Fifty Shades or Not

Ch 4: Lost hope and Lost opportunities

Trigger warning! If you are sensitive to an act of violence, please stop reading now. It will be at the end of the chapter. You have been warned.

Christian was on his yacht eating dinner. He couldn't keep his mind off Ana. He felt bad about the argument they had. He decided when he got back to the office, he'd do away with the memo. He heard a soft knock at the door. When Christian went to answer it he was surprised to see Anastasia.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" Christian asked, looking back at her.

"I came to talk so we could clear the air. Christian, we can't keep going like this."

"I agree. I was just eating dinner, would you like to join me?"

Ana nodded as she stepped in further. He pulled out a chair for her to sit at the table. Anton, Christian's server brought her food out, he poured the wine for her as well. Christian and Ana began to eat their dinner in silence. Both not sure what to say.

"Listen, Christian, I came here tonight because I felt the need to clear the air between us. I know that how I behaved wasn't professional and I'm sorry for that."

"I'm sorry too. I guess it's just hard seeing you with someone else."

"But yet you were the one who ended it with me." Ana pointed out.

"Ana...I know that. It doesn't make it any less difficult. Look, what happened between us two years ago is…"

"In the past," Ana finished for him.

"Yeah. I just have a hard time letting go." Christian replied.

"I know. Me too. But...it is over between us. It has been for a long time." Ana was looking in his grey eyes.

Part of me wanted to tell her I still had feelings for her. But, she's right. When we started working together we agreed to keep it business. So I went along with it.

"Your right. I'm sorry, Ana. Still friends?" he asked her smiling, even though his heart was breaking.

"Sure. It's getting late, I should be going," as she got up.

"Do you need me to walk you out?" Christian asked.

"No. Finish your dinner. I'll see you tomorrow at work."

Ana walked out the door on to the pier. She passed a few boats on her way to the car. She stared at Christian's yacht realizing that it was definitely over between them. Christian stood on the deck of his yacht, holding his wine glass.

He twirled the liquid around as he went over the day in his head. He kept replaying Ana and Jose's kiss in the supply room. He thought about how often he wanted to do that with Ana himself. His blood began to boil just thinking about them together.

Suddenly he heard the glass shattering as he threw the glass hard against the wall. The wine dripping down the sides. Anton came running in looking at Christian.

"Sir, are you okay?"

"Not really. But don't worry about the mess. I got it." And that phrase had double meaning to it. He had to move on.

The next day, Christian was very tense he couldn't relax. He ordered a masseuse to come to his office to give him a massage. Ana arrived in the office and found the memo that she threw away in the trash on her desk. Only it had her and Jose's name on it. She called Jose to talk. He arrived thinking he was about to be fired from Christian.

"Hey there...I take it Christian is about to fire me?" Jose asked.

"No, I called you. I found this memo that Christian had me to type up on my desk."

"Yeah so?" Jose asked.

"So? I threw it away yesterday and now it was on my desk with our names on it. I want us to go in there and explain to Christian that this is uncalled for."

"Ana- I think we should let it go," Jose stated.

"How can you say that? He's the one who started this whole mess and now it's up to us to clean it up." Ana dragged Jose into their boss's office. "Christian, Jose and I have something to say…" she said, without realizing he wasn't alone.

Christian looked up from the massage table and looked at Ana. "And what might that be?" he asked.

The lady was rubbing some oil on his back, while Ana continued on. Ana explained that she and Jose deserved an apology about this whole memo mess. Jose was pacing as Ana did all the talking. Christian had no idea what she was talking about as he thought they settled everything. Ana pointed out that the memo she threw away had made it back on her desk, retyped with their names on it. She told Christian it was embarrassing.

"Ana, I thought we straightened everything out last night."

"So did I until this showed up," she said waving the paper around.

She gave him the memo and sure enough it had been retyped and with their names on it.

"That's unfortunate, I'm sorry. I will make sure it won't happen again. Are we done?" Christian asked.

"Not quite. I want you to know that Jose and I plan to keep seeing each other outside of work and we will keep it professional at the office with no PDA."

Christian looked back at Ana. "I don't care what you two do behind closed doors, Ana. That is your business. Just don't do it in the supply room," he stated to her.

Jose and Ana left Christian's office and Jose went off on her telling her he didn't like what just happened. Christian on the other hand got up from the table and told the lady to pack her things and go. Ana was confused about Jose's attitude as she cleared everything up for them. But he felt like he was in grade school. He told her he needed time to think so he left. Christian came out of his office and headed to the elevator telling Ana to cancel all his meetings today.

