A/N: Thank you for the love! I am cry.
So… I didn't realize exactly how sad that last chapter was… I am sorry.
WARNING: This chapter contains dub/non-con. I'm sorry in advance.
oooooooo
After the party on Tuesday evening Tony spent a lot of time in his lab and distracted himself with schoolwork, sketches and lots of scotch. The sketches really didn't count as distractions because he didn't always stay on topic…but they were at least something to do that wasn't staring blankly at a wall and ruminating over 'why god why'. The only bright side to Loki's imminent date with Fandral was that it left the younger man in a remarkably good mood. Tony and Loki had met every night during the week, although they were not up to fifteen hours yet, and each time the raven-haired boy had been bright eyed and cheerful. Tony decidedly avoided the topic of Fandral, and the entire party altogether really, but did take advantage of Loki's high spirits by asking him questions about himself and his life.
He learned that Loki's two best friends were his brother and Natasha and that he was not interested in acquiring more friends. Once Tony pulled a bit at that thread Loki went off on how much he disliked people and it was amazing! He had no shortage of things to complain about! He went on tirades about self-tanning, country music, home-ec majors, Arbor Day, and even his father (although as soon as he realized he was doing it Loki immediately closed his mouth and refused to talk about his parents again). Tony knew better than to pry for information on that particular subject, based on the way Loki clammed up, so he just moved on to a new one: "What's your mom like?" which made Loki perk right up as he gushed about how much he loved his mom and how they got along really well and always had. When Tony jokingly called him a 'mamma's boy', Loki actually turned a little pink and told him to shut up.
Their meetings were also constantly changing location. Wednesday they met in Tony's lab, (because he lost track of time, almost missed the meeting entirely and it was easier for Loki to just walk over than it was for Tony to try and wash up and then meet his partner), Thursday they met up in Thor's dorm room because Loki was already there hanging out with his brother and did not feel like leaving, and today - Friday - they had lunch plans because Loki had his date this evening.
The last two days had actually been kind of amazing, for Tony. He loved getting to learn about Loki and he was ecstatic when the younger man asked him to come over to Thor's dorm. Not only did he get to see Loki in his natural, comfortable habitat, but he got to know his older brother better, as well!
Thor, it turned out, was a cool ass dude. He spent the entire time playing Halo 3 and generally tried to leave the two partners alone so they could work, but every now and again he would interject into their conversation with some comment or quip to tease his brother and Loki would respond by smacking his head or lightly kicking him. It was adorable how well the brothers got along and Tony could not explain how many butterflies it gave him to be able to observe them like this. They did this thing - Tony wasn't sure if they were even aware of it - where they would come up behind each other and place their chins on the other's shoulder. When Thor was seated on the couch playing his game, Loki draped himself over the back of it to rest his chin on Thor's massive shoulder and kept banging his head into the side of Thor's until his brother turned the volume down. Thor returned the favor later by coming up behind Loki and placing his chin in the same spot to look at the work sitting in front of his brother as he tried to make sense of it (he couldn't).
It was fucking cute.
Today, though, Tony felt like he had lead in his stomach as he approached the restaurant he was to meet Loki at. He had been telling himself, ever since the party, that he needed to chill the fuck out and just be happy for Loki because he seemed so excited for tonight. He wanted to be a good friend, because he was a nice guy, and he knew that he really had no right to be upset about it. Tony had been worried that if he allowed himself to dwell on how anxious it made him feel then he would start acting out and he really didn't want to mess things up with Loki the very first week. They still had all year to work together and if they were not going to spend it making out then they were at least going to get along - Tony was determined.
He shook his head vigorously and picked up his speed as he walked toward the restaurant. Normally Tony would have driven, but he needed to work off this anxiety that built in his stomach. He was surprised to find, as he rounded the corner of his destination, that Loki was already waiting outside.
As usual, he had his headphones in, but this time –
No, that couldn't be right.
Tony walked closer and peered at the sight in front of him before he burst out laughing.
Loki was dancing.
He was buried in a book, but his butt was doing this little shake and his head was moving in time to whatever beat he was listening to. Thank god for the headphones because if Loki could have heard how hard Tony was laughing he probably would have smacked him. The older man paused for a moment to collect himself before walking into Loki's line of sight. The grin he had worked so hard to put away reappeared immediately when Loki's eyes lifted to meet his and the sun reflected in those brilliant greens.
"Hey, you," Tony offered in greeting as Loki pulled his headphones out and offered a smile in return.
"Hey! I'm glad you're here because I am starving," the younger man replied as he practically whipped around to head into the restaurant. They had chosen to meet at a relatively small and unknown sandwich shop that Loki had suggested. Apparently the Odinson bros came here a lot and it was another stroke to Tony's ego that he was slowly being included into their lives.
When they were seated in their booth Loki began talking animatedly about which kinds of sandwiches were best and how Tony should avoid roast beef because he and Thor were convinced it was opossum (he provided no further explanation), and pulled out his notes for the project.
Tony was grateful that they had this body of work between them that gave reason for their daily meetings, but it had only been a week and he already felt like there was something off about it. He and Loki had spent a great deal of time on Thursday night discussing exactly how they were meant to work together. Loki did not understand how Tony could have just been tasked with creating a machine based on Loki's research when he had to send in his own research proposal ahead of time.
Truthfully, Tony had not really submitted his own application. He had been approached at the end of his freshmen year by the Dean of the Engineering school and was asked if he wanted to take on a special project and he had agreed without giving it any real consideration. Of course, it turned out to be a research project, but Tony figured that whatever it was he would figure it out and if someone else was going to fund him tinkering around with machines then yeah he was going to agree to that.
