A/N: Thanks muchly to: divprince, MoonLightView, zx14ninja, Ayame666, chococat450, Valechan, and tearsXsolitude! :hug:s to you all.
You know, I think fanfiction could be like deviantART and get emoticons too! ^_^
We All Fall Down
Chapter Four – Darkness Surrounding
Hitsugaya Tōshirō
A year had slipped away.
As though someone had flipped a switch, it had suddenly become "business as usual". The Hogyōku had been destroyed by somewhat unclarified means at the hands of Kurosaki and his companions, and the Arrancar were gone forever. There were, however, still vast numbers of Hollows to deal with on a regular basis; that had never changed and never would.
The larger issue at hand was deciding who to select to replace the Council of 46, not to mention the three vacant captain's positions. The convoluted and tedious processes of nominations, evaluations, comparisons, cross-references, discussions, and debates were extremely time-consuming, and certainly mentally exhausting on top of it. At least, it served a useful distraction.
After a year, we had constructed a partial council, but nothing had been decided about captaincy, which was not unusual for such a large-scale decision. Hisagi stood a good chance of replacing Tōsen as ninth-division captain, however. Kira had not yet been rejected as a third-division candidate, but the general consensus was that he was not ready, and the odds were not in his favour. Personal grudges aside, I was still one to speak against the idea.
No one had even mentioned Hinamori for captain. In fact, discussion had arisen of removing her from her position of lieutenant. After much debate it had been decided, for the time, to leave her where she was, rather than force the fifth division to run its affairs without even the semblance of a leader.
That time had not been quite so distracting….
But it had been a year. A year. It made my head spin to think about it. It seemed so much had changed….and, yet….
Matsumoto Rangiku
The same dream. Over and over and over.
There's you and there's me, darkness all around us. But we don't mind, because we're together.
The silence is beautiful. There's no need for words, and we walk into the darkness, unafraid.
I stumble. I fall.
You catch me, pulling me close to you, holding me with your strong, protective hands.
I stand, but when I look again – you're gone. There's only your voice.
"Rangiku…"
The beautiful silence is shattered. Your voice, it haunts me, for I'm alone now.
Every night, I awaken, cold and shivering, with sweat on my brow, but my eyes dry.
Inhale, exhale.
Breathe.
Relax.
Don't think.
Away and gone…
Thoughtless.
Numb.
Hitsugaya Tōshirō
I was worried about Matsumoto. She, too, had not been well since the aftermath of the battle. During her fight, all her organs on her lower right side had been damaged or torn out entirely. They'd all needed to be replaced, and she required regular check-ups to make sure they were working properly, so I saw her less often. Whenever I was around her, though, I saw dark rings under her eyes, and, though her lack of focus wasn't abnormal, she seemed distant and unwilling to talk.
I refused to press her, to try and make her say something. I could not blame her for what she was feeling. And even though different things haunted us, I felt an odd sense of relief that I, at least, was not the only one.
Kira Izuru
"You're being an idiot, Kira."
I said nothing.
"In the end, you're only doing more harm."
"That's not true."
Abarai-kun snorted. "Listen to yourself! You don't even believe what you're saying. Now, look: I understand why you would want to hang around Hinamori after this whole thing. You're both upset; you've both lost a lot; I get that. Maybe I can't entirely relate, but I get it, all right? The thing is, I can see you're not helping her. And you're not helping yourself, either."
Again, I remained silent.
Abarai-kun paused. Something seemed to occur to him. "You already know it," he said, surprised at his realization. "So why do you do it?"
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Fuck that, you don't! I don't know what your problem is, Kira, but you'd better figure it out before you end up dragging yourself down and taking Hinamori with you!"
"I thank you for your concern. It is unnecessary, however."
"It's not – well, okay. We're friends, Kira. Hinamori's our friend, too. It bugs me to see you both acting this way. So I think it is necessary."
"One year is not enough to recover from such a blow."
"You should have at least started by now."
"You think so? How would you know, exactly?"
His gaze was hard as he reluctantly answered, "…I wouldn't know."
I paused pointedly. "Once again, I thank you. I think, though, that this conversation is over, Abarai-kun."
What no one knew was that I needed Hinamori as much as she needed me.
She needed me to stand beside her and add fuel to the inferno of her passionate beliefs, to add the mortar between the stones in her wall of close-minded stubbornness. She needed me to be the justification of her delusions and to corral her, to keep her, not too close to madness, nor too far away, simply laughing and dancing on the brink.
Continuing to do this to her brought me unfathomable guilt. And that was precisely why I needed to continue to do it. This way, I could pretend it was the only guilt I felt, and the confusion that lurked in my heart, the ashamed sorrow I felt over the death of a horrible man did not exist.
I was aware I was poisoning us both. But surely a sweet escape would serve us better than bitter suffering?
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"Sometimes I feel as if it's you and me against the whole world," said Hinamori-kun softly.
I needed her. She needed me. Maybe this wasn't how I'd expected it to happen. But to fight against a natural-seeming progression might mean losing her. Maybe it wasn't right. But I had to hold on, no matter what.
"I think I know what you mean. But it will be okay. We'll get through; I promise."
Then we kissed. I wasn't really sure who kissed whom, but it didn't really matter. There was no love there, no passion, just a need to be reassured of the other's presence. It wasn't as though it was the first time, anyway.
A/N: Momo and Izuru, thrown together in a whirlwind of grief and chaos! Whatever next? Please review, and stay tuned for chapter five! :D