Hey guys! Thank you SOO much for the sweet reviews! ^_^ The story is finished in my word document, so the more reviews and likes or whatever, the more I'll update (But I'm pretty impatient, so I'll probably end up doing it soon enough;)) Now this chapter lets you in on why the story is called "Pain". Enjoy, and review! Love y'all :3

CHAPTER 4.

I step inside the TARDIS with my bag, and immediately drop it. I know it's bigger on the inside, it's just…so much more magnificent in person. The Doctor waltzes up to me and leans on the railing.
"So? What do you think?" Amy and Rory were behind him leaning against the console, smiling.
"It's…so beautiful. So…alien!" I laugh, and they laughed with me. The Doctor runs up to the console and presses a few buttons, then turns to me and asks with that silly grin of his "Where to?"
"Hmmm…" I tap my chin thoughtfully. "Ireland, 1950!"
He laughed again. "Okay then! Ireland, 1950 it is!" I grabbed onto the railing, I know how this goes. We all jolted around, then finally came to a stop.
"Oh Doctor! Don't I need to change first?"
I point to my pink and orange plaid PJ bottoms and my white t shirt.
"I mean I know Amy's first trip was in her nightie…but I'd rather mine be in proper clothing" Amy looked surprised for a moment, before remembering I'd watched their lives pretty much. He pointed me to what I assume was the wardrobe. I went over and changed into what would fit into the era, and came out in a red diner type dress, with white polka dots on it, a white long sleeved pullover, and a pair of matching red heels. The Doctor smiled.

"You look beautiful" I looked down so my curly auburn hair would fall in front of my face, concealing my blush one again. "Thanks" I mumbled. I didn't believe it.
Amy stepped out in a dress similar to mine, but in a beautiful green color that matched her eyes. Rory looked at her in admiration and pure love. I turned away from them as familiar pain pierced my heart. The Doctor was already at the door, ready to go. We walked out, and I cursed myself for wearing long sleeves. It felt like spring out.
But what I saw was beautiful.

Fields of breathtaking flowers, as far as the eye could see. Mountaintops in the distance, shining, reflecting off of the afternoon sun. It smelled of freshly cut lemongrass and tulips. I breathed in deeply, and shut my eyes for a moment. It was just what I imagined. I had always wanted to go to Ireland. It looked so serene…so peaceful, and the scenery was how I'd heard. Just amazing.

Amy and Rory walked hand in hand in the meadow of flowers, and I opened my eyes to see the Doctor still beside me at the TARDIS.
"Shall we?" He offered his elbow, a basket in the other hand.
I laughed
"We shall"
I took his elbow and we went to catch up with the ponds. Apparently the Doctor brought a picnic for the occasion, so we found a spot, and set everything out. While eating, the Doctor looked at me and frowned.
"Leah, it's about 78 degrees out, aren't you a bit warm?" He gestured towards my pull over.
"Nah, I'm fine." Honestly I was burning up. But they can't know.
We finished up our picnic, and headed back to the TARDIS.
"Sorry if my first trip was uneventful for y'all." Amy giggled at that.
"What?"
"Oh nothing, your accent is just adorable, that's all!"
I laughed. I hated my accent, I always wanted to be British or Scottish. "Funny you say that, I hate my accent, I've always wanted to be British or Scottish!"
Rory spoke up "Well I quite enjoyed it, it's nice having a trip where you don't have to fend off anything that wants to kill you."
We all laughed at that, and once inside the TARDIS, I grabbed my bag and asked the Doctor where I could put it. He took me down the long corridors, seemingly never ending, until he stopped at one room. I opened the door, and gasped.

It looked perfect.

The walls were an aqua color, my favorite color. There were pictures of all different things in my room, but all things I loved. One was a picture of a bonfire, one of a girl dancing in the rain. Another was a girl in a ballet pose, and there were quotes on my walls. All my favorites quotes. I walked over to a bookshelf where my favorite books were there, right in order, as I'm OCD, that made me estatic. My bedspread was black, with constellations and stars and pinks and purples swirled into it, to make it look like space. A closet was on my right, with all my clothes, were hanging inside. Beside that was a small bathroom. I turned towards the Doctor and almost knocked him over with my hug. I spoke into his ear
"How did you know all my favorite things, right down to my quotes?" He released the hug, and walked around the room.
"The TARDIS is mentally linked to you, so she knows what you like, even down to your quotes." I smiled and thanked him. He pointed to my bag in confusion. I seem to do that to him a lot, make him confused.
"Why did you pack a bag though? If you've seen all of this before on the telly, you know the TARDIS can provide what you need"
I stuttered for my answer. "I just, well…you know girls. Certain things need to be brought with us. Memorabilia. Stuff like that." He nodded, but I don't think I convinced him that time.
"Well, I'll let you get settled in. Goodnight Leah!"
"Night Doctor!"
After he shut my door, and I made sure he was gone, I unpacked my bag quickly of it's contents. My drawn picture from my little niece, my makeup, my dance trophy, a picture frame with my best friends in it, and, hidden in the very bottom, my black box that contained bandaids, antiseptic wipes, and my blades.

TRIGGER WARNING:SELF HARM FROM HERE.

I changed out of my dress, and put on a pair of sofee shorts and a flannel night shirt. I set all my things in the right spot, then went to my bathroom with the blades.
I took one out shakily, and drew in a breath as it sliced across my wrist. The blood trickled down my hand into the sink, and I watched as I made a second cut above it.
"For the two parents I left behind. I'm so sorry. I hope I didn't disappoint, scare, or anger you. I love you."
The blood flow finally slowed down, and I cleaned the blood from the sink. I grabbed some bandages from my little "kit" and fixed myself up.
I washed my face of its makeup, and looked in my reflection. My almond shaped, grey-blue-green eyes looking back at me.
I'm so weak. Pathetic.
My pale skin softly kissed with light freckles across my nose, barely noticeable, and my long, curly brown-red hair.
I took a better look at the rest of me. I'm 5 foot 3, so I have short legs. I developed muscular thighs and calves from dance, but that made my thighs not so thin and long like Amy's.
My stomach was alright, but not as flat and taut as hers. I had a decent chest, but that's about it. My heart shaped face made my chin look pointy when I smile, and my forehead wide. I hate myself.

I trudged back to bed, snuggled under the starry duvet, and turned out the light. I lightly grazed my hands over my fresh bandages.

They must never know. Especially The Doctor. Never let him see the damage.