What didn't make sense to them was why the university was so hell bent on getting Loki and Tony to work together. Thor had piped in that it was probably because it made the school look good, since they both came from such influential families, and might encourage other wealthy people to attend.
Or perhaps they were counting on another generous grant from Loki's father.
Either way it was a bit weird. The psych department was not getting back to Loki about appropriate population groups and whether or not he needed the Dean's signature before he drew up consent forms, which was not a big deal because they were still a few weeks away from actually testing people, but that such details were already being ignored by Loki's professors was alarming.
Whatever. Tony was going to enjoy this while it lasted. Across the table from him Loki was sifting through his notes looking for something he needed Tony's opinion on which gave the engineering student the opportunity to stare at him. Loki's raven hair hung down loosely in front of his face and Tony admired the way it seemed to curl at the ends, just as he had drawn it. He wanted to ask Loki about that – if his hair was naturally curly and had to be styled to hang like that – but from what he could glean of his partner it seemed like the kind of question that might earn him a swift kick to the pelvic region.
Loki finally looked up when the waiter came and Tony had to quickly turn his head and pretend to be looking around. He took Loki's advice and ordered Thor's favorite sandwich: Meat Everywhere! (Includes lots of meat).
They spent the meal discussing their project, the sandwiches and what their plans for the weekend were. Tony deliberately avoided the topic of this evening; because if that thread was tugged on he would unravel and say nasty things about choirboy. They also talked about the first football game of the season, which was on Saturday. Tony had not planned on going, because football, but when Loki told him that he attended every game so he could support his brother the engineer had a change of heart.
"Do you want to sit together?" he asked his partner who was licking mustard off his finger in a way that had to be deliberate.
Loki looked up at him. "Uh…sure? I usually sit with Natasha, so just text me when you get there and I'll find you," he replied before going back to his sexual frustrating mustard clean up.
Tony smiled at that. Maybe this weekend wouldn't be so bad after all.
oooooooo
"Loki, if you put on one more goddamnn pair of pants I am going to beat the ever living shit out of you," Natasha swore as she threw her best friend's pillow at his head. They had spent the last three hours in Loki's room trying to help him pick out an outfit for his date with Fandral. He had gone through at least twenty different looks and kept turning around asking 1) if he looked fat and 2) how his butt looked. With the first few attempts Natasha had lovingly considered each shirt and asked him to turn around a few times before answering (the butt question only since Loki was apparently incapable of looking fat), because even though she didn't like choirboy, she knew how important this was to Loki.
Her friend gave a small shriek when the pillow collided with his 'perfectly groomed' hair. He was currently sporting black skinny jeans and a long-sleeved green shirt with two inches of lacing in the front that were untied and showed a bit of his pale chest. He turned around to glare at her as his hands flew up to fix his dark locks. "I will end your life," he warned.
Natasha rolled her eyes and fixed him with a look. "Look, lover boy, your date is in ten minutes so get a move on!"
Loki pouted and turned back to the mirror to double check his hair. "I look horrible. Why do you let me walk around outside when my face looks like this? And what is wrong with my fingers – why are they so long!" he cried as he examined the lanky extremities.
"Oh my god, okay, no. We are not doing this – put on your fucking shoes and let's go wait outside," she commanded as she marched over to physically steer his shoulders to her bidding.
"Shoes! Oh no, I haven't even thought about shoes!" he exclaimed as his eyes turned into their dinner-plate size.
People down the hall heard Natasha's frustrated battle cry and Loki's pained yelp when she punched him in the stomach.
oooooooo
After choosing a pair of shoes for him, his red Tom's that Natasha claimed were endearing, and actually pushing him out the door before he could protest, the redhead had marched her best friend down stairs to wait outside his dorm for Fandral to pick him up.
Fandral was late.
Five minutes turned into ten which turned into fifteen and with each one that passed Natasha came up with new expletives and declared how much she hated this man while Loki's heart sank further and further.
Had choirboy been teasing him when he asked him out? Were their plans some kind of elaborate joke intended to get Loki's hopes up and then humiliate him? It wasn't particularly sophisticated - but it was certainly cruel, for even though Fandral did not know how long Loki had liked him, he could certainly ascertain how much.
Loki dropped his head and fixed his gaze on the hands in his lap, which were twisting together nervously. "Should I call him?" he asked. Natasha would either tell him to forget this guy and suggest that they go eat themselves into a food coma or she would insist that Loki call him and demand to know why he was late and then give him an earful. Really, both answers sucked and Loki had to fight tears as he forced himself to meet his friend's gaze.
But before she could confirm his suspicions about her answer, a car pulled into the turnaround in front of the dormitory and stopped in front of the pair waiting out front. The window on the passenger side door rolled down to reveal Fandral behind the wheel with what Natasha assumed was supposed to be a 'winning smile'.
"Hey, babe!" he called out through the open window to the overly excited and relieved boy and his pissed off best friend.
Loki waved back, shyly, as a blush crept into his cheeks. He turned to give his friend a hug and thank her for waiting with him and was a bit frightened of her expression. She was glaring at Fandral with such intensity that he thought the car might burst into flames. Loki placed his hand on her shoulder to pull her out of the rage-spell and offered her a tiny smile. "Thanks for sitting with me," he whispered as he pulled her to him.
She grunted in response, never taking her eyes off of the blonde in his car – not that he saw because he was fixing his hair in the rearview mirror.
As Loki started to walk towards his date Natasha suddenly reached out and snatched his hand.
"Don't put up with any shit from him," she warned before letting go.
Loki raised an eyebrow and then laughed. "I won't, darling," before hurrying over to the car.
After he was situated with his seatbelt on, Fandral honked the horn at the woman still glaring at him, playfully laughed and peeled out.
