Disclaimer: If I would own Naruto...*nya...Tenzoouuu...* sry ~ got distracted ~ eh plot is mine characters aren't. xD
Careful: Yaoi ~ don't like it ~ pls don't read it

After they've helped each other to clean themselves up and put their underwear back on the two shinobi laid snuggling in Tenzou's bed. His head rested on Kakashi's breast and both got used to each others body in no time. Soon their arms and legs were entangled with one another and it was getting comfortably warm under the thin summer blanket.

"I really did sleep with my Senpai." Tenzou still couldn't truly believe it. He smiled and the silverhaired seemed to be happy as well. It wasn't long before Kakashi's steady heartbeat made Tenzou sleepy.

"So cute, Tenzou~chan," Kakashi quipped gentle, his heart swell with happiness as he saw his Kohai sleeping calmly on his chest. A happiness which hurt him deeply like a sharp knife cutting him into pieces.

He carefully stroked Tenzou's brown hair and It didn't take him much longer to fall asleep. The sweet view he was experiencing made him forget why he came to Tenzou's apartment in the first place. Delayed what he had decided when he had made up his mind after his last mission. At least for the short time being.

Kakashi knew it wasn't fair, that he was being egoistic, selfish even and that sleeping with Tenzou, no matter how much he wanted it, was probably the biggest mistake for what he was about to do tomorrow morning...but he didn't see any alternative, not anymore.

Tenzou woke up all scared while sensing Kakashi's strong chakra and realizing that he wasn't alone, his respiration became slower, his heartbeat calmer.

„Why now?"

Kakashi leaned upright, his back facing the headboard, his arms embracing his Kohai, pulling him closely to his chest. The bright sun from outside warmed both of their bodies, covering them in a slight glow of light which seemed to illuminate the darkness Tenzou had awaken with, making the effect of the bad dream disappear slowly. The daylight always helped him to keep calm, because the light always defeats the darkness, taking over it's place until the last of the remaining shadows had faded away.

Tenzou let himself fall into his embrace and Kakashi buried his head deep in his Kohai's hair. "You're still having these nightmares?", he asked softly, his voice so close that Tenzou's body trembled of excitement.

"They've never left in the first place," he replied truthfully. Kakashi didn't say a word he just held him tightly.

„This is going to be awfully hard," he thought bitterly, his eyes watching the brownhaired resting in his arms.

Eventually his grip loosened and Tenzou turned to him. Kakashi looked thoughtful and in an instant Tenzou's face obviously showed his fear, his worry that his Senpai was already regretting the night they've spent together but of course he didn't dare to tell him about these doubts.

But he did not had to, Tenzou was like an open book to Kakashi, his emotions were easier to read than anyone else's. It's not like Tenzou couldn't conceal them if he had to but, he's a great anbu after all but he was his Kohai, and no matter how hard he would try he could never hide his feelings from Kakashi.

"That's not it," he whispered, placing another kiss on Tenzou's lips as to prove his words to him. Still, the brownhaired wasn't relieved yet, he knew his Senpai was troubled and somehow he was sure he wouldn't like it either.

"Would you go with me, Tenzou?", he asked, his eyes were scanning the room and the question wasn't really directed at him, as if his Senpai had already known his answer and knowing that he wouldn't like it, he still wanted it to be confirmed by him.

There wasn't much in the apartment to look at. Apart from the furniture which was already there when Tenzou moved in he could only see a few clothes, books and his precious ninja utensils.

"I would follow you wherever you go as long as it's possible for me, Senpai," he answered. Though he was aware that he was speaking the truth, there was this sad undertone in his voice because it was certain that wherever Kakashi's thoughts were traveling at that specific moment, his Kohai couldn't follow him there.

Kakashi remained silent, he was trying to figure out how he was going to break both of their hearts the least painful way.

Suddenly he gently pushed himself up and slipped off the bed, sticking to the pure truth is what he was going to do or at least he would try. Kakashi was now sitting on the edge with his feet hitting the cold, wooden ground.

Tenzou didn't moved a single inch but his brown eyes were fixated on the older anbu, not letting go of him, soaking in any little detail which could help him understand his sudden actions. His beloved Senpai raised both of his hands and glanced at them for a short while till he eventually raised his voice.

"I've killed so many people that I've lost count, Tenzou," his tone sounded painfully serious, if he wouldn't sit right in front of the dizzied brownhaired he wouldn't have believed it was him.

Kakashi's usual monotone and lazily voice couldn't sound so sad, so desperate. It's not like him at all. Tenzou was even more surprised of this new side of him than he was before as Kakashi's voice turned into the husky, irritating sexy one and Kakashi into an impatiently predator losing all his self control with his only desire left was getting to his prey.

Tenzou, worried about this new discovery, reasoned about the question himself and he agreed that he didn't know the exact amount of lives he has taken either but if he was honest he didn't care as much as his Senpai did.

