Well it took a while, but I finally managed to wash all the grunge off my ever blackening mind and put together another Fair Verona chapter.
And in the process, nearly ripped my wrist apart. Like...ow.
Maybe I'm just a wimp, but I feel like wrists aren't designed to write 8000+ words in one night. Just ain't natural.
Anyways, thank you all for the reviews and such, I hope you're all enjoying these little one shots! This one was actually pretty fun to write, so I hope you all enjoy!
And as always, DC owns these people, their families, and their pets too.
So...who's up for a rescue mission, hm?
Double Date
Gotham City
"Alfred! Are you going to get the door!?" Bruce shouted as he thrust his copy of the Gotham Tribune down into his lap, his baritone voice echoing through the halls of Wayne Manor.
"If I recall sir, you're seated merely ten feet from the door at present." came Alfred's reserved reply. "Unless that recliner has managed to break your back, I believe you're in a better position to answer it than I."
Bruce scowled as a second chime rang out. "Isn't this part of your job description?"
"I worry you're getting fat, sir."
Bruce grunted as he crumpled his newspaper, rising from the comfort of his cushioned chair with an audible sigh. "Cheeky fossil…"
"What was that, Master Bruce?"
Cursing his guardian for his apparent super hearing, Bruce shouted his reply down the adjacent hall as he trotted past. "I said that I'm docking your pay for insubordination."
"Then I'll be sure to buy the cheapest bandages I can find sir. Lest I starve to death."
A smile crept onto Bruce's face as he approached the door, a third chime ringing in his ears. He grasped the polished handles and opened the door, mid-afternoon sunlight pouring through the crack.
"…Kent?"
"Hey Bruce!" Clark smiled, sunlight glistening off the rims of his glasses. Bruce's fought to keep his face neutral despite his complete and utter surprise.
"You're…here…at the manor…"
"Well you've solved the mystery, congratulations detective." Clark smirked in response. Bruce glanced at his watch before turning his gaze back towards the reporter in front of him.
"Did someone rip open the time-space continuum again? Because I could have sworn I said our reservations were for 6:30…"
Clark continued to beam. "Well Lois told me that she and Diana were going out on the town for a little bit beforehand, so I thought you and I could do the same."
"Sounds borderline carcinogenic…"
"That's not a 'no' though, is it?" the Man of Steel's smirk grew larger as he folded his arms over his chest. The light footfalls of Alfred echoed behind Bruce as the distinguished Englishman appeared just aft of his shoulder.
"Master Bruce, there's a Miss Macguire asking for you on line one…"
Bruce shuddered. "Tell her I'm out with a friend Alfred."
"Very good sir. Oh, good afternoon Master Kent!"
"Afternoon, Alfred." Clark's smile grew larger as Alfred retreated back into the manor. Bruce turned his gaze back towards Clark as his butler disappeared from sight.
"I guess I'm free after all…" he paused as he eyed Clark's toothy grin. "Why are you grinning like an idiot?"
"What, can't I be excited to hang out with my best friend?"
"This is me we're talking about…" deadpanned Bruce.
"Fair point," chuckled Clark as he readjusted his glasses, "honestly, I'm just happy to see how much good Diana's done for you. You're still an ass, but you haven't even tried to pull out the kryptonite yet. It's almost like you're trying to act human."
"I just don't want a dead reporter on my front lawn," retorted Bruce with a small smirk, "we can only burry so many bodies in the yard before people start asking questions."
"See! That was almost a joke!" Clark beamed as he raised his hands in mock celebration. A thought briefly flashed across his mind, causing both his face and arms to drop in concern. "That was a joke right?"
"What did you want us to do?" Bruce's arms crossed over his chest as his smirk remained.
"You didn't really answer the question…"
"Dinner's in five hours, do we really want to spend all of it on my front porch?"
"Right, gotcha." Clark rubbed his glasses on his sleeve as he pondered their choice of activities. "Well, there's bound to be something we can do in Gotham, right? Don't you have a private box at Meadowlands Place?"
"I do…"
"Then why don't we catch a bit of the Gotham Giants game and then meet the girls at the restaurant?"
"You mean after you go home and change, right?" Bruce asked, eyeing Clark's fading blue suit incredulously.
Clark's narrowed his gaze, feeling slightly offended at the jab. "Why? What's wrong with what I'm wearing?"
"The reservations are for Un Lieu de Fantaisie Clark, not McDonald's…"
"We're seriously having an argument about my clothes?" Clark sighed, his face morphing into a childish pout.
"Yes we are. If you're going to eat high class, you're going to look high class."
Clark shook his head in bewilderment. "See, this right here is why Joe's like me hate rich people…"
"Trust me boy-scout, I'm saving you a lot of future pain. If you think I'm vicious…"
"Do we really have time for this?"
"Stop whining. And yes, we do. There's a store in downtown that owes me a favour or two…"
Clark tried to drag his heels defiantly as he protested. "Lois and Diana will be waiting for us…"
A large smile broke out on Bruce's face as he unfolded his arms, his hand deftly resting on Clark's shoulder. "I'll let them know to meet us here at 6:00. Kent, you and I both know that the girl's know how to keep themselves busy in the meantime…"
…
…
…
Metropolis
"I don't get the allure of baseball…" stated Wonder Woman as a splintering baseball bat soured harmlessly over her head. A loud grunt escaped from the lips of the would-be attacker as her powerful fist dug into his gut.