Natasha was not impressed.
oooooooo
"So, how was the rest of your week, babe?" Fandral asked as he reached over and hit the button on his stereo. The car was suddenly filled with twang and whine as a country song played through the speakers just a bit too loudly for conversation. After removing his hand from the knob he reached over and grabbed Loki's, intertwining their fingers.
It was a lot for Loki to take in all at once.
1. Babe? He should have been put off about how quickly his date was giving him pet names but it was just so exciting and made Loki feel pretty so he let it go.
2. Country music?! This did rile Loki's feathers a bit, and he could not understand why his date would ask him a question and then immediately put on music. Did he not care about his answer or was this just how dates worked? Some kind of white (horrible, nasty) noise had to be on in the background in case silences grew too long? He would have preferred to talk to Fandral and ask his own questions, but maybe they were supposed to save that?
3. HE GRABBED MY HAND OHMAIGOD HE'S HOLDING MY HAND WHAT EVEN IS I STOPPED BREATHING I'M GOING TO VOMIT BUTTERFLIES ALL OVER HIS CAR AFASLDFKAJSLKAJSAF
Luckily he processed those thoughts quickly and was able to respond without vomiting. "Really well, thank you. My professors were very lenient on homework, the project is going well-"
"Yeah, what's the deal with that?" Fandral interrupted. Clearly he did not realize how much effort it took for Loki to speak like a normal human around him without hyperventilating or he never would have done such a thing.
"What do you mean?" Loki asked, turning to look at his date. Oh god, he's handsome.
Fandral frowned a bit. "Like, what are y'all doing?"
Loki brightened at this question. This was easy and technical, he could answer this no problem. "Oh! Well, it's actually really interesting. We are studying the relationship between operationally defined-"
"No, I mean like what is the deal with Tony?" Fandral interrupted again.
Shit. This was not as easy to answer, and if Loki didn't have such a huge crush on this man he probably would have snapped at him for interrupting so much, but instead he just blinked in surprise and asked, "What do you mean?"
"Like, are y'all friends? Do you hang out?"
What the hell? Who cares?
"Um, well, we are supposed to be logging fifteen hours a week of research time together but that's not really hanging out-"
"Fifteen hours? Damn. That's gotta get old. So I thought we could go to Olive Garden, does that sound good?" he asked.
Loki was torn between irritation over being interrupted again, confusion over why his date jumped on the topic of Tony any then dismissed it so quickly and the overwhelming desire to say, 'Or we could go to an actual Italian restaurant.' But he wanted Fandral to like him so instead he said, "Sounds great!"
"You wanna see a movie afterward? There are a couple good ones out, I think," he mumbled the last bit to himself as he pulled out his phone and opened the Fandango app.
"That sounds lovely," Loki murmured as he nervously watched the road in place of the man who was actually behind the wheel. Loki hated it when people were on their phones while driving and it made him extremely nervous to be in the passenger seat when it was happening. Once, Thor pulled his phone out to read a text with Loki sitting next to him so the younger of the brothers shrieked, grabbed the phone and threw it in the backseat and then wouldn't speak to him for an hour.
Thor never pulled his phone out again.
But this was a first date and while Loki could get away with shrieking at his older brother, who loved and adored him, he could not pull the same crap with choirboy. So instead he nervously gripped the seat and bit his lip, waiting for Fandral to focus on the road again.
"If we spend less than an hour at dinner we can make the 9:30 of that slasher movie," the blonde reported as he finally put his phone away.
Loki hated slasher films. They were gross, often plot-less, and the sound of shrill female screaming made him cranky. But perhaps if he looked scared Fandral might try and comfort him…he had seen people use that tactic in the movies before. But less than an hour at dinner? When were they going to talk and get to know each other and laugh at jokes by candlelight? This left no time for Fandral to fall in love with him!
But, once again, Loki wanted his date to like him so he simply smiled, nodded and stayed silent. Fandral began talking about his summer and the various things he did (which seemed to include little more than working out and getting high) and would occasionally ask Loki a question about himself – and then proceed to interrupt it immediately.
When they got to the restaurant Fandral only paused his jabber when the waiter came to take their order. Loki had been instructed to order whatever he wanted, Fandral's treat; so he ordered the cheapest salad they had because he didn't want to appear high maintenance or fat.
After the waiter left, Fandral reached across the table to take Loki's hand again. "I'm really glad we're doing this," he said quietly through a grin.
Loki didn't breathe for the rest of the meal.
oooooooo
His plan to act scared during the film was rendered unnecessary because he was scared and at one point had to fight the urge to vomit when a character's guts went flying across the screen. Fandral seemed to be enjoying it though, and he had put his arm around Loki almost immediately, anyway, so the dark haired teen just endured the movie and focused on how his date smelled like what he imagined models at the beach smell like.
When the couple was back in the car in the parking lot of the theatre, Loki was about to ask his date about what other kinds of movies he liked, when he felt a hand on the back of his head, stroking his hair, and all capacity for conversation left him.
The bright yellow glare through the windshield from the parking lot lights gave Fandral's eyes a special glow as he smiled at Loki. He was almost irritatingly handsome in his fitted jeans and plaid flannel shirt with the top three buttons undone. It revealed just enough skin and toned muscle that Loki flushed whenever his eyes fell on it. Even now, Loki's breathing was starting to become heavier through his parted lips as he gazed at Fandral, who was staring at him with a predatory look.
"You look really pretty, babe," Fandral murmured before leaning across the space between them and pressing their lips together.
It wasn't Loki's first kiss, (that had actually been with Thor and that is a story for ANOTHER time), but it was the first one that took his breath away.
