A/N: I wanted to write something for the A/B fandom for Christmas and came up with this: a look into what Christmas time was like for Ann. And I'm anxious for season 3 like you wouldn't believe :D :D

"What do you see, JR?"

"My baby brother going to hell, that's what I see." He looked up to the purple clouds and witnessed the sun set over things that were not supposed to be. Even the horses were fond of her but animals always were drawn to weakness. Just like when his mother had told him of her regrets, a cat had curled up next to her in those final days and the scene that now unfolded before the two bothers brought the memory right back. What he wouldn't have given for a chance to experience everything all over again, only holding different cards. A deck full of aces had left him feeling empty.

Bobby's dreamy eyes drifted from her and instead pinched his brother's heart a tiny bit further. "Then hell it may be", he said. "That's the rest of my life right there."

As if on cue, the long legged beauty waved at them before pressing her cheek against the long mane. The colors merged into a folksy portrait and JR figured all that was missing was a group of children skipping and dancing around her. The woman was an awfully lot like the man who had his eyes on her.

"She looks miserable", JR said. There was an ever growing number of thoughts he was willing to voice these days and not many of them managed to shake Bobby one way or the other, but this one pulled him right out of his wonderland. He glanced at Ann but didn't let the picture be tainted.

"You're only saying that because misery is all you ever see."

"I see it the way it is and that woman comes with a burden. Hell, it might even be her kindness but it ain't never gonna leave you in peace." He could see the doubts take wing in his little brother's mind but it didn't make him feel as light as in the past. "Then again, maybe that's what you look for in them. Lord knows I never saw reason in your choices."

For Bobby the memories were not painful anymore, nor did they wear him out as they used to. In time they had wrapped themselves around his heart and bound the two of them together in a way few people understood – it would always be a reason to smile.

"Just makes me want to marry her all the more."

"You're forgetting something, Bobby. These women aren't gonna line up for you anymore. You can't just stand there with your heart of gold and endless supply of cattle and make your pick. Those days are over, for you and me both." JR kicked the dirt on the ground and avoided looking at either one of them.

"It really bothers you, doesn't it? People moving on with their lives."

She was walking towards the two of them now, such brisk footsteps but what JR saw on her face were no laugh lines. He turned to Bobby for one last time. "Just don't marry her on this ground, swear to me."

Bobby couldn't contain his smile. "Don't you worry. Once she hears everything I doubt she'll want to do it here either."

It was all the confirmation JR needed and he quickly tipped his hat at Ann before leaving the scene he still wanted to deny was taking place. Most of her focus was on the other man but she nodded at him with acknowledgment, not prepared for the short but stingy look she received. She shook it off but felt nervous all the same.

"You're a good man, Bobby Ewing. Christmas time can be hard on these women so this will help more than you know." She wiped her jeans and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear but it escaped almost instantly. The fidgeting was so unlike of any other gorgeous woman he had met, amusing and endearing at the same time. This was one of those moments that defined everything and he would not let it pass.

"I hope I haven't wasted too much of your time. I should go." She started to back away, her eyes shyly peeking from under her brows and before he could blink, she had disappeared behind the corner of the stables. The ground might as well have quaked beneath their feet, so sudden was her parting.

"Wait." He ran after her but she had been fast, like a quailed animal on the run. To make sure he wasn't too pushy, he slowed down just as he was catching up. When she turned around her eyes were blank, reminding him of everything JR had said but it was all the more reason to break that barrier.

"Ann, I could give a hundred excuses to get you back here but I'm just gonna be straight this time. I'd really love to see you again, before Christmas, if that's okay."

Her eyes lit up first and then she flashed him that smile he had longed to see but it wasn't fully there, only a wary version of it. Was there a different kind of confirmation she needed?

"Sure", she finally said, her voice shaky even though it was him she was putting out of misery. Neither one could think of anything to say after that and so they remained gazing into each other's eyes until the moment was broken by the neighing from the horses. She laughed a little, making Bobby think of home and all that belonged there. He didn't know how he could spend one more minute without her but there was no other way for now.

"I'll have them pick up the horses tomorrow so maybe we can think of something then", she said, not leaving his eyes for a second and he loved it.

"We'll do that."

She's still under these same stars.

It was only the voice in her head but her heart had grown too weak to fill with hope and so the words remained a distant echo that carried with the winds on Southfork. The further she walked from the house, the louder the voice became until it rang in her ears and laughed at her for failing to do what should have come naturally to any woman. She had learned to shut it out at most times but it was Christmas again and she had only had one of those with her daughter, trying to smile her way through the pain that Judith Ryland caused her every time their eyes met by accident.

