I own nothing except for this statement because otherwise the statement itself would be invalid and I would probably get sued which is bad because I'm not a rich famous author. Maybe Shigure should not have been my inspiration. Just kidding!

Chapter Four: My College Dorm

The kid sitting at the chair next to the desk was certainly not the Resident Assistant. He was too young. More importantly, he had this goofy look on his face; he was biting his chin with his upper teeth. Knowing that this was a very serious school of higher learning despite his unfortunate encounters just a few minutes ago, he assumed that the boy had a serious overbite.

"Are you the RA?" he asked politely.

"Naaaw. He'f fowing in fome ftttudents. Be back in five."

"Oh," Hatori said. "What's his name?"

"Tom Ftone. But we call him 'A Little Ftowned."

"A Little Stoned?" This did not sound good.

Just then, Stone(d) came staggering out of the elevator. He stuffed some crumpled papers into his hand. "What?"

"Where is my room?" asked Hatori.

"5Q. Go up three flights of stairs and turn left. That all, dirtbag?"

This was impossible. "Yes," said Hatori, heading for the stairwell.

The instructions also turned out to be impossible. Finally Hatori looked at the papers Stone gave him and figured out where to go. And it was 5D, not 5Q. At least there weren't many students around yet. It was likely that he would get a good bed.

He was walking down the proper hall, happy that he was almost at his room, when he heard really loud music coming from 5C, the room right across the hall from his. The door was open and Hatori could see a boy sitting with a karaoke machine, belting out his own lyrics to popular songs.

I've got an M-16
And a hit list in my pocket.
I'm going huntin'
But not for some mutton,
Maybe a nice person.

I'm gonna kill you lad
With just the things in my pockets…
I don't really wanna
But someone's gotta.
I'm already sick of school.*

Oh, didn't see you there. Would you like to join me? I'm practicing this cool song I made up, a "Thrift Shop" rip-off."

"No, thank you," said Hatori, going into 4D and shoving his luggage inside. He could still hear the infernal banging after he shut it again. Now he could pick the best-looking bed…

Yeah, right; despite the early hour all of his roommates were already there. There were four of them and they stood still, creepily watching him as he lugged his stuff over to the remaining bed. It was in a windowless corner and there was a heating unit going full blast (even though it was summer) and it was level with his bed so if he rolled over in the middle of the night he would get badly scorched. There was a battered coffee table with a chair at the foot at his bed; suspiciously, his roommates each had a full-sized desk to work at. His dresser only had one giant drawer and his closet had one giant hangar.

One of the roommates made a little coughing noise and Hatori turned around to face him. He was a tall, skinny boy with dyed orange hair and painted-on freckles. He wore glasses and braces and sneakers and a pocket protector. Trying to make himself into a stereotype, Hatori supposed.

"Welcome to TIME!" the boy said. "My name is Al, earthling."

"Um, what?"

Al smiled. "This is 4D, right? Like as in the fourth dimension, which is time. Call me weird but this place is almost a genuine time machine!"

"Um, OK. My name is Hatori Somah." He smiled, hoping to intimidate the strangers into being normal. "Pleased to meet you."

"You came of your own free will, did you not?" asked a boy who looked like a Halloween vampire.

"Ah, yeah, I guess…"

"Very good. Call me Bram."

"Like the guy who wrote Dracula?"

The boy frowned. "On second thought, call me Vlad."

"Nobody knows his real name," said the last roommate. He was a giant, muscular boy. All of his visible skin that wasn't covered by hair was heavily tattooed. "But it's probably girly."

"Humph," said the vampire roommate. He put on a heavy black poncho and left the room.

"What's your name?" Hatori asked.

"I'm Goliath," said the last roommate.

Al sneered. "That's such an idiotic name! You know what happened to the Biblical Goliath in the end, right? David killed him with his slingshot. Brains versus brawns FO LIFE!"

He looked a little disappointed when nobody responded, so Hatori muttered, "I heard of that story."

Immediately Goliath picked Hatori up by his neck and yelled, "HOW DARE YOU, YOU LITTLE WHIMP I'LL GET YOU!" and proceeded to choke the life out of him.

Hatori, of course, kept his head. "I did not insult you, and I am sorry if my words made you think that I did. Please put me down." In his head he thought, why isn't he going berserk on Al? He's the one who insulted him.

Goliath threw Hatori across the room, and he hit the corner ceiling before falling onto his bed. At least he didn't have a window. Then Goliath stormed out, slamming the door until it rattled. Then he opened it again and slammed it a few more times until the outside doorknob broke off. Then he went away.

"It's just you and me now, Hatori," Al said.

"Get out." Hatori was not amused. The boy got.

That was a typical thing for me to say to Ayame or Shigure, Hatori thought. I should treat them like I do to my cousins, if I want to survive here. It was a crummy deal, trading in two crazies who live near him for three crazy roommates, but it would be worth it because he was studying medicine.

Late that night. Hatori couldn't sleep because of the singer in room 4C.

"Hey, I'm your neighbor
And this is crazy.
It's too late at night
So shut up, maybe?

It's hard to sleep tight
With your banging.
And I just got here
So shut up, maybe?"**

Finally, the boy stopped singing and Hatori fell asleep.

Later that night. Hatori felt someone attempting to bite his neck. The attacker obviously didn't know what he doing, he couldn't find Hatori's jugular vein. How did he get into this college? "Vlad?" he asked.

The vampire roommate jumped back. "I vanted to suck your blud," he whined.

"Promise me never to do that again," Hatori said. It worked sometimes on his cousins.

"Dracula makes promises to no-one," said the boy.

Al piped up. "Actually, I read the book and-"

"Shut up and let me sleep," said Goliath. He growled menacingly in the dark.

"Yes, please," said Hatori.

He heard Goliath start to get up. "You heard me, boy? Shut up before I knuckle you into a sandwich!"

Hatori mentally added a dozen more things to his list of complaints until finally drifting off to sleep.

*I do not own "Thrift Shop." I do not even like the song because it is not catchy. I'm not into raps in general for this reason. The first stanza was made with the help of my younger sister.

**I do not own "Call Me Maybe". I like this song.

Hatori's experience is largely based on mine, though a few previous roommates were normal. For next year, I am going to room with someone who I know is good. I'm going to put even more issues that I had, exaggerated heavily, in the next chapters. Tell me, do you like the musical elements? I'm going to keep doing them until someone tells me to stop.

By the way, if you comment or otherwise contact me about this story, I'm going to add your name somewhere unless you tell me not to. I used my name and another's (without permission, of course) already.

Be well! Wish me luck – I'm having some teeth removed on Tuesday.

-Little Stone, AKA A Little Stoned (if you consider that I'm getting some stuff to numb my mouth up)