His eyes slipped closed as he felt a wet tongue caressing his bottom lip before slipping inside his already open mouth. It was a gentle kiss, and Fandral moved just slowly enough for Loki to gather his senses and respond with his lips. As the blonde massaged Loki's tongue with his and pressed their bottom lips together, the smaller man moved his lips back and relaxed his jaw more to permit further access that Fandral seemed desperate to get.
The gentleness lasted for all of thirty seconds before the hand that had been so adoringly stroking Loki's hair suddenly fisted and grabbed a handful of his dark locks before tugging his head back and breaking their kiss. Fandral immediately kissed his way down Loki's jawline to his neck where he began planting rough, wet, angry kisses and started sucking bruises onto the pale skin.
It was all happening to fast that Loki had to fight to keep up. He had cried out when Fandral tugged on his hair (because it hurt, dammit) but it was immediately replaced with a soft moan when he felt soft lips on the sensitive flesh of his neck.
It was nice to be kissed.
When Fandral finally pulled away he started up the car and asked, "Are you coming back to my place?"
Loki's cheeks took on their familiar flush as he nodded. More kissing – yay!
oooooooo
The moment he stepped over the threshold of Fandral's apartment, Loki found himself being slammed up against the wall, hands running up his sides, and a tongue being shoved down his throat. He heard his date kick the door closed before the taller man pressed his body flush against Loki's and devoured him.
His right hand moved from Loki's side to wrap in the hair at the back of his head and hold him there while his left slipped around the smaller boy's waist to pull him closer. His tongue was plundering Loki's mouth as it ran over his teeth and lips and the whole effect was producing a lot of saliva between them. Fandral kept pulling back briefly to bite on Loki's lower lip in a way that seemed like it should have been pleasurable, but was so rough it hurt.
Loki assumed that this was the virgin in him talking, though. He needed to get used to these things because this was how making out worked and he wanted to enjoy it. He was embarrassed at his lack of experience and with the confidence and assertiveness Fandral was displaying, Loki felt certain that his date had lots. He clumsily tried to move his own mouth and tongue in time with what he felt but the other's tongue dominated the act. The raven haired man was being held so tightly too that he could not move his body at all and sort of hung there while Fandral began to grind their hips together.
Despite the slobber and slight pain happening to his face, Loki found the friction between their crotches quite pleasurable. He had heard of people grinding their way to completion and always assumed it was a myth, but what he was experiencing right now told him otherwise. He wished that he was wearing pants with a bit more give because the tightness around his steadily growing erection was stifling and Loki thought it would soon become painful.
Fandral gave a particularly forceful grind, pulling on Loki's ass to bring them closer at the same time, and it tore a cry from Loki's throat. His head dipped back a bit when their mouths separated and choirboy wasted no time before moving his lips and teeth to Loki's pale, exposed neck.
The skin was extra sensitive there and soon Loki was positively whimpering as Fandral kissed and sucked his way along the skin, taking extra care right below his ear and against his collarbone.
It felt amazing. Loki had never been touched like this in his life and even in his fantasies about kissing choirboy he never envisioned the blonde exhibiting this kind of passion towards him. The physical sensations were one thing, but what made Loki feel especially good was the way Fandral seemed to desire him. Being slammed up against a wall and turned into a meal was so deliciously intense it was almost unreal. The way Fandral was moaning and moving against him like he was sexy or something was such an unexpected treat that Loki delighted in just letting his date do whatever he wanted with his body.
Until Fandral's hands started moving for the front of Loki's pants, that is.
Panic shot up the younger man's spine as his eyes snapped open and his own hands flew to stop Fandral's. "Wait – wait," he sputtered as he tried to catch his breath.
Fandral was not deterred though and instead of leaning back to look at Loki he just moved his head to the other side of the slim neck he was kissing and intertwined his fingers with the ones trying to still his and used the hold to lift Loki's arms above his head before he resumed his sucking. "Mm?" was the only acknowledgment he gave that he had heard Loki at all.
"It's just –" oh god that felt good "I've never – oh – I'm a," but Loki's words were halted once more by a particularly sharp nip from the blonde at his neck.
That did catch Fandral's attention though.
"Hold up," he said as he finally removed his mouth from Loki's neck. "Are you a virgin?"
Loki didn't need to use words – the blush that erupted in his cheeks said it for him.
"Oh my god – oh this is gonna be fun," Fandral murmured with a positively wicked grin as he scooped Loki up and carried him into the apartment.
It should have been romantic and sexy, having his legs wrapped around choir boy's waist and his date's strong arms holding him as he was carried to the couch, but all Loki could think was, 'Wait, what?'
Once he was deposited on a couch cushion Fandral began undressing him. In one quick movement, Fandral pulled Loki's shirt up and off. It happened so fast and so suddenly that Loki had missed it because he blinked. He just felt the cold air of the apartment tickling his naked flesh and realized he was topless. He didn't have time to dwell or respond before Fandral was laying him back against the cushions, climbing over him and moving to kiss along his chest.
If felt nice, to have someone else's lips rain kisses on his overly sensitive flesh, but there was anxiety in his stomach that refused to leave. Shouldn't Fandral have asked if he could start stripping his date? And why were his touches getting so aggressive? The blonde's hands were groping him so tightly that Loki worried he would actually bruise. The hand that had been at Loki's side moved up to his nipple, tender and untouched, and gave it an unkind squeeze.
"Ah! Fandral-," Loki started but was silenced when his date moved his biting from Loki's chest to his lips. The nips had moved from being exciting and fun to singularly painful. He tried to push against Fandral's chest to get him to stop - if only for a moment so that he could ask him to be more gentle, but the blonde was having none of it. Then, once more, Fandral moved his hands to Loki's front and started undoing his pants.
Panic struck him quite suddenly. This was moving too fast- way, way too fast. When the evening had started Loki was excited and horrified about the prospect of kissing him, but this was too much.
