyes to sleep.
Thanks for your reviews of the previous chapter. I had my doubts a bit. I have to say actually thank you. The day I read the reviews had not been a great one and your encouragement truly uplifted my spirits that day. I know that is not what this is for, but sometimes doubt can spread to everything else including fun things like writing fanfic, so thanks!
More tension between the team in next chapter which is still on Atlantis then back to Ilium +3 we go after that for a bit.