"I thought you had a lot of work today?"

"I couldn't if I tried."

"Christian, I never meant to upset you," she explained.

"Upset? Now would I be upset, Anastasia? We cleared everything up last night, remember?" he asked, harshly.

Christian made it to his yacht, changed out of his work clothes and headed to the gym. He needed to work off some steam. Jose came back up after an hour and went to his boss's door. Ana told him that he left early.

"Oh great!" Jose yelled. "Now he's pissed off at me."

"No, Jose, he's mad at me," she began saying.

"What is with the two of you?" Jose asked.

"Nothing." Ana answered.

"No, there's something that I don't know and I want to know what it is."

"Okay, you're right. There was something. We dated a couple of years ago, but it didn't last long. And now we're just friends."

"Really? That explains a lot of things. Look, Ana, I don't want to be involved with the mind games. So if you two…"

Ana came closer to Jose. She put her hand on his arm. "Jose, I swear to you there is nothing between Christian and me. We talked last night and cleared the air. We are friends and coworkers, that's it. Christian has no feelings for me whatsoever."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"What about you? Do you still have feelings for him?"

"No. What ever feelings I had they are gone. He's just my friend and that's it." That was partly true for Ana. She hoped they would eventually get back together, but that wasn't the case.

Jose smiled back at Ana as he was happy to hear that. Meanwhile Christian was at the gym hitting it hard. He worked out until he couldn't do anymore as he took a few breaths to calm down. Later than evening Ana went to the Roadhouse with her friends. She tried calling Jose but there was no answer. She sat there as her friend danced with a guy.

"Hey doll face. Feeling brave tonight?" Jose asked Ana. He took her hand in his while they danced.

"I take it you're not mad at me anymore."

"Nah," Jose replied. "I don't stay angry for long. That's one thing about me, I don't hold a grudge. Look, I want us to start over, brand new slate. What do you say?"

"Sure. I'm for that." Ana replied, putting her arms around his neck, snuggling more.

"I was hoping you'd say that. How would you like to go for a dip with me?"

Ana looked at him curiously. "Where? It's still a little cool outside."

"True. But we could use our body heat to warm us up. I was thinking of the country club." Jose stated.

"Do you have a membership?" Ana asked, not sure about that.

"No. But it's sort of late and I doubt anyone would be there. Come on, be adventurous with me."

"Okay. But can we invite my friends," she suggested.

"Sure why not."

So Jose, Ana, and her friends went to the country club to take a dip. Jose stripped down to his underwear, while Ana was in her bra and panties. Mia was with the guy she was starting to date. Ana and Jose had fun splashing each other and playing around in the water. Jose pulled Ana closer to him and kissed her. Soon the two of them were in major make out session.

"Okay, you two out of the pool," a cop said, shining the flashlight on them, startling Jose and Ana.

She looked around to see where her friends were but they must have missed them leaving.

"Ana, taking a dip I see and breaking the law again," the cop said to her. "What is it with you anyway?"

Ana a few years back was taken downtown when security was called on her. She and her friend Julie at that time were spying on Christian. Ana thought he was entertaining a woman behind her back. It turned out to be a mistake. He was called to the police station to handle the situation.

Ana and Jose was taken down to the police station. Jose was making a nuisance of himself while she was embarrassed by the whole thing. Ana kept telling him to be quiet. The "arresting officer" decided to hold them overnight to make an example out of Jose for being smart with them.

Christian had gotten a text asking him to come down to the station as his employees were taken in. Once he arrived he pulled his wallet out and payed the fine. Detective Cutter informed him that they wouldn't have a record as he felt they may have learned a lesson.

"Detective Levy, would you release Ana and Jose into Mr. Grey's custody? Unless you want to get them yourself."

"No, that's okay. I'm sure it will be just fine," Christian said, leaving the station.

Detective Levy let Jose and Anastasia out telling them not to pass private party again. Jose went home while Ana went to the diner. She was hungry and needed something in her stomach. When Ana arrived, she didn't tell them about being in jail.

While talking to her family a passerby who saw Ana outside the jail asked why she was "arrested". Her family gave her a strange look and she told them everything. Elliot wasn't too keen on Jose just leaving her there.

Speaking of Jose, he showed up at the diner with a white rose in his hand for Ana calling her the woman of his dreams. They decided not to tell Christian about their incident, unbeknownst that he was the one who bailed them out. Cutter let them know that Christian was the one who paid their fine.