"Fandral, stop!" he cried out.
The boy above him looked confused, but to his credit his hands stilled their movements. "What's wrong babe? I thought we were having fun."
Loki felt guilty at that. He bit his lip and paused before answering. "No no no, we are! We are, it's just...I've never done this before and things are just moving a little too quickly for me," he answered quietly, avoiding eye contact but doing his best to sound sincere.
Fandral moved off of him at that and ran a hand through his hair. He shifted so he was sitting on the edge of the couch with his elbows on his knees and his chin resting on his fists. He let out a labored sigh and said, "Wow."
Loki looked up at him, confused. "What?" he asked softly.
Fandral refused to look at him but started lightly pounding one of his fists into the opposite palm as he shook his head. "I thought you wanted an adult relationship," he answered coldly.
Loki recoiled. "I do!" he pleaded as he reached forward to place his hand on Fandral's knee.
His date considered him, moving his eyes over Loki's half naked body before taking in a deep breath. His expression looked pained and Loki genuinely could no tell if the older man was messing with him or not. "Loki, adult relationships include sex. If you want to go out with me... I just don't think it's fair to you for us to be on different pages. I don't want to hurt you by expecting something that you don't want," he explained, taking the hand that was on his knee into his own.
That response was unexpected. Maybe he was just being a baby. It was true, adult relationships did include sex and he wanted an adult relationship. Ordinarily he would go home and talk to Natasha about this but it sounded like he needed to make a decision right this second or risk losing Fandral for good. Loki bit his lip guiltily as he considered his options and was startled when Fandral brought his other hand up to stroke Loki's cheek.
"And then you go and drive me crazy by doing something sexy like biting your lip," he murmured before moving in to kiss Loki again.
The raven-haired man relented. He wanted to be with Fandral so badly and he was going to lose his virginity at some point right? He allowed the older man to slip his tongue into his mouth as he lowered Loki down onto the couch again. He wanted this, he told himself as he fought the tears threatening to slip out of the corners of his eyes.
"So this is okay?" Fandral asked in between kisses.
Loki couldn't bring himself to make words so he just nodded.
Fandral grinned at that and one more brought his hands to Loki's pants. He patted Loki's rump to encourage him to lift his hips so Fandral could pull them off. Lying there on the couch in only his boxers Loki suddenly felt cold and unsafe. All of the warmth and pleasure he had experienced earlier when Fandral was holding and kissing him was gone. It suddenly occurred to Loki how little he knew about this man and here he was about to give him his virginity. Fandral on the other hand looked fucking delighted. He was gazing at Loki with a hungry look in his eyes, like he was a piece of meat. Loki would potentially have felt more comfortable if Fandral was just as naked as him, but before he could move his hands to Fandral's shirt the older man had his hands at Loki's waistband and was tugging his underwear off. Loki needed no prompting this time and lifted his hips hesitantly to allow Fandral to slip them off.
He repressed a shudder as the cold air in Fandral's apartment hit his sensitive flesh. With every minute that passed Loki's comfort level dropped a little more. He was trying desperately to fight off this anxiety and relax so that he could enjoy this. He wanted a relationship. He wanted this. He needed to do this. He didn't have a choice.
Fandral removed his own clothes without ceremony and immediately wrapped a hand around Loki's left ankle to encourage the leg to wrap around his waist. He then moved his hands to Loki's hips and pulled him down so that Loki was flat on this back with his legs up and around his date. Once Loki was appropriately positioned to Fandral's liking, the blonde lowered himself onto the slim body once more.
Fandral did not seem concerned with the fact that Loki had not breathed in minutes or that his previously very interested erection was now limp between his legs. The blonde was focused on his own actions as he licked his palm a few times before reaching down to grasp his own very interested erection and coating it a few times.
"Shouldn't we use a condom?" Loki asked quietly, hoping that Fandral would not notice the way his voice shook as he willed it to stop.
The look Fandral gave him when his eyes first snapped up to meet Loki's was terrifying. He quickly covered it with a hurt look, but Loki had absolutely seen the rage that had flashed across his face. It had done nothing to make Loki relax.
"Do you not trust me?" he asked in that same cold tone. "Unless...you are trying to protect me because you have something?"
"No! No, I am clean I don't 'have' anything-" Loki shrieked but was interrupted once more.
"Good, because it would be a shame for us to have to stop now. I don't have any condoms in this apartment. I don't use them because I only sleep with clean people," he explained as he reached down to position himself against Loki's entrance.
Before the little raven had time to muse over Fandral's faulty logic he felt something hard and LARGE pressing against him.
"Wait! Wait-" Loki cried out, panic spiking again. "Aren't you supposed to...you know...prepare me?" he asked quietly, no longer caring at how badly his voice was shaking.
This time Fandral did not hide his growl. He gave Loki a hard look and stared at him for a few moments. "You want me to finger your asshole?"
Loki couldn't fight the flush that erupted in his cheeks. There was no need to be so crude about it! "I'm not! I mean - it's just ...isn't that how this works? … so I don't get hurt?" His voice was growing quieter and quieter and he felt himself shrinking back into the couch, wishing that he was in a less vulnerable position than laying flat on his back with his legs wide open and his genitals exposed. He felt like an animal, and the look Fandral was giving him did nothing to ease his anxiety.
"Loki, that's really disrespectful," Fandral responded without a trace of irony or apology.
He continued at the confused look Loki have him. "Asking another man to degrade himself to fingering your ass? I don't want that on my hands."
Before Loki could respond, or even think of something to respond with because now he was completely humiliated in addition to horrendously nervous, Fandral shifted a bit to look like he was going to move off of Loki.
"I'm beginning to think you don't want to go out with me," he said quietly.
