A/N

Chuck as a show is very frustrating sometimes, Chuck is our moral hero, who walks into the darkness and deceit of the spy world and conquers it through unasumming honesty, a jovial spirit, a brilliant mind, and a bit of luck. What is frustrating is that Chuck, while being incredibly honest and good, can also be petty, jealous, and stupid. Many fanfics improve this aspect of Chuck, they downplay his pettiness and highlight what they love about him, his goodness. There is a place for these stories, I never begrudge reading about the best of humanity. But, I very much appreciate the show keeping the jagged edges of Chuck's character, as frustrating as it is, it is real. I will try and do the same. As some have noted, Sarah's confession has bolstered Chuck's confidence it is still shakeable. Thank you all for reading and reviewing.

Chapter Four
A Brooding Storm

Chuck was brooding. He was in a brooding mood, the weather was not helping. Morning fog and smog, exhaust pipes, traffic, everything was gray and out of focus. Nothing felt as it should. Start, stop, start stop, slowly inching towards the destination. That is until some jackass cuts you off. Jackass with stupid 5 o'clock shadow and stupid silky accents and stupid perfect jawline.

Sarah's parting comments helped last night, helped, but the hours lying in his bed last night had stripped most of that confidence away. The seduction was bad, the scene he walked in on was bad, stomach curdling, heartbreaking, world numbing bad. Her words had helped, but what did they mean? She didn't want to cover break up, that was good right? She cared about them, or at least fake them. Did she care because of the cover? Or did she care because of him? Gah! He didn't know, she wouldn't tell him, he was starting to think that she didn't know. She treated him so well during their cover dates, missions, day to day. It was like it was real. Were the lines blurring for her like they were him? Maybe, hopefully? Please God I would do anything!

But their relationship was the traffic jam from hell. Every time he seemed to be developing something real with Sarah, something would happen. Bryce would come back. Damn him, Jill would come back. Damn me, now this perfect MI6 agent is here for the foreseeable future… perhaps it's better for Sarah. She is forced to spend so much time with a putz from the buy more, she could have any man, deserves the best of man, she was Aphrodite and Athena, deadly beauty, capable but lovely, dangerous but good. Much too good for me…

Chuck's mood did not improve as he entered Castle . Cole was in a towel. Sitting so close to Sarah. Did they… Chuck's heart dropped, his shoulders slumped anger flaring up; then dissipating.

"You have no right" he scolded himself. "You slept with Jill", Casey was right I am a moron.

Right or no, gnawing sadness gripped his chest, emotion clouded his judgment, tears threatened his he move in with her and have to witness this? More torture, more Assyrians, more defeat.

Mercifully Sarah sent Barker away. Was that disgust on her face? At least she cares about his feelings, even if she doesn't want them.

OoOoOoO

"Agent Barker, you are telling us that the data on the device can only be decoded with a Fulcrum playback device?" General Beckman said in her usual curt tone.

"Yes, General. I am meeting my fulcrum contact this afternoon in order to retrieve a playback device which will decrypt the information." Barker replied.

"No way can you do that" Chuck said incredulously, the guy's a jerk but he didn't want him dead. "Your cover has been blown, that's far too dangerous."

"Fulcrum only knows that I was being targeted by a federal agency, they do not know that I am a part of one. Besides Charles, danger comes with the territory," Cole responded patronizingly

I get what Sarah sees in him, mission focused, fear immune, everything Chuck was not. Still, every encryption was breakable, he happened to be one of the best at breaking them, he hadn't tried in awhile but this was definitely something he could do.

"Let me break the encryption. I'm not good at the whole cloak and dagger stuff, but computers and code breaking I can do." Chuck was actually excited. They did not know his hacking ability. No mission had ever required it. Maybe he could do some good and keep his handlers from danger this time around.

"Mr. Bartowski, I do not recall the intersect containing any decryption or code breaking abilities within its database," Beckman said haughtily.

Sarah's eyes widened in horror, Casey's face contorted in disbelief. Chuck initially did not realize why they were upset. Beckman mocking him was standard operating procedure for these briefings, if anything he was touched that Beckman remembered his name. Then a realization hit him. Cole doesn't know that I am the intersect. Oh crap.

"General, you're correct. The intersect training that I underwent did not include any modules on code breaking or decryption, I am self trained in that regard," Chuck replied uneasily, perhaps Cole would not notice.

For the briefest instant, Beckman's face betrayed bewilderment, then horror, then it snapped back into a neutral gaze. This was not good. Chuck's identity had been compromised, but Chuck could not help be giddy that it was not him that compromised his identity. It was the princess of protocol who casually betrayed her precious secret all for the sake of putting "the asset" in his place.

