A/N: Shout-out to EightCloseBracket because she is the coolest person in the world. Everyone be jealous. NOW. You know you're jealous. Don't pretend you're not.

A Beard

BOOM.

'Well, look who made it,' Ginny laughed.

'Hiya, everyone!' George announced, strutting into the room.

'Always have to make an entrance, don't you?' Ron muttered.

Molly and Arthur's modestly decorated kitchen was now overflowing with banners, streamers, confetti, and a few stray fireworks.

'Nice of you to finally join us, little bro.' Charlie rolled his eyes.

Angelina entered with Fred, Roxanne, and a box of colorful candies. 'Hello, Weasley Family!'

Quiet little Fred and Roxanne calmly approached their grandparents and pecked them each on the cheek. 'Hi, Grandma. Grandpa. How are you doing?' Their smiles were uniform and angelic.

'Seriously, who are their real parents?' Hermione hissed to Harry.

'Who wants candy?' Angelina offered, and was swarmed by a dozen overenthusiastic children.

'They really don't want that candy, I'm sure,' Bill chuckled quietly. 'How many times can they fall for George's—'

'BILL!' George whispered. 'Shut it!'

Lucy was the first to approach Angelina, and the first to take a bite of a bright purple candy. Growing green, she turned to Percy. 'Daddy, I don't feel so—' She puked all over the floor.

'GEORGE FABIAN WEASLEY!' Molly shrieked.

'I promise, I had no clue there was a Puking Pastille in there! Fred! Roxie!'

'As if!'

The kitchen erupted into chaos as the children began to exhibit all kinds of strange affectations and maladies. In addition to several fainting spells and nosebleeds, Rose sprouted a mohawk , James' eyes bugged out in a googling fashion, Lily appeared to be infatuated with a meowing Scorpius, Victoire broke out into vicious pimples, and Louis' head had become invisible.

'We're never going to get to Romania at this rate,' Dean chuckled.

'The effects will wear off by dinner,' George assured him. Seeing his mother's glare, he gulped and added, 'I mean, it's only a guess. A rough estimate. I have experience with these kinds of things. Not that I did this time. No involvement whatsoever. At all.'

'Still wishing Teddy was here?' A spider-limbed Dominique taunted Victoire, who was beyond consolation and had buried her boiled face in Fleur's shoulder.

'Dominique Apolline Weesley,' Fleur warned, then turned to a chuckling Bill. 'Don't encoorage her!' she snapped.

Hugo stormed back into the room dramatically. 'I've got it!' he proclaimed to his family, but stopped, taken aback, to observe the scene around him.

'Hugo, go get me a bucket! NOW, please!' begged Audrey, who was struggling to deal with a retching Lucy.

'Whenever I have a good idea, it always gets one-upped,' Hugo grumbled. 'Nice look, Rosie,' he told his sister. 'Can't say it makes a big difference, overall. But it's a subtle change. Refreshing. Almost like—'

'HUGO!' cried Hermione.

'I'm going, I'm going! Sheesh,' he muttered, and stomped out of the room once more.

'DOBBY'S SOCK!' James wailed mournfully, his highly disproportionate eyes appearing even larger when they were filled with tears. 'I've lost Voldymuffin!'

The chaos increased, which was impressive because no one would have thought it could be possible. Shrieks and yelps erupted from every which-way as everyone scattered and hid, searching for and avoiding the baby Nargle that was apparently on the loose.

'There she is!' Lily screamed, pointing madly. Everyone turned just in time to see Voldemort wriggle down the sink drain.

'Call Luna!' Harry shouted. 'We need backup!'

'THERE'S A NARGLE IN MY SINK!' Molly cried.

Hugo erupted into the room, dropping the bucket he held, and leaped onto the table. 'I've got it for real this time, guys!' He was beaming, but no one was paying any attention.

'Here, Voldypoo, Nary-girl, Cissy-pie, Muffykins,' James cooed, dangling a Pygmy Puff above the sink in hopes of luring Voldemort out.

'Give me back Fenrir!' Lily cried, clutching for her prized pet. Bill twitched.

'Chill, Lil.' James pushed his sister away. 'It's a noble sacrifice.'

Lily pulled her wand out. 'Don't make me.'

'Lily Luna Potter,' Harry warned distractedly, but he was rather preoccupied with Albus, who had fainted again.

James rolled his eyes, which had returned to normal size.

'Densaugeo,' Lily chanted, and James' two front teeth grew to massive proportions.

'Bollocks,' he whined with a heavy lisp. 'I can't go thirty seconds without an abnormally large body part?'

Triumphantly, Lily snatched Fenrir back, but the Pygmy Puff wriggled out of her arms and pranced over to Albus.

A small toad hopped out of Al's pocket and, after what appeared to be a conversation with Fenrir, the two pets hopped away.

'Dolores,' Al groaned weakly, having just been revived. 'Lils, your stupid Puff kidnapped my toad.'

'Don't blame it on Fenrir!' Lily pouted. 'It's James' fault. He scared him!'

'Voldemort, Fenrir, and Dolores,' Ginny muttered, trying to make Louis' head visible again. 'They couldn't just pick normal names?'

'I really do have it this time, guys,' a disheartened Hugo offered from his perch on the table. 'It was going to be great.'

The family proceeded to ignore him. Hugo was fed up. Voldemort's nipple, he was the star of this family! He could not stand for such blasphemy.

'LISTEN!' He hollered. 'Imper—'

'You watch it, Hugo Dobby Weasley!'

'Mum,' Hugo whined. 'Not my middle name…'

'Dobby was a noble warrior, just like any of the rest of them. I expect you to be proud of that name!' Hermione snapped. 'And you do not use the Imperius Curse on your family! Understood?'

'Understood,' Hugo muttered. 'I just wanted you to listen to me.'

Hermione softened. 'We're listening, dear.' She beckoned everyone in. Most of the children had recovered from their maladies. Victoire, in particular, had finally stopped bawling, as her face was significantly less bloated.

'My own personal Hugely Hugo project for this trip,' he began slowly, 'is…wait for it… wait for it….'

'WE'RE NOT BLOODY WAITING!' Rose yelled.

Hugo scrunched up his face at her. 'Fine, fine. Buzzkill.'

'Get on with it, Hughie,' Molly urged. 'Supper's been ready for a long time, and we need to eat because we're leaving very early tomorrow morning, got to make sure we get to the-'

'I'm growing a beard!' Hugo interrupted, beaming madly.

A/N: Review? Purty please?

...it's my birthday today, if that makes you want to review more. No joke. xD

~KaleidoscopeKate