Tenzou moved closer to Kakashi, sitting next to him, shoulder on shoulder, not knowing if touching him was a good idea or if it would only worsen the situation, he sat quietly waiting for Kakashi's next step. His Senpai didn't move at all and his head was still facing his own pale hands when he asked the hardest question Tenzou ever had to answer.

„Be honest with me, does this make me a bad human being?"

Tenzou disliked the direction this conversation was heading to but it didn't took him long to give Kakashi his answer. He took his hands into his own ones, waiting for Kakashi to look back up to him and spoke out of pure conviction.

"Even though we dirty our hands, Senpai. The blood stuck on them was never clean. We protect our village, our friends, the people dearest to us and sometimes there is no other choice than to fight. It was you who taught me that every single person defines the way they want to live by their actions only. You would have never accepted a mission which would endanger your own way of living, your own Nindō , if I know anything at all than it's this, for sure! How can you even think about calling yourself that?!"

Kakashi smiled slightly, "I know, Tenzou and that's exactly why have to leave the anbu."

„Leaving anbu? After all that's it?" Tenzou was frozen in shock and Kakashi tried to caress him gently, afraid a sudden move could break him. "Why?", he asked, his voice already began to crack.

The silverhaired knew that there was no answer which could make him feel better or even understand his decision, that's why he tried to calm him down by touching him softly.

"Tenzou, you remember what I asked before?" Of course he did and of course Kakashi knew that he did. "Come with me, let's leave together."

Apart from the steady in- and exhaling of air, Kakashi's whisper was the last sound to be heard before it turned eerie silent in the small room.

The two anbu didn't move and the deadly silence was only interrupted by Tenzou's unsteady breathing which enhanced unnaturally fast in pace second by second but if the brownhaired wouldn't have known better he could have sworn that his mixed emotions were crying out so loud that they were also filling the unbearable silence surrounding them. His feelings were fighting against each other, desperately wanting to spike through his always so calm masquerade, until his anger finally overwhelmed him, took control over him.

Tenzou jumped up, his fist hitting the next available object. The pain in his hand eased the insufferable ache in his mind and heart. "You know that's not possible," he screamed enraged, "I'll never be able to...-", he broke off, his rising voice turned quiet again and he looked away, fists clenching and shoulders shaking with his suppressed emotions.

Why would Kakashi do this to him? Spending the most wonderful night he could imagine together just to leave him forever the next day?

"No, that's not true, Tenzou." Not true? What is he talking about? There is no other way. It's a fact that the elders would never let him live a normal life. And it's a fact that his Senpai, the captain was about to abandon him.

If Tenzou's head wouldn't have been spinning that heavily out of his anger, his confusion, and moreover out of his angst over losing the only one precious to him, then he would have noticed that Kakashi indeed was the person who knew all this, that it was as hard for him to leave as it was for himself to stay.

But his mind wasn't, couldn't think rational anymore, he completely lost his composure, his usually stable wall was crashed into thousand little pieces. Which, like small needles piercing through warm flesh, fiercely pained his head from the inside, making it impossible for Tenzou to form proper thoughts.

Kakashi stood up, moved behind him to embrace his Kohai, his hand reached for Tenzou's injured one while he was slowly pulling him back onto the bed. Tenzou's powerless body didn't resist, his thoughts were to occupied to bother anymore.

"There is no other life waiting for me. The elders would never agree," he whispered carefully, more to himself than to Kakashi, as if speaking out too loud could worsen the pain he was experiencing.

Kakashi kept silent, he was acting like he used to before their night, keeping everything inside, not showing any weak points. His passionate lover was gone in an instant, which only made Tenzou more furious. „First he knows a way out and now he's not going to tell me?"

"What is my freakin' option then? Tell me, I'm curious. Leaving the Leaf and live as a Nukenin? What, are you going to hunt me down then, Kakashi?"

He yelled at his Senpai and regretted Every. Single. Damned. Word, which was born out of his despair. Especially the last sentence made him feel ashamed of himself, he should have know better than that. "Gomen nasai, Senpai. I shouldn't have." - "I'm fine," Tenzou was interrupted firmly.

But obviously Kakashi wasn't fine. He knew from the very beginning that it would upset Tenzou but that he called him by his actual name shocked him. This is the second time Tenzou lost the respect for him.

But the last time was different. It happened during a mission and it was Tenzou's fear that Kakashi would die in his very own arms which had pushed him that far. This time it was his fault. He was the cause of his anger. But the silverhaired couldn't help it, he wasn't going to back off this time.

Tenzou recollected himself again, the way he treated his Senpai cooled him down, he was truly sorry for his foolish behavior. However it took less than a minute before Kakashi made his pretty head swirl again. This time his voice wasn't calm, instead he was screaming harshly and out of frustration at his Kohai.

"Listen to me. What can the elders do about it? You're not a frightened little boy any more. You've done more for the village than most of the Shinobi living here."