Panic. Panic. Panic. Loki's mind screamed at him. He was not going to lose the boy he had been crazy about for so long just because he was scared of a little pain. He lifted himself up a bit so that he could kiss Fandral's shoulder. "I want you, I promise. I'm sorry...it's just…remember I've never done this before so I don't know how to behave. Forgive me?" he asked tenderly.
Fandral smiled and pulled Loki's legs apart again. He spit in his hand and stroked his own dick once more. He kissed Loki again before positioning himself against Loki's unprepared very virginal entrance. "This /will/ hurt babe, but if you just relax and let me do my thing it will be good for you," he explained.
Loki nodded as he willed his body to relax and open up to this flesh intrusion. It took a bit of maneuvering but Fandral was finally able to breach that right ring of muscle and push a few centimeters of cock inside.
It stung and it hurt, as those first few centimeters of cock breached him, but Loki was certain that once Fandral was all the way inside it would feel good. That was how sex worked, right?
But once Fandral got the head inside he began slowly rocking his hips to inch himself inside. Once he was able to move a bit he pulled Loki's legs as far apart as they would go and slammed the rest of him inside.
Loki was wrong.
It hurt. It hurt so fucking badly he thought he was dying and he was too slow to catch the scream that left him as he felt his lower half being ripped open. Tears immediately filled his eyes and he couldn't stop the cries of pain leaving him with every shuddering breath. He was constricting so tightly, even though he knew that was making it worse, that his whole body seemed to be trying to curl in on itself. He wanted Fandral out. He wanted this horrible screaming agony to leave him. How did people enjoy this? How could this possibly feel good for anyone? A wrecked sob left him as Fandral started to move his hips again.
"Wait- please- please wait," he begged, bringing his hands to Fandral's chest.
But the blonde just shook his head and continued his thrusting. "Just give it a second, baby," he purred, dipping his lips down to kiss Loki's jaw.
But Loki shook his head as more sobs left him. Tears were flowing freely down his cheeks as he attempted to form words in between his tortured gasps. "Please - it hurts - so badly," his speech broken by Fandral's unforgiving movements.
"Babe it will be worse if I stop," he murmured as he continued to press sloppy kisses along Loki's jaw. "Just relax, baby," he muttered before raising himself a bit and pushing Loki's legs further up. He had his hands on the back of Loki's thighs for leverage and the new angle made it so he could thrust deeper inside.
The new angle also meant that Loki was in agony. He could feel himself being ripped open and he knew for certain that he was bleeding. He had never in his life experienced or even conceived of anything this horrible. He was trying so, so hard to relax and enjoy this but the longer it went on the harder he cried and the harder he cried the more he despised himself. This was his first time and he was making a fool of himself by crying like a baby! It was a wonder Fandral wanted to have sex with him at all when he was being so dramatic. He was lucky to be with someone who was so forgiving of his inexperience.
Luckily for the smaller man, it didn't look like Fandral would be able to last for very long. His thrusts were rapidly becoming more erratic and he was squeezing Loki's thighs so hard that he knew there would be actual handprints there in the morning. Fandral's eyes were screwed shut and his mouth hung open as he incoherently moaned, "Oh, babe- oh, god-uhn, you are so fucking tight."
Loki just lay there, still awkwardly sobbing as he prayed for this to be over. The fates were kind though because the next words out of Fandral's mouth were,
"Oh god- babe, I'm coming! I'm coming!"
And then he did just that. He shuddered as he spilled himself inside Loki, his hips stilling as he relaxed his death grip on the thighs he has been abusing. Loki was disgusted that he could /feel/ himself being coated with Fandral's hot release. When the other boy pulled out he released another cry of pain as his traumatized muscles clenched, begging for the blonde to stay put. There was hot liquid leaking out of him, along with the blood, and Loki wanted desperately to escape to a shower, but Fandral had draped himself across Loki's chest as he attempted to catch his breath.
Not ten seconds later, he heard the door open and his heart leapt into his throat again. Fandral's roommate, Thanos, appeared around the corner, throwing his backpack onto the floor as he did. It took him a moment to process what he saw on the couch but when he did he burst out laughing.
"You fucked Thor's little brother?! Dude, nice," he said as he leaned forward for Fandral to high five him.
Much to Loki's horror, Fandral actually did before collapsing his head onto Loki's chest once more. Thanos gave Loki a little wink and went into his bedroom still laughing.
What the fuck was happening?!
"Did you seriously just high five him?" Loki choked as he attempted to push Fandral off of him. The one nice thing about their positions was that his genitals had been hidden from Thanos' view, although his tears were perfectly visible, but he wanted to throw the blonde off of him now.
Fandral laughed as he took in Loki's expression. "Babe, it's a compliment! He knows how attractive I find you," he answered with infuriating nonchalance like he had not just high fived their act like Loki was some kind of sexual conquest. When he saw that his answer did nothing to ease the anger in Loki's eyes he tried a different approach. Fandral moved his torso up so he could nuzzle Loki's neck with his lips. "I've been talking about you for months. He knows how much I was looking forward to tonight."
But unfortunately for Fandral, Loki was not satisfied with that response. So after laughing it off and flattery did not work the blonde tried the tactic he was best at.
"Babe, you really need to chill out. I thought that was something special and you immediately snapping at me makes it seem like you didn't take it seriously. Plus you were crying the whole time. How do you think that makes me feel?"
"It hurt," Loki replied in barely above a whisper.
"It would have hurt a lot less if you weren't so focused on making it into a production," Fandral muttered as he climbed off of Loki's abused, sticky body. "You were lucky I was able to enjoy myself at all," he threw over his shoulder as he reached for his clothes.