"I've always been more of a hockey-girl myself." replied Lois as she scribbled furiously into her note-pad, her arms leaning against the railing of the elevated fire escape she was perched on. "It's like boxing on ice…guy with a crowbar coming from your left."
Diana caught the weapon mid swing and yanked it out of the gruff man's hand, her foot crashing hard into his temple with a sweeping kick. She flung the captured crowbar at the head of another charging attacker, the sound of metal meeting skull echoing through the alleyway.
"Thanks. You getting everything you need from up there?"
"Yep, though if you keep this up I could probably give the police these guys blood type too. I'm counting fifteen guys down so far…"
"Slow afternoon…" Wonder Woman deadpanned as she hurled an unconscious biker head-first into another one. Both men collapsed into a pile of leather and bruises.
"Which one of your gods blessed you with overflowing confidence?" Lois joked. A stone crashed into the wall just above her head, causing her to duck as tiny fragments of rock and brick rained onto her. She scowled at the chain-covered man below her.
"Trust me bozo, you're a lot safer with me up here!"
Before the man could respond, he suddenly found himself face to face with a smirking Amazon, her raven hair flowing in the gentle breeze. He stumbled backwards in shock.
"Granted, you're not very safe down here either. Do you want to knock yourself out, or should I?"
Stuttering in terror, the man stood paralyzed as his eyes remained frozen on Wonder Woman. Merely a second later, he smashed his face hard into his own baseball bat, tumbling to the ground in an unconscious heap. Diana's smirk grew.
"Probably the best decision you've made all day…"
Lois slid down the fire escape, landing roughly on the ground with a grunt. She walked next to Wonder Woman, the Amazon's hand poised on her hip. "Good thing he was wearing yellow pants…"
Diana's gaze drifted over the patchwork of bruises towards a rusted steel door, its lock surrounded by scorch marks. Her brow furrowed as she approached it. "Any idea what this building is?" she asked Lois.
"I think it's a gun store…" she replied, leaning next to an unconscious thug. Wonder Woman turned quickly to face her, a look of confusion spreading over her face.
"Metropolis has gun stores?" she asked skeptically.
"Yep. I think we might actually have almost as many as Gotham…"
"You're kidding…" Diana folded her arms over her chest as she drifted towards Lois.
"Nope, dead serious."
"The cleanest city on the East Coast…"
"Has a huge gun fetish, yep."
Diana shook her head as she let out a disgruntled sigh. "That might be the stupidest thing I've ever heard."
"I know, it's like they've never heard of the speeding bullet line or something…" Lois responded as she continued to scribble into her notepad. She ripped off a dull yellow page and tucked it into the unconscious biker's hand before rising to her full height, her pen still dangling from her hand. Her gaze poured over the litter of bodies as her brow furrowed.
"I have a gut feeling that this isn't just a simple break-in…"
"You might be on to something…" Diana stated as she bent down towards one of the thugs. She pulled back the crest of his shirt, revealing a small skull and bones tattoo etched into his collarbone. "All these men have the same tattoo in the same location…it looks like a gang marking…"
"It is." replied Lois. "The Jolly Rogers, small time gang that ran a protection racket a few months ago. Led by a guy named The Teach, or at least they were until a tip-off from a certain intrepid reporter helped Turpin and his men corner him in his own bar one night."
"Can't imagine who that heroic reporter must be…" Diana jeered as she rolled the biker on his side.
"Well I'm too modest to brag but…"
"I'm guessing they fractured after this Teach guy was put away?" she interrupted, rising again next to Lois.
"Sort of, at least they haven't been active in almost half a year. Most of the young one's were just looking for a thrill ride; they took off for their parent's basement again as soon as Teach was convicted. But the older guys and the kids who used the gang to support their families stuck around."
"You should have hung his head in front of their bar then." Wonder Woman smirked sarcastically. Lois chuckled as she shook her head.
"You've got one dark sense of humour Amazon…"
"So they say." She glanced back at the scorched door. "Looks like someone wants a reunion complete with a store-full of stolen guns."
"These guys are pretty minor league, and Metropolis doesn't exactly have an organized crime problem."
"All the more reason to lay low and work through proxies, right?"
Lois smiled as she quirked her head. "Sounds about right to me. You're starting to sound like a detective there Diana."
"I picked up a few things." Wonder Woman returned Lois's beaming smile with her own. She mulled over their collected evidence in her head. "Looks like you and I have a mystery backer on our hands."
"Then we'll need to start phase two of the investigation." Lois answered gleefully as she roughly stepped on the stomach of a now-conscious, and violently squirming, Jolly Roger gang member. The heel of her shoe dug into his gut as Wonder Woman walked next to her, eyeing the man with a predatory glare as she unraveled her lasso.
"I think you might be right, Lois. Time for a little interrogation, Amazon-style…"
…
…
…
"This place owes you a favour?"
"Or two." Bruce leered as he led the Man of Steel into the store. Clark suspiciously glanced around the extravagant lobby.
