(Jay's POV)

I sit at on my bed, a dark blue leather journal in my lap. The writings I had made on the walls were gone. The others had cleaned them off and taken Zane away. To try and 'help him' they had said. My untouched dinner Kai brought me lie on my nightstand.

I wasn't hungry. I wasn't...anything. I flip through the pages of my journal, looking at the entry's i had made.

Roses are red, violets are blue,

sugar is sweet, and perhaps so are you.

But the roses have wilted, the violets are dead,

the sugar bowls empty, your wrists are stained red.

The sun isn't shining, the sky isn't clear;

there's no silver lining cause you no longer here.

Rain keeps on pouring, there's no end in sight,

your laying there frozen, so far from the light.

Your beauty's unreal, your smile the sun,

but time cant be turned nor your actions undone.

Your words that you wrote that only I read;

"I love you so much; please don't cry when I'm dead."

A bond that we formed, a love that ran deep,

a pain that we shared; a friend i could keep.

I wanted to hold you, wipe the tears from your eyes;

been there every moment you said you goodbye.

I want to forget but most times i don't,

I want to let go, but I know that I wont.

tears on my face, memories burned in my head;

the roses have wilted, the violets are dead.

I'm...

Scared of life, I cant carry on

Useless for everyone, they all want me gone

Impossible to love, too impossible to care

Confused in this broken land, for me there's no one there

Invisible for everyone, they think I'm a bore

Damaged at heart, which they gladly tore

Emotional, I cant possibly live on anymore...

11:04pm

I am content

The smile on my face

Feels real

12:47am

The loneliness comes.

The feeling is starting to

get to me.

2:38am

I cry by myself.

My heart is hurting because

no one holds it.

3:16am

I lie sadly awake.

I cannot take this feeling

any longer.

4:29am

My skin is burning.

The razor has done its

Job once more.

it's gotten to the point where

i don't know who i am anymore

i constantly feel like im on the verge

of breaking down

i feel like im going crazy

and if my mind is an ocean

my thoughts are a tsunami

i cant sleep

i cant concentrate

i cant even think straight

I

Am

A

Mess

I am coming apart at the seems

and it scares me.

I think I hit the point in life

Where I'm Just done.

I cried

I fount

I tried

but everything is crashing down,

The daemons are screaming louder,

Trying to eat the rest of me away,

And this time,

I'm not going to fight back.

I don't want to see anyone. I lie in the bedroom with the curtains draw and the nothingness washing over me like a sluggish wave. Whatever happened to me is my own fault. I've done something wrong, something so huge I cant even see it, something that's drowning me. I'm inadequate and stupid, without worth. I might as well be dead.

I stop at a blank page and put the tip of the pen to the paper. I'm motionless for a second, then I start to write, the words flowing from me.

Today I look at my life and wonder.

Is life worth all this pain I have been through?

My whole being has been twisted by your selfishness

My understanding of life is so mush different than others..

What they see as torment, I see as pleasure...

I use to wish for my salvation

But now I only wish to feel my own suffering

For I have grown to love the feeling of torment

I love to see the scars on my skin

And feel the scars on my soul

If only you knew the real me

You would cry and pity me...

But I wish you never to know..

For I still cling to that hope

Of you becoming the person you once were...

He closed the journal and set it on the bedside table. He got up and stumbled to the bathroom, which the others had now cleaned out. He closed the door and went over to the sink. His hands griped the sides as he looked at himself in the mirror.

He had on a blue tee and jeans. His feet were bare, his hands covered in white bandages. Every day, he had to show them his arms.

"See, no scars?"

I said as I held out my arms for Cole to examine. I smiled at him like nothing was wrong. He frowned at me, looking closely at my arms, turning them over in his hands.

I continued to smile at him. Cole nodded finally and walked out of my room, locking the door behind him. They had changed the lock so it locked outside, not in.

But it's all lies.

They only check my wrists.

Not thighs.

My skin is pale, my hair a wreck. Dark shadows circle under my eyes. My lips are blue, my once lively green eyes black. Dark. Restrained.

"Don't trust too much

Don't love too much

Don't hope too much

Because that too much...

can hurt you so much..."

I speak aloud, and grin, my sharpened teeth showing. I will escape. I will.

Tonight...

A voice, female, says in my head. I laugh. I continue to laugh and laugh. She is coming. They cannot stop her. I fall to my knees, then my hands, still laughing as my head bows. The first tears fall from both eyes at the same time. Something I read comes to mind.

When a person cries and the first drop of tears come from the right eye, it's from happiness. But when the first roll is from left, it is pain.

So I'm happy...and in pain...

Still, I laugh, red droplets of blood dripping from my eyes, staining my cheeks red. A small pool of blood appears. I laugh. She is coming. She is coming.