Loki was a mix of emotions then, lying on the couch with his legs still open and Fandral's seed spilling out of him as the man he had been so excited to go out with made him feel guilty and horrible. He felt humiliated and small. He wanted to crawl into a whole and die, but he couldn't leave things like this. He had come this far, giving Fandral his virginity and endured the pain- there was no way he was going to fuck things up by getting upset over something like propriety.
"I'm sorry," he said softly as he sat up and drew his knees up to his chest. The act hurt but he wanted to appear as small as possible.
Fandral turned around and considered him for a moment before reaching down to grip Loki's chin and force him to meet his gaze. The act was meant to be gentle but there was a little too much force in the action. "It's okay, babe. I forgive you," he said with a small smile as he leaned in to kiss Loki. "And because I'm such a nice date, I'm going to give you a hand," he whispered into Loki's ear as he moved to sit next to him on the couch.
Loki was confused by the older man's words but his intentions because immediately clear when he moved to spread Loki's legs once more.
"Fandral, your roommate is home," he pleaded, but none the less moved into the position Fandral was encouraging him into.
"Do you want an orgasm or not?" Fandral snapped like Loki was an idiot for being concerned about such a thing.
He was not terribly concerned about an orgasm since his asshole had just been ripped open, but Loki did want Fandral to ask him out again, so he relented with a small, insecure nod.
Fandral immediately flashed that smile that made Loki relieved and uneasy at this same time. He placed one hand on Loki's thigh and stroked it a bit as he brought the other to grasp his flaccid sex.
The situation begged that Loki would not find himself interested by the touches, because he had been thoroughly humiliated, tortured and he was still very anxious about the fact that Thanos was in the next room and could come out at any moment, but the reality was that Loki never touched himself. He had given himself pleasure perhaps ten times in his life (the number was probably higher, but in much the same vain), which meant that he was a very sexually frustrated little creature. He could have taken care of himself, but he had been told once when he was very young that sex was only pleasurable for the boys and girls who kept their own hands out of their pants. This, coupled with the fact that Loki was so unbelievably sensitive, (which made the pain even greater for him), meant that his body did respond to Fandral's touches. He bit his lip as a soft moan escaped his lips.
Fandral continued to stroke his sex and rapidly brought him to hardness. His actions were a little clumsy, he was not able to keep up a rhythm - although maybe that was intentional, Loki would have no way of knowing -, but they still elicited small gasps and moans as the raven haired man relaxed himself onto the cushion and grabbed at the arm of the couch behind his head.
No one had ever touched him like this before. The sensations were not much different from his own hand, but it was exciting that it was someone else bringing him pleasure; even more so because it was choirboy. Loki had done his job well, lying there and letting Fandral have his way with him, even if he had cried, and this was his reward.
Much like the man who took his virginity, he was not able to last long. It had been almost a year since Loki had touched himself last and his body very much welcomed the release. It was a good thing too because Fandral looked bored.
Loki gave a small cry and gasped, "Fandral - ah! - I'm going to-"
That seemed to get the blonde's attention. "That's right baby, just come for me," he encouraged, a little too loudly, as he sped up his pumps.
Loki cried out as quietly as he possibly could as he released. The blonde was apparently not interested in working Loki through his orgasm though because as soon as one shot of cum left him Fandral immediately removed his hand.
Loki made a strangled noise at that and pumped hips up into the empty air where his lover's hand had been just seconds before. He made a pleading look at Fandral but the other boy simply said, "Sorry, I just didn't want to get it on my hands. You understand."
Loki did not understand, but it had been said as a command so he just nodded as he tried to catch his breath and will away the horrible feeling of dissatisfaction that came from only experiencing half of an orgasm.
Right then, because he had impeccable timing, Thanos' door opened and Loki scrambled to cover his lower half. The moment was completely ruined. Fuck all of this noise.
"I heard someone was coming!" he yelled cheerfully, staring at Loki as he did so. Loki could not believe this was happening. He was laying on a couch, hair disheveled, struggling to catch his breath, covered in sweat, bruises, and semen, and he was concealing his crotch with a pillow as this man just stared at him. He had never been more humiliated in this life. Why wasn't Fandral sticking up for him and telling Thanos to fuck off? Isn't that what a good date would do? He was snapped out of his thoughts, and the uncomfortable staring with Thanos when he asked, "Hey, Fandral, you want pizza because I'm going to order some."
The blonde brightened at that. "Yeah, sounds great. You want some, babe?" he asked, turning to his completely confused lover.
Loki just shook his head. " I should probably get home," he muttered quietly, trying to give his date a pleading look and will him to make Thanos go away. But Loki had no such luck.
"Okay, get dressed and I'll walk you out," Fandral responded nonchalantly as he got up and walked over to the restroom.
"Are you going to take me home?" Loki tried to ask but Fandral had already shut the door.
Thanos was still staring at him. "I'll take you home," he grinned and gave Loki another tiny wink.
Loki immediately shook his head. "No, no that won't be necessary," he all but whispered as he glanced around to determine how neat to get his clothes on without letting Thanos see his body.
"Are you sure? 'Cuz I'll take you," he tried again.
The innuendo was not lost on Loki and it brought panic to him once more. "I'm on a date with Fandral," he hissed, hoping that he came off sounding more confident than he felt.
Thanos laughed at that, the words or Loki's attempt at standing up for himself he wasn't quite sure, and then leaned down to get in Loki's face. "I'll be having you at some point, you can count on that," he threatened just as Fandral stepped out of the bathroom.
"I thought I told you to get dressed," was all he said in response to his roommate standing way too close to his naked, terrified looking lover.