The walls were adorned with portraits of various dignitaries, socialites, and otherwise famous individuals wearing glamorous gowns and suits. Newspaper clippings raved about the quality of each article of clothing, and awards lined the rows of display cases surrounding them, their wood polished to a fine shine. Sunlight streaked through painted windows onto the sample dresses and tuxedos perched proudly in their glass cases, the blinding hue painting the lobby like a vast cathedral and giving the clothing an almost angelic glow.
A very, VERY expensive, angelic glow…Clark grumbled to himself as he stared at Bruce's floppy grin. It wasn't the kind of smirk he used to use for the dopey playboy routine, the kind that Diana had so graciously rendered obsolete.
No, this was the grin Bruce only got when he mercilessly tortured Clark.
"Ah Bruce darling, so glad you're here!" a shrill sound emanated from around a corner as a short, black haired woman emerged into view. A pair of large, round glasses sat precariously on her stubby nose, the frame bouncing up and down with every exaggerated step. Clark swore she looked like an alien…
"Edna! Thank you so much for seeing us at the last minute." Bruce beamed, a highly restrained playboy image calmly surfacing. "I figured I'd take you up on your fashion emergency offer."
"Oh no trouble, no trouble at all darling. I'm here to serve." The short woman stopped in front of Clark, her eye's gauging him. "This must be the accessory."
"Excuse me?" Clark asked, his face contorting in shock. Bruce stepped next to them.
"E, this is Clark. Clark, Edna's the best fashion designer in the country. Probably the world even."
"Probably?" Edna's hand's rose to her chest in mock insult. "There's no need to be modest darling, everyone else might as well have tree stumps for hands compared to me." She turned her gaze back to Clark, eyeing him inquisitively.
"Hmm, strong jaw, good build, nice eyes if you took those behemoths off your face…you could be a male model if you didn't have the swagger of a doofus…"
"Uhm…thanks?" Clark rubbed the nape of his neck awkwardly as he turned to Bruce. "Look, Bruce, I'm pretty sure that this suit is fine for tonight…"
"It's a hobo suit darling, you can't be seen in this! I won't allow it!" Edna interrupted, throwing her hands into the air in disgust. "We'll need to start from scratch. Come, come, follow me. We'll start with measurements. If there's really a God out there I might almost make you presentable."
She bounded down the polished hall on stilted legs while Clark stood next to Bruce, bewildered and moderately offended. They followed after her as Clark turned to the man beside him.
"I'm starting to see why you like this place so much…"
"Why's that?" he asked as they rounded a corner, a large fitting room spread out before them.
"Come on Bruce, it's like a tag-team of insults here."
"Maybe you're just a lightning rod for this sort of then, huh doofus?"
"Stop enjoying this." Clark protested as he stood in the middle of a set of mirrors. Edna forcefully ripped the blue suit from his relaxed arms as she heaved it into a large garbage pail.
"Uhm, I might need that back…"
"Hush darling, this is Edna's domain." With blinding speed she zipped across Clark's bulky form, her measuring tap flying over his limbs. Standing next to the still perplexed Man of Steel, she craned her neck towards Bruce.
"Alright darling, what kind of suit do you think we need?"
Clark's hand rose as he diverted the group's attention to him. "Well, if Bruce insists on this being as fancy of a dinner as possible, why don't we get something like a tailcoat?"
"No tailcoats."
Clark's brow furrowed. "Isn't that my decision?"
Edna eyed him threateningly. "Do you remember Craig T. Nelson? Tall, powerful voice…nice man, good with kids."
"I…"
"November 15th, all was well, another successful charity auction…until his coat dragged over the flames of the banana foster!"
Clark attempted to protest. "Craig was not exactly the smartest…"
"Brad Bird!" Edna loudly interrupted, "April 23rd, his coat tails were caught in his hotel door, ripping the entire back end of his suit clean off!"
"You can't generalize something like that from just…"
"John Walker, express elevator! Jason Lee, carried an entire roll of toilet paper into the Oscars! Stan Lee, pulled off by rabid Marvel fan! No tailcoats!" Clark could hear a low chuckle from Bruce as Edna's rant ceased, her small form huffing in exhaustion next to his leg. His mouth hung agape, unsure of what to say next, when Bruce's deep voice pierced the silence.
"Just do whatever you can to bring out his manly features, Edna."
Her eyes glanced over his form once again. "Hmmm, we'll need far bigger shoes to do that…"
"This is what hell is like…" Clark deadpanned. "Somehow I died, and I'm being punished…"
Bruce's laugh grew in volume as he walked next to the bewildered Clark Kent. "Take it easy Kent, we're just messing with you."
"I used to be twice as hard on him darling." Edna stated, her eyes still trained on the large notepad she held in her hands. "I've known him for over 20 years, he's like the rich, spoiled neighbor boy I never had. Needed to tease him, of course, he deserved it with that silly little attitude he tried to pass off as authentic. I only let up because of his wonderful girlfriend. Diana Prince, she's an absolute godsend darling, an absolute godsend."
"Hmm, no arguments there." Clark grunted as he stepped off the stool, "I don't think I've ever seen Bruce joke this much before."
"Oh it's far more than that darling, far more than that." Edna threw the notepad down as she turned to face the two men. "I've dealt with socialites for my entire career, so I know when someone's putting up a false face. I could see through Bruce here like he was prancing around naked. So unhappy, so bitter, so full of anguish and fear. But then, the moment he told me about Diana, my god darling I could see the mask peel right off. I've never felt like I fully thanked her for making Bruce human, and I don't think I ever will."