Cole seemed impassive, not betraying realization. Perhaps he did not know what the intersect was, perhaps he did and did not want to betray his realization. Regardless, the General seemed cowed by her lapse in judgment she continued on.

"Mr. Bartowski, while I appreciate your… eagerness to help out, we will defer to Agent Barker's expertise this, Agents Walker and Casey you will assist."

"General, I can do this, there is no need to put, the team at risk. What could it hurt?" Chuck was incredulous. Why did she think he was so worthless? Damnit, had he not proved himself last night? Last mission? The last year?

"You could destroy the data, you could alert fulcrum that it is in our hands. I'll admit, you were handy with the computer last night, but sometimes you have to let the real spies do their work," Barker said haughtily.

"Chuck, we'll be fine, don't worry about us," Sarah said reassuringly. At her words, the indignation faded away, She did not believe in him, he was numb, resigned, defeated. He had been weighed, and measured near a real spy and found wanting. Chuck's shoulders slumped, his mind withdrew.

The rest of the briefing went on without incident. Beckman regained her composure after her earlier slip. They charted a course of action and began preparing for the afternoon's operation. It was decided that Chuck's "analyst expertise" was not necessary for this operation. Intellectually this made sense to Chuck, it was possible his cover with Barker was already blown. But Chuck's fast thinking had perhaps preserved her error, the story was thin at best, and if Chuck just happened to discern a bit of key intel then the nations most closely guarded secret would have a foreign national as one of its guardians, whose loyalties were to another government. That really undermines the whole "national" aspect of the secret thing. Chuck understood this, but understanding and accepting are different animals. Chuck did not accept this decision, it made him angry, it made him worried for Sarah, but more than anything it just made him feel downright small.

Finally a mission comes along where Chuck's expertise is actually useful, where Chuck, not the intersect, could be a real asset to the team. Sure he did not choose this life, he did not want to be a slave to uncle sam, but after so many years of being insignificant it was nice to help, especially to help Sarah. But no, Chuck was less than worthless to Beckman, an annoying pebble in her shoe which she tolerated in order keep hiking towards the summit of fulcrum's defeat.

"Forget this", Chuck thought. "Forget Beckman and her arrogant machinations, forget Casey and his constant needling, forget Barker and his 'real spy' bullshit, and forget Sarah… he could never do that, but gosh he wished she believed in him, forget all of it, I'm gonna decrypt the stupid chip while they are gone.."

"Chuck", Sarah called out gently, concern evident in her voice. "Are you alright?"

"Fine, just readying myself for another day of mediocrity while you guys go save the world." The words were out of Chuck's mouth before he could stop them. He intended to not vomit his insecurity on her, he wanted to bottle it up and swim in it for another few hours, but Sarah's presence was truth serum to him. He had no control around her. How pathetic?

"Chuck, you did really well in that briefing. I'm furious with Beckman, compromising your cover like that for nothing. It was stupid and small. You did amazing covering it up and playing it off. I don't think Cole caught on which is really good."

"Cole" Chuck thought as his heart sank. Of course.

"Thanks umm, be safe on the mission today, I know you're the best but I just um hope everything goes well." Chuck managed to say awkwardly. She deserved better, she did not owe him anything, she had not promised him anything. She was being kind to him and he was practically grunting back at her.

"Thank you Chuck, I fully intend on being safe." Sarah smiled widely nodding at him as she, Casey, and Cole exited Castle leaving Chuck… and the microchip.

OoOoOoO

Chuck's heart pounded as he realized it was his own face on the screen of his Nerd Herd computer. The microchip info that fulcrum was willing to use a military helicopter in Los Angeles was his identity. Chuck's fingers flew back to the keyboard, he needed to see if the data had been accessed previously, he needed to know if his identity was safe, if Ellie and Awesome were safe. He was so fixated on his task that he did something absolutely stupid. He tripped a failsafe in the chip sending out a homing beacon.

Panic gripped him, fulcrum knew where the chip was, they knew where he was, the fake that Sarah and Barker had taken, they could be in danger. Crap crap crap. Chuck pulled out his phone and dialed Casey. No answer. Chuck frantically searched the Buy More isles, finally arriving at what he was looking for just as the dial tone beeped for him to leave a message.