Time was running out on them all and the woman had gotten more vicious with each passing year. Her fingers had tapped the lines on the aging face as she gazed at Ann with a look of silent danger, as if the Grinch had come alive in their living room. Ann had held tighter onto her baby, hoping the monster of a grandmother would not ask to hold her again. When she was finally left alone, which in those days had been often, she tip toed to the door with Emma in her arms, placed her in the stroller with a heap of blankets and stormed out upon hearing footsteps. She would be punished later but the little breaths of fresh air were worth it for they kept her alive.

That night was much colder than the day had been and the chilling wind blew through her cardigan, reaching her very bones. She tried to adjust the covers on Emma as the few dog walkers passed her by with worried looks. There had been many of those lately and she felt sick with guilt. Emma was nine months old now but she might as well have been just a newborn baby for Ann did not feel any more confident than she had on the day of the birth, perhaps even less so.

The Christmas lights shone brightly in every house apart from theirs – it wasn't necessary, Judith had said and Harris had listened without a word – and now that Ann looked over she could see it wasn't just the lights sparkling in the other houses, it was the people too. It seemed like a lifetime ago since she had last enjoyed Christmas because she would not be allowed to spend the most important holiday away from "home". She looked at Emma, now wrapped in blankets and sleeping in the dark while the rest of the world was enjoying the light and it filled her with dread that this was as good as their lives were ever going to get. Ann stifled the agonizing pain in her stomach that was about to turn into a scream and looked up at the stars. At least they shone on her even if they couldn't guide her right now. Snowflakes were melting on her bare hands, leaving the stinging cold in their wet trail and Ann braced herself for the mean and most likely humiliating lecture she was about to receive as she turned the stroller around.

The memory faded but the snow on her hands was real and just like nineteen years ago, darkness and loneliness were her truest companions during Christmas time. She could have gone back inside but Christopher had said things about gratefulness and what a blessing his family had been. Then he had looked at her as if she was family too, the same as them – her truths untold had built a life of their own, and it had been a thousand stabs to her heart. She had to make an escape again.

The barn wall was hard against her back, the only thing reminding her she was awake instead of having just another nightmare. Whoever had taken her daughter had stolen her whole life and every waking thought with it. Her fingers were like icicles now but she had a sudden urge to test how much she could take. How far would she have to punish herself to get her daughter back? There had to be line, one she just hadn't reached yet. She twisted her fingers and smiled, her teeth chattering.

It's not over. It never will be.

"Annie, what are you doing?" Bobby's voice floated into her consciousness just as she saw him running towards her. The frozen grass rustled under his boots and it brought her back. She was now fumbling her wedding ring but unlike him, she didn't realize it. Bobby took off his unbuttoned coat and put it over her shoulders, trapping her in safety. Was this how Emma felt when she covered her up? Would she remember? Of course she wouldn't. Ann swallowed the lump in her throat as Bobby's arms wound around her tightly and she sank deep into the embrace.

"Annie, it's gonna be okay. You're here with us now."

How right he was and yet she couldn't break free from the agony. It only smothered gradually, for as long as he held her.

"I know. It's just sometimes hard to believe." She mumbled but felt the pain ease slightly as he rubbed her back.

"I wish you didn't get so sad during Christmas. I feel like I've done something to upset you."

His breathing was heavy on her neck, engulfing her in that serenity she always found in him. If only she could have lied in bed with him right at that moment then she would have happily stayed there for days. He had found her cold fingers now and planted them under the shirt on his back. The chill made him lunge at her slightly and she tried to take her hands off but he stopped her firmly.

"It's okay Annie, just let them warm up."

After a few slow intakes of air she moaned quietly under her breath and his hands trembled downwards, hooking onto the curve on her back. She did it again, digging her fingers into his skin while her lips met the coolness where the strands of crinkly hair began. The spot warmed up and his lips parted in a dry gasp.

"We should get back inside", he said, his tone becoming cautionary as always was the case when his body spoke before him. There were faint sounds coming from the barn but they only heightened the silence between them. Her eyes were demanding, yet glistened like thin ice ready to crack while her hands wandered upwards under his shirt, pulling and tickling him until he was putty in her hands. There he was, the only one who had ever helped her forget the past. Her coping mechanisms had changed over the years but the intensity of her actions would always remain the same.

And so he gave into her kiss with no restraint, as if he had been the wounded one.

"Ann isn't feeling so well. So…I'm gonna help her up." Bobby announced to a roomful of curious looks and pulled Ann by the hand before he would be forced to see the realization on their faces. She followed, cheeks reddening but with a smile on her face.

By the time their clothes touched the floor, the change in temperature had put Ann somewhere between hot and cold and she bit her tongue trying to keep from crying out whenever his warm hands touched one of those cooler spots. It was fire on ice and she melted into him, ankles intertwined with his to get as close she could. In the end he had to keep her quiet by kissing until the last moment when her eyes filled with water – for whatever reason it might have been – and her rosy lips, swollen and puckered, wrapped around his while she kept biting them lazily. He crashed down, sinking his face into her neck and trying to drown his cries into the soft skin that would all too quickly be covered up with the red turtleneck she had so graciously taken off earlier, despite the hurry they had been in.