Christian knew Jose and Ana had a date that night. He tried so hard to give Ana her space, but he realized he couldn't lie to himself anymore. He went to go find her. Ana was getting ready for her date she was very excited.

"Everything I have makes me look five. I need something to make me look mature," she said to her friend.

"Where is Jose taking you? It is Jose you're going out with."

"Yes. Things are finally on track with him. Mia, I think I'm ready to lose my virginity with him." Ana said, smiling brightly. Just outside her door was Jose with some flowers. He was overhearing her conversation.

"Really?" Mia asked. "You think he's the one?"

"All I can say is that I'm tired of waiting. I feel like I'm the last virgin in the world. I mean he's good looking, sophisticated man and he wants me."

"Wow! That's a big step for you," her friend replied.

"I know…" Ana said. Jose left the flowers he brought for her at her door. He left to take care of something.

Meanwhile Christian showed up at her family's diner. Kate saw him walk in as she greeted him.

"Hey there, Christian."

"Is Ana here?" he asked.

"You seem to be losing track of her alot these days."

"Yeah…"

"What's wrong?"

He shrugged. "Oh you know...lost hope, lost opportunities."

"You're not talking about work are you?"

"I've tried so hard, Kate. I tried to keep our relationship from business to personal but it's not working. All I keep thinking about is what might have been."

"Might have been?"

"I want her. Not just in the office," he replied.

Christian was sitting on the bar stool near the counter as he watched a couple share a french fry. He shook his head wondering how he could be so stupid when it came to Ana.

"I'm so doomed," he looked at Kate. "That's what it is. Its fate."

"Oh, Christian. Have some coffee," she suggested.

"No thanks. If you don't want to talk about Ana…"

"It's not that, Christian. I don't think fate has ever been your problem. It's almost like your worst enemy."

"Oh then I'm really doomed," he laughed a little. "I'm just afraid that I could lose her forever."

"I thought in some way you already had."

"I'm not so sure. Aren't you going to say something?"

"Well, at least you're finally admitting your feelings for her."

"That's progress isn't it? I don't know, Kate. I've been wrestling with this for such a long time. I'm fifty shades of fucked up."

"I wouldn't say that," Kate tried consoling him.

"I would. I mean look at me. I have messed up so much of my life. I've been married and divorced twice, I've been in and out of relationships more times than I can count. My family is screwed up, literally. Why would she want to be a part of that? That's why I tried to keep her away from me romantically. But in the end...she is what I want. I look out and see her sitting in her desk and I can't take my eyes off her. I also try to think of little jobs just to be near her. How silly is that?"

"No sillier than anyone in love."

"I guess you could say that I'm an idiot." Christian stated.

"You're a very appealing idiot." Kate said, while refilling coffee for customers.

"I tried so hard to fend off the feelings I was having for that I told her that there could be no future for us. Actually, she was the one who said it I just agreed with her."

"Christian, why would you do that?"

"I don't know," he sighed but continued, "I guess, because I was scared. I didn't want to pull her into my messed up life. But...I just couldn't hide it anymore."

Kate came closer to Christian. "I hate to say this to you, but it could be too late."

"Why do you say that? Because of Jose?"

"Christian, you have to understand one thing about her. When she makes her mind up about something, there is no changing it. And…"

"And?"

"I know you may not want to hear this…"

"What, Kate? Spit it out."

"Ana could be falling in love with Jose."

"Oh the hell with that!" he said an octave higher and getting off the stool. "I love her. Do you know what time her date is?"

"No, I don't."

"Okay, I have to see if I can catch her at Mia's house."

"Christian wait!" Kate yelled.

"I can't...I've wasted too much time already." Christian replied, leaving the diner.

Ana was finally ready for her date with Jose. She wanted it to be perfect. When she opened her door she found the flowers he left telling her he couldn't wait for their date. Ana went downstairs, Mia okayed her outfit telling her she looked great.

Ana picked something was simple and chic. She wore a pleated black skirt with a pink top and a white overlay on it. Jose came in complimenting her outfit. They left as he took her to the arcade. He wanted to show her a good time. Nadine was clearing some tables at the diner when she asked Kate what Christian was doing there earlier. She explained he was there for Ana.

Christian showed up at Mia's just missing her. Mia told him Ana had already left on her date with Jose. He cursed himself, but decided to hang out for a bit. Ana was having a great time Jose. They played lots of games and he won her a stuffed Teddy bear. Jose pulled Ana closer to him giving her a kiss.

"Ana...I want you to know that I really like you alot."

"I like you too, Jose. Very much."