"Casey this is the moron. I screwed up, I took the microchip from castle and broke the code, I'm a screw up. I let you guys down and I'm sorry God please let it not put you guys in danger. I am such an idiot. I know what is on the chip. But there was a homing beacon that I triggered when accessing the data. Fulcrum are coming for me I am sure. I cannot risk going to Castle. I am grabbing a gcx tracking dot. People use them to put on their keys so they don't lose them. I'll text you the access number. Hopefully it is small enough that fulcrum won't take it off of me if I am captured."

As soon as Chuck got off the phone, he typed the login info into his cell and sent it to Casey. Then, arriving back at his Nerd herd station he wiped his laptop and broke the microchip all before three intimidating figures strode up to his desk.

OoOoOoO

Sarah's heart was broken, her eyes were watery, her whole being rebelling against the evil she was witnessing, she was begging for it to be over, for them to be rescued. If she was honest to God praying that Casey managed some way to track them. She could not stand another second of the heart wrenching terror she was enduring.

"Again!" A shrill sadistic voice screamed followed by lock jawed cries of agony. She had failed, failed him, failed to protect him, she was living out her nightmare. Watching the man who meant everything to her hooked to a car battery taking round after round of punishment for which he had no training for all because she did not go with her gut and back him up at the briefing. The meeting, as Chuck predicted, had been a set up. Fulcrum knew Cole was a mole, the meet was just to acquire Cole, and the microchip and see what kind of damage his betrayal had done. She should have gone with her gut and backed Chuck. Damnit. She was so worried that Beckman was suspicious of her objectivity she allowed it to cloud her senses which had kept her alive and operational for the past 10 years. She ignored her senses for fear of Beckman and fear of her own judgment when it came to Chuck. When she was around Chuck her thinking went: euphoric, angelic, haywire, beautiful, confusing. She felt things she had never felt before, things she swore she would not feel. In her attempt to keep that oath, she sabotaged the very objective for which the oath was intended. Had she just trusted her gut, she would have backed Chuck and they would not be in this mess.

She was such an idiot and Chuck was paying the price.

"This can all be over if you just tell me how you cracked the encryption and what who is on that microchip."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Chuck said weakly.

Chuck looked like hell. Jumper cables attached to his chest, arms hanging loosely out of socket above his head, head sagging legs dragging limply on the floor.

Chuck, had been a hero. Before the torture began Chuck told them that he could not stand the sight of them being tortured, that it was his fault that they were there. As the fulcrum torture team entered the room he immediately began babbling until he found himself in the unenviable position which he currently resided.

"You, Charles Irving Bartowski, are a liar. You are a CIA analyst who cracked a near unbreakable encryption, triggering the beacon. You have seen what is on the chip. You know who the intersect is. WHO IS IT?" The Fulcrum agent was irate, reaching for the dial to start the electricity again before stopping.

"Perhaps you need to be motivated by some other means."

"I've found positive reinforcement to be what I respond to best." Chuck joked weakly

"Of Course, Millennials, how could I forget… I will try it your way, you tell me who the Human intersect is and as a rewarded, Agent Walker's heart will beat for another 10 minutes. After that I cannot guarantee anything."

God Chuck just let him kill me, I cannot take more of your pain. Please say nothing, I cannot have him take you from me, we cannot lose this, how did I lose this I'm so sorry Chuck.

The fulcrum torturer pulled out their gun.

"Well Chuck, what is it going to be?"

"Fine! I'll tell you," Chuck conceded.

A tidal wave of emotion slammed into Sarah with a force she was not expecting. Relief that the pain may be over for Chuck, fear that fulcrum may take him from her, and incandescent adoration at the fact that Chuck Bartowski as always kept his word.

OoOoOoO

"I wanted to apologize about Morgan, I could have been more sensitive, I just, I don't have anyone who cares about me like that."

"Yeah you do."

OoOoOoO

And so she did. Chuck Bartowski is a terrible spy. The greater good means nothing to him in comparison to the care and protection of his family. His family, I'm family. God.

"Who was on that chip!" The fulcrum agent spat cocking her gun.

"Me." Chuck breathed. "I was in meadow branch, I downloaded the intersect, I am the one you are looking for."

"Prove it, your girlie over there's life depends on it," the fulcrum agent spat.

"He's a nobody," Cole interjected an analyst playing at hero. Do you really think the yanks would allow a computer geek, granted a tough one, but a geek all the same to have their most important, operative secrets?"

"We'll soon find out, or blondie over there will get a bullet in her head, simple as that. So Chuck, what is it going to be?"

"Your real name is Valerie Fitzpatrick, you were recruited by Fulcrum three years ago as a clandestine operative. You're not like the other operatives recruited, seduced by money, power, sex. You are a true believer."