"It's one reason why I insisted on you getting a new suit for Lois. I know she's done as much for you as Diana has for me." Bruce stated warmly, his hand finding Clark's shoulder again.
"Aw, you getting all sentimental on me?"
Bruce's vicious smirk returned. "Not fully. I also wanted to see you squirm."
"I'm not doing that bad."
"Just wait until you see the bill."
Clark swallowed hard as Edna appeared behind them. "Yes yes, it's very heartwarming darling, but I have work to do. Now shoo, your new suit will be ready in a few hours."
Both men smiled as they left the room, turning into the blinding sunlight as they headed for the lobby's waiting area.
"What do you think they're up to right now?" Clark asked, keeping pace with the clicking shoes of Bruce.
"Don't know boy-scout. But whatever it is, I'm sure they're having almost as much fun as us."
…
…
…
"We want names, crap-for-brains!" shouted Lois, her finger pointing threateningly at the captured biker in front of them. He huddled in the corner, shivering violently as the cooling Metropolis air rushed past his naked form.
"W-why aren't you using your lasso?" he stuttered, his teeth chattering both from the cold and the utter fear sitting heavily in his gut. The smirk Diana gave him did little to alleviate the terror pulsing through him.
"Because we're willing to let you show us that, deep down, you're actually a good person who's going to give up the name of your boss without coercion." She stated flatly, though her grin remained on her face. "We're just a couple of softies willing to save your soul."
"I-I honestly don't know anything…I-I I'm just a low level guy! I swear!"
Both Diana and Lois tisked as they eyed the man disapprovingly, their arms crossed over their chest like two disciplinarians. Lois leaned forward slightly towards the cowling biker.
"Well I hope you're not self-conscious of your appearance then, because it'll be a long flight to the police station."
"And I'll have to make sure I fly extra low too." Wonder Woman leered. "I'd hate to have you slip out of my hands and end up as street pizza right in the middle of rush hour…"
"Maybe you're one call should be to your mother." Lois suggested. "Just in case a TV camera or cellphone tapes you in all your exposed glory."
"Th-this ain't legal!" the biker protested, still desperately trying to cover his indecent spots in the shadows of the alleyway. "I-I got rights, you know!"
"We're not holding you against your will." Countered Wonder Woman. "You could leave any time you want. I'm sure you'll only get charged with indecent exposure…at first."
Lois stepped forward slightly, her heels clicking on the rough gravel spread over the pavement. "We could use the Lasso of Truth too, since we've gone to all this trouble just to get you here. But Wonder Woman tells me that it hurts. Like. A. Bitch."
The convict's eyes darted nervously around him as he weighed his options, his mind racing to find some out that protect his boss and his dignity. The two women in front of him continued to eye him with icy glares and suffocating confidence, leaving the shivering man to further ball up as his otherwise pleasant day came crashing in around him. In a flash, he made his decision, bounding upwards in a plea for mercy.
"Alright I'll tell ya I'll tell ya! Just no lasso's an' no naked flights, alright? I'm doin' this of my own free will!"
"Noted." Wonder Woman stated in a neutral tone. "Start talking."
"I'm protected though, right? Y-you won't go around tellin' people that I'm snitch or nothing?"
"Only if you stop stalling." Lois scowled as she stepped next to him, her piercing glare burrowing into his eyes. The biker gulped audibly as he stepped further into the afternoon light.
"We work for this old guy from Gotham. S-says he's gonna start up in Metropolis and start up an underworld empire. Guy needed some muscle, s-so he hired us. W-we just need some guns and stuff…"
"A name would be nice…" Wonder Woman pressed harshly as she palmed her lasso. The biker's eyes widened.
"S-sal Valestra! The guy's name is Salvatore Valestra!"
"Valestra?" Lois rubbed her chin as her mind churned. She turned towards Wonder Woman. "You ever heard of this guy before?"
"A few times. Apparently he was a powerful mob boss back before the Gotham underworld got turned inside out. Though…I thought he was killed by the Joker more than a decade ago…"
"Guess not. Unless we're dealing with a ghost…"
"He'd be a pretty stupid ghost if I tried to break into a gun store." Diana snorted. He caught the awkward glare of Lois as her smile slowly vanished. "You know…because ghosts can just walk through walls."
"Yeah, no I got it."
"Not funny?"
"Don't quit your day-job Amazon…" Lois scoffed, a slight smirk forming as Diana awkwardly kicked at the ground. The still shivering biker inched forward timidly.
"C-can I go now?"
Wonder Woman's arm shot out in front of his, pushing him back into the shadow's lightly as she stepped forward, her face all business again. "Not yet. We need a location, then you can go crying back home to mommy."
"W-who says I got a mommy?" he stammered, rubbing his bare arms furiously.
"Really? It was the dad I was skeptical about…"
"Hah! See, that was a good one Di!" Lois chuckled, earning a proud smile from the Amazon warrior. The biker shook his head, wanting desperately to be anywhere but the cold, dark alleyway he was currently.
"Alright alright, I'll tell ya, j-just promise to let me go, please?"
"He did say please…" Diana shrugged her shoulders as both she and Lois approached the man.