"Listen, my apartment isn't far from here, why don't we go there and talk. I wanted to get to know you better."

"Sure, I'd like that."

The two of them left the arcade and headed towards his place. Christian decided to hang outside the house hoping he'd run into Ana, though her friend told him she would be getting in late.

Why did I wait so long to tell Ana how I felt about her? I only hoped that I wasn't too late.

Jose took Ana back to his place. Ana was rather impressed. It was on the twentieth floor and you could see the Seattle skyline from there. The lights were so beautiful.

"Wow! This view is very spectacular," Ana exclaimed looking out the windows.

"Yeah, it is pretty amazing. It was a little out of my price range, but it was so worth it. Here have a drink," Jose said, handing her a glass of vodka and orange juice.

"Thanks, but I'm not that thirsty," she replied.

"Just try it. It will relax you. So tell me about yourself," he stated looking at Ana.

Ana began to tell him about her family and the life with her dad on the road. She told him about she didn't know she had a step brother, Elliot until she showed up in Seattle. Elliot and Kate were married and had a daughter. She said it was strange having a brother after all that time. But they made her feel welcome and part of the family. Soon it was if they were brother and sister and Nadine was like her mother. Her real mom died in a car accident and that's when she and her dad just took off.

"Wow! Thats pretty amazing," Jose replied. "I only have one sister, Cassie."

"Are you close to her?" Ana asked, almost finishing her drink.

"Yeah. Like I said, our parents died when we were kids and our aunt and uncle raised us. But Cassie and I stuck to ourselves mostly." Jose noticed her drink was low. "Here let me get you another," he suggested getting up.

"Actually, I'm okay." Ana stated to him.

"You can just sip on it."

"Okay, thanks."

Christian was still at Mia's sitting on the steps. Mia asked if he was okay. He told her would be once he spoke with Ana. She said, it must be important if he was waiting on her.

After Jose made Ana another drink he turned on some music so they could dance. It was slow as he held Ana in his arms. Her heart was racing as they moved together slowly. He pulled back enough to look in her eyes.

He leaned forward lightly kissing her lips. Ana kissed him back as she became more comfortable with him. They started getting pretty steamy when he picked her up bridal style and carried her to his bed.

"Why Jose where do you think you are taking me?" Ana asked coyly.

"Well, Miss Steele, I'm taking you to my bed to be more comfortable," he replied, smiling down at her as he kissed her again.

He began to unbutton her blouse as he fumbled with the buttons.

Ana was nervous as she pulled away. "Um...don't you think we need…"

"I have protection, if that's what you're worried about." He began to kiss her on the neck. He felt her body tense up and said, "Ana...I know it's your first time. I promise to be as gentle as possible. Relax." He told her kissing her again.

Back at Mia's place Christian went inside to use the phone as he forgotten his on the yacht. He dialed Ana's number but no answer.

Ana was on Jose's bed, he had taken off her overlay she wore over her pink blouse. But, she started thinking about something he said before. Jose told her he knew it was her first time and she never told him she was a virgin. Something didn't seem right.

"Jose, stop! I can't do this! I thought I could, but I can't," Ana said breathlessly as he kept kissing her.

"Oh, Ana, you turn me on so much!" Jose said, as he kept kissing her and holding her face to keep it still. He untied her skirt so he could get more access. Ana was thrashing against him telling no, that she didn't want to do this.

Meanwhile, Christian was leaving a message for her on her phone. He heard her voice on the message saying to leave her a message. He began to tell her that when she got home to give him a call no matter how late it was. He told her it was important and not about business.

Ana was struggling against Jose trying to get away from him but he was holding her down. He pinned her arms down with one hand as he pulled her panties off.

"Relax, Ana, this is going to be fun," Jose replied as he kept going. He was shirtless by now and his pants were off as he had went commando. "I don't like stopping, Ana."

"Please...stop…don't do this! I changed my mind," Ana cried out only he covered her mouth and entered into her hard. He began pushing deeper inside of her uncovering her mouth as she yelled out!

"Noooooooooo!" Ana screamed. Jose groaned out as he moved inside of her taking her virginity.

Jose slipped out of her getting up and went to the bathroom. Ana got up and grabbed her clothes and ran out of his apartment crying. He came back at looking for Ana, realizing she'd already left.

"I didn't want it that way, he forced me right? Making love wasn't supposed to be that was it?" Ana asked herself as she ran from his apartment building with tears streaming down her cheeks.

A/N: Okay, tell me what you all think. No one should ever experience that kind of violence. Ever.