"So what's your secret?"

Bobby stopped in the middle of his sandwich and put it down on the paper plate before him. The fall leaves danced around them and matched the color of the oversized scarf Ann had casually wrapped around her shoulders. It was their third date and she looked even more like a portrait come alive to him.

"In my family there are no secrets, only skeletons scattered across the floors." He answered finally. "And no matter how hard you try to clean, they'll always be there."

Ann shook her head and drowned the glass of champagne she had just poured, probably in preparation to asking the question. "Everyone has a secret."

Bobby set his arms on his knees, relaxed. Her voice soothed him and he couldn't get enough of it. "And how do you know that?"

"Like I told you, I'm a therapist. It comes with the job."

"Well then profile me. What do you see?"

"I'm not a profiler, Bobby. I'm more like a…friend. An insightful friend who has a desire to fix broken things."

He chuckled and got back to his food, leaving Ann looking baffled. Her attempts to outsmart him were sweet but he had a feeling it would pay to play the same game. "I think you may have let me in on your secret a little bit now."

For about a second she looked frightened but it went away, as if it was something she had done often. Her sandwich remained untouched in her hands. "You still haven't answered my question." She muttered, seemingly trying to decide between eating and interrogating.

"Fine." He replied, choosing to let her off easy. "My secret is that I'm not all that good and I'm tired of people seeing me that way."

Ann watched him with curiosity and squinted her eyes a bit. "No, that's not it. And you are wrong."

Bobby sighed. "If you say so."

"I know so. You're one of the good ones and I think you may need to hear it even more often."

"Please don't."

"Oh I will." She laughed with her eyes and unleashed a whole new flock of butterflies into his stomach. With that he knew he wouldn't mind if she tried to work him up all his life and beyond. Why was she sitting so far from him? He didn't say a word, only moved closer and followed her every tiny reaction that encouraged him further. There was a quick glance, followed by a lip bite and when he leaned in, her eyes closed as if she had just found herself in a sweet dream. He was almost sorry he couldn't enjoy the beauty of that moment longer but what he learned then and again in years to come was that there was no sweeter release than to get lost in the endless kindness she showed him. It was the softest touch and yet the most earthmoving experience. As a result they lost their balance and at the last second Bobby managed to cushion the fall by putting his hand behind Ann's head. She broke into giggles and he wanted to help her up but watching her lying there on the leaves with all her beauty shining through, he could only kiss her again and when he tried to stop she pulled him back by the collar.

They remained entangled on the ground, neither one getting enough until the sun disappeared behind the clouds and he knew it was only so long it was appropriate to keep a woman as special as her lying in dirt under him. Their kissing slowed down with the mounting need for more, hands groping lower and her breathing giving him the permission to speed things up. He had a feeling she was trying to skip something but even with how much he wanted her, he was not going to allow her to do that.

"When can I see you again?" He looked her in the eye, almost out of breath.

"A week from now." She replied but her eyes darted and the tone wasn't very convincing.

"A week…?"

"It's Christmas."

He wanted to ask where she was going, having understood her family wasn't around anymore but there seemed to be a deeper meaning behind her answer and so he let it be. The traces of sadness on her doll-like face were asking him to kiss them away but it didn't feel right as he felt he was interfering with something she hadn't shared with him. Maybe one day he would be allowed to take the leap and pull her up from whatever troubles were keeping her down.

For eight years she sank deeper but he knew he couldn't drown with her. It wasn't time, and on his visits to the nursing home he certainly couldn't let it slip to JR that he just might have been right all along.

Ann fell into bed fully clothed after a long day of regaling, chatting and most of all, laughing. In her hand she held the leather bracelet with tiny horseshoes and bells attached to it. Emma had said they had all had to make one for their mothers one year at the boarding school and because she couldn't give it to anyone, she had kept it all these years. "A girl has to have at least one secret", she had said. Ann closed her eyes and held the present against her chest, the most meaningful one she had ever had. A kiss on her cheek brought her back again.

"It's our first Christmas, isn't it?" He nuzzled her and then touched lightly on the bracelet. "I've never seen you smile like this before."

The candles around them flickered, casting shadows on her but they didn't find tears to hide. She looked up at the line of stars on the wall and drifted a little, knowing where to stop her train of thought. "I wish I could have been a better wife on all those other Christmases. I'm sorry, Bobby."

"Annie…" He whispered, so close and quietly she felt his words more than she heard them. "It doesn't matter, none of it. I love you."

His affection was affirmed by the softest brush below her mouth where his thumb drew an invisible line and his words were louder than all her doubts.

"I wouldn't trade a second of this."