"Sal's somewhere at the dock's. I don't know where but…it's somewhere in the old, rundown part. Where we get our shipping from Bludhaven and stuff."
Diana and Lois glanced at each other approvingly as their arms fell to their sides. Simultaneously, large smirks appeared on their faces in a way that made the biker start shaking all over again. He stammered out of the shadows again.
"C-can I go?"
"Of course," Diana said warmly, "you've been extraordinarily helpful."
"D-do I get my clothes back?"
Lois chuckled. "What do we look like, savages? You're clothes are around the corner, safe and sound with that lovely police officer sitting in her cruiser."
The biker's mouth hung agape as his haze darted back and forth between Lois and Diana, a look of confusion and hurt pulsing from his eyes. He swore under his breath as Diana sauntered on her hips.
"Well if you don't want them, I'm sure that garbage lid will…"
The man took off before she could finish her sentence, his naked body bounding down the alley into the piercing light of the Metropolis streets. Shrill screams followed a cacophony of laughter as he bounded down the sidewalk out of sight, followed closely by the piercing shriek of a police siren. Diana and Lois gleamed at each other as Lois pulled out her notepad.
"I am so getting that Pultizer…"
"Ready to catch us an ancient mob-boss?" Diana asked.
"You're goddamn right I am!" Lois exclaimed as she pointed to her sleek, blue car. "I'll drive; that way we can fly under the radar…"
Diana groaned as she palmed her forehead. "Merciful Minerva, I thought my jokes were bad…"
…
…
…
"Getting tired of people telling you happy they are for you?" Clark asked, sipping at the steaming cup of coffee balanced in his hand. Bruce smiled in response as he placed his own cup into the build-in holder on the chair, his eyes dancing over the completely empty and silent glowing lobby.
Alone, they could discuss their private lives far more confidently than at a restaurant or café; in the isolated silence of the closed store, they could be themselves with little worry. And for the first time in nearly three decades, Bruce was more than willing to do that.
"I did, for a while anyway. But that was when I was still trying to come to terms with being happy. It's…it's a weird feeling to have when you've been living under a self-imposed darkness for most of your life."
"I'm just thrilled to see the human Bruce Wayne more frequently. Even if you're still a manipulative bastard."
Bruce chuckled as Clark brought his steaming cup to his lips again. "All the combat training I get with her sure helps too. In…more ways than one…"
Clark's eyes widened as he eyed Bruce, his glasses steaming up from the suspended liquid at his lips. "Uh…what do you mean?"
Bruce's booming laugh echoed through the lobby, startling the Man of Steel slightly. "God you're so innocent Kent, you know that?" Another laugh escaped his throat as Clark stared unendingly.
I don't think I like it when he laughs…he murmured to himself. It's going to give me nightmares for the rest of my life…
"You know what really surprises me though? What I never expected to do?" Bruce asked, shifting in his seat slightly in order to face the Man of Steel next to him.
"I bet it had nothing to do with not scaring the beejebers out of your friends…"
"Did you just use the word beejebers and not end up choking on your own five year old tongue?"
Clark shuffled awkwardly. "…I thought that was in my head…"
"Anyways…" Bruce rolled his eyes as he lay back in his highly cushioned chair. "I always thought that, if I ever really settled down with someone, that I'd do everything to ensure they had a normal, private life. No Bruce Wayne nonsense, none of that…other baggage to worry about, I'd just…ferry them off to an uncharted island and make sure they were untouchable. It was the only way I'd be sure they'd be safe."
"I'm shocked that you could never hold down a date, Bruce." Clark teased, another smile creeping onto his face as he earned a wrathful glare from the man next to him.
"I'll lace you're meal with kryptonite Kent, I swear to god I will…"
"Of course you will…"
"Anyways…yeah, that's one of the many reasons why I was more than prepared to be alone for the rest of my life. But then Diana came along…and my god, if I'm not the proudest boyfriend in the entire world."
"Huh, that's actually a little adorable." Beamed Clark. He was sure that the smile plastered on his face would be permanent from here on out, his entire kryptonian form warmed at the prospect of Bruce shedding his dark layers and being the kind, gentle person Diana always bragged about…
"Say anything to anyone else and I'll detonate a kryptonite grenade in your colon…"
Well so much for that warm and fuzzy moment…
"No, with Diana…there's nothing I'd rather do than show her off to the world. Not for me, not for my reputation. No, nothing like that. I mean that I think she deserves all the admiration and praise in the world for what she does, and I won't rest until everyone knows just how amazing of a woman she is."
"If she can turn a curmudgeon like you into a lovestruck puppy, I'm sure everyone is well aware of how incredible she is. Clark chuckled, taking another sip of his coffee.
"It's not just that Clark, I mean…look at what she does. She's an Amazonian warrior who's fought to defend a world that's held her and her kind down for centuries without a second thought, even when it brings down the wrath of gods. She's an emblem of peace that travels the world, righting wrongs and empowering the weak. She's an incorruptible role model who…"
"Looks great in a swimsuit."
"If I could punch you without shattering my hand in ninety different places, I would." Bruce scowled, resulting in another hearty chuckle from Clark. The Man of Steel smiled warmly back at him.
"Does she have this much fun pushing your buttons?"