"Blondie's lucky day, well not really, I don't need her anymore." Valerie's eyes were afire with an evil glare. Clearly overjoyed at the revelation, overcome with a lustful euphoria given to her by the power she had over her captives.

"Say goodbye to your friends Chu…"

Chaos broke loose in the warehouse. Multiple flash bangs detonated and fully armored men streamed into the room.

Waves of relief washed over Sarah. Casey had come, somehow he had found them. She looked over to Chuck. He hung loosely by his arms, the flashbangs too much for him, he passed out.

Sarah watched as Valerie scrambled to escape, all exits covered, she put the bullet she intended for Sarah in her own head. The intel was good, she was a true believer.

OoOoOoO

Sarah had not left Chuck's side since being freed from her chains. The scene around her was a flurry of activity but none of it registered in her highly developed senses. Her entire being was focused upon the unconscious man she sentried waiting for a medical transport away from their place of captivity. She had managed a brief conversation with Casey where he let her know that it was Chuck's quick thinking that made their rescue possible. Regret hung between both of them for how this mission had gone sideways. They had failed Chuck, he had been compromised, and tortured because they did not listen to him. Well, that and the fact that the "moron acted petuously" as Casey put it. Casey was right, had Chuck followed orders, he would not have been captured. But Sarah and Cole still would have, and Chuck's identity would have eventually been delivered to fulcrum hq. Everybody Talks. Even Sarah.

Chuck had saved them, in his typical, unorthodox, stupid way. Chuck, not Sarah, endured torture long enough for their rescue to arrive. She needed him to be okay.

"Sarah?" Chuck said, voice barely audible.

"I'm here Chuck, I'm with you," Sarah replied her left hand gently gripping his shoulder Right brushing his matted curls from his eyes.

"I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have hacked the chip, I put you all in danger I'm so so so sorry." Tears welled in his eyes as he released his guilt to her, the agony behind his eyes far exceeding anything the car battery could produce.

"Chuck, listen to me, you were amazing: you are amazing, this is my fault for not backing you in the briefing this morning. We are a team and I didn't have your back, and you paid for it dearly." Sarah's voice was steady, her attempt to mask the tsunami of emotion.

"No Sarah, it's my fault, I was stupidly jealous, I was sulking like a child. I saw Cole in the towel this morning and it turned me into a selfish jerk. I have no right to act or be affected by something like that, regardless of whether or not something happened. If something or someone makes you happy then I should be a good friend and be happy for you, rather than a pathetic, jealous loser. I let those emotions run wild and hacked the chip in anger, I put you and Cole at risk I am so so sor…" Chuck could not finish as a bout of violent coughing ripped through his chest. His body convulsed and his eyes winced tightly in pain.

It was wild how often Sarah experienced two contradictory emotions at once. She was so thankful that Chuck, despite his brilliance, could not see that she was crazy about him. That Cole had nothing to offer, that she was baffled that Chuck would even be concerned about that. Yet simultaneously she was frustrated that he could not see and she was not permitted to show him her true feelings. He thinks he is worthless, he thinks that she sees nothing of value in him, when that could not be further from the truth.

"Chuck, no more talking, I will take care of you. The meeting was a set up anyways, you were right we never should have gone. We could have let you hack the info using Castles resources. We would have kept you safe. This is an opp gone bad, it happens, and it was not your fault."

"But Sarah.."

"No Chuck, I won't hear it, you were amazing today and now you need to rest."

A smile slowly stretched across Chuck's lips his eyes filled with relief happiness at her words.

"Is it okay if I tell Ellie you are staying at my place, I want to be with you tonight and keep you from having to explain your condition," Sarah said absentmindedly.

"Are you suggesting that I look less than fantastic right now?" Chuck asked, a goofy grin plastered on his face"

At this Sarah's whole body relaxed, no permanent damage was done, he was still himself. She was overjoyed.

"I'll say you've looked better," Sarah said practically beaming at him.

"I'll take it, that means you think that I have something to lose in the looks department."

"Great Chuck, now don't get cocky," Sarah winked at him pleased with herself and comfortable soaking in his presence.

Chuck's grin erupted into a full on smile, the guilt and pain of earlier all but forgotten. "Sarah, you don't have to take care of me, I can manage El, I don't want to inconvenience you, I'll be okay.

"Chuck, it's not an inconvenience, I want to," Sarah said seriously… and honestly.

A/N 2

Sarah, is not too pleased with Beckman at this moment, there will be a reckoning. Did Cole connect the dots? What will he do with the knowledge? What about the future for Chuck and Sarah's "cover" relationship? We will find out soon enough.