While he spoke out these cruel but genuine phrases he stood up, always keeping a wary eye on Tenzou. As he faced his deeply dismayed Kohai from above, standing right in front of him, his right hand grabbed his shoulder roughly, his fingers dug deeper into his flesh as his speech continued.

"Get a hold of yourself and finally claim your rights you worked so hard for! You're better than that, Tenzou!"

No one except for Kakashi was able to built Tenzou up, giving him comfort while at the same time he questioned his whole existence, making him feel so utterly useless. He wanted to believe him, he wanted to prove that Kakashi is right, but this part of him was to small, to inexperienced to pierce through the surface.

The older anbu captain noticed his struggle and considerate about his feelings, he put his own fight aside and chose his next words wisely. "Tenzou," his voice was full of sympathy but Tenzou would have rather preferred a thousand Senbon stitches than what awaited him now.

He wanted him to be quiet, to stop, to change his mind.

"I know that someday you'll follow."

„No. Stop it. Please."

Tenzou was about to cry but he just couldn't.

„Not yet."

In his world there didn't exist this opportunity Kakashi was willing to take.

"And I'll be waiting for you."

His hand left his hurting shoulder and touched his cheek, pulling Tenzou towards him for a kiss. The same kiss they've shared a few hours ago. It felt so good, comforting, so right.

But there was a bitter after-taste. Tenzou knew this would be their last kiss.

A Kiss Goodbye, that was usually the material Kakashi's favorite books were made of. His hands grabbed the silver hair and pulled Kakashi even closer, indicating his silent protest and his desire for more.

It was the desperate try to keep a dear person close to you with your touch only as pure words have already failed convincing him to stay. Kakashi reacted and their tongues fought for dominance, till Tenzou yielded and let Kakashi in. He was making quick work of tracing the inside of the younger man's mouth and it was when his warm lips left that Tenzou started to feel hopeless again. Kakashi mustn't leave. This mustn't be their last touch that tears them apart.

Kakashi...in a few seconds he could make me forget everything around me, I mustn't loose him. He made me the shinobi I am today, showed me what I am really worth.

The silverhaired stood up and without the slightest hesitation, he turned his back on Tenzou, who was still sitting on the bed they've shared together. Quickly he searched his clothes together and put them back on.

Tenzou wanted to scream. Holding him back. Stop him. No matter how. "Don't leave me behind." the silent cries were shaped in his head. He would have done anything, if he could only keep his Senpai by his side.

Even so he was just sitting there, watching how Kakashi moved further away from him, how he parted from Tenzou, the perfect team vanished in front of his eyes, but he was only able to sit there quietly.

His heart menaced to break, refused to go on and his breathing went faster. He couldn't do anything and he knew he wouldn't even try. It wasn't fair to stop him. Everything Tenzou ever wanted was his Senpai to be happy. Of all people how could he be the one to denies him his luck only because it wasn't him Kakashi would share it with.

As the door closed he stood up, realizing that this is goodbye forever. He was stunned and just slowly he started to press his hands at the door, not knowing that Kakashi was still on the other side and that only a little piece of wood separated them.

Tenzou couldn't hold back the tears any longer. His breathing became thinner and he coughed to stabilize it, his head got weary, he felt so helpless.

Suddenly he realized that sometimes the hardest part of living is just taking the breath to stay. Kakashi taught him that he was good for something but he never thought that he could use his abilities outside of the anbu.

Maybe that's not what he meant, what he was trying to tell me. What if there's indeed more he was capable of doing apart from risking his life on high rank missions day after day?

„Senpai must be right." Tenzou's own encouragement wasn't enough to fully convince him and he could still need a good reason to go on but it was a start,"right?" Not more than a tiny bit of hope but he did believe that it would grow one day and maybe help him to get over his loss.

He leaned his head towards the cool wood and whispered, hoping his words would reach Kakashi on his way to a better life.

"Sayonara, Kakashi."

He knew it. Kakashi noticed how hard it was for his Kohai. That he nearly broke. He knew that Tenzou struggled not to try keeping him by his side. And he had to admit that it was much harder than he first thought it would be.

For a while he just stared at his headband resting in his hand. There was no way he'd ever be able to act as his captain again. Too great was the fear of loosing him. Too great were his doubts about anbu.

He leaned his back against the wooden door.

"Gomen nasai, Tenzou...Sayonara," breathing slowly, before he placed his headband orderly around his head, with the back of his hand he wiped away a single tear which already crossed his cheeks, pulled his mask up to cover his face completely and moved on. Left his Kohai behind, hoping that he would someday manage to free himself from the anbu's tight grip.

"I promise, Tenzou. I'll wait for you, my Kohai."

Ohayou,

Sadly this is the end but I hope you still like it though it rly gets more depressing the more I read it Oo

I ryl love writing about them especially at their anbu time ~ how bout you ? xJKxD