"Heh, yeah…all the time…" he responded with a smirk of his own, his head leaning gently on his fist. "That's the other thing about her; she's the strongest, most dedicated, and most driven person I know. Probably the only one in the entire world who can stand toe-to-toe with the both of us without so much as breaking a sweat."
"Physically or mentally?"
"For me, mentally. She'd have tenure at an Ivy League university in months. For you, physically."
"N'ah." Clark protested, allowing his juvenile side to playfully emerge again. "I think I could take her."
"Nope. No way in hell Clark."
Clark bent over, an offended look adorning his face. "What makes you so sure?"
Bruce's grin grew wider and wider as he stared Superman down, drawing closer to his face. "Easy. She's been training with me. And I could kick. Your. Ass. Hard."
"Two word's detective. Upper. Atmosphere. You'd have passed out before I'd even let you reach into that plot-device of a belt you have."
Both men laughed as they sank back into their chairs, their faces beaming almost as brightly as the light streaking into the ornate lobby. Clark lightly patted Bruce on his shoulder.
"It really is great to see how happy Diana's made you."
"I could say the same about Lois, Clark. I guess I'm just finally willing to admit it."
"Yeeeeeaah, Lois is pretty great too. Strong. Smart. Drop-dead gorgeous. I don't think anyone else could keep me grounded or remind me why I fight. She's the strongest person I know…"
"She's my contingency plan for you."
Clark sat up slightly as he gazed over at Bruce, confusion again returning to his face. "What?"
"For if you ever went rogue. I'd just sick Lois on you. You'd curl up in a ball and have the entire mess cleaned up before she could even finish chewing you out."
Clark doubled over as laughed pour out of his throat, a chuckling Bruce lightly patting him on the back. When he finally composed himself, Clark playfully punched his friend in the shoulder.
"I guess we both have someone pretty great who can bring out the best of us."
"Yeah, that we do…that we do…" Bruce sighed as he stretched his arms behind him. "Of course, it just shows how much better I am…"
"Oh give me a break!" laughed Clark, smacking the man upside his head. Bruce swung back, his hand pushing Clark's glasses further down his nose as his smirk grew in size…
Until both men sheepishly stared at the annoyed form of Edna, Clark's suit draped lazily over her arms.
"If you two children are doing making out, your suit is complete."
Bruce glanced at his watch. "Not bad, we still have about an hour to spare."
"Of course you do darling, I'm a goddess after all." Edna waved her hand dismissively as Clark took the suit from her grasp. Timidly, he reached for the price-tag, bracing himself for the expected shot to his gut…
Clearly, he didn't brace himself enough.
He chocked loudly as he stared in horror at the price tag, millions of different swear words, both human and kryptonian in origin, swirled through his mind. Edna only glared at him impassively.
"Art does not come cheap, darling."
"I didn't realize I bought the Taj Mahal…"
Bruce slapped Clark on his back as he stared approvingly at Edna. "Just remember Clark, it's for Lois."
"I'm dead…" he shook his head dejectedly, still eyeing the never ending string of zeroes, "she's going to kill me, then clone me, and kill all my clones…"
"This sounds like a lovely woman." Deadpanned Edna as she stepped up to the register. Clark shuffled towards it, his eyes still glossing over.
"The Kryptonian race is about to go extinct…"
…
…
…
It was a brilliant plan, Lois thought to herself.
Everything they had managed to learn about Salvatore Valestra pointed to him being old, decrepit, and more than likely desperate for any thug he could get his hands on. So, the best thing to do would be to shock them, right from the onset, and hope that they'd realize how futile a fight it would be for them. They'd lay down their arms, she'd take down every heroic action her and Wonder Woman, and they'd both thank each other at the award ceremonies.
Not that they wanted awards or anything. A civil deed was nothing if not a soul cleansing experience.
And besides, hanging out with Wonder Woman was a hell of a lot of fun. She'd have to do it more often.
With that warming though, Lois burst into the warehouse, her hands defiantly placed at her hips as she stared down the bewildered Jolly Roger thugs.
"Alright slime-balls, we'll give you one chance and one chance only to throw down your weapons peacefully. After that…well I don't think we can guarantee your safety."
The thugs exchanged confused looks with each other, before the one closest to her broke the awkward silence.
"Uh…whadd'ya mean we?"
Lois's brow furrowed. "We…as in myself and…" she glanced over her shoulder, only to see an empty space where Wonder Woman was supposed to be standing.
Oh that lousy, good for nothing….
She turned back towards the rows of thugs as they began to chuckle and whistle, their sweaty bodies moving closer to her with a sickening swagger.
"Well well well, looks like you're a couple prayers short, sweat heart." One of them cooed, flicking a blade towards his face.
"As much as I'd hate to scratch up a fine piece of ass like yours, you've caught us at a bit of a bad time." Another approached with a swinging chain, a repugnant grin plastered on his tattooed face. Lois readied her fists in front of her.
"Ready to die girly?"
"Maybe." Lois responded indomitably. "But I'm taking at least four of you clowns with me…"
Suddenly, the roof caved in as streaks of red, blue and gold plummeted from the sky. Hunks of concrete and metal smashed into the heads of the staggered thugs while Wonder Woman landed hard onto the back of an unfortunate biker standing right under her.
"Damn hero entrances!" shouted Lois as she launched a powerful jab into the back of a distracted man's head.