Loki nodded quickly and grabbed his clothes, keeping the pillow pressed against his crotch as he did so. After he had them all in his hand he darted for the bathroom and ignored the whistle Thanos gave when he saw Loki's ass. He dressed as quickly as possible and deliberately avoided looking at himself in the mirror, knowing that he must look like hell.
When he stepped out Fandral and Thanos were standing very close to each other snickering about something. Thanos let his eyes roam over Loki's body as Fandral stepped forward and clapped his hands together. "Alright, let me walk you out."
Loki avoided Thanos' gaze and the taunting way he called out "Bye, Loki! It was nice to see you!" to the man's retreating back.
Once they were on the other side of the door Loki asked again, "Are you going to take me home?" He did his damnedest to look adorable and imploring, but Fandral shook his head.
"Nah, babe. I'm really tired. Fucking you wears me out," he said with a grin as he wrapped his arms around Loki's waist. Perhaps it was meant to be flirty, but Loki had to, once more, fight tears as his date leaned in to kiss him goodbye. "I'll text you," he said before he turned around and went back into his apartment.
Loki cried the whole walk home.
oooooooo
When Loki returned to his dorm room he had dried his eyes, although he was certain they were still red and puffy, wiped his nose and calmed his breathing. He had to circle the building a few times to do so, because he could not seem to stop leaking no matter how many time he wiped furiously at his face or slapped his cheeks to stabilize himself, but he made sure that when he walked into the room he looked, if not happy, then at least normal - he could always blame his runny nose and eyes on allergies. He was not even sure if Bruce was awake, and he was almost positive that his roommate would not inquire too heavily about his date, but he did not want to invite too many questions with his appearance.
What Loki had not prepared himself for was opening his door and finding Natasha sitting on his bed reading one of his books. Natasha was not Bruce. Natasha asked questions.
Shit.
"Hey, Nat," he greeted softly, hoping that she couldn't hear the slight shake in his voice, as he peered around the door to see if his roommate was present.
He wasn't.
Well shit, this meant that Natasha wouldn't feel the need to edit herself.
Instead of answering him, his best friend put the book down in her lap and considered Loki as he stood, somewhat awkwardly, in the doorway. There was a full thirty seconds of her taking him in before she asked, "Did you have a good time?"
Loki released a breath he had not realized he was holding and walked all of the way into the room so he could close the door behind him. "Yeah, um, yeah we, uh, we saw a movie and, um, he bought me dinner and –"
"Why are you covered in bruises?!" Natasha interrupted.
Loki had been pulling his shirt off so he could change into pajamas and whipped his head around in horror to face his equally horrified best friend who had leapt off of the bed and crossed over to Loki so she could examine his body.
Godmutherfuckingdammit.
For all of his precautions about evidence of his crying he went and immediately stripped in front of the last person he wanted to know about his sexual encounter. As Loki opened his mouth to come up with some reason as to why it was perfectly acceptable for him to come back from a date with dark purple bruises on his almost naked body, because Natasha couldn't see where he hurt the most, she interjected again.
"Did you have sex with him?"
Loki knew that he would have told her about this eventually, and maybe even tomorrow after he had some time to process the evening's events and come up with a clever retelling of the story to make it sound less terrifying than it had been for him, but at this moment his mouth went dry and his mind went blank. He lamely nodded at her and dropped his gaze to the floor.
"Did he hurt you?" Natasha asked without missing a beat.
Loki did have enough sense to know that he needed to shake his head immediately. If he told her how aggressive and pushy he had been he knew that she would encourage, if not demand, that Loki end his budding relationship with his crush and he didn't want to do that – especially not after everything he had gone through. "No, no he didn't hurt me," he responded in what he hoped was a confident voice.
She gave him another long look before nodding slowly. "Alright then… did he take care of you?"
"What?"
"Did you finish?"
"I don't under-"
"Did he make you come?" she asked in an eerily quiet voice.
Once again, Loki knew that he would have been giving his friend these details eventually, although he always imagined it over Chinese take out and manicures, but right now all of the blood in his body rushed into his cheeks as he sputtered. He was normally so good with words – if only he had had time to process everything and get his head straight! But with every second that passed he felt his anxiety building and his heart rate speeding up.
"Y-yes," he whispered as he finished pulling his Pokémon pajama pants on and turned away from her to locate a shirt.
Natasha did not reply to him, she just gazed at her friend's pale back with a dejected expression. Loki looked like he needed a hug, but he was acting as though he might fall to pieces if she gave him one. She knew enough about him to identify when Loki needed affection and when he needed space - and right now, although she did not want to leave him, he needed space.
When he turned to face her once more, after pulling on a soft, grey tee, he looked like he was going to cry and it broke Natasha's heart. She knew better than to comment on in tonight, though. Tomorrow she would bring him breakfast and see if he was up to giving her details.
She leaned over and pressed a gentle kiss to his cheek. "I'll text you tomorrow," she said softly to his confused face. She took his hands in hers and gave them a gentle squeeze. "Get some sleep."
Before Loki could respond his friend grabbed her bag and left.
He was infinitely grateful that she knew when, and more importantly when not, to press him for information. If she had stayed much longer he was certain he would have fallen to pieces and that would have been the end of Fandral.
Loki did not realize, as he climbed into bed, that it wasn't right for him to be afraid of telling best friend about his date. It was wrong for him to dismiss the pain he felt in his throat as he held back tears and the ache in his lower back as he laid himself down. It was unhealthy that he felt indebted to this man for having the courtesy to sleep with him even though Loki had made such an ass of himself. He should not find himself this unhappy after his first date with a man he was so crazy about.
It was wrong for tears, that couldn't be held back any longer, to be falling onto his pillow as he fell into extremely fitful sleep.
It was wrong that, in his own bed, Tony was doing the same thing.
oooooooo
A/N: I'm sorry :'( Please review!