"Come on Lois, you didn't think I'd actually abandon you?"
"Could've given me some warning Di, that's all I'm saying." Lois flung an elbow into the gut of a hunched over biker, eyeing the rest of them as they condensed around Wonder Woman. Diana's smirk was visible even across the room.
"Dramatic entrances are rule number one of being a super hero." She teased as her powerful roundhouse kick took out three thugs at once. "I've got these guys; you keep an eye of for Valestra."
Lois nodded, wincing as a powerful strike from Wonder Woman launched a hapless thug hard into three of his allies. She caught the visage of an upstairs office out of the corner of her eye, the most likely place for a mob boss like Valestra to be hiding. She bounded over towards a brightly marked ladder, deftly avoiding the flying body of an unconscious goon as he soared into a near-by wall.
Wonder Woman gave one last passing glance towards Lois as she ascended the ladder, immediately diverting her attention back to the hoard of Jolly Roger gang members charging at her. She smirked at their simplistic tactics, going straight for a mad rush instead of luring her into traps with their superior numbers. She grasped a hold of a large crate and heaved it at the approaching columns of thugs. Those lucky enough to avoid the tumbling mass were showered with splinters as it exploded on the hard warehouse floor. Those unfortunate enough to be caught in its path were knocked out cold by its massive weight.
Shocked, confused, and more than a little scared, the remain thugs were oblivious to the flash of red, gold and blue as it plowed into their ranks, her crimson boots striking the legs of two men stumbling away from the mighty Amazon. Her elbow caught the nose of a third attacker behind her while her hand seized the man's wrist, hurtling him over her head and into the torso of another gang member in front of her. A vicious haymaker sent another thug flying in an unconscious heap of bruises and broken bones, scattering any near-by thugs. Wonder Woman smirked with a predatory glare as the Jolly Rogers still standing quivered, frozen in place. She whipped out her lasso as she continued to stare them down.
"I think surrendering would be a smart decision…" she said.
Lois meanwhile had managed to sprint across the upper floor of the warehouse, sneaking occasional peaks over the railing at the battle below. She eyed the tinted windows of the office as she sped closer, the clacking of her heels drowning out the sound of her laboured breathing.
Alright…..maybe…I'm not in…as good of shape…..as I thought…damn immortal Amazons…..
She stopped dead in her tracks as a panicked Sal Valestra stumbled out of the office, his greying hair a flustered mess over his drenched forehead. He didn't look nearly as old as she figured, for someone who had spent so much time underground anyways, but she could tell that his golden years had long since passed.
He was still about as dangerous as an old geezer could get though…
"Hold it Sal!" Lois commanded, pointing her finger threateningly towards him. "Whatever this overly complicated and convoluted scheme you've cooked up is, it ends here!"
Sal's gaze shot towards Lois as he turned abruptly on his heel. He eyed her for a brief second as if he was seizing her up.
"You? You're going to stop me?" he wheezed, caught between a stifled laugh and a chest wracking coughing fit.
"Fraid so…"
Sal whipped out a gun from underneath his jacket and pointed it at the unflinching Lois, the pained wheezing noise escaping from his nose increasing in volume.
"Right, you and what army lady?"
A golden whip lashed itself around the barrel of his gun, his old frame jumping in surprise as it enveloped his gun. He cried in pain as his wrist was wretched to the side, his gun roughly pulled from his grasp up into the air. Staggered, his eyes darted to the floating figure next to him.
"She doesn't need an army. She's got me."
"Oh, real nuanced Di…"
"You…I know you!" Sal stumbled backwards as he stared at the Amazon before him. "What the hell are you doing here?"
Diana shrugged innocently. "Just hanging out with a friend. Having a good time and all that."
"Gotta say, beating the snot out of your boys-club over here sure beats my usual Friday." Lois added, approaching the now disarmed mob boss with a jeering smile.
"You both don't scare me…" Sal stood his ground, facing down both the approaching women. "I've faced things that neither of you could even comprehend."
"Batman's not that hard to figure out…" interjected Diana, ignoring Valestra's widening eyes. "I mean, once you get passed the attitude and everything…"
"Besides," added Lois, "we're not here to scare anybody."
"Exactly. You're small fry Sal, you're time in the sun is looooong over. All those desperate people down there that you weaseled together, playing off their despair, their loneliness…we don't need to scare them, we just need to show them that there's another, better option waiting for them."
"Which may or may not include avoiding having their teeth kicked through the back of their skull." Lois added for emphasis.
"Point is, they're gone. You're back to nothing, Sal. Back to being an old, sad skeleton of a man who couldn't muster up an Empire if he inherited it from his parent's deathbed."
"Why don't you just punch me in the gut and save me the antiquated 'you suck' speech?" Sal spat, clenching his fists in rage. Diana only laughed in response.
"I can't punch you; I'd rip right through your skull!"
"I on the other hand…" Lois sprinted towards Sal, his sickly skin paling as she drew nearer; he backed hard into a corner, desperate crawling away from the charging woman in front of him…
Only to feel a warm set of fingers pinch him on the nape of his neck. Without even a whimper, he collapsed into Diana's arms, completely unconscious.
"Something else I picked up." She smirked.
Lois surveyed the scene around them, nodding her head in approval. "Not bad Di, not bad at all. You and I make a pretty badass team…"
"What's the saying, 'damn right'?"
"Yep," chuckled Lois, pounding her fist into Diana's. "I'd say you got it."
Suddenly a shrill beeping echoed from Lois's watch, both of their eyes widening as they darting towards her wrist.
"Shit! We're late!"
Diana glanced at the metal ceiling, the waning orange light of the setting sun seeping through its new, gaping hole. She thrust her arms out towards Lois.
"Grab on, I can fly us there in under twenty minutes."
Lois eyed her incredulously. "Grab onto what, Di? You're wearing a swimsuit…"
"I have arms, you know…"
"Yeah, uncovered arms. If they get sweaty or something…"
"Amazon's don't sweat."
Lois sighed, kicking off her heels as she grabbed onto Diana's outstretched arms.
"Fine, but if I fall, I'm going to haunt you for the rest of your immortal life…"
…
…
…
Both Clark and Bruce paced the driveway of Wayne Manor nervously, much to the displeasure of Alfred. He had long since given up trying to warn them about wearing through the soles of their shoes; instead he retreated back into the Manor to fetch the two, board line neurotic gentlemen a drink.
He debated whether or not he should spike it with alcohol…if not for them, at least for his increasingly weary mind.
"They're late…" Bruce mumbled.
"They're never late…" Clark concurred.
"Do you think something happened to them?"
"Do you?"
"No, we would have heard something by now."
"Then what's taking them?"
"How should I know Clark!?"
"Because you're the detective Bruce!"
Their seething faces met in a deathly stand-off, the slight Gotham breeze billowing their finely pressed suit jackets behind them. Through that soft whine of wind, they heard a pair of voices off in the distance.
"I see them!"
"Yeah I know. I have eyes too Lois."
"Oh, so that time you almost flew me into a tree was on purpose then?"
"No, I was distracted!"
"By what, a big bird?"
"It was pretty!"
"Is that…?"
"Yep." Replied Clark with a smile, pointing towards the growing visage of the two women flying through the air. "That's definitely them…"
"I'm going to drop you off mid-flight so I can run in and get our dresses."
"What!?"
"It'll be faster that way!"
"You're going to drop me, from the air, in bare feet, onto that gravel road, and…"
"You'll be fine!"
"Says the immortal Amazon!"
"Just aim for Clark, he'll catch you!"
"Right because hitting a brick wall is sooooo much better!"
"Then aim for Bruce, I don't care!"
"What, and get infected with…..I don't know nihilism or something? Just drop me off, hey!"
Wonder Woman let go of Lois's hands as she tumbled hard to the ground. She staggered forward, her arms failing, as she bounded out of control towards the doors of Wayne Manor…
Just as Clark's gentle arms snaked around her waist, enveloping her in a momentum stopping hug. Lois smiled at Clark as she patted him on the cheek.
"Nice catch Smallville." Her gaze hardened as her eye's met Bruce's. "You're girlfriends on my list."
"Get infected…with nihilism?"
A smirking Lois Lane smothered Clark's lips with her own as she rose, her eyes drifting downward towards his clothing.
"Nice suit honey. Do I dare ask how much it cost?"
"Uhm…" Clark rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "Are you sure you don't want to wait until after dinner to hate me?"
"Uh huh. Well it's a good thing I'm going to win another Pulitzer Mr. Kent if we're going to throw around money like its confetti."
"Bruce made me do it…" Clark pouted, pointing towards the stoic billionaire.
"Don't blame your friends, Clark. Now help me get ready, I want to hear all about your significantly less-exciting-than-mine day."
"Wouldn't miss it honey." He winked at Bruce as he and Lois disappeared into the halls of the Manor, the voice of Alfred singing out praise at Lois's arrival. A slight gust of wind behind him, forced Bruce to turn around…
Where he met the sparkling eyes of Diana, dressed in the exquisite dress they had bought together just last week. Their glowing smiles shone brightly in the setting sun as they stared into each other's eyes.
"Sounds like you had a busy day." Bruce walked forward, brushing a loose strand of hair out of her face. Diana's hand gently rubbed his outstretched arm.
"And sounds like you had to babysit Clark."
"It wasn't all bad; he and I had a good talk."
"Really?" Diana purred, drawing closer to his chest. "And what might you have talked about?"
Bruce flashed her a warm smile that melted her heart as he wrapped his arms around her, their warm faces pushing together. "Just that we have amazing taste in women."
"How thoughtful…" she teased as their lips drew closer.
"And that my world is so much brighter now that you've rescued me."
"Hmm, that's better." Their lips met as the sun disappeared over the horizon, basking the loving couple in a warm, orange glow. They broke apart briefly, their foreheads gently pressed together as they said in unison.
"I love you."
Now I'm even more mad at the New 52 for denying us the possibility of a Lois-Diana team up. Seriously, image how cool wit would be to have an immortal Amazon princess and an award winning reporter traveling across the DC universe solving crimes and kicking ass?
I'd by that for a dollar. Or...$5 I guess, since that's what comics cost in Canada.
Also, I suppose I should put a disclaimer down here that Edna Mode is owned by the Walt Disney Corporation, since Mickey Mouse seems to be pretty anal about copyright laws...
Please don't sue me Mickey, I have nothing to give!